Sunday, March 13, 2011

Kids Will Get In Your Hair

The Time:  1:30, Friday Afternoon

The Place:  Ms. Sheep's classroom, where all have gathered to stare at the clock in the hopes that it will move just a little bit faster

The Situation:  Ms. Sheep is sitting stock still, eyes bulging and teeth gritted.  She is frantically casting about to get the attention of anyone who might rescue her.  Her posture is no different than that of any other helpless victim who is trying to get someone to notice that she has a bomb strapped to her chest before she goes ker-plooey.

Ms. Sheep:  (speaking without moving her lips lest she make the situation any worse):  Help. Me. Kid. Sniffing. My. Head. For. The. Love. Of. God....heeeeellllp.....meeeeeee!

The Boy For Whom All The World's A Stage:  I can't help it!  Just hold still!  It smells so good!!!!!

MS:  Either help me or kill me.  I don't care which.

TBFWATWAS:  I have to know!  What do you use?  (takes another deep sniff and sighs happily)

MS:  (resigned to the fact that everyone is too tired to care about her plight) Er...

TBFWATWAS:  What?!  Tell me!!!

MS:  Well...

TBFWATWAS:  (relinquishing his teacher's head so he can stand in front of Ms. Sheep and bellow into her face)  WHAT IS IT??????

MS:  Will you be quiet for a second?  I'm trying to explain!!

TBFWATWAS collapses into a nearby chair, exhausted but still maintaining a look of urgent expectation.  Sort of a cross between "day before birthday" and "where is the bathroom?"

MS:  It's not a store-bought thing.  I make it.  It doesn't have like...a brand name or anything.  I just buy unscented liquid castille soap that they make for babies and add my own scent to it.

TBFWATWAS:  Huh?  You do?  How?

MS:  Some people use essential oils or make their own scented water with flowers and herbs.  But I just use the candle and soap fragrances from the craft store.  

TBFWATWAS:  That doesn't make your hair all goopy?

MS:  No.  You just use a few drops.  I am a fragile flower with delicate skin and whatnot.  I can't use a lot of fragrance.

By now everyone was looking at me with expressions that said, "Ms. Sheep has waaaay too much time on her hands..."  Except for one, that is.  TBFWATWAS seemed to appreciate the information and probably wanted to know more.  However, his nostrils were also starting to flare somewhat alarmingly so I thought it was a good time to drop the matter and see about getting everyone ready for dismissal.  They didn't need to hear the entire saga. how this winter has been pretty tough on my hands and has caused drying, cracking and bleeding.

...or how my ragged skin was catching on the sock yarn in a manner that was less than helpful to the process, not to mention the aforementioned bleeding problem.

...and that, being "real" soap, it is mild enough to be used as not just a hand wash, but as a shampoo, face and body wash.

...Unlike regular detergent-based cleansers which have not been kind to me over the years.

...and that, even though I gasped at the price of those two big bottles at first, the stuff can be used for just about anything.

...or how it ended up being cheaper in the long run because it rinses cleanly and works as a general, all-purpose cleaner for anything from dishes to floors to hand-wash-only sweaters.

I'm fairly certain that TBFWATWAS would have found that pretty darned fascinating, actually.  This is the kid who didn't like the very expensive vacuum cleaner his mother purchased and went out to buy one for his own use.  He also buys his own cleaning products and has the most well-stocked first aid kit in his backpack that I've ever seen.  Yeah.  He would have probably missed his bus for the chance to hear all about the castille soap situation.

But I didn't dare chance it.  We'd crossed enough boundaries for one day and I think it's good for kids to take their own journeys of discovery.  I'm happy with how mine worked out for me.

I'm rethinking the fragrance thing, though.  I don't think I can take another afternoon spent with a kid's nose in my head.  I'm going to look for something different.

Maybe something in a "homework scent..."



Jeanne said...

Wow, I love your soap idea! Where does one find castille soap? And how did you find out about this?

catsmum said...

you ... are ... a ... genius

a very funny genius but a bona fide genius nonetheless

trek said...

Bought his own vacuum cleaner? And cleaning supplies?

Can you send him here? I should like to hire him.

Cathy said...

Lovely idea - "homework fragrance". I could use that! I do like Catsmum's comment.

True, so true.

Tho a real genius could outsmart the cat.


=Tamar said...

So what was the scent?

Julia G said...

Ms. Sheep, you HAVE to write a book!

Rosie1925 said...

I have just finished devouring your 2010-2011 school year's worth of blogs. I think I am in love ... with your wonderful sense of ridiculousness. Thank you.

And, what ereader do you use? (I am still using an ancient Palm TX.) And, where do you get your digital fix? (since ereader does not carry the good stuff any more).

Eight cats currently, because the idjits keep dumping cats on our cul de sac, and as you said, no one wants an adult cat.