Wednesday, October 26, 2011

WNBP: Tales From The Line

I'm pretty sure that my entire life can be reduced to a line right now.  I'm spending a lot of time waiting for stuff and a great deal of it involves standing in a row with other people who may or may not be as excited about the situation as I.  I'm also filling out a whole bunch of paperwork and signing on dotted lines, not to mention trying to toe the line in order that I don't get into trouble for ranting and railing against lines.

Lines are oppressive.  They are meant to create order, but I am kind of tired of them.  I'm looking forward to doing the Wednesday Night Bullet Post where I can happily meander from topic to topic and where the lines are only there for mocking.

*Today was the Cheerful Teaching Assistant's birthday.  She is learning that time marches forward in a somewhat linear fashion and that one's twenties are not an eternal sort of thing.

*Hence, it was really in my best interest to go buy her a cake.  A chocolate cake that is in total defiance of any and all dietary restrictions.

*I found a doozy.

*It was the envy of all the ladies on line at the Wal-Mart.

*I know this because they told me so.  We discussed this cake in depth.

*Using the wisdom of a cashier, three total strangers and my own input, it was decided that this cake needed to remain in my car for the night.

*None of us believed for one minute that it would last until morning if I brought it into my house.

*Seriously.  This cake was like a chick magnet!!!

*They are talking snow soon.  Like...really soon.

*Not a lot and it's probably not even going to happen, but it is making me think I should really finish those socks from five or six months ago.

*It's just that I don't want to do the heel.  If I could just cross that line, I'd be fine.

*Maybe when my feet get cold enough...

*Although I don't know why I bother.  My feet have started to puff up again in response to the last few nights of popcorn snacking.

*Swollen feet are a new phenomenon in my life and I am ill prepared for them.  I question whether my bloated hooves will cause my socks to explode in a shower of woolly bits.

*Any thoughts?  I'm genuinely curious about it.  If I am going to be known forever as She Of The Elephantine Tootsies, I'd like to dress part.

*Even if that means wearing duct tape socks.

*I could also probably just lay off the salty snacks but I don't want to do anything too drastic...

*The book situation has gotten a little off-track lately.

*I was reading some of the D. D. Barant books and thought I'd move on to Killing Rocks (The Bloodhound Files)

*But then I didn't feel like it.  I sort of wanted something different.

*Mrs. Secretary Who Sits At The Back Desk (and who also likes a lot of the same stuff I do) mentioned Zone One: A Novel

*So I bought it.  It's not bad.  A bit over-written for my taste, but a kind of interesting take on the whole Zombie Apocalypse.

*It's fair to say that some people really are going to find their true calling during the coming dark and very stinky days.

*I also started The Kingdom of Fear.

*It's too early to give an opinion on this one, but it's a cheap download.  Even if it ends up not being a favorite, I won't cry too hard.

*Oh, I forgot to mention Aloha from Hell (Sandman Slim)!

*Or did I do that last week?  I can't remember...

*I love this series.  Even if this one didn't end the way I wanted.

*I want the poor guy to finally realize that it's not his fault he's a monster and that he doesn't have to be in The Very Bad Place!

*Fair Warning:  If you have strong feelings regarding the nature of good and evil, this is not the book for you.  You kind of have to be flexible about who is a good guy and who is a bad guy to appreciate The Sandman.

*Most of the series I'm interested in right now aren't boasting anything new and I'm casting my lines far and wide.  

*I'll keep you posted!

*And from the classroom...

*The Siren is officially dating The Anti-Bieber.

*They require a great deal of monitoring because I am honestly not interested in being a godparent right now.

*Their love is the stuff of legends.  Epic poems will be penned.

*For now, though, they are content with gooey messages left on the last line of a math page.

*Today, I found ILY scrawled on the bottom of the multiplication review paper.

*Best Conversation Of The Day:

Ms. Sheep:  Why look at this!  Thank you, Anti-Bieber!  I had no idea you loved me!!!

Anti-Bieber:  Er...what?

MS:  It says so right here! " ILY."  It's as plain as day.  And I'm ever so flattered that you would share your feelings so boldly.

AB:  What is happening?  I don't understand.  And I'm scared.

The Siren:  Hee-hee!  I wrote ILY on your math page and now Ms. Sheep is giving you crap!  This is awesome!!!

(Note:  The Siren is, sadly, inflicted with the exact same sense of humor as I.  It is not looking good for the AB)

MS:  I am sad to tell you AB, that our love can never be.  It is wrong.  We are ships that pass in the night, dear lad.  I can offer you naught but my hand in friendship.

The AB:  Please.  Make it stop.  Please...

MS:  (voice rising as she rides the emotional wave of the moment)  Take heart, Dear AB!  For I promise you that one day the pain you feel shall be a distant memory and that your life will be all the richer for having experienced it!  Please do not despair!  You shall, in fact, find another!  Yes....YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN!!!

*The Siren then spent most of the afternoon harassing her beau about his leaving her for an older woman.

*And yes.  I will probably end up on the news for crossing the line, but there is really only so much of the middle school love stuff a woman can take before cracking up.

*I am pretty sure a good lawyer can get me off on an insanity defense.

Yeah.  So here I am standing in line on my puffy feet and congratulating myself on not eating an entire chocolate fudge cake before leaving the parking lot.  It could be worse.  At least I have the support of the Wal-Mart Women.

And The Siren seems to think I'm kind of amusing, as well...



kmkat said...

I never realized the massive wisdom of the Walmart Women. They spoke the truth. (The cake would never have survived had I brought it into my house, either.)

Donna Lee said...

If you're looking for a good (but vastly different) vampire book, try The Strain (del Toro). There are two of them and a third one to come out (hopefully) soon. Stands all the vampire lore on its head but still interesting.

trek said...

No jury in the world, Sheepie!

Denise said...

My feet were getting all puffy too and I have a serious popcorn/salty stuff habit so I started making my own popcorn in a little pan with a lid. I just melt some coconut oil in it put the popcorn in, put it on high heat on the stove, wait for the popping to stop and put a little salt on it. Yum, it sure tastes a lot better than the microwave stuff and better for me I'm sure.

elaine said...

One of the wonderful things about wooly socks is that they stretch quite nicely to accommodate day-after-popcorn-binges and other assorted celebrations. They definitely don't explode. Carry on.

Julia G said...

The Anti-Bieber is in good company - my 14-year-old is convinced that anything that didn't emanate from Seattle in the '90s is not music. And it always cracks me up how girls at almost any age can run circles around the boys logically :-)

catsmum said...

you have obviously had an insidious effect on The Siren. God help the AB, he doesn't have a chance :)

Also my sweet sheepie [ if you can be bothered - I'll undertand if you can't, what with the lines and the popcorn and the cake and all ] could you please change the link to my blog in the sidebar to the new one? I feel sad that it thinks I haven't written anything for 3 months :(

hope your Halloween was good and the zombies didn't get you