The Stalker has been in my class for five years and through three schools. He came to me in fourth grade. He turned up again when I changed schools and I had him for fifth. Then in sixth. When I transferred to the middle school, I tried to put him with another case manager to see if he might be ready to leave the nest, but he wasn't. It was a train wreck. So I took him back for seventh grade and kept him for eighth.
We know each other well. It is inevitable. Five years is a long time. We "get" each other even though we don't always want to and sometimes weep quietly in separate corners over this state of affairs. There are moments, however, when it is kind of nice to have someone else in the room who can play along without really having to think about it too hard. Like today, for instance. The Cheerful Teaching Assistant, recently wed, was mulling over honeymoon possibilities and wondered aloud if a trip to Alaska might be a nice thing to do.
Cheerful Teaching Assistant: I'm mulling here and wondering if Alaska might be a nice thing to do...
Ms. Sheep: ALASKA??? Did you say ALASKA????
CTA: Yes. It came out of the mulling.
The Stalker: Wait...did she say Alaska? (breaks out in a grin that mirrors Ms. Sheep's)
CTA: What? What's so funny about Alaska?
MS: Oh, c'mon! You know.
TS: Yeah. You know.
CTA: No I don't.
MS: I can't believe you don't know. You should know. Do you never listen to me?
CTA: I do. It's just that you say so much...
TS: (leans over conspiratorially and mutters) Alaskan crab.
MS: The crab boats!! The Deadliest Catch boats!!! They are there and you can go see them ALL!!!!
CTA: Why would I want to...
MS: Why wouldn't you?
TS: Yeah. Why wouldn't you? (Proceeds to list the boats in the order he feels they should be viewed)
CTA: I don't think they are there all the time. They probably go out and fish for stuff. Plus, it's summer and they might not be...
MS: NO! It is fate! You get to go see the crab boats!
CTA: Well, I thought we might want to see some of the other sights.
TS: That's just crazy.
MS: Yeah. Crazy.
Things sort of devolved from there. Before you can say, "crab legs in butter," I'd invited myself along for the honeymoon and outlined a very cool scene where Mr. and Mrs. CTA get off the plane to see me waving happily at them and shouting incoherently about how we need to get a move on before the crowds get too thick around the crab boats. The Stalker would leap out from behind me where he was hiding in order to enhance the Surprise Factor of the whole thing.
The CTA could only smile that sickly smile of one who can't be certain if she is being kidded and you could almost see the sudden desire to honeymoon in Africa washing over her. But it's like The Stalker and I told her. She's nice. We have no problem taking advantage of that and are pretty sure she'd trudge along in our Crab Happy wake.
I'm not really going to go. That would be wrong. Of course, it would be nice to go visit the crab boats. And I think that it would be educational for the CTA. Besides, this whole business of spending five years with one student should entitle me to drag him along to Alaska, especially since he is the only other person in my world who understands the lure of the Bering Sea.
I should probably get knitting. I'm going to need a hat or something...
I would like a typo better
6 days ago