It's That Time Again

There seems to be a little activity this evening from Hysterical Mind and Rational Mind, the two halves that make up The Whole Sheep. Let's see what's going on, shall we? We enter the scene as the two stumble, bickering, into The Sheep abode. Hysterical Mind is carrying a large shopping bag filled with disinfectants, tissues and hand sanitizer.

Rational Mind: You are being ridiculous!

Hysterical Mind: I am being perfectly rational, to use your favorite term. There is nothing ridiculous about this situation and my response is, in fact, a great deal less than what I suspect may be needed. Someone in our circle has Pertussis! Do you hear me??? We have been exposed to Pertussis! It was in an email. An email, for God's sake!!!!

RM: I will say it again. We do not, I repeat, do not have Whooping Cough. We are fine and you have, once again, overreacted to a simple piece of information that was circulated for our edification.. Nothing more.

HM: Emails are serious. You don't get more serious than putting something up on the internet. There is Whooping Cough in our immediate vicinity and we have been exposed. And weren't we saying just last night that we were feeling a little achy and snuffly? Then there was the sneezing! We sneezed 7 times!!! That is an odd number! We don't sneeze in odd numbers...always even! Oh, this does not bode well, I tell you!

RM: And I tell you ( for the umpty-bazillionth time) that we always get a cold or allergies in September or October. Always. Since we first began teaching. Every year for twenty years we have gotten a cold in the fall. We might, and I stress the "might" part, have a cold. You need to settle down.

HM: Are you kidding me???? The Center For Disease Control is involved! Did you hear that part? Were you listening when they mentioned the CDC???

RM: I'll admit that that part was a little bit alarming at first. But, if you think about it, it's really their job to keep track of diseases and there's been a little upswing in the Pertussis of late. All they are doing is tracking it. We're fine. They probably don't care about our maybe, possibly having a cold.

HM: Wait!!! Listen...did you hear that? Was that a "whoop???" I'm pretty sure that was a, "whoop!" Oh dear Lord in Heaven, we are "whooping!" "Whooping!" Somebody call a doctor!!!

RM: It's Whooping Cough. Without the cough, it's just a whoop. And it sounds very silly, frankly. I'd like you to stop. Now.

HM: I could cough. I could cough right now. Listen...

RM: Well, anyone can cough, for crying out loud! Coughing is easy. You are inventing symptoms to go with the disease and making yourself crazy. Just stop thinking about it. Try thinking about something pleasant like chocolate or tax refunds. You'll feel better in no time.

HM does not respond. She assumes a thoughtful expression as she proceeds to pump large glops of hand sanitizer into her palms. She remains pensive as the smears the goo onto her hands, forearms, biceps and shoulders. She then waves her hand, redolent with the heady scent of alcohol, in front of her face and inhales deeply. She grabs a can of air sanitizer and heads into the living room.

RM: Where are you going?

HM: (mumbling) ...just gonna go check the email.

RM: Oh no you don't! I know you! You're going to log onto the World Health Organization website again. Next thing you know, we will have another incident like the one where you emailed them that you were certain you had Mad Cow Disease because you got angry at your steak the night before. I'm not going through that again! Those court-ordered counseling sessions took a big chunk out of our day. Just step away from that computer, young lady.

HM: Five minutes! Just five minutes...I'll check a few symptoms and be done with it. I promise! It's just to ease my mind a little bit, that's all!

RM: I've had enough! If we were exposed, then there's nothing we can do about it. It's contagious and it's not like we have the power to stop a contagion. We'll just have to...oh no. No, no, no! I misspoke! We have a cold!! We're fine! And even if we were exposed, there is still a window where we can get a booster shot...not that we need one! It was a slip of the tongue! Um...you're looking a little red in the face, there. Are you OK? Why are you looking at me like that? You're scaring me a little...

Why don't we just step away now? HM's response isn't anything I could print for you fine, gentle people. As far as I'm concerned, RM deserves whatever she gets for opening up that particular can of worms. I'm going to let HM whomp her for a bit longer before I intercede and give everyone a Popsicle. Me, I'm looking at the whole thing like this: If I have Whooping Cough and get quarantined, then maybe I'll have time to finish up that sock yarn that's been sitting on the wheel for a month or more.

Whoop.

SA