The View From Inside My Head

Perhaps I gave the wrong impression. I do that sometimes. I forget that everyone doesn't live in my head or know my every intention, thought and deed. Why everyone doesn't live in my head is a mystery to me because it is nothing short of a carnival in there. Sure, it gets a little loud sometimes and it doesn't always make sense, but you can't beat it for sheer entertainment value.

Alas, my head is my domain and it is impossible for the world to know of its delights. So, when Cursing Mama expressed some concern regarding my Impending Zombie Apocalypse Training and whether I might have let that lapse during the past vacation, I certainly understood. I didn't mention it. Not even once. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. The ongoing commitment to viewing all relevant material is still my true purpose in life.

Aren't you sad you don't live in my head now? It's like this all the time...

I watched two training films over the course of my vacation. They were delightful opportunities to catch up on the knitting and also see if there were any new methods for defeating the undead menace that surely lurks right around the corner.

The first was the 1990 remake of Romero's Night Of The Living Dead. This one wasn't particularly well received and the reasons were surely valid. How does one improve upon the original? The classic? That which opened our eyes to the threat we'd previously chosen not to see?

Personally, I think it got a bad rap. It has its good points. They had the common sense to not try and repeat the earlier script word for word or, worse, to rewrite it beyond recognition. In fact, they did a rather nice job of updating it for content. What worked before did so only within the social context of the time. The newer version went for more of a See-What-Happens-When-We-Don't-Work-Together? theme and it worked.

Not much new to learn, but still a pleasant way to validate my established zombie defense plan.

In the final days of my vacation, the snows were flying and I was stuck inside. I was bored, missing the outside world and reminded of how this might be the state of affairs when the walking dead were roaming my streets.

So I used the interwebs to download another training film. This time, I went with one that probably doesn't have a wide viewership. I like to think that there might be ten of us who can claim to have watched it, but I don't think I'm going to risk starting a fan club or anything. It would just be me sitting down at the local rec. center and eating all the finger sandwiches by myself.

The makers of After The Day probably knew full well what they were getting into. It's pretty formulaic. You take an almost workable premise, a script that is more of a suggestion than a hard and fast document and a working budget of nothing then forge ahead. You ignore the fact that the plot line gets a little blurred after a while because most people aren't going to notice anyway. They'll be too busy laughing.

But this time, they did something a little bit different. They did something so outrageous that it probably got the entire production crew banned from the making of low budget horror movies for all time. Are you ready for this? You won't believe it.

They went and hired people who could actually act.

I know. It's crazy. But they did. And, while it isn't enough to save this movie, it was enough for me. It made me happy. I do love a well-delivered one-liner. Sadly, there wasn't much in the way of educational material, but I got what I could out of it. Apparently, in a zombie crisis, you should be aware of the following:

1. If you haven't horded food, it is too late once the bombs go off. Don't go out there.

2. Annoying neighbors don't get any better during the Apocalypse so you'd better choose your friends carefully now.

3. It is unwise to believe announcements made from helicopters, even if they tell you everything is fine. Everything is most certainly not fine, although you really can't do anything about it.

4. Becoming overly complacent about zombies will only lead to tears. And vampires. And this, as we all know, is how plot lines go horribly awry...

So, as you can plainly see, I have been keeping up with my research into the matter of Zombie Survival Tactics. Even when I am not blathering on and on about it, I am still firmly entrenched in my need to prepare for this horrible eventuality and to share what I have learned for the betterment of all the living. I would never let you down!

If I didn't have this pesky job, I could do it full time. I suppose that probably wouldn't be the best thing for me, though. As it stands, there are a variety of things inside my head. Without the distractions there would be only the zombies and it wouldn't be nearly as much fun in there...

SA