WNBP: I Am Blumfied At The Moment

Welcome to the stupidest Wednesday ever in the history of Midweeks.  Ever.  I still can't believe it myself and I was there, for crying out loud!  Here's your bullet points for this particular Wednesday:

*There are a number of changes coming to my middle school classroom.


*Changes that will require a certain amount of work on my part.


*These changes were discussed at length.  


*In multiple settings.


*By great masses of gathered educational professionals.


*Discussed in depth.


*Many times.


*Every possible eventuality was analyzed.


*Great thought went into these decisions.


*One problem...


*No one mentioned any of these changes to me.


*I have until Monday to figure out how to implement these well-executed changes.


*Some people didn't mention the changes because they are scared of me.


*Others didn't mention them because they have not yet learned to be scared of me.


*Many were just caught up in the excitement of all the change-making.


*And one, my boss, had the foresight to give me a Very Special Commendation when she spoke in front of the school board last week.


*Because I am so very flexible in the face of sweeping changes.  Particularly the ones I don't know about yet.


*A real team player, that Ms. Sheep!


*That was brilliant.  Genius, even.


*Because now...


*THERE IS NO WAY I CAN PROTEST THESE CHANGES OR POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS FLAWS WITHOUT LOOKING LESS THAN FLEXIBLE OR WORTHY OF COMMENDATION!!!


*Amazing.


*I am currently wrapped up in my Blumfy and will be there for the foreseeable future.


*Don't come over.  I won't answer the door.


*Tangled up in my Blumfy.


*In case you missed the last post, Blumfy=Snuggie.


*Or Slanket.


*Blanket with sleeves.


*Tacky item "as seen on TV."


*And very awesome, especially when you have been given a commendation which prevents your responding to things that most definitely require a strongly worded response.


*For those who asked, the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty does love the Blumfy.


*It goes like this:  


*Sheepie wraps up in Blumfy and lays sideways on the couch.


*Big, Fluffy Kitty snuggles into the nook created by mommy's tummy.


*Giant, orange beast gallops over, grabs the little bit of Blumfy hanging off the couch and yanks.


*Rolls himself right up in it.


*Sheepie and the BFK hang on for dear life and cling to what little Blumfy is left to them.


*Can't knit in a Blumfy.


*Don't care what the commercials say.


*Can't knit in a Blumfy when an AGK is dragging you to the ground with all his considerable might.


*It's physically and emotionally exhausting to even try knitting in a Blumfy.


*Now he has all the blankies in the house and there is nothing I can do about it, really.


*Still nice to be wrapped up in a Blumfy when it's raining and Wednesday has turned stupid beyond all reason.


*On the up side, I have job security now.


*Everyone who suddenly realized that they forgot to tell me about the changes is being very nice to me.


*As I said to my Organized Teaching Assistant today:


*"See that spot on the floor?  I could poop right there and still not be fired.  They'd even clean it up for me."


*I might have worded it a little differently, but it was something along those lines.


*I'm not pooping on the floor.  I was just illustrating my point, is all.


I think we've reached a good stopping point.  Once you've had to reassure people that you aren't planning on besmirching the tiles of a middle school classroom, you probably should shut things down for the night.  Maybe go see if the AGK is willing to share a corner of the Blumfy.  I am so very, very glad this day is over.  Thursday and Friday are right around the corner.

Of course that means that Monday (aka The Day Of Great And Sweeping Change) is looming ever closer and I still don't quite know what to do with it, but I don't want to think about that right now...

SA

I Give You My Shame

There came a time last week whilst in the throes of my infirmity and as the chills wracked my form that I came to utter the words, "If I survive this, I swear that I am getting a Blumfy."  


No, I wasn't delirious.  I was sickly and cranky and unreasonable.  However, I was very much in my right mind.  I said I wanted a Blumfy.  You are familiar with them, I'm sure.  You probably just know them by another name, is all.  And, at that precise moment, you might even understand why I wanted one.  It was the sort of thing one might say under those circumstances.


What makes no sense, though, is that I would follow up on my feverish rantings.  To say you need a Blumfy when you are shaking so badly you can't even hold the thermometer is one thing.  To actually go find one once you are better is just embarrassing.  


I could have knit a Blumfy.  I actually thought about it several times.  They don't look all that complicated.  I probably could have whipped one up fairly quickly in stockinette.  Heck, in crochet I could have done twelve.  Yet, for some reason, only the regular Blumfy in a box would suffice as far as I was concerned.


For that matter, why I need to call it a Blumfy isn't exactly rational either.  I know it's not a Blumfy.  But after I heard it called that on a very, very funny episode of Cougar Town, I  couldn't help myself.  Just try it.  Say it once.  Blumfy.  You'll never call it anything else.  


Of course, you would only do this if you are brave enough to mention it at all in mixed company.  I still can't believe I have a Blumfy.  Nor do I really understand why I feel the need to share this information with you all.  It's not the sort of thing a sophisticated, classical lady such as myself should own.  It's not even the "brand name" Blumfy.  It's a knock-off.  A pale shadow of the original Blumfy and that isn't anything to brag about. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I didn't get the leopard print one...


Yes, I own a Blumfy.  And I use it.  I can barely hold up my head for the shame of it all.  But I feel I must be honest with the readers, lest anyone get the idea that I should become a role model for future sophisticates.  I'm nothing but  Blumfy-lovin' rabble.  

 I may be alone in my shameful "as seen on TV" world, but I gotta tell ya...it's so very warm and cozy!  Bless you, Blumfy.  I wish you'd been here last week, but I know you'll be around for the next cold and flu season.

Unless you dissolve in the wash what with being a knock-off Blumfy and all...

SA

Spring Break 2010: Wrap-Up And Review

I don't ask much of my vacation time.  I'm not the sort who heads out on exotic trips or even not-so-exotic trips.  I mostly like puttering about the manse doing all the stuff that I can't quite seem to do during the work times.  I may do a little visiting or shopping.  I might take a day trip or two.  It's all pretty mundane, I guess.  But that's what I like.

My plans for this year's spring break were right along those lines.  I had a somewhat "optimistic" list of things I wanted to tackle.  I generally over-plan, knowing full well I won't get to it all.  I don't mind.  Even if I get to half of it, it's more than I get done most of the time.  My list for this week was long, but here are some of the items contained therein:

*Clean out kitchen cupboards
*Finish spinning that stuff on the wheel
*Finish that second sock that's been lying around since Christmas
*Go to Chicks With Sticks and knit amongst the beautiful people
*Start putting together the Infamous Index Cards Of Summer Organization
*Clean the carpets
*Get up early and watch others go to work but not laugh because that would be wrong

There was more, but you get the idea.  I was looking forward to it.  I figured I could do most of it and still have time for a nap.  Things didn't work out as planned.  I did little during the first weekend since I had a whole week of glorious domestic bliss ahead of me.  On Monday morning, I cleaned half a cupboard then found myself suddenly exhausted beyond all reason.  From Monday night through Friday, I accomplished the following:

*Lay on the couch
*Made low moaning sounds
*Made low keening sounds
*Finally figured out where all the weird moaning and keening noises were coming from
*Shivered uncontrollably
*Discovered the joys of a liquid diet

It was Thursday before I even felt well enough to get in the car to drive to the doctor.  I stumbled in with a pathetic demeanor and a fever of 102 degrees.  There, I was declared "officially sick" and gifted with a prescription for antibiotics.  I was too sick to go get them, though.  That had to wait until Friday morning when there was a short break in the Fever Festivities.  Once I managed to get a pill or two into my system, things began to look up.

