Sunday, December 06, 2009

Five Foot Radius

I am a rational and logical person whose very existence revolves around clear thinking and pooh-poohing superstition. I think in a linear fashion. I do not go flitting off on flights of fancy. I believe in things that are real, like science and accounting and zombies.

However, even I am forced to believe in supernatural forces every now and again. When faced with incontrovertible evidence, I will concede the point.

Thus, it is with so reservations whatsoever that I announce my having been cursed. Sure, I bumbled along for a while spouting some nonsense about coincidence but I'm over that now. Curses get mad when you fail to cower before them. In fact, they get downright nasty. Let me walk you down the path I've traversed over the past week or so:

*The Friday before last, the police showed up at my door in response to a 911 call that I did not make.

*That same Friday, the phone company discovered multiple problems on my line including a tendency to call law enforcement. I was advised to disconnect the phones until they could fix the problem.

*My Big, Fluffy Kitty stole my turkey sandwich during all the excitement. She was discovered dragging it across the living room and looking as happy as I've ever seen her.

*The phones remained off for a week. There were challenges. Among them was the fact that the phone company couldn't find where I lived or remember my cell number so they could call me for directions.

*The power went out at school twice. Buses were delayed. Alarms went off. Emergency personnel were dispatched. Many school phones were injured in the making of this disaster and some took a full day to recover.

*My cell phone froze, unable to deal with my data plan. Or the curse.

*My internet went in and out in response to the problems with my "real" phones.

*The heating controls in my classroom went haywire and we were subjected to temperatures more commonly enjoyed by camels.

*When I tried to take my mind off all this curse-related activity with a little movie watching, I discovered that my DVD player had died.

It all came to a head yesterday when the cashier at the grocery store dropped my 18-count box of eggs. She looked at me in horror, obviously realizing that she was dealing with someone who should not be out mingling with the regular folk. I should come with a warning label. Orange cones should be placed around me so that no one comes within five feet of me. Homeland Security should be issuing an alert of some kind. Had I left my phones on for much longer, I am certain that this would have happened. It was only a matter of time before the crazed devices called that particular agency...

Once you accept a curse, you sort of feel better, though. You start to take pleasure in the little things. Sure, you have to watch the ceiling to make sure it's not about to fall on your head. Otherwise, it's not so bad being stuck in the house and afraid of making contact with other humans. You can catch up on stuff like the ankle socks you started last summer but didn't finish. In fact, once the snow starts falling and the temperatures plummet, you are highly motivated to do just that.

You don't even care how weird ribbed socks look off the foot.

You may be saying, "Sheepie! Those socks look like you finished them, wore them to bed, still had them on today and only took them off long enough to take a picture! Why, I can even see a bit of lint from your flannel sheets there!!!"

You would be correct. I don't deny it. These babies have been warming my tootsies since last night and I don't care who knows it. I'll probably still have them on when I retire this very night because it is cold.

And when you are cursed, things like frostbite and the loss of toes aren't out of the question...



Beth said...

Your socks look great! I can understand why you don't want to take them off. Stay warm!

Anonymous said...

Great socks! But that curse sounds very, very serious. I'd stay home for the rest of the year if I were you. Tell your principal you are doing for the good of the school. No hidden agenda at all, nope, none. Gotta keep those kidlets safe and the staff healthy, yup.

Meanwhile, you can stay home and knit more socks. Did you know that if you knit them with two strands of sock yarn held together and knit on one size larger needle they go REALLY fast? You could have an entire wardrobe of socks before you have to return to school in January.

Think about it. The kidlets and the staff, not to mention your toes, will thank you.

Jeanne said...

Toasty sockage! Do not understand the prevalence of electrical malfunctions occurring within your vicinity. Perhaps it is caused by... static electricity from wool socks rubbing together on the needles or on the feet?

Donna Lee said...

This feels like the year of the Curse. We've had appliances (refridgerator, dryer, cd player, receiver, dishwasher, stove ) all die in the Great Electrical Debacle. We're still recovering from all of that. (no dishwasher yet). Be careful. These things have a way of getting out of hand.

Knitting Linguist said...

So true. But look at it this way, if there ever is a zombie attack, you are a walking weapon, by virtue of this very curse. Things will fall on them, they will trip and lose important things like a leg, etc etc. You're guaranteed to survive!

PICAdrienne said...

Don't you know, when the cashier dropped your dozen and a half eggs, the curse was passed on? I feel so sorry for the cashier, but hurray for you!

Mia said...

Nice sockies sheepie! And curse be gone! I had a little taste of that curse but then cured it with retail therapy replacements and now alll is well :)

Are we SURE it's Monday? Maybe I've caught your curse and I'm up early on Sunday? Nah... it's Monday. Happy week :)

Anonymous said...

Great socks. Lousy curse. Hopefully, this week will be much better than the last couple.

Karen said...

Most excellent socks! I'd have them on every minute if they were mine too.
I have no suggestion for the curse but it does sound serious.

trek said...

Socks. I used to knit socks.

Of course, I used to be healthy, too.

:: grumble, grumble :: Monkey Pox :: grumble, grumble ::

Cursing Mama said...

I am so not ready for winter or cold weather. BRRRR

=Tamar said...

Gorgeous socks. They don't look nearly as weird as some I've seen online. I agree with PICAdrienne, the curse was passed to the cashier.

Kath said...

Ooooo...sock knitting! I remember that!

Those are quite nice and I fully understand the need to keep socks on - heck I'd have taken the pic with them on my feet just to avoid taking them off!