Wednesday, August 07, 2013

WNBP: Bold Moves

There has been an outbreak of brazen behavior here at the manse.  I'm not sure just what is behind it, but it's mostly working out.  Except when it's not and then things have gotten rather exciting, at least for short periods.

Note:  "Exciting" has sort of varying definitions depending upon one's circumstances.  The guy on the bomb disposal team in charge of deciding which wire to cut probably has a higher tolerance for excitement than I, a middle aged schoolteacher just trying to get a last few things done before the clock ticks down on summer vacation.  That said, a galloping heart rate is a galloping heart rate no matter who you be.


Here's every adrenaline filled moment in Wednesday Night Bullet Post format:

*I mentioned getting Thai food last week.

*It was good.  It was spicy.  It was plentiful.

*When I go out to eat with The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach, I always get the leftovers.

*Not sure why.  I think she believes me to be starving to death over here.

*I couldn't wait to eat more of it.  It was that good.

*Hence, I had it for dinner.  Chicken with mango chutney.  Three and a half stars.

*Which isn't as spicy as they can make it, but spicy.  Very spicy.

*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty can sense food containers being opened a mile away.

*Even from a deep sleep.  He could be in the throes of the world's greatest mouse-chasing dream and still be instantly alert when certain sounds emanate from the kitchen.

*Especially when there is chicken involved.

*He's not such a huge fan of tofu and there was some of that, too.  Apparently, he was willing to forgive the vegetarian leanings in order to access the carnivorous fare.

*He appeared like magic, right there on the counter.  I don't know how he does it.

*I wasn't worried.  One whiff of those Asian spices and he'd be off.  I even let him have a sniff just to move the process along.

*When the AGK wants my dinner it is a bit of an ordeal.  One that does not end until the meal is gone or he has pilfered what he feels is his rightful share.

*My cat is not normal.  My cat is like something out of a fantasy novel where the animals are in charge of everything.  Perhaps in a previous life he was a purveyor of exotic spices.

*I shouldn't have been surprised.  Thinking back, I recall that time I found him on the stove dipping chili straight out of the pot with his paws...

*No.  I did not let him eat my mango curry.  Mango curry is not good for cats.

*But that didn't stop him from trying.  

*He woke me up several times during the night as he fiddled and slammed the lower cabinet, trying to foil the childproof lock so he could get at the empty containers.

*Which were double wrapped.

*However, since I am not bold enough to brave The Dumpster Where The Zombies Live at 1:00 in the morning, I did nothing about it until the dawn.

*I have had a paperclip holding my drain lever open for longer than I care to admit.

*I already mentioned this in an earlier post but for those of you wondering why a person would live in such a savage fashion, here is my reasoning:

DRAINS ARE HORRIBLE PLACES CONTAINING HORRIBLE THINGS AND I AM VERY, VERY AFRAID OF THEM!!!!!

*I've had the supplies to fix the drain for a while now, but not the will.  Last week, I finally summoned up the courage to face my fears.

*It will take years of very expensive therapy and a few very powerful psychotropic medications before I can go into any detail.  For now, I can only say the following:

1.  Clearly, the manse was very creatively constructed, at least as far as the plumbing went.  There was little that resembled the nice, clean illustrations that came with my new drain/overflow plate assembly kit.

2.  This job took longer than it should have and that is not a good thing when you are facing your demons.  See previous observation.

3.  I am still not really "done."  I will require a special tool, probably something made of titanium and diamonds and made only the the farthest reaches of some long disbanded country to remove the actual drain assembly for replacement.

4.  Again...see observation the first.  However there was information available on the Internet so it can't be that rare.  Hope springs eternal that there is a simple way to obtain this tool.

*For now, I am just grateful the most important fix was doable and that I no longer require office supplies to drain my bathtub.  

*Although I'll miss the thrill that comes from balancing precariously on one foot in the shower while the other depresses the lever when the paperclip unexpectedly breaks.  

*At the risk of repeating myself...excitement is a relative concept.

*Over the past few summers, I've gotten in the habit of doing some school year meal prepping.  It's good to have things ready to go once I'm back to work.  

*Children make me tired.  I am not as young as I once was, you know.

*I always can up a bunch of chicken since it is easy to make into edibles and, once pressure canned, will keep well without refrigeration.

*To make life easier, I usually pick up the skinless, boneless variety.  More expensive, but less time consuming.