Now it is Saturday.  The fever officially broke on Friday afternoon and has yet to come back for an encore.  While I'm grateful for that, I surely do wish it thought to take the sore throat with it.  Maybe it's just that I'm only now getting around to notice it since I'm not wrestling with the chills and body aches, but it's a doozy.  My throat feels almost swollen.  At first, I worried that I was reacting to the antibiotics.  Then I recalled the doc saying things in there were a little inflamed.  SIL Sheep reminded me that she had something similar a while back and I'm guessing I've managed to pick up a version of it.

She also cheerfully informed me that I could probably expect rampant laryngitis for several weeks but that I could use my new voice to earn extra income as a Naughty 1-900 Number Girl.  That might help pay for the extra Popsicles and ice cream, I guess...

This is one of those school vacation weeks best left in the past.  I don't even think I want it as a memory, but I'm not positive of that yet.  I may need the Pity Points on Monday when I go back to school.  I know that the rotten children (who made me sick in the first place) won't be too sympathetic.  However, I think I can score a few "poor you's" and sad cooing from the secretaries.  They like me.  I could use a good coo right about now.

And some ice cream.  With chocolate sauce.

SA

WNBP: It's Alive!!!!

I sort of lost you there for a second.  Things here at Spring Break Central have not exactly gone as planned and I didn't make it to the blog for a few days.  However, I think I can manage a Wednesday Night Bullet Post if I pace myself.  Let's see what's been going on with Sheepie this week:

*You can always tell how poorly a school year is going by how sickly you get during vacations.


*It's like you save it up or something...


*My current situation would indicate that this has been a very "trying" academic year.


*Yesterday can be summed up by the following mental exchange.


*I went through this several times throughout the day.


*It started with:  Gosh.  This fever is giving me boo-boo belly.  I should take something for that.  But...


*I have boo-boo belly and can't keep the fever reducers down.  Why don't I just take some tummy medicine?  That's a great idea.  But...


*I still have the fever which gives me boo-boo belly so I can't keep the tummy medicine down either.


*.....


*?????


*I AM RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS HERE!!!!!


*Today has been a little bit better.  Random fevers as opposed to constant ones.


*I am currently radiating just under 100 degrees.


*Not getting much done around here.


*Can't even knit.


*I had trouble operating an ice cube tray at one point.


*A while back, I loaded up the e-reader in anticipation of my glorious spring break.


*Determined to finish the Nightside Series.


*Started with Something from the Nightside (Nightside, Book 1) a while back.


*Decided I wanted more.


*Now I'm up to Hell to Pay (Nightside, Book 7)


*Thinking I'm finally going to get around to Storm Front (The Dresden Files, Book 1) next.


*I can read this week.  That is working out OK.


*Dr. Mel sent me a nice get well e-card yesterday.


*Thank you Dr. Mel!


*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty is not amused by this current situation.


*He thought it was kind of fascinating at first, but got bored quickly.


*He thinks I have a furball.  And that I'm being overly dramatic about it.


*I have to be better tomorrow.  


*I'm down to the expired ibuprofen.  I need to go get fresh supplies if I am going to be the Spring Break Flu Queen.


*This isn't going to be anything the college kids get into, methinks...


I'm going to sign off now and have a bit of a lie down.  The world is starting to get a little bit fuzzy and not in the good way.  As bad as I am now, though, it is nothing compared to yesterday so I think I am on the road to recovery.  And if I'm not, then I don't want to know about it.

SA

I Think I Can

The last couple of weeks have been grueling. The stretch between February Break and April Break is a long one, you see. It's not really that long in "normal time." But it is very long in "Kid Time." There's a great deal to get done and little in the way of diversions. By the time Spring Break arrives, it's a tough to determine who is more ready for it, the kids or the teachers.

I've gotten in the habit of waking up around 4:30 in the morning so I can get in a little extra worry-time before heading off for my commute. I'd rather hoped that this annoying quirk would end once school was over for a week, but I was being optimistic. In spite of not having a single middle school student waiting to ruin my life, I was still up before the sun this morning. It took me several minutes to realize I had nothing to worry about and that all the little dears were at home worrying other people today.

However, there was no going back to sleep once the brain was in gear so I got up. It wasn't such a big deal, really. I did have a few things to do today and the extra hours wouldn't hurt. I puttered about the manse, had that extra cup of coffee, and was right on time for my morning appointment with The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach. I thought about knitting. I also thought about spinning.

Then I decided to make barbecue sauce.

Actually, this wasn't such an odd impulse. I was planning to get to it at some point this weekend. I've been experimenting with my recipe and pretty much have it right where I want it. I thought it would be nice to have some sauce on hand for the vacation week should the urge to grill come over me. I even thought it might be a good idea to make a "little" extra...

I overshot the mark on that one. No one should have this much barbecue sauce. No one. Unless a cow walks in the door right now demanding to be basted and slow roasted, I cannot envision needing this much sauce.

So I decided to can some of it. I'm pretty sure I've canned before. I must have. I have canning supplies and a working knowledge of the process. I know I haven't done it since I have lived here in the manse, but I have canned. I'm certain of this.

What I may have canned, I don't recall. But that is not important. I have canned. I distinctly remember thinking, "I really shouldn't use my good canning pot as a dye pot because I won't be able to can anymore." There. I told you I'd canned. I just needed to find another pot and I'd be all set.

Other than a rather alarming fountain coming from the over-filled water bath, I was able to do a small batch process without too much difficulty. I even found that weird little magnetic thing to pull the jar lids out of the boiling water, although I don't know how I located it. I don't even remember buying it. Frankly, I'm shocked that it went as well as it did. Usually, I manage to forget what I know about stuff just in time to realize that I shouldn't have started in the first place. At that point, it is usually too late.

But there is sauce so apparently, I can can.

That seemed like a good place to stop for the day. Once you've successfully managed to do something you don't remember doing but know you did and which could go horribly wrong if you remember the doing incorrectly, it is generally in your best interest to not tempt fate any further. I spent the rest of the day lazing in front of the TV and periodically going into the kitchen to push on the tops of the jars to make sure they were really sealed. (they are, but you never know...) I didn't so much move otherwise. When you've had a good day by noon, you need to be satisfied with that.

