Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The View From Inside My Head

Perhaps I gave the wrong impression. I do that sometimes. I forget that everyone doesn't live in my head or know my every intention, thought and deed. Why everyone doesn't live in my head is a mystery to me because it is nothing short of a carnival in there. Sure, it gets a little loud sometimes and it doesn't always make sense, but you can't beat it for sheer entertainment value.

Alas, my head is my domain and it is impossible for the world to know of its delights. So, when Cursing Mama expressed some concern regarding my Impending Zombie Apocalypse Training and whether I might have let that lapse during the past vacation, I certainly understood. I didn't mention it. Not even once. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. The ongoing commitment to viewing all relevant material is still my true purpose in life.

Aren't you sad you don't live in my head now? It's like this all the time...

I watched two training films over the course of my vacation. They were delightful opportunities to catch up on the knitting and also see if there were any new methods for defeating the undead menace that surely lurks right around the corner.

The first was the 1990 remake of Romero's Night Of The Living Dead. This one wasn't particularly well received and the reasons were surely valid. How does one improve upon the original? The classic? That which opened our eyes to the threat we'd previously chosen not to see?

Personally, I think it got a bad rap. It has its good points. They had the common sense to not try and repeat the earlier script word for word or, worse, to rewrite it beyond recognition. In fact, they did a rather nice job of updating it for content. What worked before did so only within the social context of the time. The newer version went for more of a See-What-Happens-When-We-Don't-Work-Together? theme and it worked.

Not much new to learn, but still a pleasant way to validate my established zombie defense plan.

In the final days of my vacation, the snows were flying and I was stuck inside. I was bored, missing the outside world and reminded of how this might be the state of affairs when the walking dead were roaming my streets.

So I used the interwebs to download another training film. This time, I went with one that probably doesn't have a wide viewership. I like to think that there might be ten of us who can claim to have watched it, but I don't think I'm going to risk starting a fan club or anything. It would just be me sitting down at the local rec. center and eating all the finger sandwiches by myself.

The makers of After The Day probably knew full well what they were getting into. It's pretty formulaic. You take an almost workable premise, a script that is more of a suggestion than a hard and fast document and a working budget of nothing then forge ahead. You ignore the fact that the plot line gets a little blurred after a while because most people aren't going to notice anyway. They'll be too busy laughing.

But this time, they did something a little bit different. They did something so outrageous that it probably got the entire production crew banned from the making of low budget horror movies for all time. Are you ready for this? You won't believe it.

They went and hired people who could actually act.

I know. It's crazy. But they did. And, while it isn't enough to save this movie, it was enough for me. It made me happy. I do love a well-delivered one-liner. Sadly, there wasn't much in the way of educational material, but I got what I could out of it. Apparently, in a zombie crisis, you should be aware of the following:

1. If you haven't horded food, it is too late once the bombs go off. Don't go out there.

2. Annoying neighbors don't get any better during the Apocalypse so you'd better choose your friends carefully now.

3. It is unwise to believe announcements made from helicopters, even if they tell you everything is fine. Everything is most certainly not fine, although you really can't do anything about it.

4. Becoming overly complacent about zombies will only lead to tears. And vampires. And this, as we all know, is how plot lines go horribly awry...


So, as you can plainly see, I have been keeping up with my research into the matter of Zombie Survival Tactics. Even when I am not blathering on and on about it, I am still firmly entrenched in my need to prepare for this horrible eventuality and to share what I have learned for the betterment of all the living. I would never let you down!

If I didn't have this pesky job, I could do it full time. I suppose that probably wouldn't be the best thing for me, though. As it stands, there are a variety of things inside my head. Without the distractions there would be only the zombies and it wouldn't be nearly as much fun in there...

SA

11 comments:

Mel said...

If starting a fan club means getting all the finger sandwiches to yourself, then I'm thinking it might not be a bad idea. And sticking with the food theme, the need for more space to hoarde it sounds like a pretty good reason for the kitchen model I want to do. I can just imagine the look on David's face.

Donna Lee said...

I will sleep better tonight knowing you are on the watch. And that part about the helicopters? Pure gold. I'm sure I'd trust almost anything people in helicopters told me. But now I know better.

trek said...

I am very glad that I have a dedicated Apocalyptic Warrior researching on my behalf - a Warrior Sheep who is tireless in educating us poor, humble masses...

kmkat said...

You want to share your cell number with me? Because when the zombies come, I know who I need to call...

Beth said...

I'm glad you're still on top of things! So zombies and vampires don't mix? I'm way behind on my training.

Cursing Mama said...

I feel much better about your training. And, now I have a good excuse to make another trip to Costco for further bulk food purchases!

All that camping gear we aren't using is going to stay too.

knitseashore said...

Will there be Zombie Preparedness Kits available soon on Etsy? We need two human kits and three feline ones, please.

=Tamar said...

I would _pretend_ to believe anything said by people in helicopters, long enough for them to go away...

Hoarding food that is continually used and replenished so it stays edible isn't true hoarding, it's preparedness for the famine, when the hordes of zombies make it hard for the delivery trucks to get to the stores.

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Julia G said...

The notion of eating finger sandwiches at a zombie movie fan club created a disturbing image in my head! Of course, maybe this will lead to a sequel, "The Remains of After the Day", a Merchant-Ivory production starring Sir Anthony Hopkins in full-on zombie mode... or not....

Kath said...

Oh I would never trust the people in the helicopters! After all, they are up there where it probably IS safe, not down here on the ground with poor little 'ole me, desperately trying to escape from the tourists...errrr...I mean zombie hordes.