Wednesday, February 01, 2012

WNBP: I Am Very Important Right Now

Greetings from the land of Random Thought Streams And Delusions Of Grandeur.  I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my little blog and reassure you that I am really just a humble being much like the rest of humanity.  My Very Important Work should not deter you in the least from relaxing and enjoying yourself.

We don't stand on ceremony here at Sheepish Annie's place and certainly not on the night of a Wednesday Night Bullet Post.

*OK.  Let's just get this out of the way now.  Yes.  It's true.

*I am a Nielson Family.

*I'll just give you a minute to "oohh" and "ahh" in whatever order and for whatever duration you feel appropriate.

*I forgot that I am part of the grand tradition of Nielson ratings until my packet and payment arrived today.

*Now I have very little time to get the message to Mr. Principal and Mr. Assistant Principal that I can't come to school.

*I have to stay at home for a week and watch television.

*It is my civic duty to protect the television programming we all hold dear.  One little slip of the remote and suddenly we no longer have Reality TV.

*Besides, I have already earmarked that sweet five bucks for lunch tomorrow and that makes the whole thing a binding contract.

*I'm sure that my supervisors will understand and release me from my teaching duties without issue.

*Of course, the fact that my class has been so out of control lately that people no longer want to walk down the hallway to get to the library could be a problem...

*But this is by God television we're talking about here!  I think that some things supersede stuff like education and keeping kids from burning down the bathrooms for a week!!!

*The directions don't specifically say I have to stay home and watch TV for a whole week, but I'm sure that is what they intended.  It's implied.

*Last summer, I braved the heat and canned a lot of carrots, beans 'n whatnot.

*I was miserable because it was a heatwave but I did it anyway.

*So glad now.  I do love eating summer produce in winter.

*Note:  Now that I am in control of future television programming, there will probably be lots of shows about canning summer produce.

*We had a staff meeting after school today.

*That was before I came home and was reminded that I am in charge of television starting tomorrow so I wasn't preoccupied with that.

*Imagine my shock when I glanced to my left and saw that the school counselor was looking up information on local head shops.

*She had reason for doing this and it all made sense later when I asked about it, but it still seemed kind of funny at the time.

*I am easily entertained during staff meetings.  I'll do pretty much anything to avoid the stated agenda.

*Note:  When I am done reinventing television, there will not be shows about meetings.  There will, however, be shows that you can watch during meetings so you won't get bored and wonder about why the school counselor is suddenly researching bongs.

*On Sunday, I required the assistance of a three year old to help me figure out a car seat.

*Note:  Car seats are complicated and boring and will never be on television.  I will mandate shows about kids staying home with sitters because I'm pretty sure that's how the good Lord intended it.

*Wait...I have to go stir my veggies.

*Note:  Cooking shows will continue.  No need to worry.  I'll see to it.

*Even people who watch TV for a living read.  I read.

*I've been enjoying the Kate Daniels series.

*Can't recall where I told you I left off, but you will probably be thrilled to know that I finished Magic Strikes (Kate Daniels, Book 3) over the weekend.

*Now I'm working on Magic Bleeds (Kate Daniels, Book 4).

*If you are sick of sparkly, shiny vampires who strut around like they are all that and a bag of O positive, then this is the series for you!

*If you sometimes think, "Sheesh! Where can I find a book that highlights the virtues of were-animals that aren't wolves???", well come on down and enjoy the party!  I gotcha a lion with attitude right here!!

*Plus Kate is wicked snarky and I love that in a main character.  She makes me giggle.

*I did not giggle when I finished listening to Lost Boys: A Novel.

*It took me a minute to realize that I was in the midst of great turmoil and tragedy.  I'd been lulled into a false sense of security.  This is not exactly the kind of moment you need to have right before turning into the middle school parking lot where you are expected to exit your vehicle in a dignified manner then educate children without weeping.

*It was a long journey to that ending and I know not everyone appreciates this novel, but I was kind of impressed.

*Maybe it's better as an audio book?  I dunno...

*Note:  TV will continue to have an audio component.  I think that enhances the viewing experience and will keep it.  You are very welcome.

*Note:  If you are not someone who utilizes the audio portion of the television experience, please disregard the previous statement.  And continue to enjoy the closed captioning because I plan on leaving that just as it is, too.

I'm afraid that will have to be it for tonight, Dear Visitors.  I need to work on getting my television viewing diary organized because it's certainly not going to write in all those local stations all by itself, now is it?  I should also probably start mapping out my viewing schedule for the next week in order that I might make clear what entertainment I deem appropriate for mass consumption.

Yes.  I am a very important person doing very important work right now.  That's why I make the big (five) bucks.  They don't just give that kind of cash to anyone, you know.

I imagine it will just about cover my reality therapy bills...



trek said...

You can get therapy for five bucks in the wilds of Maine?!?!

Donna Lee said...

All I can say is thank the gods for netflix and hulu.

I could be a Neilson viewer except for the no television in the house thing. They might not approve and I might skew the stastics.

KnitKicky said...

I so agree with you about Kate Daniels! As I toil here in the wilds of corporate America, I have basically adopted her as my role model. Yeah, that's going well for me thanks!

kmkat said...

Thank you, O Reading Muse! I just requested the first Kate Daniels book and the audio of Lost Boys from my library. I am on the fifth (audio)book of A Song of Ice and Fire, so I shall need more audio books in a mere 40 hours or so.

Julia G said...

Glad to see your elevation to the Pantheon of Neilson Viewers hasn't gone to your head :-)

And thanks again for the "Iron Druid" series recommendation - we all zipped through "Hounded", "Hexed" and "Hammered", and now anxiously await the next book, due in April, plus a Kindle-only novella. Even the 14-year-old Reluctant Reader (with Undertones of Anti-Bieber) is halfway through the first book, a development that can only be described as "epic".