Now I just need to overcome this bizarre urge to make pickles because I honestly don't think I remember ever doing that...

SA

WNBP: Anticipation Is Worse Than Actuality

Greetings, Fellow Bloggy-Types!  It is I, your faithful Sheepie.  I remain upright and taking nourishment in spite of the fact that it is the week before spring break and all the attempts by the Middle School Machine to break me.  Take that, Forces Of Evil!

Let's see how this week's bullet points are hitting the target:

*Omigod, Omigod, Omigod!!!  Did anyone see Deadliest Catch last night?  Anyone?


*The only kid in my class who watches it managed to get himself suspended yesterday.  How could he do this to me???


*I think I am more upset about being abandoned during this crucial King Crab Season than I am by the horrific name he called me.


*It was the bad name.  The really, really, REALLY bad one.


*The name that, when mentioned to Mr. Assistant Principal, will make him go as red in the face as a steamed crab and cause him to come down with the wrath of God.


*And now I have no one with whom to squeal over the Burn Barrel Brawl.


*Still really crushed every time I see Captain Phil.  It's like I hope it didn't really happen...  


*Like he's still here...


*But they call it Reality TV for a reason, I guess.


*Was up at 4:00 this morning all worried about something I thought was going to happen today.


*Several somethings, actually...


*None of them happened.


*It was a delightful day except for the part where no one could talk about Tuesday Night TV with me.


*I'll sleep well tonight, I'm certain.


*Tired...


*Haven't knit a stitch in days.


*Haven't even thought about knitting in days.


*Not riding the little exercise bike much now.


*Bored with little exercise bike.


*But riding it was good for knitting time.


*That didn't make up for the boredom part and how I wasn't really putting enough into the workout to get any results.


*Wii Fit and I are getting along a little better now.


*I am making an effort and it is taking a kinder approach when expressing The Horrific Truth.


*Wii Fit called me old.


*And uncoordinated.


*Very mean piece of plastic, that Wii Fit...


*I am constantly surprised at how high the Big, Fluffy Kitty can jump.


*She is, like, three thousand years old.


*But, when being pursued by her baby brother, she can practically hit the ceiling.


*Spry for her age.


*Wii Fit would probably not be so mean to her...


*Now that I'm thinking about it, I'll bet that the thing I thought was going to happen today (and didn't) will happen tomorrow.


*But I won't have spent the wee hours of the morning worried about it and will have to face it unprepared.


*I'll be completely taken by surprise.


*Maybe I should pencil in some time around 3:00 this morning to fret about things that I can neither predict nor change.


*Makes perfect sense, right?


Two more days in this week.  Two.  I honestly think I can survive two days, horrific surprises aside.  And, if not, it will be spring break soon and I can recover from home.  So I can be ready to go back and do it all over again...

SA

Hidden Surprises

Some days it pays to look a little closer.  You never know.  You might find something that makes your day just a bit brighter.  Or more interesting.  Or keeps you from flinging yourself out the window like you keep saying you are going to do and which no one is actively stopping you from doing no matter how loudly you say it...

It was a day.  And a half.  With less than a week to go before Maine finally releases us all for spring break, things are breaking down fast.  Kids who are normally pretty easy-going are suddenly willing to fight to the death over their right to use the school issued laptops to search an internet database for registered sex offenders.  Expressions of opinion become...heated.

And don't even get me started on the whole trend towards assigning major projects the week before vacation.  Why some of my colleagues are thinking this is a good idea, I dont know.  Perhaps they believe that kids will work on them over vacation.  That is a delighfully optimistic mindset, but I don't think any of the the kids in my class are going to be happily researching and footnoting next week.  If the kids I support in 8th grade science class are going to somehow miraculously produce a digital presentation on Halley's Comet, I need to bust a move to get everything together while I have them trapped in the room with me.

This is how I ended up in the library this morning.  While the students steadfastly ignored the rubric stating that they needed a variety of sources and that relying on the internet was not acceptable, I was more alert to the problem with their research methods.  I'm still not sure they fully understand the need to cite their reference materials, though.  They think they can pass themselves off as Very Distinguished Comet Scientists or something, I guess.  They are above citing sources at this point in their careers.

But it won't be because I didn't try to get it done right.  I am not a Very Distinguished Comet Scientist.  I am not even a Completely Discredited Comet Scientist.  I am merely a tired, cranky and very disillusioned special education teacher who is going to drag two boys through the wonders of the universe (complete with properly cited sources) whether they like it or not.

I found a book.  It wasn't much, but it was the best I could do.  If nothing else, it was something to toss into the bibliography.  Heck, I'd be willing to stand there and hold the stupid thing while they did their presentation and periodically do The Boat Show Model's Sweeping Gesture Of Wonder if that's what it took.

As I stomped down the aisle towards the checkout desk with my book in hand, I happened to glance down.  Actually, I was already looking down because I am a broken woman at this point in the school year and those of us who are broken are bound by law to keep our heads down all dejected-like.  It's what we do.

And as I looked downward, I happened to see something.  Something that looked like it might be fun for someone who has a week off coming up.  Something that might even keep the idea of that shining week in focus until Friday.  It was old, out of print in the rest of the world, actually.  It's not the sort of thing I would ever buy.... but as a library loan?  Absolutely!


This is the newer version and I can't center the link but you get the idea...


I may or may not get around to this next week, but that's not really the point.  It was just nice to bring home something for the sole purpose of applying it to my vacation days.  Even if I never so much as open it next week, I'm good.  The pleasure of flipping through the pages during lunch and envisioning the days spent NOT arguing over upcoming project requirements and the appropriate use of school computers was worth it.

Four more days.  There are many more things that can go wrong in that amount of time.  We could lose our entire comet project due to a sudden discovery made by The Very Distinguished Comet Scientists which invalidates all our research.  It's not outside the realm of possibility, you know.

But I'm hanging in there.  And flipping through my library book for courage...

SA

Well Yes, But...

There are lots of ways to tell when it is time for Spring Break. I've been teaching since kids rode to school on the backs of dinosaurs so I've gotten pretty good at spotting the signs. Mostly it comes down to seeing how close you come to the fine line between Responsible Behavior and Not So Much With That.

Sometimes there is bad language and quiet weeping, but I haven't quite gotten to that point yet. Give me a day or two...

If you need further examples, I have a few for you. Here are just some of the things that have gone on recently which might indicate my need for a week off:

When my Organized Teaching Assistant began chastising the students for their slovenly ways and demanded to know who left the half-eaten apple in the middle of the table, I confessed. T'was I who besmirched our working surface with my rotting leftovers.

However...it took me almost two full minutes to do so and I really gave serious consideration to letting the kids take the fall. Frankly, it's more believable that one of them would eat an apple than I.

When we were down to one last Sweet 'n Sour Twizzler, I gave it to the student who requested it. I really wanted it for myself, but that didn't seem right since he did all the work I asked of him. Plus I'd sort of already told him he could have one if he was a good boy.

