Saturday, February 20, 2010

Dirty Little Secrets

We all have a dark side, right? Things we're not proud of? Things we'd rather just let faaaaade into the background? I have oodles of dark secrets that should never, ever see the light of day.

However, confession is good for the soul and I hear that karma likes it when you come clean. What's the use of having a blog if you can't periodically use it to unburden your soul onto unsuspecting readers, right?

Deep, Dark Secret The First:

It appears that I really hate cleaning. In fact I hate it so much that, when faced with a display of shiny toilet seats in the discount store, I will lose all sense of responsibility. I will think, "You know what? It would be easier to buy a new one of these thingies than it would be to clean the old one."

This is not even close to true. Nor is it one of my prouder moments, but there you are. It is what it is. I considered buying a new toilet seat to be more efficient than wiping down the old one. My mother is beside herself with the pride.

To be fair, the retired seat came with the place when I bought it twenty years ago and you can't say it didn't do the job. And the new one is pretty darned spiffy. It took some wrangling to get it connected since my toilet is, apparently, not "standard size." But it's on and it's beautiful. Truth be told, when I sit myself upon what is sometimes crassly referred to as "the throne," I sort of do feel like a princess! I really, truly do!

It is shiny enough to put the rest of that particular household fixture to shame, but it seems a bit over the top to replace the entire toilet. Even if it probably would be easier than cleaning...


Deep, Dark Secret The Second:

First of all, let me say that the Olympics are amazing. They represent the world at its best and bring us all together in the spirit of competition and cooperation. I have great respect for the tradition of the Olympics.

However....

It's still sports. Worse, it's sports played outdoors. In the cold. Except for the ones that are inside, but there is still something of a "chilly" vibe going on there. I don't care for watching sports. I am even less inclined to watch sports that involved people wearing winter gear.

This year, I have watched nary an event. Not the opening ceremonies. Not skating. Not skiing. Nothing. I accidentally caught a bit of the curling but that was more of a problem with my remote not responding quickly enough rather than my suddenly developing an interest in the sweeping of ice. (which is, as you know, cleaning and sports put together...yikes!)

Don't get me wrong. I'm as excited as the next guy when we take gold and I've kept track a little bit. Sort of. I'm proud of our athletes. I just can't sit and watch sporty-type stuff without getting bored.

Besides, everyone is Twittering all over the place about it so it's almost like I'm watching, right?


Deep, Dark Secret The Third:

On Wednesday, I announced that I was really getting into the vacation schedule. I confidently stated that I was now ready to tackle all those projects that I'd left undone while I "adjusted" to this workless state. That was probably a mistake.

I started off strong. But then the whole "toilet seat" thing happened and it was pretty much all over after that. It's hard to keep to the schedule once you've taken a left turn of that magnitude. How do you top it?

I ended up sitting in front of a movie for the rest of the afternoon. (A training film, granted and one that offered a few helpful tips I may use in the coming Zombie Apocalypse, but still...) Most of the things I thought I'd get done this week while I had the time remain undone. Sheepie hangs her head in shame.



For what it's worth, I finished the stupid Mittens 'o Shame. But that hardly seems to make up for the sloth.


Deep, Dark Secret The Fourth:

You know what? It really does feel good to confess! In fact, it feels so good that I'm going to confess on behalf of another. I want everyone to feel as clean of soul as I!

Half-Priced Candy Day began on Monday and I fear I was a little over-enthusiastic. I always say I'm going to keep things within reason, but it's hard when you're faced with a whole table of half-priced goods. Why I thought I needed a bright pink fleecy throw covered in fancy hearts, I don't know. It goes with nothing in the manse. And I have enough blankets here, Lord knows. But I guess I blacked out for a minute in all the excitement and suddenly I had a hot pink blankie. With a matching pillow.

I don't much care for it, truth be told. It's a little too frou-frou for my tastes. But there is another who loves it. Someone who fancies himself a real man's man. Someone who names himself the Protector Of The Household and Lord Of The Manor. Someone who, in my opinion, clashes with bright pink and has no business swaddling himself in it.


