An Apple A Day

My diet has been a little, shall we say, "unbalanced" of late.  I tried to recall the last time I ate a vegetable that wasn't in sauce form and sandwiched between pizza crust and a gooey layer of cheese.  I have a dim recollection of eating a can of corn one night but that could have been a dream.  Who eats a can of corn?  

Eating is a tricky prospect for me.  I am picky.  I like so few things and they fall into the following categories:

1.  Things that are bread or cake-like

2.  Things that are chocolate.  Especially when they are combined with something from the first category.

3.  Jelly Beans

You can see where balancing my diet might be more involved than it is for others.  I have to focus.  Otherwise, we end up right where I found myself today:  thinking I may have last eaten a recognizable vegetable out of a can and not really being too sure of even that.

But, when I thought about it further, I realized that my doo-dah has been seriously lacking in the zippity for the last couple of weeks and decided that I needed a fruit or a vegetable.  I hate the idea of having to go to the emergency room with scurvy.  That would just be embarrassing.  

This is also the designated week off from the workouts and maybe a carrot or two would help to keep me on the straight and narrow while I'm not burning the extra calories.  It all seemed like a very good idea.  I vowed that I would head out after school and find me something leafy, green or ground-grown.  

Right after school, I made my way to the local market where I selected a bag of apples, an onion and some tomatoes.  It was a little confusing and I wasn't sure if I was doing it correctly.  But, the lady at the checkout didn't laugh at me or look askance so I figured I'd managed to successfully remember how to purchase produce.  We had tense moment when she inquired as to the type of onion I had placed before her, but I went along with her suggestion of "yellow" and we got past that bump in the road without incident.

The only real disappointment was that I did not receive a round of applause following the transaction.  I sort of expected more in the way of acknowledgement.  The fruit and veggie eaters always seem so happy and self-satisfied.  I figured they knew something about the shopping process that I did not.

Once home, I dutifully sliced and diced and applied a liberal amount of tomato to my tuna sandwich.  The onions received less of the love, but I think onions are used to that by now.  Between the low-fat mayo and the homemade whole wheat bread, I assumed that I had done well with the balanced eating for this evening.

For dessert, I planned on consuming an apple.  Apples have a pretty good reputation.  I've heard good things.  I looked forward to the burst of energy that would no doubt come from its vitamin packed goodness.  But when faced with the apple, I couldn't quite figure out a way to get it down.  It needed something.  But, by gum, I was determined to find a way to get that nutrition into me no matter what.  I perused the cupboards for some Apple Assistance.

I found some peanut butter.  I figured I could put just a tiny bit on the apple to disguise its appleness.  That should do the trick!   On my way out of the cupboard, I also happened to notice a bag of chocolate chips.  If used in moderation, this wouldn't be too bad, I supposed.  And it was all in the name of apple eating so a little embellishment could be forgiven.

A "tiny bit" of peanut butter on the apple slices didn't really do it, though.  More was required to disguise the fruit.  And, more of the peanut butter required more of the chocolate chips as the whole thing looked rather "unbalanced" with just two or three chips dotting the top.

But it still didn't taste right.  I became concerned.  I thought I'd better test the peanut butter without the apple just to see if it had gone bad or something.  Several tastings later, I determined that it had not.  Maybe it was the chocolate chips...more testing required!  I am nothing if not a thorough examiner of my foodstuffs.

I have determined that the problem was with the apple.  The chocolate chips and peanut butter seemed to taste just fine without it.  

Now I'm a little sick to my stomach and the drawstring on my pajamas is cutting into my tummy.  And, tomorrow, I have to do it all over again.  Honestly, I don't know how you healthy eaters do it.  You must be made of sterner stuff than I...

If I can muster the strength to pick up the needles after all this fruit and veggie related nonsense, I shall continue work on the long abandoned Invisibility Shawl from Charmed Knits.  I figure I've let that one sit long enough.  It's time to get back to work on it and, at this rate, it is the only thing I'll have that fits anyway.

And it is green.  No one will be able to say I didn't get my greens today...

SA