However...the reason we were so low on Twizzlers was because I ate five of them when the kids weren't looking. That's why I had to eat half an apple. I needed to balance out all the sugar.

I got up early this morning. I swept the kitchen floor and changed the icky shower curtain liner. I wiped down the counters. I cleaned not only the cats' commode, but mine own.

However... I wasn't supposed to do all that. I was supposed to put on shoes and go out for groceries. I was also supposed to pay a few bills and take out the trash. I did not want to wear shoes today. Most of those activities require footwear.

I spun today and even remembered to take a picture of my singles. The first few pictures were dreadful but I didn't mind trying again. I even maintained a sense of humor when the second set didn't come out all that well either.

These things happen sometimes, after all. And red-orange isn't aways easy to photograph given the light levels around here.

However...when I couldn't find the usb cord so I could upload the pictures, I had a fit of epic proportions. The fact that the cord was sitting right next to the computer all along and that I put it there myself for a very specific reason that I no longer recall did nothing to improve my mood. In that moment, the entire world was out to get me and my enemies were willing to go so far as to break into my home and hid my usb cord to do it.

The language wasn't really all that bad (mostly) and there was no gentle weeping. I suppose I'm in better shape than some of my fellow educators right about now. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't close to the edge. It's been a long haul.

Stay tuned. Feel free to visit the betting windows if you are of a mind. I don't have any tips for you so you'll have to calculate your own odds regarding whether I'll survive another week of middle school education or break down and require the intervention of specialists.

Like I said, it's a fine line and I'm dancing pretty close to it these days. Who knows where I'll land...

SA

Temperatures Soar For The WNBP

Greetings to all on this fine, fine Wednesday. We've made it to the middle of the week and can celebrate with a bit of the random. Let's see what today brought in the way of newsworthy items.

Or not so newsworthy but good for filling space...whatever.

*If my weather widget spoke true today, then the temperature here was 87 degrees.

*That is very, very warm.

*For April.

*I had a turtleneck on less than a week ago if memory serves.

*Don't trust memory.

*Memory ain't what it used to be these days.

*I think. I don't really know for sure. I can't remember...

*I had four thousand meetings yesterday.

*Today I had none and got to leave school at a reasonable hour.

*Yet another one of my charges was targeted for suspension this afternoon.

*I'm running out of kids to teach.

*The Stalker (who has followed me since fourth grade and through three different schools) is getting all twitchy because he's not suspended from school and is getting taught so much that he can't take it any more.

*He's considering getting suspended just for a break.

*Pretty soon everyone will be back and things will return to normal. He just needs to hang in there.

*Who gets suspended the week grades close? Why? Why in God's name would anyone do that???????

*Last week to make a difference.

*Last week to squeak by.

*Last week to ensure that I don't have to teach them AGAIN next year.

*WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME?????

*For the record, I try to keep kids off suspension from school for as long as I can. It's a last resort.

*So you can imagine how horrific a kid has to be for me to not intervene on his behalf.

*I knit some sock today.

*Three whole rounds while I rode the little exercise bike.

*Yup. I'm amazing. I should get a medal or something.

*I rode the little exercise bike because Wii Fit was mean to me on Monday and needs to sit and think about its attitude.

*Wii Suspension.

*From a kid in my class today regarding the whole sorry situation: "Sometimes Wii Fit is a little TOO honest..."

*The Stalker dared me to go see the school nurse and complain of a "Wiinjury."

*I didn't.

*She was busy.

*And probably wouldn't have been too impressed by someone who got a permanent leg cramp during a short run on Wii Fit...

*It was a beautiful day, though. A leg cramp and a rapidly thinning student population didn't really make a dent in my positive outlook.

*Especially when there were no meetings to attend and the Wii Fit was in time out.

That's Wednesday! We're halfway through the work week and on the downward slide! If I (and my merry band of miscreants) can hold it together for just one more week, we will finally be on Spring Break and can forget all about each other for seven days. I'm going to cling to that. Wii Fit isn't going to be in time out for much longer and next week is full to bursting with meetings.

And the temperatures are dropping even as I type...

SA

Feeling Flush

This is the time of year when I have to be kind of creative in the classroom. We are a week and a half away from spring break. And that is only a week long, mind you. We still have to get through the end of the school year. The snow is gone and the sun is peeking through every now and again, making us all think that summer vacation might just happen at some point.

In a room full of kids who don't want to be there under the best of circumstances, it is challenging to keep things going.

So...when they show the slightest bit of interest in anything, I leap on it like a puma who just broke up with his vegan girlfriend and has spotted meat on the hoof. I'm desperate.

We just finished up an "interesting" unit on paper airplane construction and tested their creations for flight distance. Next up: paper boats. I don't know why they want to build boats. They just do. So we are making boats and trying to see if we can get them to float for any length of time. I can make math and language lessons out of this if I don't let them know the education is in there.

In an effort to get into the spirit of the whole thing, I looked up directions for making a simple paper boat and whipped up an example. I am, however, tired and not really given to adult behavior at this point. This could go a long way towards explaining yesterday.

Ms. Sheep: Hey! Lookit! I made a paper boat!

The Stalker (who has followed me since fourth grade and through three schools): Mmm-hmmm...

MS: I said LOOK! It's amazing! In fact, I think it is the greatest boat ever crafted out of unread parent notices that no one bothered to take home!

TS: (absorbed in his own boat building) That's very nice. You did a good job.

MS: I'm gonna test it. I'll bet it will float, like...FOREVER! (begins scanning the room for sources of water)

TS: We could take it outside later. Maybe during study hall or something. You just have to wait until after lunch and then we can go visit that enormous puddle.

MS: No. I wanna do it now. I just need to find a place...I know! I'll put it in the toilet!

TS: That is a very bad idea.

MS: No. It is a very good idea. The toilet is right over there. I won't even have to go outside.

TS sighs and puts away his half-built boat. He goes into the bathroom, shuts the door and the sounds of running water, crumpling and crashing can be heard. Also audible is a great deal of muttering. He emerges a few minutes later and takes his teacher's boat.

MS: HEY!!!

TS: Look. I'm putting it in the sink. I've stopped it up with paper towels like we did that time in the downstairs boys restroom that you don't know about. Only this time I shut off the water. Just leave your boat in there and we'll check it when I get back from lunch. Think you can handle that?

MS: I still think...

TS: NO. It stays in the sink.

MS: (mumbling) Could've made some wicked cool waves in the toilet...

It actually floated for quite a while in there. It would have lasted longer had I not kept sneaking in to add more water. I sort of accidentally filled the little boat when I lost control of the tap and scuttled it. But I didn't admit that when The Stalker and the boy who is Gauged And Aerodynamic came back from lunch.

MS: My boat sank.

TS: That's the way these things go.

GAA: How did you float your boat?

TS: (before MS can answer) I put it in the sink. SHE wanted to put it in the toilet.