*I am on summer vacation.  I am home a lot.  With access to cable television.  

*Hence, I decided it was perfectly within my skill set to purchase a couple of whole chickens and do the bone removal all by myself.

*I blame BBC America and MasterChef.  I wouldn't have come up with such a crazy plan all by myself, now would I?

*Actually, it didn't go as badly as it could have.  I don't think I'm ready to compete with the professionals, nor will I go so far as to say not a scrap of meat was wasted.  But there were neither bones nor skin when I was done.

*I even remembered to remind myself to toss the giblet packet in the trash before it attracted unwanted pests.  Or cats.

*Note to self:  Remembering to remind one's self is not the same as remembering to actually complete the task.  In fact, it is pretty much the same as leaving it in the sink.

*When the first fowl was finally wrestled into a boneless state, I turned to find a bloody trail leading from the kitchen to the living room.

*I followed it to find a scrap of waxed paper and one Very Complicated Kitty looking rather embarrassed .

*The ninja cat who actually did the deed was nowhere to be found, but I wasn't fooled for a minute.

*As I told the VCK, "I don't blame you for the theft as I know you don't have the delicate grace necessary to pull it off.  However, I am extremely disappointed in you for participating, even after the fact."

*He had the good grace to look abashed while I cleaned the carpet.  

*The culprit slept the sleep of the innocent whilst digesting a bellyful of ill gotten gains.

*I am assuming that the paper was mostly eaten by the VCK.  He likes paper...

*The scene of the crime and the counter top where I was committing criminal acts upon a chicken are less than three feet apart.  

*I heard nothing.  I saw nothing.  

*My cat is not of this world, I tell you.  He's like a spicy Thai loving agent for the CIA!!!

*And fearless.  Who steals chicken giblets right in front of The Boss 'O The House???

*I have delusions of grandeur.  Let it go.  I fixed a drain and dealt with chicken bones.  There was squealing involved and I'm in need of some self-esteem boosting right now.

*Between the mango curry and the raw chicken entrails, I spent a few anxious days watching the littler box and wondering just how bad this was going to be.

*Probably not worse than the drain, but neither would it be a basket of puppies.

*All is well.  No ill effects.  However, both cats look at me like they are expecting a menu and a list of Today's Specials...

*I canned stew beef on Monday.  I had waaay more of the cooking liquid left over than I'd planned.

*So today, I picked up a few beef bones and some veggies.  Figured I might as well make a proper stock out of it.  

*No cats were involved at any level of the process.

*I guess they aren't fans of the red meat.

*Which makes me wish I was since I really want to can some sweet 'n sour chicken on Friday and I'm not sure I have the cash to pay for both my share and the cats'.


Yes, bold decisions were made and daring plans executed over the past week.  Heck, I even ventured back into The Scary Closet Of Bridesmaid Dresses And Other Assorted Horrors From The 90's for another round of junk hauling!  I'm on a roll, but who knows how long I can sustain it?  Once the will to face danger and yucky things passes, it's kind of over.  I figure I should run with it while I got it.  I might even tackle that drawer in the fridge that sometimes looks to contain an actual moving life form!

But I doubt it.  No one is that bold...

SA




5 comments:

kmkat said...

I am a rather bold person, not afraid of much, but drains give me the creeps, too. Slimy and full of hair and godknowswhatelse. Yech. Our shower drain ran slower and slower until I would find myself in ankle-deep water midway through the shower. It still took me weeks to work up the courage to remove the drain mechanism and clean away the clogging material. In fact, I feel a little off just thinking about it.

I started to tell you about my super-easy and super-delicious chicken soup, but the comment got too long. I'll make a blog post out of it.

Donna Lee said...

Drains give me the willies, too. Too many horror movies I think. This weekend I am experimenting with the manymany cukes that came out of our garden this summer. We will have a few jars of refrigerator pickles (My canning pot is shot and I don't own a pressure cooker). I used to enjoy canning food. There is something so satisfying about the rows and rows of jars all lined up.

=Tamar said...

I didn't know it was possible to remove tub drains. Sink drains, yeah, but not tubs. I use ingenious wire things to try to clear it.

I used to know a cat that liked spicy food so much that sometimes it wouldn't eat regular cat food until hot pepper was added.

trek said...

Do you *really* believe that you are the Boss 'O the House??

trek said...

PS - Plumber told me that a couple of cups of white vinegar down the drain with a hot water chaser once or twice a month is the thing to do.

Works!