Sunday, May 23, 2010

Just This...

I don't ask for much around here.  I know my place.  I clean the litter box, open the cans and make sure a lap is available when needed.  I have never once questioned the order of things.  Which is why, when I do make a request, I expect some consideration.

Hence, you can imagine my distress upon arriving home Thursday afternoon to find that you did that one thing I told you NOT to do.  It took me a minute to really process what I was seeing.  And I couldn't believe it even after the truth became evident.

You really did it this time.  I can only assume you knew what havoc you'd wrought, although I doubt you grasped the full extent of it.  It wasn't just that you did that one thing I specifically forbade you to do.  It was everything else.

Taking care of this little act of defiance caused me to sacrifice one of the "good" shopping bags.  I was forced into having one of the most patently absurd conversations I've ever had in my whole life.  It required that I endure people shaking their heads at me sadly while I said things like, "I'm so sorry.  I know this is serious.  I don't know what's wrong with me..."

You also really upset your brother.  I know you don't much care about that.  I'm only reporting it because I think it's important you get the full picture here.  He's still really freaked out and that is not a good look on an Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty.

The worst of it all was that we talked about this.  You know we did.  You remember.  It was a couple of years ago.  That horrible day after Christmas when we were both so overwhelmed and sad.  We were sitting in our special spot on the couch.  I was holding you close and I whispered it right into your ear.  I know you heard me.

Please.  Never die.  Ever.  You can do anything else you want.  Just not that.  I don't think I could take it.  It would destroy me...

Just this.  Nothing else.  It didn't seem like too much to ask.  Not then.  You didn't voice an objection.  I don't understand why you couldn't do that one thing for me.  That one little thing.

Maybe someday I'll get to the place where I can understand that you would have rather stayed with me.  That you would have done it if you could.  Or that you maybe stayed a little longer than you should have just because you knew I wanted it.  Perhaps then I'll feel better about all this.  Not right now, though.  At the moment, I can only think that wanting something badly enough to demand it should be enough.  Especially if you want only one thing.





Just this...


SA

60 comments:

Elaine said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Julia G said...

Oh, Annie, I am so so sorry, first Desdemona and now Persephone, your heart must be breaking. Such a good little soul, and you gave her such a kind and loving home. Hugs from CT.

Louiz said...

I'm so sorry.

Kath said...

Oh Anne, I am so horribly sorry and sad for you and I cannot even imagine the overwhelming grief you are experiencing right now. But I am sure of one thing - given the choice of whether to stay with you or go - she would stay. Believe that.

Mia said...

Oh Annie.. my heart aches for you. I have no words..

I'm so sorry. ::HUG::

Mel said...

:-(

Catherine said...

There really are no words, but I am so sorry for your loss.

Donna Lee said...

Oh, Anne. I'm crying for you. I just went through this and it breaks my heart. How dare they just leave us like that?

I'll be thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Gracey is not my name.... said...

I am so sorry.....

Anonymous said...

So sorry. Must have been such a shock. My heart breaks for you.

Love,
Aunt Priscilla

Sandra said...

Annie, so sorry for your loss. I lost one of my kitties last year. Tears in my eyes. She will see Desdemona in heaven. AGK will be there to see you through this.

Sandra (former lurker)

scienceprincess said...

I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Anne - this broke my heart. I am so sorry. She was well loved and gave you a lot of love. Patti Venenga

Bridget said...

I am so very sorry, she was such a beautiful and sweet girl.

I know it's not much consolation at the moment, but just remember that just because you can't sit and pet her, it doesn't mean that she has left you.

Ruth said...

Anne, I am so terribly, terribly sorry. And Kath said it perfectly ... given the choice, she would absolutely have stayed with you. Never, ever question that.

:(

Julie said...

Awwww. :( I'm so sorry.

Leslie said...

I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Our fuzzy babies are so much a part of our lives that they leave a huge hole in our hearts when the time comes for them to leave. I'll be thinking of you.

Vicki in So, Cal,

Paul said...

Gayle and I are both so sorry for your loss. We just recently acquired a stray (someone dumped him during the last snow storm) and it took no time at all for him to become dear to our hearts. Hugs and all our best thoughts for you and the AGK.

PICAdrienne said...

I am so sorry.

trek said...

I never physcially met the BFK but I am still crying for you now.

Literally.

I'm sorry.

Yarnhog said...

Oh, no! I'm so sorry for your loss. She would have stayed if she could. She'll always be Real.

kmkat said...

Oh, Annie, I am so sorry. {{hugs}} Those furry felines make a nest in our heart and leave such a hole when they go.