GAA: That's disgusting. And someone would have flushed it eventually.

MS: Yeah. That would have been a mess, I guess.

GAA: You'd be surprised what would go down there. I've seen people flush soda cans and everything.

MS: I really didn't need to know that. It's possible I could be obligated to say something about this.

GAA: Sometimes we just go in there to flush stuff.

MS: And then the toilets get backed up. It's not good.

GAA: My toilet at home is amazing. It will flush anything!

MS: Mine's pretty good. Swirly water and whatnot...

GAA: Hey! You dissin' my toilet? No one talks trash about my toilet!

MS: (snickering and having forgotten all disappointment over her failed toilet boat experiment) What? Is your toilet gonna come after me? Should I be all scared of your toilet?

GAA: Yeah, you better be scared. My toilet don't mess around.

TS: It'll flush you up, girl.

That was the end for me. I couldn't even breath. I think I may have actually hurt myself laughing. It was nice to have a little moment of joy in an otherwise rough time of the year. We probably won't ever make it into the paper boating hall of fame, but that's OK. Maybe one of them will grow up to be a plumber or something. At this point in the school year, it's perfectly acceptable to stretch the limits of probability.

It's also the time of year where I apparently lose the will to knit. I've lugged that foolish sock around with me for weeks now and still can't seem to work up the gumption to make it into something finished. Maybe when school vacation finally rolls around I'll have the time and the inclination to do something with it.

Or I might just race boats in the toilet. You never know how these things will play out at this time of year...

SA

Sometimes You Gotta Have A Little Class

I brought my knitting to school yesterday. I do that sometimes. Mostly, I don't get to it. But, you never know. Some days there's a free minute and you can forget the horrors of the middle school years while you mindlessly work a round or two.

Like I said, mostly I don't get to it. Which could go a long way towards explaining that twitch I sometimes get above my left eye...

Yesterday, however, was a half day for the kidlets. The teachers were to be herded into the library once the little darlings were released back into the wild. There we would be treated to an afternoon of workshops. I figured I could get there early and snag a seat in the back. I knew that knitting could happen from that most desired of chairs.

I got my seat, but never quite worked up the courage to break out the needles. The meeting was of the most decidedly "mandatory" variety and was advertised as a time when we would be getting Very Important Information. That alone might not be enough to keep the sock-in-progress tucked away, but the presence of the superintendent of schools right behind me most certainly was. Frankly, it was pure luck that I happened to glance back and see him there. The lady sitting in front of me who was using her school laptop to do a little shoe shopping didn't think to do a room scan before logging in and her screen was nicely visible to all of us behind her. I'm not sure if my knitting would have been raised to the level of a lesser sin by comparison, but I wasn't going to take the chance. It seemed best to take the high road and behave myself professionally. You want your boss to think you have a little class, after all.

As it was, I barely had time to quit out of Twitter before getting caught sharing my workshop woes...

In the absence of knitting progress, I shall instead share a lovely image from the Easter greeting Mommy Sheep sent me this morning. My mother is a retired elementary school teacher and was raised in the east coast traditions of refinement. She can (and does) use the word "shall" in regular conversation and if you think that's easy you should try it sometime. Seriously. You won't last an hour. My mother is not one to let an occasion pass without properly acknowledging it and, while she is now availing herself of more digital formats, she is no less aware of the etiquette required by the holiday calendar.

I trust that I am following in this tradition even though it is a day early. I shall be dining with family tomorrow and would hate myself if I did not honor the example set by those of my maternal line.

Happy Easter!

SA

Ahoy! WNBP Ahead!!

Here's another post from the rain soaked northeast. Furthermore, it is Wednesday so I will do it in the traditional Bullet Post format. I'm so hopelessly off-schedule at this point that the WNBP is my only constant these days...

*We have had more school cancellations due to rain than snow this year.

*That is odd.

*Even odder is that this is not the first time it's happened that way.

*My school district is in a swamp.

*Or it was. Now it's in a lake.

*Got the text at 5:42 this morning. No school.

*Buses don't float...

*I'm normally kind of giddy at the prospect of a day off.

*Yesterday was a baaaad day.

*Series of baaaaad days.

*Some time off would be good if it didn't mean making up days in June.

*Kids falling apart.

*And by "falling apart," I mean "police involvement."

*And by "police involvement," I mean "felonies."

*And by "felonies," I mean at least three separate kids in three separate incidents.

*If we are at this stage of the festivities in March, you can only imagine how exciting things are going to be in June when we are making up Flood Days.

*And it's hot.

*And we all know we should have been done by then.

*Finished plying the yarn I started last weekend.

*I hate to see that little bit of singles on the bobbin.

*I also hate finishing plying.

*Want to move on...

*Plying was the right thing to do.

*An empty bobbin is a happy bobbin.

*Plus I was having angst over whether or not to enjoy a day off in the middle of the week that comes with make up days in June.

*Took my mind off it with the plying.

*Everyone should say, "Happy Birthday!" to Mommy Sheep!

*I was home on a flood day so I could call her early to wish her a happy day and whatnot.

*That was a good thing.

*Ran errands early in the morning since the flood waters aren't quite so vigorous up here in my neck of the woods.

*That was also a good thing.

*Still not loving the idea of those make up days...

*I stepped on the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty today.

*He's been underfoot for almost two years now so I think it's pretty good that I've managed to avoid him up to this point.

*Seriously underfoot.

*Sometimes overfoot since that's where he likes to sit.

*Still felt badly about it.

*Not cool to hurt an animal even if it's unintentional.

*Even less cool when he runs away and gets smacked by his sister who mistakes his flight for lunging.

*The AGK is currently sitting on my foot.

*I'm afraid to move...

*I have to go back to work tomorrow.

*He will eventually have to get off my foot, right?

That's the best I can do on a Wednesday when I didn't go to school. Normally flooding is kind of exciting, but I think we've all had our fill of that nonsense by now. It's gotten boring. We are no longer fascinated by Sheepie surviving the raging waters. It's old.

Maybe next week, I'll go to school for five straight days and have something more interesting to talk about.

SA

Dumb Rain...

We are taking the high road tonight. There will be no grumping and grousing from this Sheepie, no sirree-bob!

Sure, I could mention the rain. It would be easy to just whine about how every news site has yet another red banner scrolling across the top advising us all to roll up our trouser legs and practice growing gills. But I'm not going there. Because being under a flood watch every Monday is nothing if not consistent and who doesn't like a little consistency in their lives?

A weaker person than I might feel the need to talk about the student who decided to refer to her as a "dumb white b**ch" when she did not give him what he wanted. How simple a thing would it be to rail against such injustice?

For the record, I'm not so much irked by the new title as I am by the irony. If you were to line up the two of us side by side, you'd be hard-pressed to decide which of us is paler. And, while I'll cop to the latter descriptors, the first seems off. While he's currently trying to explain his upcoming suspension to dear old dad, I'm home relaxing and having earned the exact same paycheck I would have gotten had we not crossed swords in the first place. I'm thinking that I might not be the "dumb" one in this equation...

