Sunday, June 13, 2010

Undead Distractions

It is Sunday and I am gearing up to face the last week of the school year (if you don't count the week of mandatory trainings I have to go to the following week...and I don't).  I think you will all be very pleased to know that I am doing quite well sticking with my resolution to not knit until I am officially on vacation.

Frankly, this isn't that different from what I'd be doing had I not gone about all that resolving.  In fact, this state of affairs is remarkably similar to my refusing to face the three rows of shawl knitting that must be undone and hiding my head under a pillow to avoid looking at it.  I prefer thinking of myself as a proactive type who can stick to a schedule, though.  And that is how we are going to classify the situation.

With no knitting allowed, I must devise ways with which to distract myself.  Hence, I am sitting around thinking about zombies.  Again, not so different from what I do on a "regular" day.  I think about zombies a lot.  I check for them in the hallway every morning before going to work.  When I hear a noise outside in the dark of night I think, "Gosh, that might be a zombie.  I should go check on that..."  I don't associate with anyone who looks a little pasty and seems to have an unusual craving for protein.  It's just what I do.

I've put a great deal of thought into The Coming Zombie Apocalypse and have narrowed the possible scenarios down to two.  I think they are perfectly reasonable theories regarding this impending doomsday situation.

In the first, the undead will be Truly Deceased Individuals Who Respect The Basic Principles Of Biology.  As necrotic creatures experiencing the joys of rigor mortis, they will move about using the traditionally accepted shamble and perhaps moan pathetically for effect.  They will lurch around seeking only to fulfill their insatiable need for snacks of the warm-blooded variety.  The danger will be that they might seem stupid and slow and that people will fail to appreciate the seriousness of the situation.  Sure, one zombie stumbling around the yard might not seem like much.  But a hundred of them clawing at your door without respite won't be quite so easy to ignore.  Plus, they are going to be, shall we say, fragrant.

The second possibility involves the Sickly, Brain Dead, But Still Breathing Zombies.  As portrayed in any number of recent films, these insatiable cannibals will be scampering merrily about and nimbly skirting the chaos that their arrival will undoubtedly create.  The problem here is obvious.  A speedy zombie, even if it's not really dead, is just about the scariest thing out there.  A crowd of them can burst out of the local convenience store or roller rink and be noshing on your innards before you can say, "Bobby, get my twelve gauge!"  

It's got to be one or the other.  I don't see it going any other way.  Slow, stinky, creaky and dead.  Lively, infected and might-as-well-be-dead.  Those are the choices.

In spite of this long held conviction, I still find myself surprisingly thrilled with Boneshaker (Sci Fi Essential Books).  The zombies are most certainly dead, yet quicker than their living counterparts in spite of it.  Even the ones that are starting to fall apart a bit.  This should bother me, but it doesn't.  I love this story!

Perhaps it's because the "rotters" aren't really the main focus of the book.  They are an obstacle, no doubt about it.  But they're just one of the many little irritants that surface when Seattle gets shaken apart in alternate history form and you have to expect that sort of thing.  It would be irresponsible to do anything else.

Boneshaker has proven to be a delightful distraction from the knitting during this time of self-denial.  I happen to be reading the digital version, but I hear tell the print edition is done in brown ink.  If anyone has seen it, I'd be curious to hear what you think of that.  It sounds kind of cool...

I should have it finished up in time to start my summer vacation and resume my course through The Dresden Files.  (I'm up to Blood Rites (The Dresden Files, Book 6))  And, of course, get back to that cursed shawl that so mocks me from the knitting basket just to my left.  (yes, I see you...)  Of course, I still need to get through this last week of wrangling middle school students before any of that can happen.

Frankly, it would be easier to out-maneuver a horde of scampering zombies...



catsmum said...

can confirm that the rest of the Dresden Files is just as good as the first 6.
Often by the time an author gets to this stage they start churning them out on autopilot and it's obvious that the only motivation is the royalties flowing in [ Anne Rice I'm lookung at you ]
enjoy the not-knitting and return to it refreshed and inspired

Kath said...

Since both you and Beentsy are talking about them, now I must read the Dresden Files books. I've put in a library request for the first one, because you know - reading them out of order would be wrong. I like the TV show - I've high hopes for the books!

trek said...

Ah, you are just coming into the really great Dresden Files!

Donna Lee said...

I am going to start training at the gym in case it's the speedy zombies. I always figured I could outmaneuver the shambling ones but those infected ones, those I'm not so sure of.

Elaine said...

I have a hard time picturing "scampering" zombies.... and my verification word is "waill" ~~ do they do that?

Jeanne said...

All I can say is "True Blood" (I finally crawled out from under this very large rock, apparently the reset of the world already knew about this) and "June is almost over, shouldn't school be out by now because the stores are about to put Back To School up already".

Ronni said...

I'm behind on my blog reading and just now catching up and I have suddenly realized what bothers me about my mum's obsession with getting 70 grams of protein a day. She is kinda pale too.... Would definitely 'slpain a lot.