Tuesday, July 01, 2008

On? Off? Somewhere In The Middle?

Lately, it has seemed that every Tuesday has brought rain.  More specifically, it feels like that rain has been timed to coincide with my trip to The Yarn Sellar each week.

Summer is upon me and, without that pesky job to interfere, I can fully immerse myself in my reintroduction to the rest of the human race.  Given half a chance, I'd surely hide myself away and knit in solitude until the end of time.  Or I run out of yarn.  So I have developed the Summer Of Compensatory Knitting Socialization (S.O.C.K.S) program to help ensure that I don't forget how to interact with others.  It is good for me to go knit with the other people every Tuesday night.

And, true to form, it rained like crazy this evening just as I left the house.  Big rain.  Driving rain.  With lots of forky lightening.  It seems that my Knit Night is destined to come with a side of Armageddon.  The S.O.C.K.S program is very important to my overall mental health, though.  I forged ahead.

Rain makes this very difficult.  For I suffer with a little known condition that causes me great distress while navigating through the rain drops.  Interval Wiper Execution and Indecisive Reaction Disorder or, as it is now being referred to in the literature, IWEIRD, is characterized by an inability to settle on the most beneficial setting for the windshield wipers and a tendency to fiddle with them incessantly during precipitation.  Too fast a wiper pace and you get that horrible screeching sound, too little and you sort of can't see.  The latter only compounds the problem as the driver is only half paying attention anyway due to all the knob fiddling.  To make matters worse, should the IWEIRD victim actually hit upon that magical ratio of wiper to rain drops, the weather doesn't always cooperate.  Sometimes the rain pattern will change.  Not that it really matters because another symptom of this horrible disease is that the sufferer will be rendered completely incapable of believing that she has a working wiper rhythm in place and will continue to twist the knobs in an effort to make it just a little bit better.

The funding for IWEIRD research is pathetic.  It isn't one of those really cool or sexy diseases that gets all the good press.  Hence, people such as myself must try and find a way to live in this world, always knowing that we may, one day, have to drive in the rain.  We spend a great deal of time watching the weather channel.  

Don't pity me.  I am strong and can bear this weight.  Plus, I was able to make it down to Chicks With Sticks without incident so it all worked out.  I knit me up a whole lotta new sock.  At this rate, I might even get a pair done by summer's end!  See?  I have found a way to overcome adversity!  

Now I have to go check the forecast for Friday.  It's Independence Day and I have to drive to my parents house for the holiday.  Let's all hope for the best...

(Note to Noolie:  See? I got through the whole thing without once mentioning the china...)

SA

11 comments:

Leslie R. said...

Goodness! I also suffer from IWEIRD! In fact, just this morning I was beset with an episode. Those I work with probably think I'm in one, long, never-ending episode, but what do they really know?? Thank you for finally giving the condition a name.

Kath said...

Aw hell, I suffer from IWEIRD also. Thankfully this is only an issue when I'm driving my truck on the mainland. Golf cart doesn't have wipers, so at home I just cope without 'em. (And get very wet.)

Wait - a post without kitty pics? I'm feeling withdrawal symptoms...

Mel said...

And I thought I was the only one!

I thought about heading out this evening, but David wanted to watch "Alice in Wonderland" instead and we've been in a sort of torpor since returning home.

April said...

My name is April and I'm an IWEIRDer. I eventually just give up, turn off the wipers and hope for the best. Fortunately I live in California so this only occurs two days a year.

Where's Prometheus?

Julie said...

Oh yes, I too suffer from IWEIRD. I'm glad that you are able to brave the IWEIRDness and still make it to knit night.

(btw; how is your fine china?)

Mia said...

mmmm hmmm... another IWEIRD victim here too *grin*

trek said...

China? China? What is this about the china?

And I am glad that there is someone out there who (like me) is interested in observing, diagnosing, and characterizing common disorders and developmental issues.

Donna Lee said...

My car does not have a variable speed wiper system. It is perfect for those of us who cannot make Big Decisions while driving. You can either have very fast wipers, medium fast wipers or slow wipers. That's enough choices for one person namely me.

kmkat said...

I too suffer from IWEIRD, but only when I drive my husband's van, which has a seemingly infinite number of settings for the wipers. Mine own car, a cheapie, has but one interval setting.

China?

knitseashore said...

Have you seen this? It was front and center on the display in our bookstore, and I immediately thought of you:

http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215018128&sr=1-1

Hugs to Prometheus for surviving the first vet visit. Here's hoping you and the BFK get some rest soon!

Leigh said...

Maybe we need an IWEIRD anonymous or something, *lol. I'd like to join S.O.C.K.S. too.