Nope. I'm going to a better place. I am not going to focus on the negative. I'm going to make with the happy. For I have made yarn and it is good. Very, very good.

Throwing it in a pile on the floor is probably not the best way to show of its inherent goodness, but it's not quite dry yet so I didn't dare to skein it. I will, though. Honest. If it ever dries in these damp, damp days...

It isn't perfect yarn. Not by a long shot. I don't spin as much as I used to so there's bound to be a few spots that didn't quite come together like I wanted. Further, there is a real drawback to taking forever and fifty million days to finish some yarn. It is very likely that you will forget your goals between the starting gun and the finish line. This makes for some inconsistencies, but that's OK. I still think it came out quite well under the circumstances.

You might even go so far as to call it "smart!"

SA

Not With A Bang, But A Gibber.

I knew things had degenerated when geography surfaced. Not that geography, in and of itself, is a bad thing. It is helpful to know where you are and what is around you. Especially if you need to find coffee or are in the middle of a zombie attack. But a solid understanding of land masses isn't always exactly what you need.

On Thursday afternoon, I was faced with a decision. Again. This school year has been fraught with decisions, most of which are big and busting at the seams with import. Normally, I have help making these decisions, but this year it hasn't worked out that way. I've been stuck with some doozies and left with hours and hours of worry over them. This is the sort of thing that takes a toll on a teacher.

That day, the decision was somewhere in the middle of the This Can All Go Horribly Wrong And I Will Be Blamed For It scale. I wouldn't usually be flummoxed by this sort of thing but, as I said before, I've been making decisions for a long time now and my pearls of wisdom are running low. The student whose immediate future hung on my chosen path looked at me pleadingly... and I had nuthin'. In desperation, I turned to the Cheerful Teaching Assistant. Surely she could offer something that might help me in my moment of need!

She responded by asking me if I knew the location of a small town in Germany.

She did this with a sincere smile and the waving of a small map. A hush fell over the room. Even the student who had so recently been pleading for mercy and my benevolent intervention was now silent. What does one say at a time like this? Several things were immediately apparent.

1. The CTA had not lost her hearing, nor was she suddenly seized with the overwhelming need to understand the topography of Germany. She heard my question perfectly well. However, in that moment, a distraction was needed.

2. She knew that there was no way to answer my question. I've been doing this almost as long as she's been alive and still didn't know what to decide. How could she?

3. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, it is not her job to make these decisions. It is mine. And if I'm feeling like I've been asked to make judgement calls that are beyond my range of liability then it's really rather unfair to ask it of her.

I knew this, but that knowledge didn't keep me from coming perilously close to a state of gibbering. To be completely honest, I may have gibbered a little bit. There might have been a dribble of gibber. But it all served to clarify the situation and I made the best decision possible under the circumstance. Mr. Assistant Principal supported it and we all moved on.

However no one was particularly surprised when I suggested that I might be due for a mental health day. I'd expected a little more in the way of distress at the thought of my abandoning ship for the day, I suppose. But I think everyone knew that it was time for me to hit the reset button.

I can always tell by the way they back away and hold up their hands protectively as they nod and smile the strained smiles of the very, very fearful...

There were several things that needed doing around the manse and I'd sort of let them go while I did other stuff. I made a rather ambitious list of things that A Responsible Adult would have already taken care of. Of course, I am not A Very Responsible Adult so I didn't finish all of them. I did, however, take care of quite a few. The screwed up cell phone account is now back to what it used to was and the state taxes are finished. I even have food in the cupboards again and some of it is quite nutritious. Sometimes I guess it pays to listen to your Inner Gibber. It always knows when it's time to take a step back.

Of course, the one thing I didn't do was get a single stitch of knitting done. But that's the nice thing about giving yourself a three day weekend. You can always decide knit in one or two of the extra hours.

And that is the kind of decision I can make without a single dribbling of gibber!

SA

WNBP: Talking To Myself

Greetings Fellow Bloggy Types! Sheepie here, live from her classroom at your Favorite Middle School, USA. I'm all alone and pretty much talking to my own self. Everyone else is talking to parents because it is Conference Night (again) but I don't have anyone scheduled so I'm pretty much an educational island.

At least this state of affairs leaves me plenty of time in which to do the Wednesday Night Bullet Post. Let's see what I can come up with under these lonely circumstances:

*I ate four peanut butter cups for dinner.

*I know, I know...

*I also had some cheddar cheese flavored chips.

*I'm a nutritional failure. Have at it. Judge away. I deserve it.

*I cleaned the classroom and entered a few grades.

*Then I went down to bother Mrs. Secretary Who Sits At The Front Desk.

*She's also the one who is Easily Distracted And Won't See This As An Excuse To Find Me A Job Because I Look Bored.

*Then I went to buy a soda but I screwed up the buttons on the machine and accidentally bought a regular cola.

*I prefer diet.

*Regular is too sweet.

*I realize that a person who had peanut butter cups for dinner has no business judging cola but there it is...

*I'm drinking it anyway.

*Don't want to waste good cola, after all.

*I brought a sock with me to work on tonight.

*Got all distracted by the Cola Confusion and haven't done much with it yet.

*If I can't work out how to operate a soda machine, I probably can't knit stockinette...

*Gonna print out some patterns from Knitty tonight, methinks.

*Not that I'll ever get around to knitting any of it.

*Just tickles me to use the school printer ink all willy-nilly like that.

*Don't tell the taxpayers.

*They are already footing the bill for my Great Soda Escapade.

*For the record, I did grades tonight and cleaned a bookshelf.

*I also did some research for a lesson I'm doing in Social Studies Class.

*It hasn't been all sugary sodas and snack foods. I've been a real worker bee.

*Assuming, that is, the average worker bee leans towards the Getting It Done In Fits And Starts model of productivity.

*Someone's car alarm is going off in the parking lot.

*Hoping that it's not mine.

*It just stopped. Which would mean that it was not mine.

*Or that the thieves have happily driven off and are going about their nightly business in my car.

*Either way, I don't have to listen to the alarm anymore so I'm good.

*I don't have any conferences tonight because my class is small and the parents tend to have other meetings with me throughout the year.

*Or I have to call them every ten minutes and they are so sick of the sound of my voice that they cannot bear to listen another minute.

*An aversion I totally and completely understand.

*But my contract says I have to stay for these extra hours if I want to be paid like a real, grown up teacher so here I sit.

*Blogging.

*Knitting

*Working on teacherly things in Fits and Starts...

*Until 7:00. Then I can go home.

*Long night...

*But the sun is out and the flood waters no longer threaten our little corner of the world so I'm in good spirits.

*Unless somebody starts blathering about that snow storm that might come early next week.

*That is the sort of commentary that makes me glad I have to spend most of the night talking to myself...

