Does Ability=Obligation?

The following conversation happened the week before the holiday break and occurred in the main office at my school. I was strolling through as I often do because it is a shortcut and I do love to save myself wear 'n tear when ever possible. My warranty expired a loooong time ago, after all.

As I was toddling along, Mrs. Secretary Who Sits At The Back Desk hailed me.

Mrs. Secretary Who Sits At The Back Desk: Oh, Ms. Sheep! I have a question. Is this yours? I found it in the parking lot and I know someone is looking for it.

Ms. Sheep: What is that?

MSWSATBD: (waving a piece of knitwear at in the general direction of MS) It's a mitten. And a nice one, too. Is it yours?

MS: (trying to not let disdain seep into her tone and failing utterly) Um. No. That is a store-bought mitten. I would not have a store-bought mitten. If I wanted a mitten, I would knit one. Actually, I'd knit two since one probably wouldn't do me much good.

MSWSATBD: Oh, you knit! You are so lucky. I love handknit mittens!

That conversation took less time to transpire than it did to transcribe. It was a minute, if that. I doubt that Mrs. Secretary even remembers it since all sorts of things have happened since then and most of them haven't included me at all because I'm actually not the center of the universe. However, it has caused me to think. The thoughts are the sort that have the potential to develop into dilemmas, if not full-blown issues.

Here are my thoughts in no particular order (except for when they are):

1. If only for a moment, Mrs. Secretary wanted me to knit her some mittens.

2. I want to knit her some mittens.

3. I have a basket filled with unfinished projects, all of whom sent me hate mail on New Year's Eve because they want to be finished in 2010.

4. I want to be the kind of person who wants to knit unto others.

5. I am a single person who has developed the habit of doing whatever the heck she feels like doing and that includes what goes on the needles.

6. Mrs. Secretary is wonderful and nurturing. The Cheerful Teaching Assistant calls her brand of caretaking "Tough Love." This is true but we get what we deserve and we all know it. We also appreciate it and are sad when Mrs. Secretary fails to mother us because she has to answer the phone or do other job-related activities.

7. I am currently knitting The Spite Sweater. I call it that because that's what I'm knitting it for. Spite. Pure spite. It is ugly and stupid and I don't care. I am knitting it because sweaters never work out for me and I am feeling snarky about that.

8. It should be noted that #7 is already an Issue, if not a full-on psychiatric condition. I can, right here and now, name at least five possible diagnoses that fit the symptoms. Borderline Personality Disorder comes to mind...

9. I want to want to knit mittens but do not want to knit mittens. I can't even work up the desire to think about wanting to knit mittens.

10. I am perfectly capable of knitting mittens and doing so rather quickly. I even have the yarn.

And now here I sit. I'm thinking, trying to not have Issues and still not knitting mittens. As I said, it was a quick conversation and the whole thing is almost a month in the past. Were I to not knit mittens, Mrs. Secretary would still hold me in her affections. I would still be allowed to use the office copier because I jam the one in the teacher's room every ten minutes. I would still get to keep the "good" phone in my office and she won't tell anyone I have it. When I screw up my Very Important Paperwork, I know that there is a secretary sitting at the back desk who will chastise me, but cover for me long enough so I can fix it. Nothing will change.

But I still feel like I should knit her some mittens. I am able to knit mittens. She likes mittens. I could do that one little thing. Except for the part where I haven't knit them because there are other things that are more appealing to me right now.

Mittens and my ability to knit them have taken over my thoughts. I suppose that, if I just cast on and powered through, the whole thing could be over and done with. Unless, of course, words gets out. Then I'll probably have to knit mittens for everyone and I'll never see the end of the endless mitten knitting. I'll have to quit my job to keep up and it won't be long before I'm known as "that crazy lady who lives in her car with two cats and who mumbles about mittens all day."

Now I feel like spinning because that is the furthest thing from knitting mittens I can think of. Frankly, the whole business is starting to slide out of control.

I feel an Issue coming on...

SA