Wednesday, September 18, 2013

WNBP: Various And Sundry Mundane Disasters

I think I'm finally managing to get back into something of a routine.  Or something that kind of resembles a routine if you squint and look at it from just the right angle.  If nothing else, it feels as though I never left school for anything remotely resembling a summer vacation so I must be back in form.

Or, at the very least, something kind of like it...

That said, I must admit it hasn't been completely smooth sailing.  There have been bumps.  Hiccups, if you will.  On the other hand, I remembered that it is Wednesday and that it's time for the Wednesday Night Bullet Post so I must be doing something right.

Here's what I have for you this week.

*Open House was scheduled for last Thursday.

*Open House is what I like to think of as a Necessary Evil.  Great for parent relations.  Not so great for keeping to a routine or having a restful evening after a long day in the classroom

*It is usually still kind of hot at that point in the school year.  Summer likes to taunt us with a few extra days of searing heat whilst we toil in our classrooms.

*You know...just to make sure we miss our lazy days of restful relaxation to the full extent possible.

*Plus, who doesn't like explaining to children that adults don't control the weather and that it's hot because it's hot five billion times a day?

*Open House night always falls on a hot day.  It's like clockwork.  And the coming of the darkness doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

*This year, the hot was made even more delightful by the addition of rain.  Hot rain.

*And I'm not talking a pleasant drizzle here, people.

*I'm talking buckets.  The big buckets that they sell at the hardware store.

*Not the little ones you get at the supermarket on your way to the beach.

*It poured.

*And poured.

*There was thunder.  And lightening.

*I had some time to kill before Open House started and I really needed to get some gas for the car.

*However during dismissal, when a particularly enthusiastic burst of the sky fire crackled overhead and caused the power to flicker, one of my students became suddenly overcome with the thought that his teacher might be struck by lightening on the way to her car.

*I know the odds of getting struck by lightening are slim.  I told him that.  I swore that I wasn't going to be hit by lightening.

*Of course, if I stopped for gas during the storm, I pretty much figured I'd be hit by lightening.

*Whatever the odds might be.

*And then, in addition to having been struck by lightening, I'd have to listen to this kid telling me, "I TOLD you that you'd be struck by lightening.  But did you listen? Noooooo...."

*I honestly don't have the time or energy to spend another year building up the trust with this kid.  

*And I hate hearing, "I told you so."

*I also assume I'd hate being hit by lightening but, without any direct experience, I can't say for certain.


*I had a meeting after school on Open House night.  It ran a bit late.

*By the time I got downstairs, there was a lake waiting for me.

*Literally at the bottom of the stairs.

*Indoor lakes are never a good thing.  I went to tell Mr. Principal post haste.

*He heard my report.  Then he sighed.

*"Yeah," he said, "we'll get to that right after we deal with the waterfall in 307."

*The night custodian informed me that he found the leak and climbed a chair to get a closer look.  Upon inspection, he determined it to be serious.

*He knew this because the ceiling tile shattered soggily at his touch and a torrent of water began pouring onto his face.

*He's a professional.  He knows when a situation is serious.  I trust his judgement.

*So, to recap: there was a lake on the main floor, a waterfall on the third floor, I really needed gas in my car and was cursed to be struck by lightening.

*Plus something smelled funny.  And there were a lot of sirens in the distance.

*Fortunately, we were not on fire.

*Unfortunately, the house just down the street was very much on fire because the lightening decided to strike it instead of me.

*There is no more house down the street now...

*In spite of the post title, that isn't really a mundane disaster.  That's kind of major, especially to the people that lived there.

*They are fine, by the way.

*We persevered.  We are Middle School Teacher, darn it.  We forge ahead with our Open Houses.

*Surprisingly, it was a success.  

*And I had enough gas to get home.

*We used to have our late start days on Wednesdays.  Kids start school two hours late.  Teachers come in for all that pesky staff development stuff we can't get to on regular days but have to do anyway.

*Now we do it on Thursdays.

*Which makes it kind of hard to remember that it's Wednesday.  

*Look at me, remembering to blog on a Wednesday!  And without a late start to prompt me!

*I don't have Bad Cats.

*I have Interesting Cats.

*One is neurotic and anxious enough to require daily medication.  The other is smart which wouldn't be so bad except he is also willful.  And hungry most of the time.