And so ends another Wednesday Night Bullet Post as well as parent/teacher conferences for this school year. The 6:00 hour is rapidly approaching and we are soon to be in the home stretch of this marathon day. Then I can go home. So I can sleep. And get up to come right back to the same place except that there will be kids here instead of an empty room.

I'll probably miss talking to myself at that point...

SA

How I See It

It is Monday. Mondays are, in general, kind of grim and today was no exception. It was also a busy day with lots and lots of surprises. That's how Mondays go.

In an effort to lighten the mood, I cheerily called out to a colleague, "Isn't it nice to be at work on a Monday and not under a flood watch?"

My fellow educator looked at me with a weary expression and muttered, "Guess you haven't checked your favorite weather site today..."

Great. Juuuuuuust great. It's raining and we are under another scrolling red banner. It doesn't look as bad as last week, but who's to say? Last week didn't look as bad as last week, for crying out loud.

Well, I'm not gonna take this lying down, that's for sure. Maybe at first I was a little bit befuddled but I'm over that now, by gum! I am a woman with a plan!!!

Tomorrow morning, I am going to school. I do not care if I have to strap water wings to my car and follow Noah himself, I am going. When I get there, I shall exit my vehicle, wade into the building and go to the bathroom.

(I'll probably need to do that because the sound of rushing water always makes me have to visit the ladies room. I'm middle aged...)

Once I've taken care of business and washed my hands, I'm going to have my morning coffee and then I am going to teach. I don't care who I teach. It could be that weird spiderish bug I found in the corner of the classroom the other day that might be dead but I'm too scared of it to check. It might be the nice people from Emergency Services who swing by to rescue all the stupid people who went to work. It doesn't matter. I will enthusiastically educate any and all who dare cross my path.

At 3:00, I will pack it up and go home. I will mark my school calendar accordingly and credit myself with the day. I will do this in ink and no one will dare argue the point with me.

Because here's the thing: We had a really good shot at ending this school year at a reasonable time and date. We really did. Even with the mandatory workshops we all have to go to once the kidlets are gone, it was going to work out rather well.

BUT ALL THIS STUPID RAIN IS REALLY SCREWING THAT UP!!!!! AND I WON'T HAVE IT!!! I WON'TIWON'TIWON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. I'm a little dizzy now. Maybe I should sit for a minute. I need to calm down. It isn't like me to get all excited and screechy. I'll just put my head down and breathe into a paper bag or something. Once the blood starts circulating correctly again, I could maybe spin for a while. That's relaxing.

Sorry about that. Didn't mean to shout at everyone. I'm sure I'll be just fine now that I've gotten it all out of my system. A few minutes in my Happy Place and all will be well.

But the first person to suggest I need a glass of nice, cold water is going to get such a pinch...

SA

Ironic, Ain't It?

In all the excitement, I suppose it is rather easy for folks to forget I am a spinner. Yes, it is a dizzying array of happenings around here and I don't blame you one little bit for getting dazzled. Between the cat stories, the excuses for not knitting and complaints about work, it can be hard to keep track.

But I do spin and there is nothing like the warm breezes of spring to remind me of that fact. I don't know why the onset of this season makes me want to spin. I suppose it might have something to do with my teaching schedule. Having summers off does lend itself to extra time for wool prep and whatnot. Or maybe it's just something about the smell of grilling burgers and the sound of flip flops slapping down the road that brings on that urge. I don't know.

All I know is this: while everyone else was outside today, shucking off their sweaters and frolicking in the 70 degree temperatures with wild abandon, I was suddenly beset with the need to prepare for next winter. Visions of mittens danced in my head whilst the rest of the world worked on their tans. I crooned songs of woolen hats and missed out on the opportunity to sing along with the radio on the way to the beach. My neighbors are tan. I am as pale as freshly washed wool.

Which is pretty darned pale...

That's OK. This is really nothing more than a False Spring anyway. It's only March, for heaven's sake! While I suppose that means I should have enjoyed it while it lasted, I really only saw it as a trial run. There is still a need for warm hats and stuff, or at least the chance that I'll need them. If we ignore the fact that I have absolutely no intentions of knitting a hat in the few weeks left before True Spring arrives, then it is perfectly logical for me to have stayed in to spin today. Soon, it will be warm all the time and I promise I'll get outside then. Honest.

Unless I get around to carding that big ol' fleece I found in the stash. Then I'll maybe have to reschedule Outside Time for Summer '11...

SA

Balmy Breezes For The WNBP

What a day we had here! Spring? She sprang!!! 65 degrees and sunny...why it was positively delightful! It's enough to make a girl fling off her winter coat and spin around in the school parking lot all giddy-like at the end of the day.

That was probably something of a mistake since I was sneaking out early and the sight of a middle aged woman careening dizzily about the staff lot is not something that will go unnoticed. I don't care. It was a lovely day and I wanted to enjoy the spring atmosphere while it lasted.

Here's your mid-week bullet points, complete with a breath of nice, fresh air:

*It's days like today that I really miss having a moon roof on the car.

*Spring breezes...

*Sunshine...

*I like all that upon my noggin.

*I didn't keep the windows open at the manse last night.

*Still not quite enough of the spring.

*But I didn't turn on the heat and that is saying something!

*Did the workout with an open window this afternoon.

*Workouts are still unpleasant, even with an open window.

*But they are somewhat less so.

*Also knit on the sock while I rode the little exercise bike because spring isn't going to last forever.

*Socks will eventually become necessary.

*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty really loves his cheap, pink blankie.

*I have lots of blankies around here.

*I have knitted and crocheted blankies.

*He wants his pink blankie.

*I have rather expensive throws that are so soft to the touch you can't even feel them.

*He wants his pink blankie.

*I have a green blankie that is the exact same thing.

*He wants his pink blankie.

And that's all there is to it...

*Big, manly cat on a pink blankie with hearts.

*He takes over the whole couch once the blankie casts its magical spell upon him.

*He virtually expands with the magic.

*The Big Fluffy Kitty and I huddle at the other end hoping that he'll eventually get hungry and wander off.

*I have another round of parent/teacher conferences next week.

*These are for after school and a little bit shorter.

*Still have to stay until 7:00.

*And I have no conferences scheduled.

*Probably won't even be any balmy breezes left by then either.

*I'd take the pink blankie along for warmth, but I don't think the AGK would surrender it unto me.

*I was going to do my taxes tonight.

*Didn't.

*Got an ugly letter from the people over at the Census Bureau.

*Had to do that instead.

*Took all of one minute, but I was overwhelmed by it and couldn't possibly be expected to do my taxes.

*Must rest.

*Should have done them when I had the day off on Monday...

*The computer does my taxes.

*But I have to push all the buttons to make it happen, you know.

*Taxes are...taxing.

*It was too nice a day to do them anyway!

And so we come to another edition of the Wednesday Night Bullet Post. The windows here are still wide open and I'm sucking down those early spring breezes while they last. I'm hoping for a few more days of this before we take a final plunge back into winter. I hope that the breezes in your corner of Wednesday are as you would like them to be.

