Saturday, February 02, 2008

I Can't Help It!

There are lots of things that I claim to be, "not my fault."  In general, it is safe to say that the use of those words indicate that I know it is my fault, but that I don't want it to be my fault so I will categorically deny all responsibility.  

Today, we shall continue in this fine tradition of No Fault Blogging.  This was not my fault.  I was influenced.  Heavily.  And with a follow up email.  Even the people who normally just shake their heads when I say it is not my fault will have doubts this time.  I'm sure of it.

It was Kat's fault.  Not mine.  I am an innocent victim here.

She did this post which featured waffles.  There were pictures involved.  I like waffles, but I can't say I've ever been consumed by a need for waffles.  I will admit that I like to say, "waffles."  It's a fun word, if you think about it.  Try saying it a few times and you'll see what I mean.  And go look at the waffle pictures while you're at it.  You'll understand how I could be seduced to wanting to walk in the way of the waffle.

Suddenly I found myself consumed with the idea of waffles.  There were a couple of problems with this consumption, the first of which being that I do not have a handsome, strapping son to make these waffles for me.  (At least none that I know of, heh-heh, nudge, nudge!)  But, I was pretty sure that having children was really just a helpful sort of thing in the waffle process and not necessarily a requirement.

The second problem was a bit more serious.  It involved my lack of a waffle iron.  I've never owned a waffle iron nor have I ever really seen the need.  Waffles come in boxes from the freezer.  But, I trusted Kat and, if she said that a waffle iron was what was needed, then that's what was needed.  She confirmed this in an email and even suggested where I might procure an inexpensive waffle maker.  This was helpful information and filed away for consideration.  I am still paying off the holiday/vet bills, after all.  I can't just be waffling all over the place, willy nilly.  

Thanks to a rather well-timed early dismissal from school yesterday due to incoming sleet, I found myself at the local discount store at a rather early hour in search of cheap batteries.  The wind and ice did not bode well for ongoing electricity.  They didn't have cheap batteries.  They had regular batteries.  This was disappointing.  But they did have a gigantic pile of Cheap Stuff with which I could find some solace and a vast number of dollar t-shirts went a long way towards easing my battery angst.  And it was while I was sorting through the brand-name-but-didn't-sell-at-the-real-store shirts that I saw it.  The answer to all my problems was lurking at the bottom of the pile of stuff. 

A $5.00 waffle maker!  

Now, there are any number of reasons not to buy a $5.00 waffle maker, not the least of which being the issue which will be revealed later.  There is the also question of why no one would buy this waffle maker.  Was it defective?  Would it explode?  Did it make poison waffles?  Would the waffles fire out of it like a bazooka and sever my head?  Was it previously used by a serial killer who made eyeball waffles?

I wish I could tell you that I considered these things.  But I did not.  I saw naught but waffles dancing in my head.  It went into the basket with the full priced batteries and the dollar shirts.  It went out to the truck and made the drive to my house in the now icy conditions.  It was carried into my home and became a part of my stuff.

Other problems associated with purchasing a $5.00 waffle maker include such things as feeling the need to purchase waffle-making accessories the following day and laying out enough cash for waffle mixes, exotic syrups and a new ladle to equal the cost of a full priced waffle maker.  Another issue might be the excitement level brought on by the potential for waffles.

For example, one might spend one's Friday night following the cat around the house and happily announcing over and over:

Tomorrow, we gits wa-fooz!  Wa-fooz tomorrow!  I can't wait for wa-foooozzz!!!!!

There may have even been a waffle song crafted over the course of the evening and sung to a rather inappropriate hip hop beat.  But, that isn't anything anyone can prove so I shall say no more on the subject.

Oh...and then there's this:


$5.00 waffle makers are made by Disney and feature princesses...


Yup.  I'm a middle aged woman with a Cinderella waffle maker.  I didn't even stop to consider the absurdity of that little fact while at the discount store.  I was so under the Kat Waffle Spell that I purchased it with nary a thought for my own dignity or reputation.  In case the waffle art is not clear, what you see embossed upon my breakfast is the lucky princess gazing lovingly into the eyes of her prince from the rear window of her royal coach.  The other side is less interesting and more waffly.  That's the side onto which you want to pour the syrup, by the way.  The whole point of a waffle is the nooks 'n crannies for syrup retention, after all.

There were any number of fibery sorts of activities going on here today.  I spun.  I wound some sock yarn into a nice, center-pull ball and even did a little crochet.  It was a day of much interest to anyone who happens to like the fiber arts.  

But, the only picture I took was of my first-ever homemade waffle.  With a princess on it.  

And it's not my fault.

SA

28 comments:

Catherine said...

If you have brownie mix, you can make the wonder that are brownie waffles. Add nuts, ice cream chocolate syrup and a waffle day is a wonderful day. Cake mix works too.

Catherine

Donna Lee said...