*Not Bad Cats.  But Bad Things sometimes happen.

*Hence, I have resorted to setting up a survellience camera during the day to check in.

*You know...just to make sure things are OK.  But I only have the one iPad to use as a remote camera so I have a limited view.

*Today, I checked in at lunchtime.  Got a nice view of my Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty rolling playfully around the living room floor.  So cute!

*Then he disappeared into the kitchen.  As God is my witness, I honestly believe he gave me a Meaningful Look right before doing so.

*Then I heard the soft sound of someone wandering around the kitchen counters and knocking things to the floor.

*Might have to rethink the survelleince camera.  It's all well and good to see what's going on.

*It's another thing entirely to be sitting helpless and miles away whilst Bad Things are being perpetrated upon my kitchen.

*I came home to find a shredded potato chip bag in the living room.  An empty potato chip bag.

*The high tech, cat proof clip I'd used to seal it was intact.  For what that's worth.

*To add insult to injury, the bag was left directly within view of the camera.

*Almost as if it was placed there purposely.  To mock me.

*I can only be thankful that I had a class to teach and wasn't available to watch my chips being devoured before my very eyes.

*For the record, the chips are normally stored in the microwave because that's the only thing the AGK can't quite figure out how to open.

*But I used the microwave this morning making breakfast.  I was still on schedule at that point.

*Then, suddenly, I wasn't on schedule anymore and I rushed out the door before putting the chips back in the vault.

*Need to work on the schedule....

*Figure out a way to work "return chips to microwave" into the morning routine.

*Also need to determine how I'm going to manage dinner tonight.  I'm having chicken with ginger teriyaki sauce.  I had it last night, too.  It was good.

*The AGK likes that as much as chips, apparently.  

*Don't turn your back on your chicken with ginger teriyaki sauce.  Not even if you are trying to make some rice to go with it or wash the spoon you were using to stir with because the cat keeps trying to steal it.

*You will find less of your dinner in the pot upon your return.

*The distance between my sink and my stove is about three feet.  Which doesn't matter at all when you have a cat who really likes chicken with ginger teriyaki sauce.

*The rice didn't seem to do much for him at all.  Part of me took that personally...

*I'd set up the camera to watch my chicken while I wash the spoons tonight, but I'm still sort of stinging from today's Chip Taunt.

*Maybe I need to take a break from my stealthy Bad Cat spying activities.

*I shudder to think what that camera might capture next...

*Daddy Sheep is recovering nicely from his Dentist/Wandering Crown/Lung Plunging experience.  No ill effects whatsoever.

*He gets lots of rest because he doesn't have to go to Open Houses now that he's retired from the teaching game.  Nor does he make a habit of being in buildings that are flooding.  He also doesn't have cats which require nonstop monitoring.

*Rest is the key to healing.  That's why I'm thinking of canceling my next dentist appointment.  I can't risk anything happening.  

*I've only got the one crown and it's pretty firmly seated.  But never know.

*Disaster lurks around every corner these days!

Well, I've run out of steam.  Truth be told, I think that remembering my chicken kind of stirred up a desire to eat some chicken.  Or at least the leftover bits that my cat doesn't want.  I suppose I should get to it.  It's good to get some protein into the body.  Gotta keep up that strength.

Because even mundane disasters can take their toll...



Julia G said...

So glad to hear Daddy Sheep is doing fine! I would never be as calm and goodnatured in his situation, and I am lucky to have a truly painless and kindly dentist.

My big orange cat Charlie, who looks like the AGK's doppelganger, does the same "clear the counter" routine every night, if we are careless enough to leave a bag of chips or bread or the butter dish out -- whomp! He knocks it off five minutes after we go upstairs, just to make the point that he can. I think it's the game as much as anything.

At least the weather in New England is improving - enjoy your weekend!

kmkat said...

Can AGK open the oven on the stove? That holds more than a microwave, although you DO have to remember to check it before turning it on. Ask me how I know.

What you need for Cat Discipline is a heavy-duty squirt bottle. Cats hate to be squirted. I seem to remember a Paula Poundstone routine where she used one to keep her cat(s) in line, and they would run to her for protection from the Evil Squirt. Cats: endlessly entertaining.

Betsy said...

sheepy? you ok? we miss you and the bullet points...

Anonymous said...

Here's hoping your too busy doing fun things with friends, both two and four legged, to post :)