Wednesday, November 18, 2009

WNBP: Everyone Is Totally Random

Last week was building up to this. I saw it coming. Now it is this week and everyone has gone off the rails. People are acting all wonky. One person tells me something "very important" and then someone else informs me that they were told "something else very important" about the same thing and which totally contradicts what I was told in the first place.

It's madness...

However, this state of affairs does lend itself to the Wednesday Night Bullet Post. Random behavior has its place. How nice that it is useful. Here's today's bullets:

*Three of us who'd had "very important discussions" got together to have a meeting and clarify our individual concepts of what we were supposed to be doing.

*The boss and I thought one thing because that is what we talked about.

*The other person thought something else and had a memo to back it up.

*Fortunately, we are all reasonable people with a common goal and a general liking for one another.

*I looked out into the hallway at one point and saw three of my students running amok.

*I could have gone out there.

*I didn't. I just called the office because I was tired from trying to understand "very important and completely opposite directives" and didn't have the energy to chase teenagers around the hallways.

*There was mooning involved. You'd have done the same and you know it.

*My boss gave me a chocolate covered pretzel. It had caramel in there, too. And it was huge.

*She is a woman of keen insight.

*Mr. Assistant Principal is out sick.

*Very sick.

*Over the top sick.

*Can't be here to deal with mooning children sick.

*It is entirely possible that this is how he called it in, but I can't be sure.

*Baby Panda.

I find sleeping baby pandas very soothing. I am glad that he lives in the dashboard of my computer.

*The Hat That Is Never Going To Be Finished still isn't finished.

*But I'm starting to think that it might be.

*I'm finally back to riding the little exercise bike.

*Good knitting time.

*The Kid Who Doesn't Have An "Off" Switch came up from breakfast the other morning shaking his head sadly.

*Words to think on: "I've just been eating applesauce off a plastic tray and now I feel like a senior citizen."

*This is the same kid who told me earlier in the year, "I'm thinking of suing you so we can go to court and I can see you in your professional clothes."

*TKWDHAOS has a keen eye and a gift for voicing his observations.

*Just got a whiff of the catbox. Thinking I should do something about that...

*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty has discovered the hallway of our building.

*It is now is mission to be in the hallway at all costs.

*I do not want him in the hallway because there is a door out there and the outside is beyond that door.

*AGKs who require regular nose rubs, an endless supply of crunchy foods and can't function without a dollar store kitty tunnel toy aren't going to fare well in the big, wide world.

*Now I have to enter my home through a crack in the door the width of a dime.

*And he sometimes still makes it through.

*Powerful shoulders and the will to succeed will move mountains and tired mommies coming home from a rough day at the School Of Opposing Directives And Random Mooning.

I'm going to rest now. I may have survived today, but tomorrow I have to go back and do it all over again. I am hoping that the children managed to only irritate a few people in their bare-bottomed travels and that half my class isn't suspended from school. Or maybe it would be better if they were, now that I think of it.

Failing that, I would like to get the Can't Deal With Mooning Children Flu...



Mel said...

Entering your apartment while stamping your feet and making loud hissing sounds might be your best bet for keep AGK from escaping. Your neighbors, of course, will think you're a bit "tetched", but I expect they've had their suspicions for a while now anyway.

Anonymous said...

We find that kicking the lower part of the door prior to opening it seems to disperse the kittehs nicely.

Kath said...

Kids mooning doesn't sound too bad actually, and it's kind of a classic, right? Perhaps no one informed them that they are best offered from a fast moving car?

The only moons I've seen in the last several years belonged to those who were far too old to be engaging in such practices. I'm sure alcohol was a factor in those but you know, some things cannot be unseen.

Jeanne said...

I've found tambourines to be quite effective in causing the relocation of cats who should not even be considering going outdoors.

Karen said...

It does seem like everyone has gone off the rails. If AGK ever figures out how to open the door you'll really be in trouble.

Donna Lee said...

I think I'd just tell the mooners, "I've seen better and i've seen worse....". This is just the next logical step from the "wear the pants so low your underwear shows" stage we've been in for far too long.

You don't want that flu (although I will admit, my office mate and I have discussed the desirability of catching the flu just to get a day off......)

trek said...

As the comedian has said, "You just can't make this stuff up."

Which makes one shake one's head sadly....

Knitting Linguist said...

I vote for the "can't come to school because they mooned the principal" option -- much less fun for you to have to be sick... Loved the descriptions of the equally important and completely opposing directives. Sounds familiar...

Mia said...

see, that's why I called in sick today... sometimes ya just don't have the energy for it.

I had to laugh at the image of you squeezing through the door, hehehe, I'm truly feeling the same pain :)

Beth said...

TKWDHAOS sounds hysterical! Hearing all the funny stuff is my favorite part of teaching enrichment classes. Hope you're doing well!

Julia G said...

You just need to hone your hockey goaltending skills to fend off the AGK's escape attempts. My technique is to get my purse/knitting bag/groceries down low and mid-swing inward as I open the door. If that fails I throw down my keys to startle my feline adversary. I've got to admire the Big Orange Oaf, though, who circles around behind the door before making his move, like a World War I flying ace flying out of the sun to launch his attack.