Monday, September 29, 2008

Would That It Were So...

I tend towards impulsivity.  It is just my way.  That said, I really do make an effort to hold my tongue.  This has nothing to do with any sort of maturity on my part.  It's really more about my wanting to keep the waters around me calm and wave-free.  I know that saying what I'm thinking in certain situations will only lead to uncomfortable moments later on.

I hold my tongue.  But I guess it all has to leak out somewhere.  This is probably why I said such vile and horrible things to The Stupid Lopsided Tam today.  It seemed reasonable to assume that it was out to get me since the pattern said I was decreasing in a fashion designed specifically to avoid the whole thing coming to a point.  If that was the case, I couldn't help but ponder just why the whole thing was coming to a point.  I said things to that tam that do not reflect well on my character and will most certainly be considered when I approach the pearly gates after I depart this mortal plane.  

I felt just horrible about the whole thing and even worse when I realized that the point is probably more due to the fact that I am knitting it on two circs rather than its developing a truly pointy nature.  It's more of an optical illusion than actual, pointy fact...

Still, I can't help but think that I might have noticed this sort of thing sooner had I been more willing to speak my mind today.  There were any number of times I held my tongue when I really wanted to say stuff in my outside-my-head-voice.  Things along the lines of:

No.  I cannot sit down and develop a schedule for you to meet with each of my students individually once per week.  We have a rotating schedule in this school and what you are asking will take my full concentration.  In case you hadn't noticed, I happen to be teaching two different subjects at the moment.  And none of the students involved are really all that thrilled with this fact so you can imagine how full my plate is right now.

Stop calling me.  The phone is in my office.  I am in my classroom trying to develop that complicated schedule and teach two subjects at the same time to students who are not thrilled.  I can't drop everything to run in and talk to you.  I don't care what you need at the moment.  This does not make me insensitive.  Just busy.

What's that?  You want me to pick up an extra Language Arts class today because you need to test students?  Well....no.  I don't think so.  And let's not trot out that "team player" speech again.  I am very much a team player.  I just don't think that your asking this five minutes before the start of class is all that reasonable.  

Of course I can't meet with you this afternoon.  You were right there when I took that call from the distraught parent during my only prep period.  You know that I spent the entire time I'm supposed to be planning for students dealing with this issue.  You know that I do not feel well and that I'd like to get things wrapped up here so I can go home.  Meeting with you is not going to facilitate that in any way, shape or form since I know how you drone on and on and on...


It is for the best that I did not say any of these things today.  The Stupid, Lopsided Tam might not agree with that assessment, but I stand by my decision.  I held my tongue, clenched my teeth and just let it ride.  Tomorrow, there will be no uncomfortable moments and I will continue to be known as That Kind And Oh-So-Accommodating Ms. Sheep.  

But there are days when I really wish I could adopt an attitude more along these lines:







My blood pressure would probably be lower and the tam wouldn't need therapy...

SA

11 comments:

Mel said...

I love Joan Jett. And yet, I'm also a "team player". Most of the time.

As for the tam, one generally blocks the hell out of them on a big plate, which should take care of any perceived point at the tip.

Knitting Linguist said...

I'd suggest just wearing black leather and biker boots and black eyeliner to school and saying nothing, meaningfully. I bet that'd do it. :)

Ronni said...

I love Knitting Linguist's suggestion. I bet that might get the middle schoolers to pay attention too.

mehitabel said...

At least the Tam can't talk back. And not only that, as Mel said, you will get to block the hell out of it on a big plate, which will give you another opportunity to express your frustration with the New Job from Hell.
I would come up there and take that Language Arts class for you, but I am now at an age where I tend to use my out-loud voice a little too often. Better I stay here!
Although, I will be in New England next week, and if needed I can drive up there very quickly indeed!

catsmum said...

having spent most of my life " not saying what I'm thinking" and "being a team player" and " not making waves" I'm coming to the conclusion that all that get's you is trodden on.
I don't like obnoxious or aggressive people but surely there has to be some middle ground... and I think that were I you some of your 'inside my head thoughts' might have leaked out. Not all but one or two. Probably to the Language Arts person - something in the form of NO WAY IN HELL YOU INSENSITIVE ****!

Anne said...

Didja know I got written up at work once for having "the look" on my face? I told my boss either she could deal with "the look" or I could speak my mind, which she most definitely didn't want. It was her choice.

She picked "the look".

Karen said...

Better you take it out on the tam and not those lovely children you deal with all day;)

Donna Lee said...

"Well behaved women rarely make history". I guess that we are doomed to disappear into the mists of time because I almost never say what I'm thinking because of a wish not to offend. I was raised to be a 'good girl' and I'll be one forever. If I ever say what's really on my mind, people will stare. I am that helpful person who can be counted on never to say No.

Julie said...

I'm not so good at the whole holding my tongue thing. I tend to mutter things just loud enough for the people who are pissing me off to hear. Sometimes I regret it, sometimes not so much (case in point-Lucy2)

Kath said...

I remember the moment my last employer chose to play the "be a team player" card. I held my tongue that day (not pointing out that certain staff members seemed to somehow be exempt from the team responsibilities??) and regretted it for quite a long time later.

But in the job before that I did blow a small fuse one day and comment to someone that I had bent over backwards so far I could basically kiss my own a$$. The world didn't end and it got the point across!

trek said...

I've never met a therapist that handles tam-issues. Not even for a tam with knitter-related-issues.

I think you're safe mouthing off at the tam - better than at the kids/parents/coworkers, anyway.

PS - Tam blocking: get a bigger plate?