Or that you have a nice blankie to keep you warm...

SA

Riding The Wave

"I honestly don't have any idea how I'm going to get home."

These were the words spoken by yours truly in the school parking lot at 6:50 this morning. I was fresh off a somewhat "eventful" commute to work and faced with the school counselor who was telling me not to bother getting out of my car. School had been cancelled and everyone was being urged back to the safety of their various abodes before the roads were no more. We were both soaked as the rains pelted us through our respective car windows.

I was being a bit overly dramatic, but there were some concerns. In two places along the way, the road was pretty much gone. I know it was somewhere under the water. I could tell because I saw it coming out on the other side. But it was not in evidence at points where I and my fellow commuters needed to drive. We forged ahead because we are nothing if not troupers, though. And the waves we sent out across the blacktop were impressive. I was a nervous wreck by the time I arrived at school and not quite ready to make the return trip. There weren't too many other options, though. I didn't think the situation was going to get any better.

*Side note: I am generally not in favor of driving through standing water. It is a bad idea. You really can't tell the true depth of the water, you see. Water likes to trick the eye. Best case scenario, you could end up stranded and looking really stupid on the news. Worst case scenario, you could be wishing that you merely looked stupid. In today's case, however, several cars passed through ahead of me, all of which were of the compact variety. My car is not so much with the compact so I figured it was all right to ford the mighty stream.

I girded my loins, cleaned the rain drops from my glasses and prepared myself for the trip home. Fortunately, the situation had not deteriorated any further and I was able to make it across the tricky bits with only a little bit of teeth grinding. The further north I travelled, the better the roads became and I was safely back home by 8:00.

*Second Side Note: I didn't really gird my loins. My loins were fine. It was my car's electrical system I should have girded but I don't know how to do that. I am looking into taking a night class or something. It all worked out this time, but you never know...

I probably should have used my time a little bit better. It isn't often you get a free day like that. I managed to start the dishwasher and run the carpet sweeper around the living room. I cleaned the cat box and gave some serious thought to mopping something. I was tired from all the drama, though. I flopped on the sofa in what may or may not have been a swoon and watched TV for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure it was a swoon. It had a swoon-like quality to it. I may have even said something along the lines of: Look out, I feel a SWOON coming on!!!

It was kind of a waste, really. I didn't even pick up the sock and I'm pretty sure you can knit socks whilst in a swoon-state. Somehow the day just got away from me, I guess. But I was home safe and sound and that's something, right?

The rains appear to be pulling away now and I have great hopes for a return to normalcy tomorrow. This is a good thing since I hate the thought of having to make up all these days in June. Plus, I can't seem to find my water wings...

SA

Wheeling And Dealing Sans Ascot

Perhaps it is because I live alone that I have such colorful inner dialogues. In the absence of other humans, I find myself quite able to chatter colorfully along for hours and hours. Or maybe it is because my professional life has been pretty much based on walking people through what motivates their behaviors and helping them to learn from the journey. It might be that I'm merely loony and just not ready to accept it yet.

I don't think so, though. I think most people converse within their own skulls from time to time. I'm maybe just more willing to admit it. It could also be that I'm so starved for conversation that I don't care what strange things I'll profess, but I don't want to go there today.

The pondering of purchasing an ereader, however, came out of a "real life" conversation. The Cheerful Teaching Assistant and I first began drooling over them well over a year ago. Even after we stopped working together for a while, the memory of those digital marvels lingered. But the process of buying one wasn't something I could ever do without at least a million Arguments With Self.

The first of those debates was philosophical. I call it the If I Was A Classier Person Syndrome. In this case, it boiled down to my thinking that a "good" reader was one who liked the smell of paper and the feel of hard covers in the hand. These readers never dog ear pages or accidentally drop books in the tub. They buy their favorite titles in hardcover and they never, ever lose the dust jackets. They have a shelving system.

I am not that kind of reader. I am hard on books. I read a lot. I drag books everywhere. I fold pages almost half way down to make sure I can get back to the right page. I don't buy hardcover books if I can help it because they are heavy and the ink from the bindings leaks everywhere when the aforementioned tub-drop happens.

That's not to say I don't like the feel of a book. I do. I like it a lot. But it's the words that get me and what keeps me in the story. As much as I'd like to be the type who reads great literature in a chair by the fire, I'll just never be able to live up to the image. I don't even own an ascot, for crying out loud! And you just know I'll tip the brandy snifter all over everything.

The next inner chat came down firmly in favor of the digitized reading experience. Shortly before that, something else came down. Namely a stack of books in my bedroom that was at least waist high. It scared the cats and irritated the people who live downstairs.

I have a lot of books. Hundreds. Sure, I go to the library. And, yes, I can always sell off a few at the used bookstore. But I like owning books. I read them over and over. And over. I am loathe to part with any of them. Even the most boring books in my collection are mine, mine, mine and woe be to those who eye them covetously! I can never own a bookstore because I'd always be flinging myself between the shelves and my customers with tears of horror in my eyes. I'd only ever make any money on the pastry cart and that's not even a sure thing. I also happen to like pastry a great deal.

An ereader would hold lots of books and they wouldn't be falling on my toes all the time. This is a good thing. Plus, the books are a bit cheaper and the world is a little greener without me demanding all the trees be cut down so I can build a book fort.

I still didn't buy one, though. The next debate was with my purse strings. Digital readers can be pricey and I wanted to make sure that I wasn't spending the catnip and frozen pizza money with wild abandon. I also have a tendency to get all starry eyed in the face of "features." Features make it hard for me to breathe and forget that I really just want to read a book. I don't need something that will pick my nose and do the laundry. I just need words on a screen. I fought mightily against my desire for all things shiny and did some research. There are some very good readers out there at a reasonable price. Maybe they don't offer the ability to purchase a book from atop a windswept mountain in the middle of nowhere, but that's not any more my lifestyle than the hardcover book by the fire.

Finally, with fingers fairly itching and the purse strings loosening, I made a deal with myself. It went thusly:

OK, self. Here's how we are going to do this. If you (meaning "I") can agree to wait until we (meaning "I") get paid for teaching those Safety Procedures Classes and to purchase the simple reader that will do just what it says and nothing more, then I (the other "I") will give in to the need to satisfy instant gratification and not order the cheaper one online. We ("I") will go to the store on Friday and pay the extra twenty bucks to get the thing for this very weekend. Do we/I/you/whomever else is living in this head have a deal?

We/I did. The school district came through with the monies owed (finally) and Friday afternoon the contract was executed. Sure, it seems kind of weird for a day of knitting and reading to look like this:

No fireplace, no ascot, no smell of fresh paper...

Yet, it is no less satisfying. Of course, I still can't read in the tub. That could be disastrous. But I may have one or two other bits of reading material around here that will suffice. I'll just go visit the book fort.

SA