Thursday, June 07, 2007

Why Some Sheep Are Endangered:

The Time: 2:20 this very afternoon

The Place: The Fifth Grade Hallway

The Players: Sheepish Annie and The Teacher Who Will Soon Hate The Sheep

Sheepish Annie: Hey there, Mr. TWWSHTS! How's it going there, big guy? (The Sheep is in an unusually good mood today for reasons that will be explained later)

Teacher Who Will Soon Hate The Sheep: Why, I'm just fine, Sheepie! And how be you on this fine, fine day? (It is noticeable when The Sheep is all perky and happy at this hour. Normally she is grim and tired-looking after spending her day arguing with children whose sole purpose in this life is to find ways to drive her to bourbon and Botox)

SA: Well, it is just a fine, fine day! The sun is shining, the birds are singing and...guess what?

TWWSHTS: Oh, Sheepie! You know how I look forward to our daily guessing games. But, I'm rather busy today...I've got a whole class just waiting for me to impart my words of wisdom. Why don't you just tell me?

SA: Awwww....you never want to play with me, anymore. Hrmph. Maybe I won't tell you. (pauses then begins to giggle uproariously) Oh, what am I saying?! You know I'm going to tell you! Here it is: You should really be proud to know me. In fact, you should be considering constructing some sort of temple in my honor as I am truly the greatest educator of all time! Wanna know why?

TWWSHTS: (sighing and clearly beginning to be bored with this game) Yes, Sheep. Do tell...

SA: I have managed to skillfully and successfully avoid having to go on any and all end of the year "celebratory" field trips! That's right! I am like a god or something! I zigged, I zagged, I ducked, I dodged and I made it across the finish line without having to board another bus to some locale that amuses children! I rock, that's what I do! I rock out freakin' loud!!!

TWWSHTS: What???? You got out of all of the field trips? All of them? You don't have to go to Washington, the water park, the other water park, the salt marshes, the refinery or the toothpick factory?

SA: (clearly not seeing that her colleague is not finding this conversation amusing in the least) Yup! I am crazy with the mad skills here, my fellow educator. OK. So I managed to luck out on the last one. I was supposed to go to one of the multiple water park trips and that one fell through. But the rest was pure "avoidiatory talent!" I should teach classes or something! I could make a fortune!

TWWSHTS: How, um..."fortunate" for you.

SA: Yeah! I should scoot out and buy a lottery ticket right now! If I win, I'll have t-shirts made up for the whole staff that say, "The Sheep got out of all the end-of-the-year-field -trips and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." That would be hilarious, right???

TWWSHTS: (grim faced...and that's putting it mildly) Yeah...hilarious. Your wit continues to amaze. Now, if you'll excuse me...

SA: (blithely rambling on despite all indications that her fellow teacher is nearing his breaking point) Hey, don't you have to go on a field trip tomorrow? Aren't you going to the waterpark with eight thousand or so fifth graders? Boy, I sure am glad that I've mastered this whole "field trip" avoidance thing! I'll just be sitting back here relaxing in the nice, quiet school while you tell kids fifty or sixty times per minute to not drink the water in the wading pool...kinda ironic, isn't it?

Teacher Who Now Actively Hates The Sheep With The Passion To Ignite A Thousand Suns: Stop talking to me. Never talk to me again. Ever. I am reinstating that restraining order from back when you were actively avoiding the holiday parties in December. (turns on heel and stalks away)

SA: Gee, what's his problem? Some people are so darned sensitive!


Does this make me a bad person? Should I have, perhaps, volunteered to take his place on the field trip? I'm sure that I could have knit one or two rows on the bus or while hiding from the children in the ladies restrooms. Is it wrong of me to feel such a raging surge of happiness at the prospect of not going on one of the umpty-gajillion field trips that are happening right now? I'm thinking that it might be.

And I'm feeling sort of badly over the fact that I just don't care...

SA

18 comments:

trek said...

Simply amazing. You may need to change your handle to "Duckie" Annie.

Mel said...

Whatever. You have the Monkey Pox. Might as well use it to your advantage.

Cathy said...

"evil" Must be the MP.

Kris said...

I say you could make a fortune off of your mad avoidance skills.

Ruth said...

Do NOT feel guilty. I went on a field trip with my daughter's fifth grade class this year (to Historic Boston) and it took me a week to recover.

Julie said...

YAY for the Sheep's incredible field trip avoidance skills! You are awesome.

The other teacher is just jealous; no need to feel bad for not caring :)

Knit, I AM said...

Enjoy the solitude Annie :) No headaches and oh so quiet at school. If I were you,I would do a George Contsanza from the Seinfield tv series..but instead of taking a nap like George under the desk away from disturbances andwhere you can't be found..make a cubby under the desk...bring some coffee...headphones and the best music and knit away..knit away..and enjoy the peace...Girl, I know I would...:)..tee..hee...

Beth said...

Would that teacher feel bad if you were going and he was staying at school? I think not. Besides, you need to recuperate.

Sheila said...

Guilt?....banish the thought!
You may be on the mends, but a taxing day like that could throw you back in your recovery efforts.
Enjoy your day of peace and quiet at school tomorrow.

mehitabel said...

What they said--no guilt for this one. You need to recover fully from your Monkey Pox, or you'll spend the entire summer hacking, coughing up a lung, and fighting fevers. That means avoiding water parks, which are known sources of contamination and germification, as are long yellow busses filled with screaming children.

Anonymous said...

You are good. I'm so impressed.
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Bobbi said...

wooohooo! no field trips! and I'm with you on the no guilt!

Alwen said...

Yeah, well, I just got sunburned last Friday on the Lake Michigan field trip and ran a last-day carnival in 87-degree sunshine yesterday, so no sweet feed for Sheepie from me, eh!

Cursing Mama said...

I wouldn't feel bad at all, what with the Monkey Pox & all. Anyway - you can redeem yourself by bringing in baked goods of some sort. Aren't there muffins or something you bought in bulk a while back still laying around?

Leigh said...

*lol* Some folks just can't stand to be in the presence of pure talent.

Rani said...

HA HA HA! Let the poor suckers go. If this is true, that you have managed to avoid the (in)famous field trip in multiples - then perhaps you could write some sort of guide book for the rest of us.

I embrace your unfieldtripyness!

Lorraine said...

Part two of the good news . . . END OF YEAR field trips. Three cheers for Sheepish Annie! Free at last!

crzjane said...

Good for you, getting out of field trips. But you do need your rest. You should feel no guilt. You have earned the right to not have to do any more field trips for the rest of the year. Others will just have to "Buck it up"