Wishful Thinking

In my mind's eye, I am way cooler than in reality.  My clothes hang perfectly.  That weird bobbing sensation on the top of my head is not a piece of hair sticking up because it has been defying all laws of follicular gravity for two weeks now.  The giant zit just to the left of my nose that I can actually see if I look down at just the right angle is not visible to anyone at all.  My socks match and my repartee is witty.  I am a rock star.  Heads turn when I walk by and in the good kind of way, not the "Dear God in heaven what is that thing waving from the top of her head???" kind of way.

I stroll through the day believing this because if I actually took the time to really process the truth of the matter I would need to take to my bed for a week.

For example, today the school nurse stopped by to borrow a tissue.  That sounds more ominous than it actually is.   Our school nurse is a very prepared sort of woman and her office is really very well stocked.  She does not run out of tissues.  But her office is on the first floor and she was on the second floor across from my classroom doing a blood test thing and she forgot the gauze.  I am happy to provide tissues in these sorts of situations.  She's handed me more than a few over the years.  

Being a normal, well-socialized sort of gal, I greeted the nurse.  This is what one does in these sorts of situations.  I didn't linger over the greeting because there was a diabetic in the next room who needed a tissue.  I am also keenly aware of when to chat and when it would be bad for diabetics.  But when she came back to thank me for the tissue, I saw that she might be open to a little more of the banter.  In my highly self-edited version of this conversation, it went something like this:

Well, greetings and salutations Mrs. Nurse!  So nice to see you on this fine, fine day! Of course we are all reeling just a bit from the recent need to set the clocks ahead in recognition of Daylight Savings Time, but I like to think that we are recovering nicely from the shock.  I do hope that you are adjusting well today.  Clearly you are managing better than the rest of us as evidenced by your masterful handling of that situation I had earlier today when the kid needed the ibuprofen.  That was inspiring!  You are a credit to your profession, Mrs. Nurse.  A true credit.  Thank you for being YOU!  Sharing a tissue with you in your hour of need is the very least I can do...the least, I say!

She was, of course, impressed by my deft use of language and flattered to no end by my having noted her assistance with the pain killers.  I was a hero.  And I like it that way.

Of course this is not how things went.  Not even close.  But denial is a beautiful thing and it allows me to completely ignore my possibly having said something more along the lines of:

Oh hey, Nurse.  What's that?  The tissue?  Yeah...whatever.  My tissues are your tissues and all that.  Look, you're a medical professional.  Maybe you can clear this up.  Can a person actually die from not knowing what time it is?  You know...if they get all confused because of stupid Daylight Savings Time?  'Cuz I'm pretty sure this is killing me.  Last week, I was just getting used to leaving the house for work in broad daylight and being able to take the trash to the dumpster on the way out and now it's all dark again and I had to take out the trash this morning to The Dumpster Where The Zombies Lurk and this just can't be good for a person!  Seriously.  These are the "hand-grabbing when you put the bag into the dumpster" kind of zombies.  I'm a wreck!   What is your medical opinion on this?  Take your time.  It's a big question.  What do you think?  

I do not wish to think of myself as a person who says this kind of thing to random people who come into my classroom to borrow a tissue.  I don't care for having to avoid all eye contact with the school nurse for the next two weeks, especially since it is flu season and I am a mild hypochondriac.  I prefer the first scenario.  And this is how I am going to believe the whole scene played itself out.

I am also going to keep spinning the pretty Shetland/silk blend I started last night.  There might be enough there for a pair of nice hand warmers or something.  That would be a lovely way to use such wonderful yarn.

And I'm probably going to need a gift for the nurse anyway.  I'm running low on tissues.

SA