Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Mystery Of The Elastic Clock

My Cheerful Teaching Assistant came into the classroom this morning and announced (cheerily) that she is starting to get "that Christmas feeling." I started to scoff at the very idea of holiday happiness at this early date and gave serious consideration to taking her cheer level down a notch or two. Just on general principle, you see.

But, then it hit me. It is November. It is not unreasonable for anyone to start looking ahead a wee bit and getting a little of the festive-ness on board. Last I knew, it was August. How the heck did we get to this place?

A little while later, I happened to glance up at the clock and was surprised to note that it was almost 11:00. Even my Cheerful Teaching Assistant was surprised by that. Where did the morning go?

At noontime, I was standing in the classroom doing my teaching/eating lunch trick that I have perfected over the years. As I poured myself a nice bowl of cereal from a box that featured the word, "FIBER" in letters bigger than my head, then doused the whole mess with non-fat soy milk, I couldn't help but wonder just when it was that I turned that corner. I seem to recall chuckling at the fibery, dairy-free and lackluster lunches that my older colleagues used to sigh over in the teacher's room. How is it that I am suddenly a featured player in "Salute to Bowel Health" Dinner Theater?

At 1:00 in the afternoon, my Cheerful Teaching Assistant and I looked wearily at the clock. I was beyond caring at that point, frankly. There was a lot to do this afternoon and many, many children who did not feel the urge to participate in our efforts to get it all done. Apparently, they are all enjoying their respective placements in fifth and sixth grade and do not want to be bothered with that pesky little tradition of moving from grade to grade in a progression that will one day allow them to be free from the public school system. My CTA, however, still had a little bit of energy in reserve. She is a young thing, still able to remember where she left her car keys and what her high school GPA was. As such, she had the will to cry:

Oh, my God! 1:00? I figured it had to be at least 3:00!!!! This is insane! Why won't the clock move??????


The whole day was nothing short of a warp in the time/space continuum and flew in the face of every theory to which we currently ascribe with regard to the forward movement of the minutes. The clock raced frantically. The clock slowed to a snail's pace. Sometimes, it just stopped completely.

Maybe it could use some of that gigantic box 'o FIBER that graces my lunch table each day.

Some things, however, remain constant. This is probably for the best, since I need something to provide me with a frame of reference. When you can't count on the clock or the calendar, look to the scarf. That, if nothing else, is moving along at a predictable pace.



Granted, that pace is slow. Much slower than I would like, given the apparent proximity of Christmas day.
But, it is a constant. This is a good thing. Otherwise, I'd have nothing upon which to base my life's routine. I might miss important things.
Like the scheduled consumption of the FIBER.
SA

22 comments:

trek said...

More oddities in the spacetime continuum. Hmm, maybe there is something to the zombie/apocalypse theory going around these here Internets...

Julie said...

Clocks are very fickle things; they race by at the speed of light on the weekends and then slow down and sometimes actually move in reverse during the week. Every now and then they like to confuse you by speeding up for a couple hours during a week day, but they ultimately make up for it later in the day.

Lazuli said...

Oh dear, the H word already? Wow! Good luck getting the time back in order!

Anne said...

May turning the clocks back this weekend will help? If not, I'm in trouble.

Beth said...

Yes, time seems to speed by when you don't want it to. If it makes you feel any better, my scarf isn't moving very quickly either. It's a good thing it's fun to knit. :)

Marianne said...

Time warps... hardly live with them, and certainly can't rip their heads off... pesky things, especially the ones like your afternoon...

errs said...

I seemed to have missed most of September -- that's the only excuse I have for it being November already.

Kath said...

As far as I can tell, any time I spend on the computer passes by at least 2 times the rate of time doing anything else important - like sleeping.

TheAmpuT said...

Is turning the clocks back this weekend going to suck you into some black hole or something??

Mel said...

Clocks are evil creatures who like to tease you. Evilly, even.

I actually have most of my important holiday shopping done, though there will doubtless be plenty of last-minute things to take care of. And we'll just have to see when we get those holiday cards sent out.

Anonymous said...

The scarf is lovely!!
Please no mention of the "H" word just yet. It makes the clock move faster!!!
Karen
http://nothingbutknit.blog-city.com/

Lorraine said...

Looks like the scarf is progressing well, especially because it is SOCK yarn and looks like a pretty fine gauge.

Hmmm, I seem to live on the racing clock side of the equation. Never quite getting done with what needs to be done before we're heading out the door again.

Cursing Mama said...

I do love that scarf; maybe I should keep the socks on the back burner & start a scarf like that. Maybe I should rip the socks & knit a scarf instead!

*Grinning wildly* at the salute to Good Bowel Health

Donna Lee said...

You're a better man than I, Gunga-din. I am probably not going to knit anything for anyone this holiday unless I give up the socks I am making and turn them into gifts.

Jeanne said...

It's a beautiful scarf, Sheepie. But I learned my Xmas knitting lesson long ago (try in 2006). If one is to finish a scarf by Xmas, one must use big needles. In my case, I'm thinking of using size #35 and one big stitch. Seriously.

Yarnhog said...

After my kids were born, I never could figure out how the days could go so slowly, while the years zipped by so quickly. Thanks for clearing that up--obviously it's just a glitch in the space/time continuum and I shouldn't worry my little head over it.

tenacious knitter said...

I hear you. Two years ago, I gave someone an unfinished scarf as a present and took it back to finish it during the festivities. So I'm going to start this weekend. I think procrastination used to give me some reward, but I can no longer handle the stress!

BTW what kind of audience do you get at a "Salute to Bowel Health" dinner theater?

Carrie K said...

Fiber is yummy.

There's been a weird time/space continuum that I've noticed ever since the baby I threw a baby shower for has inexplicably become a college student. Of course, by now, he could be a grandfather. Just don't tell me.

Christmas is coming?

Helen said...

The calendar has been fickle. Last week, it was August. Now, it's November? Huh??? But, then I have just finished winding the yarn for the first of the H-knitting. Granted, I'm a tad early, but this must be shipped to Eastern Canada from the Middle of the U.S., so I need to incorporate lead time.

I'm sure I'll be knitting til dawn the day that gifts get dispersed. It's a time honored tradition.

But the clock? that's fickle beyond measure. Unlike the calendar, which can be counted on to flip pages at a frightening rate without any signs of slowing, the clock speeds up, slows down... stops, skips whole hours.... it's evil!

Denise said...

Okay, the "Salute to Bowel Health" Dinner Theater' line had me totally cracking up.

I don't think you're alone in the summer to fall time warp issue. One of my co-workers was just saying to me last week that the trees near our building were turning color *really* early this year. And she seemed truly convinced of it too until I happened to ruin it by mentioning the fact that it was very nearly November and I was pretty sure they weren't any earlier than normal.

Your scarf is looking great!

mehitabel said...

It's even more confusing around here. November should not be seeing almost 90 degree temps. It should be crisp, cool, and there should be lots of pretty crunchy leaves underfoot. Oh wait... that's not the crunch of leaves, it's FIBER! And not the good woolly kind, either. Oh well. Good Bowel Health counts for something!

Bobbi said...

yeah! a scarf! very pretty!