Would That It Were So...

I tend towards impulsivity.  It is just my way.  That said, I really do make an effort to hold my tongue.  This has nothing to do with any sort of maturity on my part.  It's really more about my wanting to keep the waters around me calm and wave-free.  I know that saying what I'm thinking in certain situations will only lead to uncomfortable moments later on.

I hold my tongue.  But I guess it all has to leak out somewhere.  This is probably why I said such vile and horrible things to The Stupid Lopsided Tam today.  It seemed reasonable to assume that it was out to get me since the pattern said I was decreasing in a fashion designed specifically to avoid the whole thing coming to a point.  If that was the case, I couldn't help but ponder just why the whole thing was coming to a point.  I said things to that tam that do not reflect well on my character and will most certainly be considered when I approach the pearly gates after I depart this mortal plane.  

I felt just horrible about the whole thing and even worse when I realized that the point is probably more due to the fact that I am knitting it on two circs rather than its developing a truly pointy nature.  It's more of an optical illusion than actual, pointy fact...

Still, I can't help but think that I might have noticed this sort of thing sooner had I been more willing to speak my mind today.  There were any number of times I held my tongue when I really wanted to say stuff in my outside-my-head-voice.  Things along the lines of:

No.  I cannot sit down and develop a schedule for you to meet with each of my students individually once per week.  We have a rotating schedule in this school and what you are asking will take my full concentration.  In case you hadn't noticed, I happen to be teaching two different subjects at the moment.  And none of the students involved are really all that thrilled with this fact so you can imagine how full my plate is right now.

Stop calling me.  The phone is in my office.  I am in my classroom trying to develop that complicated schedule and teach two subjects at the same time to students who are not thrilled.  I can't drop everything to run in and talk to you.  I don't care what you need at the moment.  This does not make me insensitive.  Just busy.

What's that?  You want me to pick up an extra Language Arts class today because you need to test students?  Well....no.  I don't think so.  And let's not trot out that "team player" speech again.  I am very much a team player.  I just don't think that your asking this five minutes before the start of class is all that reasonable.  

Of course I can't meet with you this afternoon.  You were right there when I took that call from the distraught parent during my only prep period.  You know that I spent the entire time I'm supposed to be planning for students dealing with this issue.  You know that I do not feel well and that I'd like to get things wrapped up here so I can go home.  Meeting with you is not going to facilitate that in any way, shape or form since I know how you drone on and on and on...

It is for the best that I did not say any of these things today.  The Stupid, Lopsided Tam might not agree with that assessment, but I stand by my decision.  I held my tongue, clenched my teeth and just let it ride.  Tomorrow, there will be no uncomfortable moments and I will continue to be known as That Kind And Oh-So-Accommodating Ms. Sheep.  

But there are days when I really wish I could adopt an attitude more along these lines:

My blood pressure would probably be lower and the tam wouldn't need therapy...

SA