Time Warp

Time has lost all meaning here.  What day is it?  What time is it?  Should I be roasting a turkey?  Hanging a stocking?  Mowing the lawn?  I dunno.  

These were some of the highlights from my day...at least I think it was a day.  It might have been a week.  Or a minute?  I haven't the foggiest notion at this point.

*7:00 a.m.- Arrive at school after a 40 minute commute.  It took 30 of those minutes to convince myself that it was not Friday, but Thursday.  That allowed 10 minutes for weeping and gnashing of teeth.  It wasn't enough time.  What can I say?  Yesterday felt like Thursday to me...

8:30 a.m.- Say to student as he enters the room, "Excuse me, buddy.  I think you're a little confused.  You're supposed to be in Science right now."  He responds, "No.  That's not for another hour."  My Cheerful Teaching Assistant and I have a good chuckle at my inability to process today's schedule.

10:00 a.m.- My Cheerful Teaching Assistant is heard to ask, "Why aren't these kids heading down to lunch?"  She looked a little weepy for a second when several students pointed out that the first lunch doesn't start until 10:45.  We chuckled again...but it was kind of half-hearted.

11:30 a.m.- We send a 5th grader from the room because he is late for lunch.  The fact that 5th grade lunch doesn't start until 11:45 doesn't factor into our decision making process.  In fairness, we had been giving Maine Educational Assessments to kids with various reading disabilities all morning and things had gotten a bit grim.

12:00 p.m.- Both my Cheerful Teaching Assistant and I realize that neither of us had remembered to bring lunch today.  She had the strength to drive to the store.  I did not.  I found an orange left over from last week and ate half.  Not having any real grasp of time meant that I couldn't figure out when to eat anyway.

12:30 p.m.- My Other Cheerful Teaching Assistant (the one who only teaches with me in the morning and then works in the office) comes up to get something she'd left in the room.  Probably her lunch since she's more organized than the rest of us and wouldn't stoop to eating half an old orange.  She stops short in the doorway and asks, "Um...why does Ms. Sheep have her head on her desk like that?"  

I thought it was kind of cute how she was expecting an answer.  She's new.  She'll catch on to our ways soon.  At this point in her employment journey, though, she seemed a bit nonplussed to get no response from the top of my head and by how my First Cheerful Teaching Assistant could only seem to stare into space.  Finally, one of the two boys who were playing chess after finishing their MEAs said, "I dunno.  She yelled something about how it was 1:00 a couple of minutes ago, that it was now 12:30 and that time has started moving backwards.  Then she told us it was a conspiracy and that everyone was out to get her.  After that, she just put her head down."

12:32 p.m.- Other Cheerful Teaching Assistant exits and is not seen for the remainder of the day.  Which was long.  Because the clock was running backwards.

And it's not just work that has me all turned around.  I'm knitting socks.  But they don't seem to be getting any bigger.  I've been spinning this unbelievably beautiful merino/silk blend for ten years now and the fiber basket doesn't seem to be getting any less full.  And now I'm told that I have to set the clocks back this weekend thanks to the whims of some Daylight Savings Time Overlord.  I can't even get a handle on time with the clocks as they are right now.  Losing an hour will probably put me right over the edge.

Edited To Add:  It has been pointed out that I should really be setting my clocks ahead not back.  I am pretty sure I was going to do that.  But who knows at this point.  I'm a train wreck with the time...

As a final blow to my concept of time and its dubious forward passage, I received this in the mail the other day:

My American Association Of Retired Persons membership invitation.  

This would be handy if not for the fact that I am reasonably sure I'm not at retirement age. ( I think.  Who knows anymore?) For what it's worth, I don't think this was an accident.  Baby Brother Sheep may very well be behind this.  It is entirely possible that I went a teeny bit overboard with the My Brother Is A Grandfather commentary.  A full investigation is underway and the interrogations will be brutal.  But not too brutal...Grandpas are to be treated with respect, after all.

Even The Big, Fluffy Kitty is frozen in some sort of time loop.

She's still standing in the kitchen waiting for more Greenies treats.

SA