Saturday, May 15, 2010

Hair Raising...

The Time:  Somewhere around 8:00 on a Friday morning


The Place:  Ms. Sheep's classroom.

(Ms. Sheep, The Cheerful Teaching Assistant and The Organized Teaching Assistant are seated together in the back classroom.  They are taking advantage of the fact that most of the students are off to other classes and using the time to figure out a schedule for next week's new round of achievement testing. The one remaining Educational Receiving Unit has been allowed to take some watercolors and paper into Ms. Sheep's office and was given the use of her desk.  This student, for reasons that will forever remain a mystery, has decided to take this opportunity to yodel. At full volume.  The ululating call resonates through the closed door and reaches the staff in the next room)

Ms. Sheep: Oh my God...


Cheerful Teaching Assistant:  Is that...


Organized Teaching Assistant:  Yup.

(Ms. Sheep clutches her head in her hands and folds herself over her laptop, landing in a semi-fetal position)

CTA:  You OK, there?


MS:  No.  I am having a MOMENT.  I am realizing that this is my LIFE.  This is it.  All that I've worked for has come to THIS.  I'm too old to become an astronaut or a professional go-go dancer.  I've reached the pinnacle.  I'm going to do this until I DIE.  And, with my luck, they already have my resume on file at the pearly gates and are planning to assign me to a teaching career once I get there...

(Ms. Sheep raises her head and looks pathetically at the CTA, hoping for some kind of comfort)

CTA:  Wow.  Your hair is really messed up now.


MS:  That sort of fits...


I did what anyone would do under those circumstances.  I smoothed down my coiffure, took a deep breath and got on with my day.  I used my free time to call The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach and move my appointment from this weekend to next.  Then I stopped off on the way home to purchase supplies which would allow me to hide from the rest of the human race for a day because there is nothing like a good hermit imitation after a stupid week.  Particularly a week that ends with a yodeling painter in your office.

Look it up.  Any doctor will say the exact same thing.  A stylist won't.  But a doctor will.

OK.  Maybe not.  In fact, a few might consider it mildly antisocial and indicative of a pervasive need to withdraw in the face of conflict.  On the other hand, it's pretty good for reading and watching TV.  I downloaded a couple new ebooks and it turned out that there was a House marathon on today so I think I could justify my behavior if I didn't mention my failure to take out the trash or get the mail.  I probably also should avoid any discussion of that little happy dance I did whenever there was an ad for the upcoming summer television season.

Or the song I composed about how summer vacation is coming and soon no one will be able to yodel me into a bad hair day...

I also hit the knitting harder than usual.  I managed four or five repeats on the shawl while I was avoiding the humans and the removal of refuse from my home.  That is more than I've knit in a long time and it felt rather good, if you must know the truth.  I might even finish this thing someday!

Not any time soon, though.  Sunday is looming and Achievement Test Monday is right behind it.  I'll have to put away the knitting and pick up my emotional armor again all too soon.  I guess I can do that for another month or so if I have to.  There are other ways to cope with stress.  Maybe even a few that don't give me Stand-Up Hair.

I might just take up yodeling...

SA

14 comments:

kmkat said...

"Educational Receiving Unit" -- lol!

Yodeling: just when you thought it could not possibly get any worse...

PICAdrienne said...

I caught part of the House marathon. During which, I had to referee a 14 yo and a 15 yo (both boys, one with ADD) arguing about whether or not Omar Epps was in Major League. (No to the original, yes to the sequel.) Neither are my offspring. It spoiled the effect.

I am going to go the opposite direction on my knitting, I am going to rip an FO. I don't like it and want the yarn for something else. The cats will be banished during the ripping.

Donna Lee said...

I've reached that stage in my life, too. I'm going to be a social worker/case manager for the rest of my life. I'm not sure I can stand it.

Although, I'm pretty well attached to my benefits so I guess I'm glad I have a job.

Yodeling. Leave it to a kid to think of new torture methods. Maybe he wants a career in the CIA.

Lynne said...

Oh dear - are you at the counting down stage yet?

Gracey is not my name.... said...

23 days left for us....woohoo!!

My partner teacher is now on maternity leave. Her class went MIA yesterday. I walked in and there are 6 out of 19 students left in class. I tracked those ERU's down and they are not gonna like next week when I get them!

Mouse said...

I swear - y'all don't get paid enough for this!!! Yodeling calls for overtime pay!!!

Beth said...

Your response is very understandable. I'd hide in my home, too. Good luck next week!

Kath said...

I remember when someone told me that once I got my degree I could always get work as a substitute teacher. The look of horror on my face must have been priceless. I am just not strong enough to be a teacher, substitute or otherwise. I am sure of that.

Meanwhile, I have decided that the coping mechanism for being crapped on by the universe is to sleep through as much as possible. So far it's working well and I highly recommend it.

trek said...

Just one month to go, Sheepie, and then the glorious summer will spread itself out before you.

=Tamar said...

I think I will recommend that you learn to yodel. Then if the ERU does it again, you can out-yodel them. Well, it worked for my friend who use Amazing Grace on Pipes and Drums to fight back against 2 AM Reggae music from the apartment next door.

catsmum said...

you deserve a pay rise

Elaine said...

"Educational Receiving Unit", indeed. Those people should eschew obfuscation.... And you are a Goddess!

Anne said...

I hear yodeling is the new black. Or something. You are just on the cutting edge, aren't ya? :)

Happy Happy Birthday too!!!!

Julia G said...

You could pitch a new TV reality series: "Friday Morning Yodeling with Ms. Sheep" in which you would miraculously restore order by saying "Eh-eh! Leave it!" in a firm British nanny accent like Victoria Stilwell on "It's Me or the Dog".

Or not.