We're Not Really "Professional" Fundraisers...

Tonight's post opens with a view of those popular bloggers, Hysterical Mind and Rational Mind. RM is fussily adjusting HM's collar and trying to tame an errant cowlick that is besting all her attempts at coif corralling. HM is looking a little green.

Hysterical Mind: I don't see why I have to do this! I'm not good at these things. I don't do well with people! You know this isn't my strength! Can't I just sit in the back and point out all the things that can go wrong with this? That is what I do!!!

Rational Mind: We're going with the odds, here. For whatever the reason, people seem to like you. You get fan mail, for crying out loud. While it defies all logic, you are best-suited to this little task. You'll be fine.

HM: I won't!!! I'll mess it up!!! It'll be a trainwreck that will be the talk of the blogosphere for years to come!!

RM: (is now resorting to the spit 'n smooth method known to moms the world over in order to wrestle HM's fly-away hair into submission) No it won't. I promise. These are your friends. They won't hurt you. Now, take a deep breath and just do it like we practiced.

HM: OK. But if it all goes down in flames, it'll be on your head! (takes a deep, shuddering breath)

RM: Go ahead...

HM: Um...hi. My name is Hysterical Mind. My Friend Rational Mind and I would just like to take a minute of your time. (looks to RM for support. RM nods encouragingly) So, um, we're doing this thing on the 15th and 16th of June and we'd like to ask for your support. We are going to be participating in The American Cancer Society's Relay for Life and...well, it's not really a "we" thing. It's The Sheep who is doing it. I'm not, you know, "real." I'm actually just a contrived character designed to personify the dichotomy one sees in the average person's thought processes...

RM: You're getting a little off-track there, buddy. Let's just stick to the script.

HM: Oh, yeah. Right! Anyway, The Sheep is going to be walking around in a circle for a while to help raise funds to aid in cancer research. And cancer is bad! We hate cancer!! Cancer is very, very bad!! It is a...a, well it's a cancer on the face of society!! So The Sheep will be walking to fight the bad cancer which we hate for all its badness and...

RM: You might want to take it down a notch.

HM (clearly on a roll at this point) And the walking! All that walking!!! The Sheep will be walking in a circle in the hot, blazing sun! Or worse, it might rain! Then you've got a wet Sheep walking around in a circle fighting cancer (which is bad) and risking pneumonia! And felting!!! Or, and this could totally happen what with all the weird weather we've been having, it might snow! That's right! The soaking, wet, felted Sheep will be walking endlessly in a circle, singlehandedly fighting cancer!!! In the snow!!! And the fierce snows of June can be deadly...not like the cancer, but bad in their own right!!!!!

RM: O-kaaaay. That was "good." Maybe I'll just take it from here.

HM: I'm a little dizzy now...

RM: Understandable. Why don't you go get yourself a nice juicebox? Maybe sit down for a little bit...see if you can't get that purple color to drain out of your face.

HM: Okey-dokey. (walks unsteadily to the kitchen in search of a cranapple juice box)

RM: I'll just sum up. That might help clarify things a bit. The Sheep is going to be participating in the Relay For Life to raise funds to help in the fight against cancer. We would greatly appreciate any support you might be able to offer her in this endeavor. You can donate by simply following the link in the sidebar. We have set a very reasonable fundraising goal and, in an effort to encourage donations, are holding a drawing for a gift certificate to one of our favorite local stores, Goose Pond, as an incentive to those who might like to participate. Online shopping is as smooth as silk for those of you "from away" and, even if you aren't tempted by the offerings in The Elegant Knitter portion of the store, you will be completely seduced by the beautiful jewelry produced by the talented Susan! Regardless of fundraising totals, a $25.00 gift certificate will be offered up as a prize to one lucky supporter. Should we meet or exceed our goal, The Sheep has authorized us to increase the amount to $50.00. We understand completely that folks have other obligations so there is certainly no pressure to participate!

We know that many people use online handles to socialize on the internets. Please feel free to leave us a comment and let us know of your intention to donate so that The Sheep can link appropriately to the winner of the gift certificate. We will draw a name in some appropriately random manner from those who made donations and make the announcement sometime shortly after the relay.

The Sheep, Hysterical Mind and I thank you so very much for your time, attention and any support you may be able to offer.

HM: And we hate cancer. Don't forget about the part where we hate the cancer!

RM: Yes, we certainly do hate cancer. Now drink your juice. It has the antioxidants.


Regular, knitting-related, non fundraising blogging to resume tomorrow!

SA