Tuesday, April 10, 2007

It Was A Bullseye

"Karma One Calling Karma Two, come in K2. Do you read me?"

"Roger, Karma One. I read you loud and clear."

"K2, do you have the target in sight?"

"That's affirmative, K1. Target sighted and coming into range."

"Confirm location, K2. Is the target approaching the Kennebunk exit from the Maine Turnpike? Is this the same location where she experienced a total vehicular breakdown on two separate occasions?"

"Affirmative, Karma One. The target is within range of the designated coordinates."

"Then we're a 'go.' Ready the flaming meteor."

"Um...well, about that."

"Is there some sort of a problem, Karma Two?"

"There are no meteors, flaming or otherwise, in the vicinity. I looked. We won't be able to drop that particular item today."

"That is fine, Karma Two. That possibility was taken into account. We will move to plan B and send down the large piece that broke off the space station."

"Funny thing, there. I requisitioned it, but email was down over the weekend and the tech. guys were on a Trust Retreat in the mountains somewhere. The large piece of the space station never made it."

"What????? Karma Two, this is unacceptable!"

"Hey, it's not like we're Fate, or anything. We're Karma!!! What do you think, we can just pull stuff like that out of the sky?"

"Well, yes. As a matter of fact I do think that is supposed to be within our skill set. Meanwhile, we have a target approaching the designated drop site and nothing to drop! We need to abort!!!"

"Calm down. I've got it under control."

"Nice work, K2! I knew I could count on you. Now, tell me. What've you got? Frozen astronaut poop? A three piece luggage set dislodged from a passing airliner? Killer seagulls?"

"Well...no. It's a pebble."

(There is a clattering sound followed by loud thumps as Karma One rips off his headset and bangs his head on the console in frustration. After a fashion, he replaces his set and resumes transmission.)

"A pebble. You are telling me that you have a pebble."

"Well, it was the best I could do. You try finding flingable stuff on short notice! I figured if I threw it really hard..."

"I have my doubts, here."

"Work with me! She's had almost a full cup of coffee. I figure I can maybe get a decent startle reflex out of her with some good results at this point!"

"Fine, fine. We'll just work with what we have. Proceed with the pebble flinging when ready."

"Pebble ready, sir. Preparing to drop in 3...2...1. And....we have contact! It's a direct hit, sir!!! Right in the middle of the windshield!!! Success!!"

"And do we have a visual reaction from the target, Karma Two?"

"Well, sir. She's...laughing. Really hard. It's sort of chilling, if you want the truth."

"Not exactly what we were hoping for. But I think we need to take what we can get at this point. Write up the report and fax it to me at Karma Headquarters. Karma One, over and out"

"Roger, Karma One. This is Karma Two signing off."

There was a time when a dead hit to my windshield from what may or may not have been a pebble would have been cause for great distress. I might have gazed upon the large chip in my window glass with utter dismay and cursed the heavens for their having turned their loving gaze away from this poor, little Sheepie. I would have been unable to imaging anything worse.

That was before the Great Auto Repair Escapade of '07. I have a new perspective on just how bad things can get from a vehicular standpoint. This is just amusing.

Meanwhile, the school principal has suggested that I simply go back to bed and stay there for the next few years. The custodian, who recently had emergency surgery to remove his exploding appendix, has informed me that he thinks it best if I not stand too close to him. He is afraid that he might incur real misfortune if he is in my vicinity. My special ed. director, who lives fairly close to me, would like me to simply stay off the road this weekend for his family's safety.

But, it's just a chip in the glass. And that's nuthin'! "Twas good for a chuckle at Karma's expense because they really didn't have their game-faces on today and should have just let me go to work un-pebbled. I'm unimpressed.

(note to Karma: This is not to be interpreted as a challenge. Merely an observation. Stop taking everything so darned personally!)

