I have a longstanding love/hate relationship with the cable company. On one hand, they have managed to create some of the most frustrating and irritating moments in my life. On the other...they provide me with TV. I love TV. TV is good.
For the most part, my love of TV is enough to keep me from doing things that might be considered rash or ill advised. Like chasing cable trucks with loaded weaponry after being made to wait four days six hours and twenty eight minutes for a service technician.
Still, one has to take a stand at certain points and I took mine when the digital switch came about. I had a digital television. I had standard cable. I did not have a digital cable box, however. Hence, I went to the cable company's website to see about this new and exciting development in the life of TV. There, I discovered they were trying to pull a fast one! Oh, they are cunning devils over there at the cable company!
They were trying to make it look all complicated and trick people into scheduling one of those service calls that make me want to chase the trucks! I happened to know that this wasn't necessary and that one could "self-install" a digital box quite easily. They were most certainly not fooling me. I was smarter than that and I would punish them for this slight upon my intelligence!
I would not get a digital cable box. I would sit happily in my living room with my standard old cable. It was just fine, thank you very much. It even had a few high def. channels. Sure, I lost a lot of stations when the transition took place, but I could live with that. I was Striking A Blow For The Little Guy and Withholding Money From The Evil Corporation!
That would get them, for sure. Because it was less money to not get the box and keep my old cable subscription. It was (and try not to gasp aloud on this one, folks)...SEVEN WHOLE DOLLARS CHEAPER PER MONTH!
Frankly, I am nothing short of an inspiration to protesters for social betterment everywhere. If only I'd been around to advise Gandhi and the like...
Last Friday, however, I got to thinking. It had been quite a while since I began this campaign of terror. Why, some of the people now working at the cable company probably weren't even born when I first launched my protest, right? Perhaps it was time to let them off the hook. Just a little bit.
I had to go over to the local office anyway. I sort of took the protest too far and forgot to pay the cable bill. The big, evil conglomerate might have taken the loss of my seven dollars per month stoically, but they were a little less calm when I neglected them altogether. I needed to scoot over there and drop off a check before my scanty cable services disappeared.
I'm a mighty force for change and a beacon of hope in this world, but I don't think I deserve to live without Nickelodeon...
I left the cable offices with my bill paid in full and a gi-normous box of cable-y goodness under my arm. I even sprung for the DVR. Having suffered to make my point for so long, I felt that giving the cable company a taste of what they could have had all these years was perfectly acceptable. I'm certain they are now regretting their lack of clarity when it came to digital cable boxes and the installation thereof.
I expect any day now to receive a certified letter from The President Of All Things Cable filled to the brim with apologies and heartfelt thanks for the second chance. I shall receive it graciously and not indulge myself in petty I-told-you-so's.
Meanwhile, I am quite pleased to be joining you all in the 21st century. The new cable box is magical. It can turn back time, allow me to go to bed at a reasonable hour without missing good programming and freeze itself in order that I might use the restroom as needed. It's really very accommodating. I am falling in love with TV all over again now that the long protest is over.
Of course, it was probably poor judgement to do this right before the start of the new school year. I'll have to leave my shiny new cable box behind in a very short while. Looks like I'll be using that DVR a lot more in the near future...
Little Tourist Poncho, fall 2016
1 day ago