Monday, March 24, 2008

An Apple A Day

My diet has been a little, shall we say, "unbalanced" of late.  I tried to recall the last time I ate a vegetable that wasn't in sauce form and sandwiched between pizza crust and a gooey layer of cheese.  I have a dim recollection of eating a can of corn one night but that could have been a dream.  Who eats a can of corn?  

Eating is a tricky prospect for me.  I am picky.  I like so few things and they fall into the following categories:

1.  Things that are bread or cake-like

2.  Things that are chocolate.  Especially when they are combined with something from the first category.

3.  Jelly Beans

You can see where balancing my diet might be more involved than it is for others.  I have to focus.  Otherwise, we end up right where I found myself today:  thinking I may have last eaten a recognizable vegetable out of a can and not really being too sure of even that.

But, when I thought about it further, I realized that my doo-dah has been seriously lacking in the zippity for the last couple of weeks and decided that I needed a fruit or a vegetable.  I hate the idea of having to go to the emergency room with scurvy.  That would just be embarrassing.  

This is also the designated week off from the workouts and maybe a carrot or two would help to keep me on the straight and narrow while I'm not burning the extra calories.  It all seemed like a very good idea.  I vowed that I would head out after school and find me something leafy, green or ground-grown.  

Right after school, I made my way to the local market where I selected a bag of apples, an onion and some tomatoes.  It was a little confusing and I wasn't sure if I was doing it correctly.  But, the lady at the checkout didn't laugh at me or look askance so I figured I'd managed to successfully remember how to purchase produce.  We had tense moment when she inquired as to the type of onion I had placed before her, but I went along with her suggestion of "yellow" and we got past that bump in the road without incident.

The only real disappointment was that I did not receive a round of applause following the transaction.  I sort of expected more in the way of acknowledgement.  The fruit and veggie eaters always seem so happy and self-satisfied.  I figured they knew something about the shopping process that I did not.

Once home, I dutifully sliced and diced and applied a liberal amount of tomato to my tuna sandwich.  The onions received less of the love, but I think onions are used to that by now.  Between the low-fat mayo and the homemade whole wheat bread, I assumed that I had done well with the balanced eating for this evening.

For dessert, I planned on consuming an apple.  Apples have a pretty good reputation.  I've heard good things.  I looked forward to the burst of energy that would no doubt come from its vitamin packed goodness.  But when faced with the apple, I couldn't quite figure out a way to get it down.  It needed something.  But, by gum, I was determined to find a way to get that nutrition into me no matter what.  I perused the cupboards for some Apple Assistance.

I found some peanut butter.  I figured I could put just a tiny bit on the apple to disguise its appleness.  That should do the trick!   On my way out of the cupboard, I also happened to notice a bag of chocolate chips.  If used in moderation, this wouldn't be too bad, I supposed.  And it was all in the name of apple eating so a little embellishment could be forgiven.

A "tiny bit" of peanut butter on the apple slices didn't really do it, though.  More was required to disguise the fruit.  And, more of the peanut butter required more of the chocolate chips as the whole thing looked rather "unbalanced" with just two or three chips dotting the top.

But it still didn't taste right.  I became concerned.  I thought I'd better test the peanut butter without the apple just to see if it had gone bad or something.  Several tastings later, I determined that it had not.  Maybe it was the chocolate chips...more testing required!  I am nothing if not a thorough examiner of my foodstuffs.

I have determined that the problem was with the apple.  The chocolate chips and peanut butter seemed to taste just fine without it.  

Now I'm a little sick to my stomach and the drawstring on my pajamas is cutting into my tummy.  And, tomorrow, I have to do it all over again.  Honestly, I don't know how you healthy eaters do it.  You must be made of sterner stuff than I...

If I can muster the strength to pick up the needles after all this fruit and veggie related nonsense, I shall continue work on the long abandoned Invisibility Shawl from Charmed Knits.  I figure I've let that one sit long enough.  It's time to get back to work on it and, at this rate, it is the only thing I'll have that fits anyway.

And it is green.  No one will be able to say I didn't get my greens today...

SA


23 comments:

Donna Lee said...

I can tell when I've seriously slipped off the vegetable wagon. I am not a veggie fan but I like my fruit. By this time of the year I am sick to death of apples. I want plums, peaches and other sunny tasting fruits. After this weekend, I need some serious fruit and vegetables to help balance out the bread, chocolate, cookies and potato salad.

PICAdrienne said...

Cinnamon is good with apples. Of course, you need a good flavored apple for it to work at all. I am biased against the ones with a taste adjective in the name. They are just for show now. I like Braeburns, Galas, Jonagolds, Jazz, Fujis and Granny Smiths for flavor.

Mel said...

