::sniff::

Every mother goes through it.  You bring home the new baby.  There is a period of adjustment.  You learn about each other.  You figure out the other's routines, likes and dislikes.  The family comes together to make it all work.

And then it happens.  Mommy needs some "me" time.  She needs to go out, maybe be with other mommies.  Or, at the very least, be with people who can converse at her level.  (such as it is...)

And there is great angst.

For what mother can really feel "right" about leaving her baby?  Is this not abandonment?  Will the emotional scars left behind cause the baby to grow up to be a serial killer?  Or someone who lives in your basement playing computer games until he is 40?  No amount of rational thinking and knowing that a good mother is one who also meets her own needs changes the feelings of self-doubt.  But this hurdle must be overcome.

Otherwise, you're just a crazy lady stuck in the house and trying to remember the last time you took a shower or wore something besides slippers.

Today was my day to venture out and leave the new baby at home for the first time.  I bravely dressed myself in clean clothing and selected the finest in floppy sandals.  I packed my knitting, took up my keys and made my way to the door.  There was crying on the part of the new baby.  He just seemed to know.  And yet I held fast to my resolve.  Mommy was going out with the other grown-ups and leaving the baby in the tender loving care of his big sister.

("Tender, loving care" is maybe a bit of an overstatement.  Big sister does not love her brother and there was every reason to believe that she would try and lock him in a closet the minute I was out the door.  But I couldn't find a sitter on such short notice and Big Sister needs to start pulling her weight around here if she isn't planning on going to community college like we discussed...)

So, with kisses blown all around, I left.  I only went back once...just to be sure that all was well.  Then I really left.  I spent a lovely evening at The Yarn Sellar knitting with all the other Chicks With Sticks.  The company was lively, the projects simply fascinating and I only talked about the new baby for part of the time instead of most of the time.  I also got to see Noolie in her new role as Assistant Shop Keeper as she was tending the counter in Patti's absence.  She did a fine job.  One could even call her a master of the trade.  

Yes, it was a fine time and really the best thing for a new mother.  Of course it was hard to leave the baby.  But I look forward to my yearly Summer Of Compensatory Knitting Socialization (S.O.C.K.S.) and believe that it is good for me and my hermit-like ways.  No Mommy is an island, after all.

But I was anxious to get home.  Leaving the new baby in the care of an ambivalent sibling was a gamble and I wondered if he might need a little extra attention upon my return.  I also knew that Big Sister would be tiring of her duties and that I really should get back to relieve her before she lost all patience.  You never know what might go wrong when a responsible parent is not right there in the house to keep an eye on things.  There could be wild parties or long distance calling.  The new baby might be sold on the internet...

When I got home, I was pleased to see that the new baby was already in bed.  Of course, he was in my bed.  And I wondered if this might indicate some need on his part to be close to where his Mommy rests her weary head...

But, it seemed to me that he was taking it pretty well overall.

They grow up so fast...

SA