WNBP: Babies And Ten Years In Therapy

Ah, Wednesday! You might get a bad rap from others, what with being the middle of the week and all. Some people don't see your beauty. They don't understand how you have a certain "something" that makes the day just a little bit brighter. You may not be Friday, but you ain't chopped liver. You are the day of the Wednesday Night Bullet Post! How can I not love you for that?

Here's what I came up with for this particular beauty of a Wednesday:

*As I headed out for today's commute, the car told me that it was -4 degrees.

*I often think that my car is overly hysterical about the weather. It gets all worked up.

*Today, though, I felt that it was being somewhat optimistic.

*Cold out there...

*I started anew on the mittens for Mrs. Secretary Who Sits At The Back Desk.

*There is a cuff.

*And a little bit of not-cuff.

*There will be no further flights of fancy with these mittens.

*Plain mittens will be finished. Thrummed mittens will only lead to tears.

*I just started Chris Wooding's Poison.

*Even if you don't care for Youth Lit, I'd still suggest you give this author a try.

*Magical...

*The Kid Who Doesn't Have An Off Switch didn't want to eat lunch in the cafeteria today so he ate in the classroom.

*He's my only 7th grader.

*Why he suddenly felt that the dining experience would be improved by my having a baby, I don't know.

*But that's what he felt we needed to discuss. He even drew a picture of my future child on the board for me.

*He's not a great artist so he had to get creative.

*Round baby with flippers.

*Then he decided it looked like an alien baby so he made it green.

*And wrote, "Happy Pregnancy, Ms. Sheep!"

*The Cheerful Teaching Assistant was quite amused.

*She's not getting any mittens from me.

*I am not going to explain menopause to a 12 year old at lunch. That is not in my contract.

*The entire episode ended thusly:

TKWDHAOS: (looking happily upon his round, green flipper baby) Ms. Sheep, I really enjoyed making a baby with you.

Ms. Sheep: (only capable of making incoherent gurgling sounds as she watches her career crumble around her)

TKWDHAOS: No! That's not what I meant! I meant drawing a baby! FOR you! Not WITH you!

MS: Please stop talking.

TKWDHAOS: (adolescent voice cracking as hysteria overtakes him) For you! Drawing! No making babies!!! C'mon! You know what I meant! Right?

MS: Stop. Talking. Now. I need to call my therapist. I suggest you do the same.

(By now, the Cheerful Teaching Assistant is beyond help and must leave the room before she laughs herself into an injury. In the other room, the boy who is Gauged And Aerodynamic is sitting slumped over his computer because he has been sick all day. Even from this position and in the throes of his infirmity, he can clearly be heard to say, "You are one sick little dude...")

TKWDHAOS: You KNOW what I meant! You know... drawing...baby...

MS: For the rest of the day? No eye contact.

TKWDHAOS: (collapsing in a chair) Agreed.

*In all the excitement, I forgot to erase the board.

*One of the subs came in to ask a question and now there is an unquashable rumor going around the building regarding my being With Child.

*Not true.

*No alien baby. With or without flippers.

*Just years and years of therapy ahead of me.

*It's still really cold out there.

*I'd go ask my car what the actual temperature is, but I don't trust it.

*And I probably shouldn't go out in my delicate condition anyway.

*There's a three day weekend coming up.

*Which seems sort of wrong considering that I just finished a long vacation.

*Not going to quibble, though. I like a three day weekend.

*I can knit mittens.

*And read my book.

*And not have to talk about alien babies.

Another Wednesday settles quietly into twilight and Sheepie is going to see about getting herself some dinner. Nutrition is important for we alien-flipper-baby-mommies, after all. I should probably eat something with folic acid since I hear good things about that. I don't know as I have anything with folic acid in it, but it's worth a look in the ol' cupboards. Failing that, I'll probably just go with something from the bourbon shelf.

At least until I can find a therapist who specializes in Unfinished Mitten/Temperature Sensitive Car/Alien-Flipper Baby Issues...

SA