Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It's That Time Again

There seems to be a little activity this evening from Hysterical Mind and Rational Mind, the two halves that make up The Whole Sheep. Let's see what's going on, shall we? We enter the scene as the two stumble, bickering, into The Sheep abode. Hysterical Mind is carrying a large shopping bag filled with disinfectants, tissues and hand sanitizer.

Rational Mind: You are being ridiculous!

Hysterical Mind: I am being perfectly rational, to use your favorite term. There is nothing ridiculous about this situation and my response is, in fact, a great deal less than what I suspect may be needed. Someone in our circle has Pertussis! Do you hear me??? We have been exposed to Pertussis! It was in an email. An email, for God's sake!!!!

RM: I will say it again. We do not, I repeat, do not have Whooping Cough. We are fine and you have, once again, overreacted to a simple piece of information that was circulated for our edification.. Nothing more.

HM: Emails are serious. You don't get more serious than putting something up on the internet. There is Whooping Cough in our immediate vicinity and we have been exposed. And weren't we saying just last night that we were feeling a little achy and snuffly? Then there was the sneezing! We sneezed 7 times!!! That is an odd number! We don't sneeze in odd numbers...always even! Oh, this does not bode well, I tell you!

RM: And I tell you ( for the umpty-bazillionth time) that we always get a cold or allergies in September or October. Always. Since we first began teaching. Every year for twenty years we have gotten a cold in the fall. We might, and I stress the "might" part, have a cold. You need to settle down.

HM: Are you kidding me???? The Center For Disease Control is involved! Did you hear that part? Were you listening when they mentioned the CDC???

RM: I'll admit that that part was a little bit alarming at first. But, if you think about it, it's really their job to keep track of diseases and there's been a little upswing in the Pertussis of late. All they are doing is tracking it. We're fine. They probably don't care about our maybe, possibly having a cold.

HM: Wait!!! Listen...did you hear that? Was that a "whoop???" I'm pretty sure that was a, "whoop!" Oh dear Lord in Heaven, we are "whooping!" "Whooping!" Somebody call a doctor!!!

RM: It's Whooping Cough. Without the cough, it's just a whoop. And it sounds very silly, frankly. I'd like you to stop. Now.

HM: I could cough. I could cough right now. Listen...

RM: Well, anyone can cough, for crying out loud! Coughing is easy. You are inventing symptoms to go with the disease and making yourself crazy. Just stop thinking about it. Try thinking about something pleasant like chocolate or tax refunds. You'll feel better in no time.

HM does not respond. She assumes a thoughtful expression as she proceeds to pump large glops of hand sanitizer into her palms. She remains pensive as the smears the goo onto her hands, forearms, biceps and shoulders. She then waves her hand, redolent with the heady scent of alcohol, in front of her face and inhales deeply. She grabs a can of air sanitizer and heads into the living room.

RM: Where are you going?

HM: (mumbling) ...just gonna go check the email.

RM: Oh no you don't! I know you! You're going to log onto the World Health Organization website again. Next thing you know, we will have another incident like the one where you emailed them that you were certain you had Mad Cow Disease because you got angry at your steak the night before. I'm not going through that again! Those court-ordered counseling sessions took a big chunk out of our day. Just step away from that computer, young lady.

HM: Five minutes! Just five minutes...I'll check a few symptoms and be done with it. I promise! It's just to ease my mind a little bit, that's all!

RM: I've had enough! If we were exposed, then there's nothing we can do about it. It's contagious and it's not like we have the power to stop a contagion. We'll just have to...oh no. No, no, no! I misspoke! We have a cold!! We're fine! And even if we were exposed, there is still a window where we can get a booster shot...not that we need one! It was a slip of the tongue! Um...you're looking a little red in the face, there. Are you OK? Why are you looking at me like that? You're scaring me a little...

Why don't we just step away now? HM's response isn't anything I could print for you fine, gentle people. As far as I'm concerned, RM deserves whatever she gets for opening up that particular can of worms. I'm going to let HM whomp her for a bit longer before I intercede and give everyone a Popsicle. Me, I'm looking at the whole thing like this: If I have Whooping Cough and get quarantined, then maybe I'll have time to finish up that sock yarn that's been sitting on the wheel for a month or more.




Mel said...

After that comment on our good friend the spider, I wondered if HM was getting wound up again. Did you know that whooping cough is basically the human version of kennel cough? Except you can't catch kennel cough from a dog, nor can a dog catch whooping cough from you. At least not that I've ever seen. Maybe the CDC would know.

Beth said...

Were you exposed to it directly from one of your students? I don't want to sound like HM, but maybe you should call your nice doctor for advice on the booster shot.

April said...

My riding instructor's husband had whooping cough last month. I thought whooping cough was a thing of the past. Apparently not!

catsmum said...

Personally I think that someone should put RM's name forward for canonisation.

trek said...

HM? Hey, HM! Yes, I mean you, the hyperventilating one. You need a little bit of the perspective here and since you aren't listening to RM at all, at all, I have to do it.

Okay, have a seat.

Sitting? Good.

Listen to this: you are not, repeat not going to get whooping cough. Understand?

You probably don't remember this because you were very young at the time. (Or, more likely, because you have blotted it from your active recall - sort of like visits to Dr deSade, DMD.) When the three of you were but a wee little lamb, Mommy Sheep regularly brought you to the pediatrician - who treated your young little Sheepie body as a pin cushion. You were required by law to have what is called a DPT vaccination - with boosters.
The "D" stands for Diptheria. The "T" stands for Tetanus. The "P" stands for Pertussis - whooping cough. You are immune. You may now stand down the disinfectants.

And maybe you'd better get some of the chocolate for RM - she's had a rough night of it, I am sure.

Hey, is that a zombie over there?

Mia said...

I think HM needs a cookie :) It's almost better than antibiotics :)

And yeah, what Trek said *grin*

Anonymous said...

Oh my. Has HM heard about the new strain of chicken pox? The doctor just vacinated my daughter even though she has had the chicken pox, just to be safe she says.

kmkat said...

Get the booster. It would be worth it just to calm that frenzied part of your brains we fondly refer to as HM.

Hey, have you heard about how DPT boosters cause cancer in rats? ;)

debsnm said...

Why is it that HM almost always wins? Happens here a lot, too. But, way to look at the bright side!!! I'd go buy more sock yarn just in case - you never know how long you'll be home.

Donna Lee said...

Since I work in a "health care environment", we got a PRINTED PAGE of information on the dreaded whooping cough and why we should get this new vaccine just in case we are EXPOSED (oh god, we are all going to die!) and our previous vaccines (which hurt very much and I still remember them after all these years) have stopped working. Every time the government comes up with a new vaccine for something, we are "strongly encouraged" to get it. I am going to take my chances and live dangerously (and buy lots of sanitizers and alcohol!)

Jeanne said...

Whatever it is, I hope it goes away and that you feel better soon.

Cursing Mama said...

whooping cough - who'd have thought. I know I thought it was covered in one of the many shots that we get jabbed for on a regular basis.

It does remind me to make an appointment for a flu shot though...

mehitabel said...

Yup, baby shots. I'm sure you had them. Ask your doctor about a booster, see if s/he thinks you need one; get a flu shot while you're at it. You're never too old to be a pincushion!