Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A Face Only Mommy Sheep Could Love...

Well, the truck and The Sheep have reached an agreement. It is free to leave the engine light on provided that it doesn't "flash" it at me. In return, The Sheep agrees to stop the swearing and name calling and will feed it large amounts of dry gas. If it really behaves, then I will take it to the spa-like facilities at the dealership instead of to the low-budget mechanic we generally visit. I don't have time to haggle with my vehicle. I've got other things with which to contend right now.

For today was "picture delivery day" at school. That's right. I'm 41 years old and I still get a school picture package every year. Staff photos are taken every fall for i.d. badges and the company throws in a complementary package of pix that most of us don't really want. Fortunately, they only give us a few and those can be passed on to parents and older relatives who still get all excited by a new photo of their Sheepie niece. If it comes out well, then I usually set one aside. That way, should The Sheep decide one day to run off and join the circus, you all will have something to put on the side of the milk carton. I like to make it easy for people...

However, when one of my staff walked in the room clutching her photo envelope, I sensed that something might be amiss this year. Please bear in mind that said staff person is all of 27 years old, has perfect skin, dark eyes and shiny hair. And her shoes??? To die for! She then proceeded to show the contents of her photo package.

"Look!!! Why did we get so many??? What am I going to do with all these pictures??"

I was then treated to multiple images of the cute, young, perfect little staff member in all her glory. While, I was able to summon the inner strength to not weep profusely in her presence, I failed to grasp the larger issue.

This means that there are at least as many reproductions of The Sheep waiting in her mailbox. And she is neither 27 nor perfectly coiffed. And her shoes? Not so good...

I am now the proud owner of:

Two 8x10s
Four 3 1/2x5s
Four 5x7s
Twenty wallet size
Four black and white reproductions in multiple sizes

and, as God is my witness, a 2007 calendar with my face smack in the middle.

Um...what am I going to do with all these stupid pictures? Yeah, I got the relatives and the milk carton covered. But what am I going to do with the rest of them? I'd throw them away, but I'm afraid that some famous millionaire will be rooting through the trash, see my stunning visage, fall madly in love and then I'll be in all the tabloids for breaking up his 48 year marriage to the blueberry queen of Maine. I'll not risk it, I tell you!

So, heaven help you if you have ever mailed me anything. I may still have your address. And, if I do, it is highly likely that you will be getting a school picture of The Sheep with something like, "Hey, remember all the good times in study hall? BFF, Sheepie" scrawled on the back.

Sleep with one eye open people. It could happen to you. I've already cut one from the sheet to stick in with Sheila's dishcloth package.

Now that I've terrified the blogging world and people are frantically searching their memories to recall whether or not they have ever inadvertently shared their mailing address with me, let's take a minute to review the knitting progess:

Chevron Stripes Towel: untouched since the weekend

Super-soft little sockie: progressing nicely

Knitting Sheep: still on large amounts of cold medicine to combat the coughing. She's pretty happy...

Now I must go review my mailing lists and start cutting out pictures. Heh, heh!

SA

16 comments:

trek said...

Can't be worse than my driver's license picture - taken with a small clid clinging to me...

Beth said...

Oh my! That's the most I've laughed yet. Wait, let me wipe the tears from my eyes so I can see the monitor again.

I was thinking you should auction off the calendar or have a contest with that as the prize. I think the calendar is just the funniest thing.

We had picture day today. At least the shot I saw on the computer screen was better than last year's picture. And we don't get a complimentary photo package. What a relief!

Teri S. said...

Whew...I'm safe! I've never mailed you anything so you don't have my snail mail address. But seriously, they really gave you a calendar with your picture on it?!

mrichme said...

CamMad would love to have one of those mug shot, I mean lovely picture. We will be waiting with baited breath.

Sheila said...

I've tears from laughing so hard!
You can send me a picture, but just know that you have no control over what I do with it. Seriously though, I don't think I could do more than what has already been done- a calendar!! You could add a picture of you with a different knitting project for each month, then auction it off.
How about a name Sheepish's SUV contest?

Debby said...

Are you planning on going to Rhinebeck? I'm thinking somehow they could use those photos in the squares for the Blogger bingo! Or...how about sending that photo to Knitty for their calendar? You're already published in a calendar, so would be a natural, right??

Thank you for the laugh. After the day I had, I really needed it. I hope the truck is happy with the spa day and will behave from now on. :)

Kate said...

Is it too late to buy a new School Years book you can start putting them in. You can record lovely school year memories like, "We all got bronchitis from the mold in the carpets", or "Snakes on The Playground". It would be a lovely keepsake for your mother.

Anonymous said...

Oh Sheep, I have the perfect solution! You know that list of people to knit gifts for, just send them a photo instead. If you really have your heart set on knitting them a little something you could knit frames for the photos!
That calendar would make a great gift for the mechanic who fixes the truck! Or maybe something special for Dr. DeSade! Just saying...
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Lorraine said...

You should make photo-transfer t-shirts! Then send them to friends. You'd have groupies with t-shirts. Add your autograph and I'd wear it. It'd be wicked cool. >;-}

G said...

Oh Sheep, I want your photo!!! Do I have to wait for the milk cartoon edition?

Im sure your photos are great. Perky be damned; she probably can't even KNIT!!!!

Huggs, G

PS I also like the t-shirt idea Lorraine has, put me down for one of those too....

Sheila said...

I'm back.
I'd really like 2 pictures, if you don't mind. I'm planning to make a little Christmas tree ornament from them, and I want 2 so that your picture will be visible no matter which way it faces. You could send me new pictures each year (I'll find a way to add the year to the ornament). I love starting new traditions!!

cursingmama said...

killing me - I don't want that many damn pictures of my own kids!

April said...

i would LOVE a Sheepie pic. and in return i'll send you a pic of Stan and Jersey!

sheep for goats, that's a good deal.

JJ said...

Some ideas for extra pictures:

Stick them on card stock and use them for hall passes. I suggest pre-marring each one with a disguise like a mustache, eye patch, or funny hair. They'll be hard to lose and if the kids do lose them you won't care!

Use them on gift tags.

Doctor them with thought bubbles and disguises and use them as notecards. You could always send them home with students with messages to parents. Ok, that would work better with very young children.

I'm just a big old lurker who had a horrendous ant interaction this past summer.

Mia said...

Does anyone else but me think that our girl the Sheep needs to get herself a book deal????????


TOO funny girl!

catsmum said...

ixlsomI wanted to leave a witty comment my dearest sheep... but alas ... all my clever ideas have already been taken :[
do WE get to see the photo?