Err...I can explain...um...


He's going on and on about how cats are color blind, but that doesn't explain his being so attracted to the heart pattern. He just doesn't want to admit that he's gotten in touch with his feminine side, is all.

He's feel better if he just manned up and spoke true. There's no shame in pink hearts. I wish I could say the same about new toilet seats...

SA

16 comments:

kmkat said...

Thumbs! I see thumbs! Those make up for any other supposed shortcomings on your part. Thumbs = Teh Awesome.

Did you happen to see this lolcats?
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2010/02/19/funny-pictures-cat-i-will-come-down/
I thought immediately of AGK when I read it, even though the cat in the photo looks only slightly like him.

Mizzle said...

Done! All done!

Congratulations on the thumbiness!

(Oh, and for toilet cleaning: I think the Mythbusters had an interesting method involving dynamite... or was it Brainiac? And if, somehow, it doesn't work out, you'll have a good reason to buy a new toilet! :) )

Mouse said...

My mum would totally buy a new toilet seat rather than clean the old one.. I come by my lack of cleaning skills honestly- its genetic.

My big boycat who fancies himself Man of the House is also obsessed with a rather girlie fleece blanket with kitties on it... I guess it must be the fabric.

trek said...

Pink? Pink? What's wrong with pink?
Seems like you've got a pink kink in your thing!

Kath said...

Well of course finishing the mittens makes up for sloth! I mean, other knitwear might not but I am quite sure the knitting of thumbs grants a special dispensation.

And clearly, no one ever told AGK that redheads weren't supposed to wear pink. But I think he wears it well!

Anonymous said...

replace the toilet seat instead of clean it...Brilliant. Wonder if I could apply that principal to my stove?

PICAdrienne said...

Congratulations on the completed mittens, they are lovely. However, I beg to differ on the blanket not going with anything (one) in the manse, I think it goes rather well with BFK.

=Tamar said...

Another vote for thumbs as the answer to all criticism. (My thumb-free Simple Hat o'Shame sits crownless. Maybe later today. No, I'm not in the Knitting Olympics. I know myself better than that.)
Also, the joy of having a new toilet seat is one of life's quiet pleasures, seldom sung but often felt.

Donna Lee said...

I will admit here that I have not watched any of the Olympics either. Not any of it. Not even the opening ceremony (which I heard was really good). I have nothing against them but just don't care to watch other people exercise. It's hard enough to make myself do it.

Julia G said...

Two thumbs up on the beautiful mittens! And the AGK looks as handsome as ever on his cuddly pink heart fluffy blankie.

I read somewhere you can clean your toilet with Coca-cola, since it's the same PH as toilet-bowl cleaner (!) although I have not personally tested that theory.

Elaine said...

Great job on the mittens!! MSWSATBD is going to be so pleased.

Mia said...

awwwww.. pretty pink hearts... :)

I'm SO glad you didn't out my deep dark secret -the hate of doing dishes hehehe. I used to wait till there was no more clean silverware -but that's long past now... I'll just starve ::laughing::

SO glad you'll be feeling regal this Monday morning :)

=Tamar said...

I once knew someone who just bought new silverware until he had enough to make a full dishwasherload. Green, right?

Anonymous said...

I join you in not watching the Olympics. I live in Greater Vancouver (oh, they call it 'Metro Vancouver' now - it always was the Greater Vancouver Regional District. They spiffed up the name for the Olympics) and I have gone down and seen nothing. There are crowds. I don't do crowds.

Congradulations on the thumbs and thank you for the good news on the toilet seat. The prior owners of my toilet seat put a cigarette burn on it and a change would be nice. I find your toilet seat report inspiring.

I hope your Monday with the Future Lawyers and Doctors of your Country is inspiring.

Leah

Julie said...

Hey, you finished the mittens - YAY!!!

I have to admit that I am with you on the Olympics thing; I haven't watched a single minute of the games, not even by mistake.

Also, I see nothing wrong with buying a new toilet seat rather than cleaning the old :-)

Beth said...

Yea for finishing the mittens!!!