Waffles taste good no matter what shape they're in. I once considered a heart shaped waffle maker until I saw how small the waffles were. Practically bite sized. I like me a plate filling waffle with butter in every nook and cranny. Oh man, now I want to make waffles for breakfast.

mrichme said...

Cammad is very jealous. Please private message me the discount store so I can try to appease the little ones.

Enjoy the waffles.

Ronni said...

I thought there was something odd about that waffle. You tell a good story you know. I burst out laughing like a maniac again.

Only now I want waffles tomorrow too. So I guess it's a good thing I already have the waffle iron isn't it? (Not a Disney Princess one of course. Thank heavens!)

Kris said...

Here's hoping that you do not die alone in your apartment. The crime scene team will not know what to make of the pricess waffle maker next to the Nascar crockpot.

Just where in the hell do you find these things?

trek said...

Bet it will look very nice next to the Richard Petty crock pot!

And I didn't know about the cake mixes as suggested by catherine!

Julie said...

OMG, I forgot about the NASCAR crockpot!

I cracked up laughing when I saw the waffle maker and had to show Samm. Her response - "That's so cool; I want one!"

Anne said...

There's a small sparkly person in my house who would consider your waffle maker the height of all that is elegant and desirable. And for $5, yet.

I wonder if there's a Tom Brady waffle maker ... no, never mind. Let's not go there.

Alwen said...

I have a step-niece who loves princesseseses who would love your waffle maker.

I always think of Shrek and Donkey when I think of waffles these days: "And tomorrow, I'm makin' waffles!"

Might just do that tomorrow.

Sheila said...

I haven't laughed so hard at a kitchen appliance since the picture of your Nascar Not Dale Earhardt After-All Crockpot (NNDEAACp). That waffle is actually kind of pretty.

So was it yummy?
Tomorrow we head to a little town in the Texas Hill Country called Boerne for their breakfast buffet. It has waffles, with all the fixins, and you now have me really excited about the going!

kmkat said...

I never said anything about waffles. No post of mine ever talked about banana chocolate chip pancakes and how my wild man husband decided to use some of the battle for waffles, nope.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Sara said...

OMG, I laughed so hard I have tears running down my face. Do you really have a NASCAR crockpot, too????

I gotta know where you shop!!! Cause that is hysterical...

The Kelly Green Rogue said...

oooh yummy! ;)

April said...

I thought it was the Virgin Mary.

Kath said...

I'd say you were completely defenseless is the waffle onslaught. How could you possibly resist the pull of the waffle and still maintain your sanity?

But just for the record, I'd be eating those princess side down. Last thing I need is breakfast that looks at me - might as well have two fried eggs!

Lazuli said...

Wow, if you put that next to the NASCAR crock-pot, I wonder what they could produce together! So long as it all tastes good or dyes yarn well, right?

Rabbitch said...

You really shouldn't be let out on your own.

Take the kitty with you next time.

Mia said...

oh yeah.. I always love a good breakfast food post :)

And um... did one of your comments say something about brownie waffles? I think we should investigate this phenom!!

And sheepie.. you TOTALLY deserve to have princess style waffles :)

Knittymama said...

Man, my waffles seem boring now in comparison.

Leigh said...

OK. Now I'm hungry for waffles. So who's fault is that?!?!?!?!?!? ;)

knitnzu said...

I'm with you, not your fault! (our waffle maker is old and looks like a space ship!) Your waffle maker probably works easier though, and you can just smear it in syrup or whipped cream and nobody will see it's a princess.

Knitting Linguist said...

LOL! You lead up to that one perfectly. I was so not expecting Disney. But if you close your eyes, I bet they taste just like non-Disney waffles, eh?

Knitting Linguist said...

P.S. Thanks for the birthday wishes! :) And I tell you, if you want to indulge your mitt fetish, you can do no better than to knit either the zigzag mitts or the paris-roubaix mitts, or both (I am nothing if not an enabler). They practically fly off the needles of their own accord while you do other important things, like making waffles...

mehitabel said...

WAh-fooz! Great post! I do love the cheap waffle maker--$5 is just about right. I think I will need to start perusing my local discount stores--there are a plethora of them here, but no sleet to give that sense of urgency to shopping! I had a wafflemaker for years--the waffle side stuck to the batter and it was a mess to clean, but the plain side was great for making pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches. Hmmm... I wonder if I can do grilled cheese on the Geo Foreman?? Would they look like panini??

KaDe said...

You need to go immediately to the Completely Arbitrary and Pointless Group Group on Ravelry and lean about the wonder that is *CAKEwaffles*

Army_Wifey08 said...

mmmm...waffles....

Beth said...

Like Sheila, I'm wondering how the cute waffle tasted. Did the BFK beg for any?

Trish said...

Just for future information, I believe that is Cinderella and her prince in the pumpkin carriage.

Sadly, I am way too familiar with all of the Disney princesses - thanks to my 3yo.