Sunday, February 21, 2010

Last Of The Vacationing

I remain firmly entrenched in denial, but I'm going to have to face it sooner or later. Preferably sooner since tomorrow morning's coffee depends upon my getting it ready before bed. Vacation is over and tomorrow I have to go back to school. The future doctors and lawyers of this fine land are counting on me, after all...

I suppose a good note upon which to end would be with a training film review. I would never let a week of respite go by without sharpening my skills. The future doctors and lawyers of this fine land will be counting on me in the coming Zombie Apocalypse, after all...

And it's marginally knitting-related since I finished up the Mittens 'o Shame while I was watching, right?

The sad fact of the matter is this: I've watched a lot of zombie movies and it's getting hard to find good ones. Some are OK. Some are better than that. Others? The best you can say is, "they tried."

Last Of The Living falls somewhere in the middle, I think. It doesn't offer much in the way of new material, but there are always lessons to be learned. One can't afford to let a training opportunity pass by without taking advantage. That's just forward thinking. And when that opportunity is found for five bucks at the local department store, so much the better.

I might quibble with the quick thinking guy in the marketing department for reissuing the product with the label, "Zombieland's Got Nothin' On These Slackers," though. That's stretching things a bit. Still...it was pretty enterprising.

The tips I have to pass along after this particular educational session are as follows:

1. As much as we like to think otherwise, our good friends in New Zealand are not going to be spared in the coming apocalypse. In spite of having their very own center for viral study, it's just not going to work out well.

2. I find the spelling "centre" far preferable to "center." It's classier and inspires confidence in this particular Yank. However, it will make no difference in the end. It's all the same to the undead roaming the halls.

3. Whether it is a "centre" or a "center," it would behoove its planners to put more in the way of medical equipment around the place. Security might be helpful as well.

4. New Zealanders are rather impressive in a crisis. Most of them will develop almost ninja-like skills in the face of the menacing, moaning masses. They will also step up with the witty repartee.

5. The down side of this is that a few of the zombies, in full defiance of the example set by their shambling peers, will also begin sprinting nimbly about. This is confusing since it's hard to tell which ones are limber and which ones are more sedate.

6. For the record, the ones that hiss seem to be quicker but I'm not sure I have enough data to back that up. Screeching can be a good clue as well, I think.

7. A zombie in a parachute is funny no matter what the circumstances.

8. Don't go getting all sentimental about witty, ninja-like New Zealanders. Everyone is expendable.

9. The lacrosse helmet is often underestimated.

10. No one needs a new CD so badly that it's worth going out in the middle of the Zombie Apocalypse.


I think that about covers it. You are now better prepared to battle the undead army when the time comes. Feel free to print this material for your personal use, but remember to include the Sheepish Attributions should you disseminate it. I get royalties and whatnot, you know. This is hard work. I'm planning for the survival of the whole world here!!!

OK. I don't really get royalties. Mostly I just get a lot of strange looks...

SA


6 comments:

kmkat said...

I'll remember that advice about the CD run. Does that same caution apply to chocolate? How about beer? Luckily I don't smoke, so no ciggy runs...

knitseashore said...

Does the fact that New Zealand has so many sheep bear any significance on survival?

Knitting Linguist said...

That's an excellent point about the CDs, and well-taken, even though I rarely buy CDs. But I'm going to assume that the same would hold true for library books, even ones so good as those you recommend (my daughter's loving the latest, btw!).

trek said...

I wouldn't look at you strangely! Expecially since I rely upon yur expertise and enlightenment. If not for Sheepie, I would not know the significance of the "double tap" nor why I should always perform one.

Kath said...

Two questions:

What's your opinion on theater vs. theatre?

Do New Zealand zombies have nice accents?

Donna Lee said...

The spelling of the word Centre seems to give me more of a sense of confidence than when you spell it Center. It won't do me any good if it's all the way down in New Zealand and I'm up here.