And with my life returning to it's regularly scheduled stupidity, I am ready to face the rest of the week. It is kind of nice when the other shoe actually drops. I'm spending the evening working on my homework for class, thinking about doing the taxes and knitting on a sock. Status quo, here in Sheepland!

Oh, and looking for the name of a good glass guy. I should probably add that to the to-do list...



mehitabel said...

Ok, that got me chuckling. I think the Karma guys are over here on the left coast, dropping stuff on me. Front license plate on truck? Off! Brake lights? Off! Cats? Broke a wineglass this morning. A clean one. Little buggers couldn't even manage to break a dish I hadn't washed yet! Now I'm off to work and worried, really worried... and I want your snow event!!!

Beth said...

I'm glad they didn't have a boulder to drop! :)

trek said...

That is so not right. I realize your aren't majorly truamatized or anything but after the cash you dumped in that this in the past month, it doesn't deserve any more of your paycheck.

Anonymous said...

Sheesh! It could only happen to you, Sheepie! If the hole is small enough to just be repaired (as opposed to replacing the windshield) most insurance companies will cover the cost with no deductible from you. I think if it's smaller than a dime they can fill it with something.

catsmum said...

I second that sheesh
perhaps you should take the advice and keep your karmically challenged self at home for the rest of the week.

Mouse said...

Husband used to work for a place that did auto glass and they have some sort of 'magic goo' that fills cracks.. its amazing sh*t.

knitseashore said...

Just caught up on your posts...I think your Karma angels (?) ricocheted off their target and instead hit southward in my direction.

Either that, or your truck and my computer have a strange relationship, as do your students and the cyclist with the fifth=grade-mindset who ran into Chris on his bicycle Saturday.

Thanks for the laughs. I needed them tonight. I hope your windshield is fixed and I would definitely stay away from the feather and fan. :) I posted tonight in your honor.

Jeanne said...

Oh, my God.

It WILL get easier/better one of these days, won't it?

I'll bet that by laughing at this latest event, you've turned the corner. When the Karmic Bullies figure out they're no longer getting to you, they usually give up. For awhile, anyway.

Anonymous said...

*Think* about doing your taxes!!! They're due in like 6 days. Watch out. Those Karma guys may have something else planned...

Mia said...

Sheepie.. with thoughts like that going on in your head all day.. you can't possibly ever get bored ::laughing::

And yeah. The pebble. I'm so with ya on the pebble. A while back I had a rock the size of my hand hit the windshield. After I realized I wasn't dying of a heart attack.. I started thinking with an absolute miracle it was that I didn't have a crushed windshield.. or even a scratch or crack. Just at that EXACT moment that I was thinking how lucky it was... a tiny little pebble hit the windshield and left a cute little hole with about 5 cracks radiating out. It's still there. It's my own little karma "star".

Hang in there.. I think karma is getting tired of toying with you ::laughing::

Kate said...

The only thing that surprises me about this is that you don't already have a glass guy.

Anne said...

Next time we get together for dinner (And when will that be exactly?), I'll share the great rental car escapade of 1994 with you. Which also involved a small pebble. But only after totalling an entire OTHER car.

debsnm said...

5 days after getting my new car, a dump truck "dumped" a rock on my windshield. Forget the fact that I SAW it come off his truck! To make a long, stupid story short, insurance paid for the glass guy to come to my office and fix the small crack that was the result. After I got over being totally pissed, I realized that every car needs a few 'dings' - and mine's now broken in. Hang in there - I'm proof that it eventually ends, and even karma takes a break once in a while.

crzjane said...

Oh my, sounds like you could use some good knitter's vibes your way. Come on everyone - Let's do this for the Sheepie!
Hope the rest of your week improves.

Anonymous said...

Very cute, Sheepie. I got a good giggle from Karma 1 and Karma 2.

kmkat said...

Karma 1 and Karma 2 totally cracked me up. I think you may have a career as a comedy writer somewhere. Isn't that where all the best teachers end up?