Thursday, June 05, 2008

7.5 (not counting weekends)

At 7:45 this morning the Cheerful Teaching Assistant arrived, sporting damp hair and a rather bleary look.  She reported that she had found no real motivation for getting out of bed this morning.  The only reason she decided to emerge from under the covers, she said, was because her hand had gone to sleep and she no longer had the sensation and dexterity necessary to keep hitting the snooze button.

At 9:30 this morning, I found myself engrossed in what could only be described as an epic battle of wills and difference of opinion over the relative merits of Reading class.  As there was a tour going on for the incoming fifth graders, it was not the best of moments to be having a potentially explosive situation manifest.

At 10:40 this morning, I said, "Oh dear God...I have three emails and they are all bearing the same student's initials in the title."  As the student happened to be sitting in the classroom at the time, I thought to ask why everyone in the school was feeling the need to email me about him.  

At 10:45 this morning, I realized the folly of asking certain questions.  And reading my email.

At 11:00 this morning, The Cheerful Teaching Assistant said, "I am beginning to seriously question my decision to get out of bed this morning."

At 11:30 this morning, the office was full to overflowing with students who had opted to try something a little different today.  Maybe take a risk or two.  The first recess was ended abruptly after it became clear that they are all out to get us.

At 12:00 this afternoon, I announced to The Cheerful Teaching Assistant that I was not eating my salad today and that I didn't want to hear one, single word about it.

At 12:01 this afternoon, The Cheerful Teaching Assistant said, "That is perfectly understandable" and handed me two of the mini Three Musketeers bars that she'd scored from the secretary's stash in the teacher's room.  

At 1:00 this afternoon, I was forced to admit to a student that, even though he swore up and down that he did not do all the bad things I'd read about in the emails, I had no credibility left with which to defend him.  He was on his own.  The only person more hated than him at that moment was the teacher who couldn't go with him to the place where he made such poor choices.  Because I was stuck in the classroom trying to avoid World War III over the existence of Reading class...

At 1:05 this afternoon, I began to see my life as being somewhat fraught with paradox and irony.

At 2:00 this afternoon, I realized that it was not Friday.  I may have actually whimpered just a little bit.  

At 2:50 this afternoon, the office called up to the classroom to tell me that my last student of the day should get ready to go because his bus was due to arrive at any moment.  I informed them that I had already sent him down.  "Well, you must just be psychic!" I was told.  

At 2:51 this afternoon, I said, "I am not psychic.  I simply hate everyone and want them to all go away."  

At 3:00 this afternoon, I was able to leave the building.  I had the school nurse scout the hallways for staff who are still holding a grudge about the whole "questionable behavior" thing in spite of the principal telling them that I had my hands full at the time.  The school nurse still likes me.  She has my back.  Of course, she wouldn't give me any leftover medication she had lying around, but I honestly think she was trying to keep me from doing anything stupid at that point.  No amount of explaining that medication was only going to help matters would sway her.  But I respect that.

There are 7.5 days left.  Then this will be my view:

If anyone needs me this weekend, I will be under my bed.  Do not attempt to remove me.  I will bite you.  And don't even try to pry the brownies out of my hands.  That will not end well for either of us.  We'll discuss it in 7.5 days.

Not counting weekends.



Mel said...

One of the items on our wedding registry (on Amazon, 'cause it was an easy one-stop place for everyone) is a special brownie pan where every piece is an edge piece. You are welcome to come visit any time this summer.

trek said...

I'm almost afraid to comment. I probably shouldn't even contemplate commenting.

I might be flamed out for mentioning how many days Neatnik has until kindergarten graduation.

Best not to say anything.

Twinsanity/Spinsanity said...

Will it help if I tell you that my "original" baby of the family (of three) graduates HS on Monday? But, see, we are a blended family and there are FOUR MORE TO GO. And two of them are just finishing third grade tomorrow.
Save a spot for me under the bed?

Donna Lee said...

Take the greenies under the bed with you or BFK will not leave you alone. And you know how annoying cats can be (almost as annoying as kids)

Kath said...

I give the Cheerful Teaching Assistant enormous credit for parting with 2 of the 3 mini candy bars and only keeping one for herself. That was incredibly kind of her.

Oh and my verification word appears to be "weahk". Why yes, as a matter of fact - I am! Particularly where medicinal chocolate is concerned.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is, you may want to lay in an extra supply of black and white cookies. And ear plugs.

Mia said...

Sorry.. but I'm just grinning over here :) Sounds like one heck of a day.

But hey, I like the look of that spinning wheel! I got the new spinoff magazine yesterday and I do believe i might be getting inspired!

sophanne said...

One! One! One! One! Let's sing a song about ONE!

How Many Is ONE???

(not counting stupid staff development days on Monday and Tuesday of next week- nokids=days off in my book

(and my word verification was deddq) STAY IN BED.

Karen said...

Hope you have a painless Friday.

Cursing Mama said...

Will you answer the door for the pizza delivery person? I think you should also get pizza - lots and lots of pizza.

Cathy said...

I saw the brownie pan mel mentioned and immediately thought of you. Coz I can't eat brownies. But you can come out and share my view.

You know you wanna.

Yarnhog said...

This is why teachers get summers off. If they didn't, no one would ever teach for more than one school year.

Ronni said...

That sounds like a really horrible day. I hope today was better. And then there's a weekend! Yea for weekends!

Anonymous said...

The knit group that meets once a week at my house has about ten reg'lars. Three (underline that, please) are teachers of special needs students. The past 2 weeks they have Either tried to crawl under the chairs or have left footprints on the walls and ceiling of my living room. I sing praises to them - and you - every day for their valor and strength! God bless you all!!! Paula in Iowa

Anonymous said...

I was going to write something encouraging for you but then I read Mel's comment. Are there really such pans???? I must have one.

Knitting Linguist said...

Oh, boy. Not good. I'd go out and buy one of Mel's pans instantaneously. Or spend the weekend with my princess waffle-maker, attempting to console myself. One or the other. You're so close!