Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ongoing MIsdirection

Sometimes it is really rather helpful to have a variety of strategies on hand to keep one's mind from focusing on things best left alone.  I am rather good at that sort of thing, having had years in which to practice.  I'm actually something of a master at it.

If, for example, you need to keep yourself from thinking too much about how The Stupid Lopsided Tam is going to look all stupid and lopsided, there are always the 80's to ponder.  Good times, the 80's.  The hair was big, the pants were pleated and there was no end to how you might rip up a perfectly good sweatshirt for the sake of fashion.  There was also 1985 and a little film gem known as The Return Of The Living Dead.  

What could be better?  Well...truth be told, lots of stuff could be better.  This isn't one of those movies to which I will turn when I need solid reference material during the coming Zombie Apocalypse.  Still, you can't help but appreciate it when the living dead have the wherewithal to radio in to dispatch for more cops and paramedics when they find themselves still feeling a bit peckish.  There is also something to be said for the film's willingness to graphically impart certain pearls of wisdom.  You really can't get enough of such life lessons as:  If Your Boyfriend Has No Pulse And No Heartbeat After Being Exposed To Zombie Gas Then It Is Probably A Rather Bad Idea To Lock Yourself In A Room With Him Because There Is Really No Hope For A Positive Outcome In This Sort Of Situation. 

I'm just sayin' is all....

Of course, sometimes this sort of distraction will prove a bit too much.  You might, for example, miss the second stitch whilst performing a K2tog maneuver and find that you have yet another gaping hole in that Stupid Lopsided Tam That Somehow Defied The Mathematical Odds And Actually Decreased Down To The Right Number Of Stitches.  You might need a distraction from the fact that you were very close to the finish line and now have to go back and find that stupid loop before all is lost forever.

Now you're in a pickle.  This requires the breaking out of the Big Guns.  This tam has been an ongoing source of frustration after all.  You need an expert for this sort of thing.  It is time to call forth that force of negativity known as Hysterical Mind and turn her loose on a variety of weather related websites and television channels.  She can easily kill two hours following the track of Hurricane (sort of) Kyle and determine whether or not it is time to be boarding up the windows and start doing a detailed inventory of the canned food.  The fact that we live in the southernmost part of the state and were not really in line for the brunt of it means nothing.  HM can find the worst in a potentially good situation with nothing but a few flood watches and a couple of wind gusts.  Of course, once the track of the storm changes dramatically enough that even Hysterical Mind has to admit that there is no reason for alarm, then you need to go back to the drawing board.

There's the ungodly humidity.  That is pretty distracting.  Or the eventual need to start tinking back on the tam and snagging that loose stitch.  Then there's the fact that you have a nasty cold which is not mixing well with that humidity nor with the rage that comes from wrestling uncooperative stitches.  That can lead to an impressive bout of overheating and the required soaking in a nice, cool tub for a bit.  All that can be very distracting when you need to change trains of thought.

But I think I might have something better.  There is something that will keep even the most focused of knitters/storm watchers/zombie aficionados from staying on task no matter how hard they might try.  It is so effective because it is so unexpected.  There was no indication that this was going to be a problem given that the parties involved had never once seen fit to dispute a certain item in the past.  

You see, up to now, only the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty has shown any real interest in The Collapsible Cat Cave.  There was no reason to believe that there would be a problem when I brought home The Giant Connector Thingie That I Thought Was A Cat Tunnel.  I figured it would keep him occupied and allow the Big, Fluffy Kitty to roam about in peace.  I was wrong.  There have been any number of power struggles going on over here since yesterday afternoon.  Both cats seem to want The Giant Connector Thingie and neither wish to share.  




Trust me.  That is very, very distracting.  Alarming at times even...


SA

10 comments:

PICAdrienne said...

Is BFK about to pounce on the tail of AGK? She certainly looks as if she is watching it twitch.

I was wondering how HM and Kyle would get along. I was stuck in a gym with HS girls playing volleyball all of yesterday. When I got home and saw that Kyle was heading in the direction of your state, I figured HM was on duty. I also wondered how brave AGK would be in the face of strong winds, knowing that he is not brave in the face of thunder, not that I blame him.

Mouse said...

Good advice re: zombie movie helpful hints. My personal favorite hint from horror movies is "For Bob's sake make sure YOU are the one with the keys before trying to make a car getaway". I'd hate to be the idiot safely locked in the car WITHOUT the car keys.. which are back in the zombie/mummy/evil slime/ filled house.

=Tamar said...

Um. In case you haven't fixed it already... When you need to fix that dropped stitch, the very first thing you do is put a safety pin in it so it doesn't drop any more. Then you drop down or tink back, whichever works for you. Since it's a k2tog, you don't need to add more yarn so dropping down ought to work.

Is the three-way connector thingie made of nonfraying ripstop nylon? Could it perhaps be cut into three short tunnels?

Anne said...

So I'm thinking you would have had a very different reaction to the 6 ninth graders locked in the dark room with a Ouija board than I did when I happened upon this scene in the dorm last night about 12:30 a.m. ...

p.s. I KNEW they were both going to want that giant spaceship toy.

catsmum said...

I suppose it was too much to hope that they would simply claim one third of the tunnel thingy each and play the 'I can't see you, you are not there' game
and
...zombie gas ?????

Donna Lee said...

Return of the Living Dead has some of the more scarey zombies because they are still smart. I love the scene where they use the radio and tell the dispatcher to send more paramedics.

One of the best horror movie pieces of advice I have faithfully handed down to my children is to make sure they have a good flashlight when they investigate the strange noises in the dark basement in the strange house with the blood all over the floor. That's what all the actors do.

Anne said...

BFK is going to triumph in the end. It is the way of bossy females everywhere.

Are you sure you aren't knitting a LACY tam? Complete with holes?

Karen said...

I don't know how you get anything done what with those two cute kitties. I'd be petting them and watching them all day long.

Knitting Linguist said...

Now that is a cat photo that's worth 1,000 words. I can only imagine what happened next.

How come the people in movies have no common sense?

Jeanne said...

And if you are alone in a remote cabin deep in the backwoods, be sure to answer the knock on the door that comes at 3:00 AM. I mean, it's probably just Bambi or your BFF coming back from investigating the strange sound, right?

Say--with that new tunnel device, there is room for a third. ;-)