Cinnamon is indeed good with apples. Especially if the cinnamon is also supplemented with sugar and butter and the whole lot of it is encased in something rather crusty-floury. Maybe with ice cream on the side. Maybe I'll also share the recipe for tofu chocolate pie. 'Cause tofu is seriously healthy stuff, you know.

Anne said...

Yes, also apples could go on your tuna fish sandwich (and dried cranberries, if you really want to go crazy).

Are you turning on the tv at 6:05 for the first pitch from Tokyo? (If Parent Sheep are THERE I'm going to ask them to adopt me.)

Beth said...

You eat apples like I eat my bran muffins - with a healthy dose of chocolate chips. Like you, I figure it's better than not eating the bran, right? Thanks for the laughs tonight!

Ronni said...

You needed caramel dip Sheepie. At least, I'd go for that over peanut butter or chocolate and certainly over both. Cinnamon might have been ok too. Given sufficient sugar and etc.

trek said...

We eat the greens for both the lunch and the dinner around here. It wasn't the easiest thing to which to acclimate, but we've been doing it for a year or so now and trek is in skinny jeans and Number Guy is down two pants sizes.

The leafy green stuff plays well with cucumbers, tomatoes, bell peppers (any color), and salad dressing of choice.

Oh, and I bought a salad spinner. Have I told you how much fun the salad spinner is?

And another thing that goes well with apples: cheddar cheese.

trek said...

PS - Number Guy likes to dump his protein source into his salads; ham, hard boiled eggs, cheeses, even hamburger.

Knitstress Tygher said...

Cheese goes very well with apples, but must be eaten in moderation, lest you forget what your bathroom looks like.

Eating of the green, ground-grown items however is essential. I can always tell when I've not been. Like lately. My diet of late consists of sugar, more sugar, and water. I fear it's all turning into syrup on my insides.

Lynne said...

Sultanas [dried small grapes, smaller than raisins] go well with apples - especially if you remove the core, score the apple skin, roll the sultanas in cinnamon and sugar, stuff the apple with the mix, bake it in the microwave and serve with a side helping of ice-cream [vanilla is probably better than choc-chip but whatever takes your fancy]. You can also bake the apple in a little marsala for extra oomph and sweetness!

Or, you could be really daring and eat the apple just as it is - skin and flesh [but not the core or seeds]! LOL

Mia said...

hmmm... I read this as i sit here eating an egg mcmuffing *grin* no veggies here either. maybe next week.

Anne said...

Being someone as food challenged as you, you'll be happy to know I recommend the little single-serving cups of caramel (they come in regular caramel, chocolate and caramel with Heath bar chips) to dip said apple slices in. Just sayin'.

Mizzle said...

bananas taste good with chocolate :)

oh, and they can be turned into banana bread...

not sure about the jelly beans though.

Karen said...

But did you get some of that bargain Easter candy you have been planning to buy? I completely struck out in that department. They only had Peeps and I'm afraid I prefer chocolate.

Anonymous said...

I think all that work thinking about eating right must have burned some calories right?

I really like to peel and apple, then cut it up into bite sized pieces, slice up a banana and squeeze some lemon juice over the whole thing. You know the lemon juice I mean? The one that looks like a plastic lemon.

Great snack. And it fills you up!

big geek beth

Annie said...

I know how you feel about apples - I haven't been able to face them since a big juicy Braeburn brought on a gallstone attack last year. The gallstones have been surgically removed, but the apples ...*shudders*

Cursing Mama said...

I prefer to go the banana route with my peanut butter.

mehitabel said...

Caramel dip is the only way I can eat apples--well, unless they are baked, or pie'd, or dumplinged. Even then, has to be really tart apples like Pippins or Granny Smiths. We used to have an apple tree that produced bushels of sweet apples (yeah--in SoCal of all places!) and I o.d.'d to the point where I can no longer face them!

Knitting Linguist said...

It appears to me that, between the attempt to eat and apple and the green yarn, you have more than done your produce duty for the day :)

Yarnhog said...

I could have used this post an hour ago, when the joy in my day look a nasty slide south. Still, better late than never! Some days (today, for instance) you make me laugh so hard I need oxygen.

Geraldine said...

LOL good one Sheep! More is better, when it comes to peanut butter, that's a culinary rule not to break. Now go fix yourself a nice salad, ok!!!


www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

Rabbitch said...

Hee! As a devoted veggievore (not a vegetarian unless pigs count as vegetables) I found this very amusing.

I hope you and the apple come to terms soon.

EGunn said...

I'm sorry your apple was sub-standard. I love fruits and veggies, but this time of year, apples can be getting a bit old. My favorite way to eat an apple that needs some help? Remove the core and cook the apple whole for 1-2 mins in the microwave. When it's gotten soft enough to be approaching your favorite apple-pie consistency, add brown sugar and a little bit of butter, and microwave about 20-30 s more, until the sugar is all caramel-like and bubbly. Just a spoonful of sugar, you know...