Monday, July 07, 2008

Sweating For My Own Good

There's this cable show I like to watch.  You probably know it.  It's the one where this woman owns a big gym and it features her antics, as well as that of her trainers.  Fine entertainment.  Not only do we get to see all the drama 'n trauma (in somewhat scripted and edited form, anyway) but we also are able to see her training style.  She is a Boot Camp kind of trainer and works her clients pretty hard.  Hard enough to drop.  And vomit.  She always seems a little surprised when one of them just gives up or develops an attitude of hatred towards her.  It's like she's never heard of the whole 'more flies with honey than vinegar or vomiting' theory.

I'm pretty sure she'd hate me, though.  At least she'd be pretty horrified by my theories on exercise.

I've struggled with my fitness routine over the years and was never really able to maintain a rigorous kind of schedule with it due to my not liking to be in pain.  Or vomiting.  I finally got to a place where I realized that it would be better for me to have a workout routine I'd stick to rather than one that meets with the approval of the fitness gurus.  They like working out.  They find it appealing.  They like the outfits and the rush of endorphins.  I do not.  I like cookies.  I like naps.  I like watching television.  

Hence, the Knitting While Pedaling The Little Exercise Bike program was born.  It has served me well for years now.  In addition, I know that my trying to do more than three days per week will also lead me down the path of failure.  I need to get it all done by Wednesday.  

Seriously.  The Vomit Workout Lady would just spit on me if she saw me in the street.  I don't blame her.  I kind of want to spit on her every time I see her abs.  Amazing...

As much as I like this workout (which I follow with a short weight lifting routine) it does not work in the summer.  Ever.  I hate investing the time during the summer.  I'd rather be devoting my time to being on vacation.  Plus, it is wicked hot and who likes to work out when it's hot?  Frankly, I think that's the worst of it.  It is humid and gross and it makes it rather easy to just tell myself to forget the whole thing because it is not healthy for me to work out in such horrible heat.

I can just hear what The Vomit Workout Lady would say about that!  She does not tolerate excuses.  I'm certain that such wishy-washy behavior would earn me a smack to the head backed up by her ridiculously toned biceps.

Every June, the whole thing falls apart on me.  This year, I decided to devote the summer months to weight training.  It's a change of pace and I can break the whole nightmarish thing that I hate so very, very much into two shorter sessions throughout the day.  Come September when work resumes, I'll go back to the cardio.  Ideal?  No.  But, again, better than nothing if I can stick with it.  And I have.  

Take that, Vomit Workout Lady!

The drawbacks?  Well, I can't lift weights and knit at the same time.  That's a downer.  But I'm on vacation so I suppose there is all sorts of knitting time available to me that I don't have during the cooler months.  That makes up for it.  I'm good.

Now if someone could just do something about the heat and humidity, that'd be super.  I'm certain that The Vomit Workout Lady would have some pearls of wisdom for me on this one, but I'm afraid to ask.  Like I said, she probably wouldn't be too thrilled about my whole approach to begin with.  I don't think I'd get much in the way of sympathy.  I'd most likely end up vomiting just to please her...

I didn't get to knit today even without the little bike.  It was too hot.  Hrumph...

And for those of you who have come to think of this as The Prometheus Channel, look to the blog for more interesting news on the daily escapades of my handsome boy and get a little bit cranky when I fail to provide this, here's some news just for you:

It seems that Absurdly Gi-normous Kitties really like tuna fish.  The like it a lot.  They will go to great lengths to make their owners understand this.  They will debase themselves and come perilously close to inflicting bodily harm upon She Who Wields The Can Opener.  Tuna fish is simply intoxicating to Absurdly Gi-normous Kitties.

And, apparently, I am the type of cat owner who can be pretty easily convinced to part with tuna bits in order to make the yowling, counter hopping and threats of violence stop.  Plus it was really hot today and I didn't feel like arguing.  Who knew?



Dat Tooter Fishies Makes Me Smiiiiiiile!!!


SA

13 comments:

trek said...

Sorry about the heat. But the AGK looks awfully cute.

PS - Neatnik was wondering this morning, "Mommy, what did the Sheep say today?"

Leslie said...

Oh, my, I love kitties! He's so cute. I am also positive that not only would I hate, loathe, despise and not like the Vomit-Inducing Trainer, I would probably be able to get my three fat kitties to chew her up. My one skinny kitty would not chew, but would be willing to claw wildly. I can live with that. ;o)

Mouse said...

I prefer napping to sweating as well.. which is why I'd never make it as one of those fitness people, especially not now that I am 30. My fitness 'routine' consists of yoga, tribal bellydance, and the occasional hike. (and ice cream.. and sweet chili doritos..lol)

knitseashore said...

I hear you about the heat. The VIT must have a cycling counterpart that cracks the whip harder when it's humid. I think I heard her when I was huffing up that hill earlier tonight...must run her down at earliest opportunity.

The Prometheus Channel is one of my favorites. When he does pledge night, do we send Tuna instead of donations?

kmkat said...

I do lurve me some Prometheus Channel.

About the heat and humidity thing: there is this marvelous invention called, I think, air condi-something. We don't exactly have it here, something about a bad compressor and small claims court, but I hear it can do wonderful things with the ambient air.

mehitabel said...

As I write this, The Daughter is at the gym, doing her workout. I am home with the computer. And the catboys. Mine love tuna, too. But they can't smile like Prometheus can!
More Prometheus channel. I can watch the VWT lady on my TV, but she doesn't hold a candle to the beautiful AGK!

Julie said...

Seriously, AGK is too cute!

Karen said...

It does seem like a waste to workout in the summer when you are already sweating. Your weightlifting plan should do you well.
Oh BGK is smiling. So cute. Give him some tuna for me.

Anne said...

My theory in working out is it still has a lot to do with genetics. Look at the Quaid boys, for instance. Dennis swears he doesn't work out "much", but he's got an awesome 6-pack ab thing going. Randy.... meh.. more like the baker's dozen version.

Sometimes you can't fight the DNA programming, ya know?

Cursing Mama said...

I know it's humid outside because my hair is doing things hair isn't supposed to do. I, however, do not get benefit of heat because those who control the thermostat like to pretend we work in the Arctic. I could wear wool socks and still not be toasty warm; but wools socks do not go with cute red sandals.

Cathy said...

Taz was the same way for the first... welll, she still is. It's been 18 months now. We imagine she drove her previous slaves nuts.

She sleeps in the same position AGK does. Must be something about about all that partying.

And you know Frisko - my GK - is such a gentleman. He and BFK could be an old aunt and uncle living together in the house they were born in. And their parents were born in...

Kath said...

Well, I suppose you could lift weights while listening to a knitting podcast. Would that help?

And yeah, I'm not surprised by AGK's love for the chicken of the sea. Tuna = Kitty Crack.

Army_Wifey08 said...

OMG! I sawthe quote on the side of your profile! YOU WATCH EUREKA TOO! I LOVE THAT SHOW! Not as much as I love army wives, but still.