Saturday, October 31, 2009

But I'm Not Ready!!!

I have always taken a perverse pleasure in disaster prep. I know it's weird. I honestly don't live my life as if the sky is falling. I go through my days like everyone else. I live. I laugh. I've even been known to break out in the occasional awkward dance. I just do it with an eye upward because if the sky does fall, I don't want to miss the early signs.

I suppose there is a certain sense behind all this. My mom is one who likes to be prepared and can be counted on to have anything a person might need. She also regularly gifts Baby Brother Sheep and me with foods, beverages and paper goods that she thinks we should have on hand "just in case." You can believe me or not, but I swear to you that I haven't bought toilet paper in 15 years. I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for it in the store.

I also received a firm lesson in the need to be prepared during the dreaded Monkey Pox bout a few years ago. An extremely severe case of pneumonia kept me housebound for a week and I was in bad shape for much longer than that. I literally ran out of any food that I might even consider appetizing, but couldn't stand up long enough to shop. We shall not even discuss what it was like to lug groceries up to a second floor condo. I have vivid memories of having to stop and rest three times at the Gigantic Store Of Stuff because I couldn't catch my breath long enough to make it from housewares to frozen foods.

And let us not forget my firm belief that the coming Zombie Apocalypse will keep us all trapped in our homes for God knows how long. That is not the time for anyone to run out of snack foods. Or the aforementioned toilet paper...

You don't even want to get me started on this whole H1N1 pandemic either. You'll wish you'd catch it just to get rid of me once I launch into the third hour of my lecture series entitled "Things We Should All Be Doing In This Time Of Crisis." In my defense, I think it is a fairly well thought out speech and really the fault of the Center For Disease Control because I never would have thought of this without their timely updates.

Yeah. I'm fun at parties. Why I don't get more dinner invitations is simply beyond me...

I am very dedicated to a task I call End Of The World Is Nigh Shopping. I always have food in the cupboards, especially the kind that can be stored for a length of time. I have candles aplenty, a crank-powered radio, a charged ipod and the means to keep myself warm and/or dry in most situations. I keep a mini kit with similar items in the car. It's a little bit crazy, but it makes me feel better. If I do that stuff, I don't have to think about it.

This is why it is incomprehensible to me that I cannot show you any pictures tonight. There were many things around here that merited being immortalized in digital form this week. There's that cool cabled square thingie I've been knitting. There was the kitchen disaster after a poorly planned pasta making attempt on Thursday (which resulted in the trashing of my cheap pasta maker.) And yesterday's discovery of an entire skein of cotton strewn about the living room courtesy of a certain Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty would have made for a great blog photo. Any time you find yarn trailing about the house and wound around various pieces of furniture, you probably should share the moment.

But I can't show you any of those things. I am utterly unable. I can't believe this. It is beyond my ken. For this to happen to me, of all people, is the stuff of nightmares. It is, I suppose, appropriate that it is happening on Halloween but that doesn't make it any more bearable. I am shamed and horrified. My camera is dead.

And I have run out of AA batteries.

This is clearly a sign of bad things to come. Go hug your loved ones and say a few words to whatever higher power you feel is yours to honor. I will do the same. Between us, perhaps we can create enough good karma to keep the bogey man at bay for just a little while. We don't need but a day or two.

Just long enough for me to make a battery run.

SA

10 comments:

trek said...

I read this out loud to Number Guy. While I was suitably horrified at the failure in disaster preparation, he was utterly unfazed.

Perhaps I should have waited until half-time...

kmkat said...

A cautionary tale: my late MIL, a few weeks before her demise, phoned her neighbor at 10 p.m. to demand that said neighbor take her to the supermarket to buy toilet paper. (MIL could not drive herself because I, her cruel DIL, had taken away her car keys after she rear-ended another car -- twice! the same car! -- at a stop light.) When neighbor complied and afterward brought her home and walked her into the house to be sure she would be okay, neighbor found that MIL already had enough TP for roughly the next millenium.

Just sayin'...

Julie said...

Who are you and what have you done with Sheepish Annie???? I KNOW she did not post this as she would NEVER run out of AA batteries (or any other batteries, for that matter)!

Jeanne said...

I'm always worried that there is never enough toilet paper, milk, cheese, or cat food in the house. Hence I look like a Sam's Club exploded in my utility room.

Mouse said...

My husband has enough AA batteries to survive the next 12 years stuck in our house but Dog help you if you need a AAA because you're SOL.

Kath said...

I'm sure I always have AA batteries - the trick is being able to FIND the blasted thins. This is where I fail.

Betsy said...

lumpl...this is my verification word...should I be worried? on a diet??? is it a sign not to eat the leftover candy???

Seriously...about pasta...I am in love with my Fasta Pasta maker that I got from cooking.com. You make it in the microwave...

I too would be in a tailspin if I ran out of batteries, TP, cat food, etc. The new house has manymanymnay more storage places and I intend to make use of every durn one of them...my hand crank radio also has a tv sound channel...

Anonymous said...

and make sure you stock up on the half price candy when you get batteries ::laughing:: and that is SO weird, MY camera battery was dead yesterday too and that thing holds a charge for-ev-er. Except for yesterday when I wanted to take a pic of my only two trick or treaters *grin*

mia
ps, mommy sheep sounds GREAT!! :)

Karen said...

You ran out of batteries?? Don't worry. At least it wasn't toilet paper.

Julia G said...

Yesterday I was in stitches listening to George Romero, director of Night of the Living Dead, on NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Not only did he get his start in film on Mister Rogers Neighborhood (!), he gave a detailed explanation of how to kill a zombie with a fire extinguisher -- which, I may point out, does not require AA batteries, so you're in luck!