Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Note To Self

To: The Sheep

From: Management

Re: Adult-type Behavior And The Importance Thereof

We hope this memo finds you well and enjoying the start of the Fall season. We here in Management have a few little items that we'd like to mention. It is our intention that you use this information to increase productivity at Sheep Headquarters and to decrease incidents of mishap and mayhem. We care.

Firstly, we are pleased with your recent endeavors in the areas of responsibility and accountability. Your remembering to follow through with the repairs and registration of the truck before things either exploded or expired was especially appreciated. We have also noted the efforts you have made to remove yourself from the bed in the morning upon hearing the various alarms you have set to encourage this behavior. This, in turn, has led to an improved record of attendance at work as well as more regular and thorough bathing. You have even managed to renew your acquaintance with the knitting over the last few days and seem to be past the little temper tantrum that led you to throw it in a basket while sticking out your tongue. You have been quite mature about the knitting. We look forward to seeing more of this behavior. Please do give yourself numerous and hearty pats upon the back!

There is, however, one matter that we would like to see addressed. If you have not already done so, we would like to ask that you take a moment and review the condition of your furniture and carpets in the area around the windows. As you can clearly determine, these areas are wet. In some cases, the areas have exceeded "wet" and moved into "soaked" status.

You may or may not be aware of several advances in the area of Dry Home Maintenance. There are certain steps that one might take to avoid this state of affairs. They range from the simple to the more technical, but we believe that all are well within your abilities. First, let us discuss the simpler measures you might take.

1. Visual Scanning. The sky comes in a variety of colors. In the event that you happen to see a sky exhibiting shades of gray, you may safely anticipate some form of precipitation.

2. Window Adjustment. The big holes in the walls are actually temporary if you choose to make them so. Simply reach up to the top of the lower pane and gently push downward until the bottom is flush with the lower sill. This action will prevent the outside from coming inside. There are bad things outside like bugs and wind. And rain.

There are also many amazing devices which you may wish to consult in order that you might divine future weather conditions and take appropriate action. They include, but are not limited to:

1. Radio
2. Newspapers
3. Television
4. The Internet

All of these employ fine men and women called Meteorologists. These are the people who spend their whole lives studying the weather and helping us to make good decisions about how to dress, when to travel and whether or not to do that window thing we were discussing earlier. We strongly encourage you to take advantage of their services. They are available to you at little or no cost. Water damage is more expensive. We know this. We looked it up. On the Internet.

Thankfully, today's lack of planning with regard to the weather and the tendency of water to fall from the sky every now and again did no real damage. However, we cannot always guarantee that this sort of good fortune will befall us. We, therefore, demand that you review the measures we have discussed and take more appropriate action the next time rain is predicted. A closed window is like the guardian of our happy home. Please keep our home happy and well-guarded.

We thank you in advance for your time and attention to this matter and look forward to any thoughts you may have with regard to other ways in which we can continue to keep our carpets safe from the invading waters. There is no need to email or fax said thoughts.

We all live in the same head, here.



trek said...


This was SO good.

Teri S. said...

Oops...Management does have a point. On the bright side, though, it did rain. We need rain. Just not in the house. Rain in the house does nothing to contribute to improving ground water levels.

Beth said...

Hmm, I wonder what your cats thought about the rain coming in?

kmkat said...

You owe me a new keyboard. Again.


Sheila said...

Oh boy, sounds messy. At least the wheel and yarn were not involved.
No one can write a note to self as creatively as you can!
I Clep'd outta Spanish today!! Woohoo

Anonymous said...


catsmum said...

what Trek said
except without the spew

Anonymous said...

Well now you have to keep the windows open to dry up all the wet!
Sheepy, what are we gonna do with you?

You crack me up!
big geek beth

Mia said...

Hey, but did management look at the bright side? What about all that wonderful ozone rich fresh air that always comes with a good rain *grin*

Ronni said...

It is possible to teach old dogs new tricks. I managed to remember (or lucked out in the coincidence department) not to drink while reading your blog. So while there was snorting, snickering and even LOLing, there was no spewing. So no need to buy a new laptop due to coffee damage today. Bummer.

Cursing Mama said...

spit my fancy pants colorado peach on the monitor - you'd think management would've warned us up front about such possible problems.

Lorraine said...

So typical of management to issue a memo AFTER the catastrophe. Wouldn't that memo have been more pertinent before the fact?

Bobbi said...