Monday, March 01, 2010

Idiocy Explained

I was not exactly on top of my game today. This is often the case and I'm not trying to suggest that I am normally casting pearls of wisdom hither and thither. I am scattered. Today, however, I was really over the line. It was all the worse for knowing why and not really being able to articulate this. Of course, now that the day is over, I find myself a little more capable of putting it into words.

So here it is. The Idiot's Guide To Idiocy.

Friday's Contribution:

As previously explained, my part of the planet was smote on Friday. The winds howled, the rains fell and trees suddenly decided to see how life would be if they cast off their roots and headed into people's living rooms. Oceans and rivers thought it might be fun to travel new paths and began merrily dancing their way down the pavements. The miracle that is electricity was no more and we were all reduced to savagery.

"All" being a relative term. My power came back on mid morning. However, I can assure you that during those dark cold hours of uncertainty, I suffered mightily.

All that Armageddon was very exhausting. It took a lot out of me. I did little on Friday except ponder the meaning of it all. And try to figure out a way to get to my doctor's appointment which, despite being a mere five miles away, required some creative navigation if I was going to make it in a timely manner.

Saturday's Contribution:

I've been helping out with the Maine Academic Decathlon for years now. Not long ago, I managed to rise through the ranks and obtain a paying position. It is a great honor and an even greater responsibility. I get to use White Out. And alphabetize things. And sort by numerical order.

I have not reached the point where I am trusted to run any of the more technical equipment. You have to be certified or something to do that. You need a certain amount of training to run the test forms through the scanner. I hope to someday attain that level of expertise.

That won't be happening any time soon, though. My nine year old niece-by-proxy came to help this year since her Dad is the Head Scorer. She, by virtue of genetic predisposition, got to run the scanner. She was quite good at it, too. Really good. One might even say "gifted." Frankly, I see no way I'm going to make it to the scanner under the current circumstances.

I love helping out with this endeavor, scanner or no. I get to see good friends, meet amazing kids and eat free pizza. Sometimes I even get a t-shirt. But it's a long day. There's no getting around that fact. It's a whole Saturday and one that ends with me collapsing into bed by 9:00.

I got to work a few rounds of sock, though. It's not quite the same as being allowed to run the scanner, but still...

Sunday's Contribution:

I was still pretty tired and couldn't seem to get my act together. I didn't do the grocery shopping like I was supposed to. Or anything else, really. I managed to find some shoes so I could get out the door to go sit with SIL Sheep at 3:00 and that was an accomplishment.

SIL had surgery recently. Since she is lying abed, it only seemed right that I settle in there, too. I wouldn't want her to feel awkward. I am a good guest, one that does not wish my hostess to experience any social discomfort. After an hour or so of lying down, I began to see the possibilities in this lifestyle. Lying down is good. It's even better if the neighbor is willing to make a pizza run and there is a TV nearby. Frankly, I think I would make a great invalid!

When Baby Brother Sheep came home from his activities, I happily pointed out my new discoveries, but he still said I had to go home. Apparently, he is not willing to have two invalids lying abed. I found that to be a little selfish, if you want the truth. I was forced out of bed, into my shoes and out the door!

Monday's Contribution:

There were many. First, I was promised a storm today. Further, there were still a number of power outages in my school district. Even though I knew it would be a bad idea to be thinking I was going to get a four day weekend, a part of me couldn't help but believe it might come to pass.

It didn't.

I had no bagels for breakfast. I had no apples for lunch. I had little in the way of sustenance to get me through the day. All the Armageddon, Sorting and Lying Abed had turned my weekend routine completely upside down! I wasn't ready for this day. Not one little bit!

Perhaps if the Cheerful Teaching Assistant or the students were awake, I might have been able to use their example to my benefit. But the CTA was sick all weekend and the kids didn't want to be there any more than they usually do. We basically did the best we could and muddled.

It was probably a bad day to have them work on their bridge-building projects. You don't even want to know how many hot glue burns we have to our credit now. And the splinter situation wasn't good either. Most of the latter were mine to bear. The former were suffered by the children and I'm imagining that there will soon be A Very Special Movie Of The Week about my callous singeing of innocent youngsters.

At least the pain woke us up temporarily...

So there you go. The reasons for my idiocy today. I hope this clears matters up. Sure, I'm a dope, but I have an explanation for it. It is not my fault. It was a convergence of events, all of which were beyond my control. There is no way anyone can blame me for being an idiot today.

Now I need to get ready for bed. I'm going to need a good night's sleep if I'm to come up with an excuse for tomorrow's poor performance...



Anonymous said...

If I am counting correctly, you ate pizza twice (2X!) this weekend. I think that should count for something.

Beth said...

I love the invalid part! You are so considerate to rest in bed with your SIL.

=Tamar said...

Sunday the moon was full. Could it be that you are a were-invalid?
Monday afternoon the moon was void-of-course, and anything planned then is doomed to turn out "creatively different." My calendar says so, and who am I to argue.
Best of luck, go replenish the supplies, and may the CTA recover soon.

Karen said...

Don't you hate that you found your true calling after having put so many years into that teaching thing. I suspect you'd get bored with the laying around thing anyway.

Donna Lee said...

I had to force my way into the grocery store this weekend. It was moderately crowded. one of the cashiers said people were tired of snow and were not panic buying anymore. Thank goodness. Now I can buy milk without having to go to three stores.

Our part of the storm was heavy wet snow and some wind. Not too bad-just miserably wet and cold.

Isn't it spring yet?

Anonymous said...

Those are lovely excuses. I am totally convinced. My excuse is the Knitting Olympics. Not nearly as good an excuse.


trek said...

You had pizza delivered unto your Sheepish self twice in one weekend but no cake?! Sheepie, what were you thinking?