I Can't Help It!

There are lots of things that I claim to be, "not my fault."  In general, it is safe to say that the use of those words indicate that I know it is my fault, but that I don't want it to be my fault so I will categorically deny all responsibility.  

Today, we shall continue in this fine tradition of No Fault Blogging.  This was not my fault.  I was influenced.  Heavily.  And with a follow up email.  Even the people who normally just shake their heads when I say it is not my fault will have doubts this time.  I'm sure of it.

It was Kat's fault.  Not mine.  I am an innocent victim here.

She did this post which featured waffles.  There were pictures involved.  I like waffles, but I can't say I've ever been consumed by a need for waffles.  I will admit that I like to say, "waffles."  It's a fun word, if you think about it.  Try saying it a few times and you'll see what I mean.  And go look at the waffle pictures while you're at it.  You'll understand how I could be seduced to wanting to walk in the way of the waffle.

Suddenly I found myself consumed with the idea of waffles.  There were a couple of problems with this consumption, the first of which being that I do not have a handsome, strapping son to make these waffles for me.  (At least none that I know of, heh-heh, nudge, nudge!)  But, I was pretty sure that having children was really just a helpful sort of thing in the waffle process and not necessarily a requirement.

The second problem was a bit more serious.  It involved my lack of a waffle iron.  I've never owned a waffle iron nor have I ever really seen the need.  Waffles come in boxes from the freezer.  But, I trusted Kat and, if she said that a waffle iron was what was needed, then that's what was needed.  She confirmed this in an email and even suggested where I might procure an inexpensive waffle maker.  This was helpful information and filed away for consideration.  I am still paying off the holiday/vet bills, after all.  I can't just be waffling all over the place, willy nilly.  

Thanks to a rather well-timed early dismissal from school yesterday due to incoming sleet, I found myself at the local discount store at a rather early hour in search of cheap batteries.  The wind and ice did not bode well for ongoing electricity.  They didn't have cheap batteries.  They had regular batteries.  This was disappointing.  But they did have a gigantic pile of Cheap Stuff with which I could find some solace and a vast number of dollar t-shirts went a long way towards easing my battery angst.  And it was while I was sorting through the brand-name-but-didn't-sell-at-the-real-store shirts that I saw it.  The answer to all my problems was lurking at the bottom of the pile of stuff. 

A $5.00 waffle maker!  

Now, there are any number of reasons not to buy a $5.00 waffle maker, not the least of which being the issue which will be revealed later.  There is the also question of why no one would buy this waffle maker.  Was it defective?  Would it explode?  Did it make poison waffles?  Would the waffles fire out of it like a bazooka and sever my head?  Was it previously used by a serial killer who made eyeball waffles?

I wish I could tell you that I considered these things.  But I did not.  I saw naught but waffles dancing in my head.  It went into the basket with the full priced batteries and the dollar shirts.  It went out to the truck and made the drive to my house in the now icy conditions.  It was carried into my home and became a part of my stuff.

Other problems associated with purchasing a $5.00 waffle maker include such things as feeling the need to purchase waffle-making accessories the following day and laying out enough cash for waffle mixes, exotic syrups and a new ladle to equal the cost of a full priced waffle maker.  Another issue might be the excitement level brought on by the potential for waffles.

For example, one might spend one's Friday night following the cat around the house and happily announcing over and over:

Tomorrow, we gits wa-fooz!  Wa-fooz tomorrow!  I can't wait for wa-foooozzz!!!!!

There may have even been a waffle song crafted over the course of the evening and sung to a rather inappropriate hip hop beat.  But, that isn't anything anyone can prove so I shall say no more on the subject.

Oh...and then there's this:

$5.00 waffle makers are made by Disney and feature princesses...

Yup.  I'm a middle aged woman with a Cinderella waffle maker.  I didn't even stop to consider the absurdity of that little fact while at the discount store.  I was so under the Kat Waffle Spell that I purchased it with nary a thought for my own dignity or reputation.  In case the waffle art is not clear, what you see embossed upon my breakfast is the lucky princess gazing lovingly into the eyes of her prince from the rear window of her royal coach.  The other side is less interesting and more waffly.  That's the side onto which you want to pour the syrup, by the way.  The whole point of a waffle is the nooks 'n crannies for syrup retention, after all.

There were any number of fibery sorts of activities going on here today.  I spun.  I wound some sock yarn into a nice, center-pull ball and even did a little crochet.  It was a day of much interest to anyone who happens to like the fiber arts.  

But, the only picture I took was of my first-ever homemade waffle.  With a princess on it.  

And it's not my fault.

SA