Sunday, July 20, 2008

Working On Three Theories And A Sleeve

I like to think that I have one or two guiding principles in my life.  You sort of have to try to make sense of the chaos, after all.  I hate to be locked into anything, though.  So I consider most of these to be more along the lines of "theory" rather than hardened fact.  That gives me a little wiggle room in case I am so very, very wrong that explanations are required.

This happens more than you might think....  

Any-hoo, here are some of the theories upon which I have been basing recent actions:

1.  Logic is relative and sometimes highly overrated.

I am not what anyone would call a Nervous Nellie.  I have lived alone most of my adult life and have never once lain awake thinking about intruders.  I will cross a darkened parking lot to get to my car without concern, although I will admit to a little healthy suspicion should the circumstances require it.  I have fled burning buildings, done parenting education work with violent offenders after hours in a mostly empty office and once had a student who placed a device in my classroom that had to be detonated by the nice boys from the nearby Air Station.

  Never batted an eye.  (OK...maybe a little.  But no so's you'd notice.)

I am, however, filled with a paralyzing fear of zombies.  This, in light of all the other things in the world that might be cause for concern, seems utterly ridiculous.  But, there it is.  If I am going to have a nightmare, you can be assured that someone of the dead and walking persuasion will stroll through it at one time or another before I wake.  Zombies are just the scariest thing ever and logic has no say in the matter.

Now, if the zombies are what scares me, then it should follow that I might try to avoid them.  It would probably be a good idea to not even affix mine eyes upon zombie imagery lest they start to shamble through my nightmares.  This would be logical.  And, again, logic has nothing to do with it.  I am an avid fan of zombie movies and watch them every chance I get.  I tell myself that they are training films which will serve me well in the event that the zombie invasion I so fear ever comes to pass.

Even I can see the inherent flaws in that line of thinking.  But, it is what it is...

Logic also does not, apparently, play a role in my purchasing habits.  I have, for some time now, been thinking about obtaining my own copy of Resident Evil.  That seemed like a good one to have in the home DVD collection.  (for training purposes, of course)  But it would be rather silly to go out and purchase the same movie that the Sci Fi Channel seems to play every ten minutes.  Not just silly...illogical, even.

2.  Karma Is Just Plain Weird.

I spent most of Thursday in something of a cranky mood.  All systems had gone utterly haywire and I needed to ride it out.  I decided to take a few others along on that ride, including one or two hapless grocery store employees who made the mistake of getting in my way during this hormonally fueled road trip.  I was an unpleasant human being.  I was not kind to my fellow man.  Or cat.  In fact, I may have even told one of the furry residents of this household that the banging and booming outside was not really a thunderstorm.  Rather, I said, it was some deity from above punishing him for messing with the yarn.  

I am normally the kind of gal who likes to put good vibes out into the world and none of this was within my normal behavioral patterns.  One would suspect that Karma might just have a little something to say about that.

It did.  The World's Greatest Stylist called to tell me that she could see me Friday instead of having my having to come in over the weekend.  It turned out I didn't need the extended appointment for the addition of color so the event ended up costing less than planned.  As I also had more time on my hands, I decided to head over to the used bookstore next door for a browse and to kill a few minutes before I had to be at the next place.  Guess what I found?

Hah!  I can justify buying a used copy!!!

But it doesn't end there.  No it does not.

They also had the sequel.  In fact, they had the 2-disc special edition.

I didn't find the third in the series, though.  I suppose that would have been asking a little much from Karmic misfires.  I did, however, snag this:

I like the second one better, but that's OK.  

I didn't even stop to consider the ramifications of enjoying Karmic benefits that I hadn't really earned.  There have been oodles of times where I was so good that it was actually painful to watch and saw naught but poo-showers in return.  This was either a serious mistake in the Karma Accounting Department or payback for good deeds past.  Either way, I snagged the flicks.

3.  Blog Sweater Curses Should Be Respected Because They Are Very Powerful.

The Thing That Will Never Grow Up To Be A Sweater marches forward at a respectable pace.  I firmly believe that denying its impending sweater-ness is what is saving me here.  Remaining wholeheartedly committed to the idea of impending disaster keeps the curse which has prevented me from completing a sweater since starting the blog from smiting me.  Maybe it won't notice how far I've come in the process.  Once I've finished it, then it can do something horrible.  Maybe send a swarm of moths or ninjas.  Whatever.  I will have knit a sweater at that point and it won't really matter so much.  Even if the thing never sees the light of day, I'll know that it once existed.  Or not, assuming that I stick with the 'never grow up to be a sweater' strategy.

This one might also fall under the whole Logic Theory thing now that I think about it...

However flawed the logic and shaky the theories, everything served me well today.  As the rains poured down outside, I had some training films for viewing and almost an entire sleeve to show for the time spent in front of the screen.  Not bad, if I do say so myself.  I guess I won't have to eat crow and evoke my Wiggle Room Clauses just yet.

Now if I could just make some headway on the Black And White Cookies As A Recognized Food Group With Actual Health And Nutrition Benefits Theory, I could call it a day.  That one has been a little tricky, though...



Beth said...

Glad the not-a-sweater is coming along nicely. Just thinking about those movies gives me the creeps!

Ronni said...

I like your theories. And I wish you continued good luck with the thing that is not ever going to grow up to be a sweater. I'm nearly positive I've missed or messed up more than one word in that but I'll never figure it out in my current stressed out state.

Anonymous said...

I think the problem with the Karmic Accounting Department is that it is staffed by zombies, and they only work nights. In the dark. Without pencils.

When you eventually wear the thing that is not a sweater and someone compliments you on it, what will you say? "This is not a sweater"? "What sweater?" "Oh, look, over there! A zombie!"?

Kath said...

I'd love to be able to help with the "Black And White Cookies As A Recognized Food Group With Actual Health And Nutrition Benefits Theory" but all I can offer is important information gleaned from a scientific survey of the nutritional content of every candy marketed by Reese's (the cups, pieces, stix, etc.): They have protein!

Knitting Linguist said...

I'm glad to hear that the Not Now And Never Will Be A Sweater is coming along nicely. And congrats on fooling the Karmic Accounting Office into finally paying up for those past good deeds!

trek said...

Now I am feeling a little guilty that my 4-S has been left alone in the project bag for so long...

Cursing Mama said...

The beauty of the black & white cookie is that they are a balanced food, 1/2 black, 1/2 white and provide essential nutrients such as calcium (butter)and protein (egg). I'm surprised you weren't able to better put them in the food pyramid.

Donna Lee said...

Resident Evil is such a good one. I want to run behind Alice if the zombies come. She is my kind of woman! Black and white cookies don't need to be physically healthful because they are mentally healthful. They should say right on a lable somewhere "good for what ails ya".