Wednesday, January 16, 2013

WNBP: Stoopid Is As Stoopid Does

I try to not judge.  I see stupid stuff all the time and it is often hard to not shout out, "Hey, that's just about the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!!!"

But I refrain when humanly possible.  I like to think that this will perhaps spare me hearing that haunting refrain the next time I perform some amazing feat of utter folly.

Let's see how this week has been shaping up via The Wednesday Night Bullet Post:

*Every Wednesday, my school district has a delayed start time in order that we might get in the five billion staff development tasks we've been charged with.

*That's why I wasn't completely shocked to see that school wasn't cancelled today.

*There was snow.  More than I thought we'd see if the truth be told.

*But, it was certainly within the realm of possibility that it might stop before it was time to bus the kids in, right?

*Of course the elementary schools aren't on the same schedule we are and they might all be subject to a fiery bus crash, but I told myself that there are those who know better than I when it comes to these sorts of things.

*We have to trust in those who know stuff.

*I did, however, swear vengeance upon those who thought to make me drive all the way in to school only to turn me around to go home again if that was what they were planning.

*It was with these thoughts that I gathered my things and stumbled towards the door.

*Which I closed behind me firmly.

*And upon which I next performed The Three Tugs Lock Test That Guarantees The Door Is Secured Against All Intruders.

*Then I stood in there for a while because I realized my keys were on the other side of the now locked door.

*It is hard to find people who can unlock your door at 6:00 in the morning.

*I mentally ran through the list several times so I know this.

*Kicking the door accomplishes nothing, in case you were wondering.

*I like to think that my readers are not the sort who might be impressed with my mad card skills when it comes to locked doors.

*I picture you all as a respectable group who don't want to hear what can be accomplished with an auto club card and the will to make doors open.

*I won't elaborate.

*Except to say that most nefarious types don't have to deal with a cat on the other side of the door trying to snatch the card or shove it back out as it wiggles around the door jamb.

*When I fell into the manse through my suddenly open door, I almost landed on the mighty defender of my home and property.

*He looked disappointed that it was over.

*I was fifteen minutes behind schedule at that point.

*And it was snowing a lot harder than when last I glanced outside.

*A lot.

*I passed three cars well off the road by the time I'd gone five miles along the Maine Turnpike.

*Then I stopped looking.

*I was half an hour later than usual to school.  Barely in time to make the first workshop session.

*Which, thankfully, was postponed to give everyone a chance to slide into the parking lot.

*I was grateful.  I needed time to just...sit.

*This is the kind of day where they send us all home early.  Which seemed kind of stupid since we'd only just gotten there.

*The only thing stupider would be to make us stay so that's what they did.

*Very few school districts closed.

*I know because I checked five billion times.

*At noon, I looked at the New Teaching Assistant and said, "That's it.  I give up.  A watched school cancellation list never updates."

*I was exhausted by then anyway.

*The drive home wasn't that bad, actually.  I heard of a few others who didn't manage quite so easily, though.

*Two cows died this morning, tragically struck by a snowplow.  Traffic was blocked on route 4 for quite a while.

*That isn't funny.  No, not at all.

*I don't like it when animals suffer.

*But we were all kind of stressed out by the whole storm thing so I have to confess to some strained giggles.

*While I was walking him to his locker after lunch, He Who...PROJECTS looked at me curiously and asked, "Ms. Sheep, are you too old to exercise?"

*He's on a fitness kick these days and has to be almost physically restrained from standing up in the middle of the cafeteria and announcing to all that their diets are killing them.

*Then demanding that they all join him in a rousing round of five hundred jumping jacks.

*I'm too old, apparently.  I'd probably be exempt.  Maybe I could hold his megaphone or something.

*I think I need a spare key.  I used to have one.

*But then I put it someplace for emergencies and I haven't the foggiest notion where it went after that.

*But I can't always count on my cat burglar skills.

*Or that my cat won't improve upon his ninja skills.

*A spare key really does seem like a good idea.  I should get on that.

*Soon.  Really soon.

*Fairly soon.

*It's important.  It should go on the "Things I'm going to get to any day now" list.

*I had to return an audio library book half listened to.

*I'm sorry.  But there are some stupid things I simply won't tolerate.

*If you are going to write about sentient zombies who can talk and operate motor vehicles then you'd best be doing it ironically.

*Or it's back to the digital download site you go!!!

*At which point, I will take out a copy of Halfway to the Grave (Night Huntress, Book 1).

*And it will be good so don't test me on this.

*It is better than Greywalker (Greywalker, Book 1).

*Which is good, but I'm finding it kind of hard to really connect with the story line or the main character.  

*It's kind of like the author really didn't feel much like telling the back story.  

*Should have gone the flashback route and just started in the middle of things, I think.

*But that makes me think the next one in this series might be better so I'm probably going to give it a shot.

*I'll get back to you.  

*Regarding my Not A New Year's Resolution:  I finally managed to eat dinner before 7:00 last night!

*I ate dinner at 6:55.  

*That counts.  

*This is all a work in progress, OK?  I'm not a miracle worker, here!  Change takes time!!

*It is now 6:29.  And I am thinking about remembering to eat dinner before 7:00 so I stand a good chance.

*Or I'll forget before I finish spell-checking the blog, something I've proven myself wont to do.

*What was I saying?  I got all impressed with my use of the word, "wont" and now I'm kind of sidetracked...

*Not stupid.  Just distracted.  

Now I'm tired from reliving all the day's stupidity so I should wrap this up.  Besides, there's something I think I said I should be doing and I want to be ready when I recall what it was.  It might have something to do with that rumbling in my stomach...

Yup.  I try to not judge the stupidity of others.  It seems like the Karmic thing to do.



trek said...

Poor farmer...

=Tamar said...

The airlines (or AAA? somebody) apparently sell discreet nylon pockets with elastic belts to wear under your clothing. They close with zippers and would probably hold a spare key securely. OTOH, partly disrobing at 6:00 AM outside your front door in winter might add to your reputation...

kmkat said...

I keep a ring of spare keys in my purse. Keys to everything -- house, my car, Smokey's car, Matthew's car, Andrew's car, cars we no longer own. Of course, if I lock my purse IN THE CAR I'm screwed...

Julia G said...

Congrats on your mad burgling skills! I'm zipping through Ken Follett's "Fall of Giants", a weighty tome at 985 pages, but amazingly readable yet thoughtful - it's more of an eve-of-WWI, "Downtown Abbey" vibe than your usual fare, and no zombies have turned up at Lady Maud Fitzherbert's country manor for tea - yet. You never know.... still, a ripping good read.