Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Besting The Worrier? Priceless!!

After a weekend of miserable, booger-filled illness, I was not really ready to face Monday morning.  The fact that I would be spending that Monday in Safety Procedures training and having to do things like "pay attention," "demonstrate errorless crisis management techniques" and "pass the written exam" did nothing to make me feel any better.  Frankly, the only reason I got checked off on some of the competencies was because no one wanted me to demonstrate a physical restraint technique on them.  I was clearly a plague carrier.  It was easier to just pass me.

Oh, and did I mention that one cannot knit at these trainings?  It says so right in the handout.  You have to look like you are paying attention at all times.  Sheesh...

Things began looking up when I got home, though.  And not just because I knew there was a big bottle of Nighttime Cold Medicine waiting for me, either.  It was what I found in the mailbox that caused me to perk in an upward direction.  There were two delightful documents sitting there, just waiting for me to be well enough to make a stop at the mailbox!  I giggled at the very sight of them because I knew that I would soon be throwing them in the face of The Annoying And Pessimistic Person To Whom I Am Giving Lots Of Money In Order That He Might Worry On My Behalf.

Sometimes life hands us situations best passed off to Professional Worriers.  This is not a fun aspect of being an adult nor is it the sort of thing I recommend as a distraction if you happen to be bored.  Frankly, I'd avoid it if at all possible.   Sadly, I am currently in need of someone to do the worrying for me.  Hence, I am paying a Worrier.  My Worrier also moonlights as a Professional Pessimist And Overall Annoying Fellow.

Prior to my hiring this Worrier, I did my own worrying.  There was far less cost involved in self-worry and little in the way of effort.  Just a bit of research and thought.  Nothing major.  I was rather pleased with my Amateur Worrying efforts, but the Professional Worrier was skeptical.  Also Pessimistic. Annoyingly so.  Almost condescendingly so.

I believe his exact words were, "So what exactly did you think this was going to accomplish?"

I met with my Professional Worrier today and handed him many pieces of paper, among them the two documents which arrived yesterday.  He is now less Pessimistic.  In fact, he has swung all the way over to Optimistic.  He is still a little Annoying, but this has toned down considerably now that I have done literally 3/4ths of his job for him.  He can't afford to have me start thinking I might be able to charge him for Worrying, right?

He wasn't going to give it to me, not right away, though.  It took him a while.  He muttered about how circumstances were now changed and we went over a few things.  I smiled.  I answered all his Worrisome questions politely.  I did not point out the obvious.  One does not want to push a Professional Worrier too far.  Finally, though, he had no choice.  There was no way to continue the conversation without saying it.  He tossed my paperwork on the desk and said:

OK.  This isn't supposed to work like this.  You aren't supposed to just write a letter and get everything changed in a week.  That just doesn't happen.  You don't get a "do over" in these types of situations!

All I could do was smile and NOT say, "Apparently one can, Mr. Professional Worrier.  At least if one knows how to talk to people..."  I'm not stupid enough to think that the Worrier is going to charge me any less for his services even if I just made the job simpler.  In fact, he could easily decide to charge me more since the Worrying Contract isn't signed yet.  I'm lucky to be getting the Worrying Rate I'm getting right now and I don't want to trust my luck any further on this matter.  I don't speak The Worrier language well enough to do the rest of this.  He can go forth and do all that stuff on my behalf now.  By the end of our meeting, he was actually smiling and just the teeniest bit less annoying.

I wrote the check without a qualm.  It was worth it.  Every penny.  (almost...)  It's not every day an unskilled, amateur Worrier gets the last word, after all.



Knitting Linguist said...

Congratulations! It's good to start the week with a success like that - besting a Professional Worrier is a skill :)

Karen said...

Congratulations on passing your training and besting the worrier! I hope the rest of the week goes as well.

Denise said...

I just wanted to tell you that my husband dragged me to the local gun shop and while he was looking at guns I was looking at everything else and saw something I thought you might be interested in. They have Zombie targets out now. Yes that's right you now can aim and shoot an actual zombie target...When I saw them I started laughing and thought of you :)

Mia said...

Hmmmm. hoping the worrying situation is over for good cuz having to hire a professional worrier isn't good - but the idea is intriguing. Wish I could find one :)

trek said...

Wow. You can hire a Professional Worrier. Who knew?

Seriously hoping that the circumstances behind the need for a Professional Worrier do not recur in the foreseeable future!

Anonymous said...

I spent most of the post trying to decide if your Professional Worrier is an accountant or an attorney. Finally decided on the latter. How'd I do?

Julia G said...

Speaking as the resident professional, amateur and volunteer Worrier and General Buttinsky for my circle of family and friends, I'm just worried that you had to hire a Professional Worrier!

However, I have to agree that amateur Worrying has its merits -- you can solve or reduce most (though not all) problems in life by talking to people like human beings and asking, "What do I need to do to fix this?" and most importantly, following up with action. Good luck!