Sunday, November 29, 2009

Some Of It's Awesome...

Anyone reading my tweets from Friday knows that things got kind of "exciting" for a moment there. I had a couple of choices for blogging topics when I returned to the interwebs yesterday. Since I was all flush with triumph following my NANOWRIMO win, I opted to go with that. It was a nice, positive thing. Plus, as I said, I was flushed. You can't be flushed and not share.

I hear tell you'll explode with the flushiness. That could be messy.

Now, however, the flush has faded somewhat and it seems safe to tell the tale of Friday. It is a tale of intrigue, excitement and mystery. There was also a bit of grand theft and I'm pretty sure there was a bullet proof vest involved at one point. You'll like this one. It probably should have been my NANOWRIMO novel, now that I think of it...

With Thanksgiving behind me and lots of leftover turkey ahead, I was looking forward to Friday. There was no more baking to be done. Just a rainy and and the long anticipated viewing of the Deadliest Catch marathon. I still had to put in some writing time, but it would be at my leisure. I wasn't even deterred by the sudden need to make a grocery store run. It was all working out. Heck, I even got back to work on that sock I started last summer!

Around noon, I was settled in with a nice turkey/bagel sandwich and watching the crab fleet plow their way through a season long since past. Suddenly, there was a frantic pounding on the door! I set down my sandwich to investigate. I don't get much of the frantic door pounding so I figured it might be important. Otherwise, I never would have relinquished that sandwich. Ever.

I opened the door to find two police officers. This isn't all that unusual. They come here all the time to visit my next door neighbors. The neighbors are not exceptionally bad people...just lacking in good judgement sometimes.

And before you get all concerned about the quality of my neighborhood, relax. Most of the local crack dealers are former students and are fond of me. They like nothing better than to reminisce with dear old Ms. Sheep about those magical days of yore when all they had to take care of was the limited distribution of middle school weed. That was a happier time without all the stress of big business.

Before I could direct these two fine officers to the crack dealers and my neighbors door, the female half of the duo barked:

We've received a 911 call from this number ma'am and we're here to check on your well-being."

It was then I noticed their rather grim demeanors and questioned why they were wearing bullet proof vests in my nice, quiet hallway. I assured them that I had made no such call, that I had not touched the phones all day and that my being was as well as it ever had been. They seemed unconvinced. I said it again. Then repeated it.

A check in with dispatch revealed that the call had, indeed, come from my number. My phones have been wonky for a while now. Recently, they've gotten worse. But dialing 911? That's just too much!

I called the phone company:

Phone Dude: And what is the problem with your service, ma'am?

Sheepish Annie: I have multiple problems. Noise on the line. Dropped calls. But that is the least of my worries because now my phone is independently dialing 911. Two police officers just left and it would be a understatement to say that they are not amused.

PD: Seriously?

SA: Seriously.

PD: Are you calling from that number now?

SA: Are you kidding me? I'm on my cell. I don't dare to touch my stupid phones in case they decide to suddenly call the fire department or the navy!!!!

PD: (chuckling) Yeah. That would be bad.

SA: And then some.

PD: Let me run a check on the line. Can you hold a minute?

I could. I had nothing else to do. I sat there thinking about how nice it was that the police in my town responded so quickly to a damsel in distress and wondered if they would ever do so again in the future. Finally, Phone Dude came back.

Apparently, there are multiple problems on my line. All of which were written up on the repair ticket and most of which couldn't be addressed during a holiday weekend. I understood. It wasn't phone dude's fault. He can't make technicians appear out of thin air and I had the cell for emergencies. He promised to call back when things were taken care of and we agreed that I should disconnect my phones before Homeland Security showed up for leftover pie and stuffing.

(If anyone thinks I kid about the way these conversations go, rest assured I do not. I tend to go to an hysterical place when I'm stressed. I say things. Weird things...)

I hung up the cell and raced around unplugging phones. I also called the Police Department back to let them know that my phones were no longer functional and to disregard any calls that may have come in over the last fifteen minutes. They seemed confused by this, but were polite because that's what you do with crazy people. They are trained for this sort of thing.

When it was over, I sat down on the couch. I was exhausted. Then I remembered my nice turkey/bagel sandwich. I deserved that sandwich after all I'd been through. I reached for it...but it wasn't there.

That's when I happened to notice a certain Big Fluffy Kitty dragging something across the floor in what can only be described as a "furtive" manner. She had absconded with what was left of my lunch while I dealt with the police and the phones.

I gave up. That is the point where you have to acknowledge defeat. I took the sandwich away and trashed it. I emailed anyone who might try to call me and worry when they didn't get through. I ate pie for lunch. That is all you can do.

Fortunately for my mental health, I was watching the Discovery Channel all day. They've updated their signature ad and, somehow, it seemed they did it just for me. There are several versions, none quite as good as the original, but there are some very cool moments. And it does put things into perspective after twenty or so viewings.








SA

14 comments:

Annie said...

Hope your phone is sorted out quickly and there are no more unexpected visits from the boys in blue. I know it's wrong to laugh at others' misfortune, but you write so wittily that I can't help it :)

Denise said...

You're lucky you found your sandwich! If one of my cats would have grabbed it, it would have disappeared in an instant with no evidence to convict the guity party...

Knitting Linguist said...

OK, that made me kind of teary. What does that say about me?

I had to laugh at your police story. It reminds me of the time an entire hook and ladder turned out because our refrigerator went "zot" at an unexpected moment. Talk about embarrassing...

Karen said...

Wow! Are you sure the kitties didn't call 911 so they could get your sandwich? Anythings possible with those two:)

Anonymous said...

OMG. I would have had a heart attack!! And how weird is THAT?

AndI agree w/Annie.. truly a tragedy nearly avoided but I still can't stop laughing :)

mia

kmkat said...

I love that you are on such good terms with the drug dealers. And I sort of expected that it was AGK dialing 911 with his massive paws...

trek said...

Sheesh! You have all the fun.

Hope the pie was good.

Word verification: winimi - that's what you say when you complete NaNoWriMo, right?

Kath said...

Sad to lose the sandwich but I'd say "the cat ate my lunch" is a darn fine excuse for eating pie instead!

One of my cats eats anything that holds still, the other one has no interest in people food as food, just as play objects. Which is even more annoying! Particularly when she walked back and forth across a pizza. I'm guessing to feel it squish between her toes? :/

Betsy said...

My first thought was AGK too...not for the sandwich but for the amusement of it...

Beth said...

The Navy showing up at your door would have been a bad thing? :) I agree with Karen - as I was reading your story I suspected the cats had dialed 911.

Donna Lee said...

I love the updated version! And now I have that song running through my brain, "boom di a da".....

These days phones seem to have minds of their own (I forsee another apocolypse on the horizon). My daughters' phones either turn themselves off or randomly dial others.

Cursing Mama said...

I know the suspicion for dialing falls quickly to the AGK, but I'm thinking the BFK just might still have a little hijinks in her too...

PICAdrienne said...

My apologies to AGK, as soon as you said you set the sandwich down to answer the door, he was my prime suspect of sandwich theft. I expect BFK would have liked my thoughts to stay that way. C'est la vie, and good luck with the phones.

Oh, my other thought was that AGK had learned to dial the phone.

Anne said...

Obviously, the BFK has talents far beyond those you even imagined - 911 phone call distraction and sandwich hostage-taking. Hm.....