Kathy said...

I am so very sorry.

Ronni said...

Oh Annie, I am so very very very sorry for your loss. hugs

=Tamar said...

Oh Anne. I'm so sorry.

Lynne said...

Beautifully written.

Thinking of you. *hugs*

Kim said...

I'm sorry.

wendy e said...

I'm so sorry. {{{hug}}}

Lorraine said...

Mega ditto's to everything everyone else has already said.

{{hugs and a few shared tears}}

Act Four said...

The price we pay for living with cats, is that they teach us so much but leave us too soon. My sincere condolences.

Beth said...

Annie, I am so very sorry. The BFK was such a good girl.

Karen said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry.

Elizabeth said...

I am so so sorry!

Georgi said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so very hard to lose a pet, especially since you told her not to leave you. I wish I could help ease the pain, just know those of us in blogger land are praying for you.

Elaine said...

Oh No! That is just so very very sad.
I am so sorry.

Cursing Mama said...

((Hugs)) to you
((scritches)) to AGK

So very sorry to hear this... so very sad.

Kathleen C. said...

I am so, so, so sorry. No words can take away the pain I know. She was such a loving, lovely kitty. My heart hurts for you.

erasmus (aka jiva) said...

:,(

Teri S. said...

Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you and the AGK. It still amazes me how big a hole a little furry creature leaves when they pass. Big hugs to you and the AGK.

Annie said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending hugs to you and AGK

Deirdre said...

So sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking.

mehitabel said...

{{{{hugs}}} to you and the AGK. I'm sure she would have stayed if she could have. She'll be waiting for you on the other side, I just know it.

Mouse said...

OMG.. I'm so sorry. I'm behind on reading posts and just came here after reading your tweet to see what you were talking about and hope that I had mis-understood. *hugs*

Betsy said...

The loss of a beloved pet is such a visceral pain...we're here if you need us...

Knitting Linguist said...

Oh, no. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss -- this is just terrible. Sending loving thoughts...

April said...

Sheepie, words cannot express how horribly sad I am that the BFK has passed on. I know how much you loved her, as did I, and probably everyone else who reads your blog. She was a very, very special kitty, and not in the way that Andy is special (thank God). I hope that all the wonderful memories you have of her will help you through the next few months. I'm sure that big orange and white foot stool you keep feeding will also be a comfort. Please know that me and all the furries share your sorrow.

R.I.P. BKF. :(

crzjane said...

I so sorry to hear of your lose. Our "babies" are such a special part of our lives.

daywoods2 said...

I am so, so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Prayers and good thoughts coming your way.

Jeanne said...

I don't understand. She was healthy, wasn't she? I'm so sorry. My cats are sorry. She was so beautiful. I was away all weekend, and just now found out via your Facebook post. This sucks. I am so very, very sorry. {{{hugs}}}

Mizzle said...

I'm so sorry.

Pugs and Kneedles said...

Big Hugs to you and the AGK. The pain of the grief is overwhelming, but a small price to pay for the years of love and joy she brought to your life. She loved you and you gave her a wonderful life, the freedom to be who she was and to enjoy being the BFK.

We send you lots of hugs. Our hearts are breaking for you as you deal with this loss. Thankfully, the love and happiness you shared with always be with you. In time, those memories will lighten your heart. For now, know that we are all grieving with you and missing the BFK

Big Geek Knit Blog said...

wow. this brings tears to my eyes. I am so so sorry.

We lost Suki in March and I haven't the words to blog about it or tell many people. It's so hard to loose a pet/part of your family.

Hugs to you Anne!

Kalitsu said...

I felt a small sense of the shock you must have felt upon finding her, when I read your entry, and share a mere hint of the grief you must feel. Our little furkids are such a deep part of our lives, and it hurts so badly when they have to leave us. A hard bargain for the love and joy they give us over the years.

Anna and the 2 purrpersons, who have been there...

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

:-(

She could not have had a better place than with you.

(My verfication word is "bless" ...)

Gwyndolyn O'Shaughnessy

debsnm said...

To say I'm stunned is the epitome of understatement. I feel like I lost a friend as well. Please know that my heart hurts with you in your loss.

rachel said...

I'm so sorry to read this, so sad for your loss

love to you from ,y fur babies and myself

twinsetellen said...

I'm really sorry. She was lucky to have had you.

Cathy said...

Oh Gawd... I'm so far behind on everything and left your blog for a treat... but this...

I'm so sorry and speechless. You think things will be fine forever.