WNBP: There Oughta Be A Law!

I'm not what you'd call 100% rule bound.  I like to go my own way.  I daresay I even flaunt convention every now and again.  Admittedly my flaunting is a good deal less flaunt-y as I approach the half century mark.  I am more on the "look I wore a quirky pair of striped socks today, ain't I just the bee's knees?" end of the scale.  But sometimes I wear them on days when more somber attire is required so I count it.

Still...I believe that some rules should be followed merely out of simple respect.  You offer your seat to an older lady on the bus.  You don't slam the car door when you get home after 9:00 because others are trying to watch prime time television.  Even if you really want that last slice of pizza, you should never, ever try to stab your dinner companion with a fork to avoid the competition.  That's just plain old good manners, for crying out loud.

We have laws for a reason.  Rules are there for the good of all.  And where's the fun in flaunting them if you don't follow them most of the time anyway?

Wednesday is the night for bullet posting and I'm going to follow that rule this week.  I sort of blew it off last time and it's in the consistency that one finds joy in the lack thereof.

There should probably also be a rule about convoluted logic and sentences that attempt to follow them, but I'm too tired to go back and edit the thought.  Just go with it while we explore this week's twists, turns and rules gone wrong.

*I firmly believe that once I have to go back to school, there should be no more summer.  It should immediately revert to autumn.  Or it can snow.  I don't care.

*However, as my reasoning for that is more selfish than anything else since I resent anyone enjoying the summer I no longer have, I don't think that should be a rule.

*It's more the kind of thing I think about a lot and try to not say aloud.

*However, I believe it most certainly should be a rule that October behave itself in a sensible manner.

*There is no earthy reason for it to be over 80 degrees on the second of October.  None whatsoever.

*In my corner of the hemisphere, October has been issued a mandate.  Crisp, cool days and pumpkins awaiting kids to smash them on every doorstep.  And crunchy colored leaves.  And apple crisp.  Warm apple crisp.

*It should not be a day when you have to dig around at dawn's early light for a sleeveless top and sandals so you can survive the coming work day in your third floor classroom with limited window access.

*One of my first clear thoughts this morning was, "Oh no.  I am going to have to spend an entire day in an overheated room full of overheated students, most of whom have difficulty with understanding why things aren't the way they are supposed to be."

*Even worse, I knew I was going to have to give up at least one full teaching block to state mandated achievement testing.  That, in case you didn't know, represents a schedule change.  

*Schedule changes do not go over well in my world.  Schedule changes cause trauma to minds that thrive on the expected.

*Also, I was going to have to explain why it was hot.  

*And I am not a meteorologist.  Nor do I control the weather.  

*Although it seemed highly likely that I was going to be blamed for it.

*Thankfully, it was the second day of testing so most of the kids were feeling a little more comfortable with the whole thing.  Sort of...

*And the humidity stayed reasonable so it didn't seem quite as hot as it really was.

*Which is good because the heat caused the wasps that live in the surrounding trees and apparently the ceiling, to think that summer was back.

*Wasps follow the rules even when the weather doesn't.

*I sent an email to Mr. Principal apologizing for what I expect will be dismal test scores this year.

*It is a little hard to focus when you have to duck, dodge and flee the scary wasps that bumble around the ceiling in search of sky.

*The periodic shrieks of terror probably didn't help much either.

*And, in case you were wondering, explaining that a wasp is more likely to notice the kid running around the room, flapping his arms wildly and screaming, "BUG!  BUG!!!" is an exercise in futility.

*He who is terrified by wasps is going to run, flap and scream no matter what you say.

*I checked the hole in the plywood covering the window that was broken five years ago to make sure our paper towel stuffing was still in place.  

*It is.  No wasps sneaking in that way.

*They are coming from my office ceiling.  Which is where the only windows are located in that area of the classroom.

*So I had to keep the door closed.

*And it was 80 degrees.  

*Hot or wasp attacks.  Pick your poison, people.  I can't grant you amnesty from both.

*And yes.  You still have to take your state mandated achievement test.

*Did you also know that there is no limit to how many times you can tell kids what page they need to start their test on?  You can say it and say it and say it.  It's free and, since it's a standardized test, it is also a rule.

*You can check each student's page before the test begins to ensure that all have fully understood the direction.  

*Heck, you can do a little interpretive dance just to make sure they're paying attention.  No rules around that.

*And it doesn't really matter anyway.  You'll still have one that somehow ends up taking the wrong test.

*We have a staff meeting the first Wednesday of every month.  We didn't used to have them on Wednesday.

*At least I don't think we did.  I remember having them on Wednesday last year, but it never really stuck in my mind.  I'm still on the Tuesday meeting schedule mentally.

*Which is why I planned to run a few errands after school today so I wouldn't have to do it on Thursday when I have scheduled the late meeting.

*I will be running my errands tomorrow after my late meeting.

*By the time I get around to remembering that I have a required staff meeting on the first Wednesday of every month, I will either be retired or they will have changed it to Thursdays...

*I am never retiring.  Not at this rate.  They keep changing the rules around when teachers can retire.  And I will probably still be paying my car off anyway.

*I'm fairly certain that, by the time I might be able to consider retiring, they will have invented a way to make me a cyborg so I can teach and teach forever.

*I'll still be at the top of the state's longevity scale and without hope of ever seeing a big pay bump but I guess it won't matter then.

*Cyborgs just need routine maintenance and probably don't eat much.  I'll just need a bit of walking around money and something to cover rustproofing.

*In spite of the glitches and drawbacks, I'm still setting up the surveillance camera before leaving each day.

*It seems prudent.

*Today's Cat Related Classroom Conversation:

Boy Child #1: Ms. Sheep, did you just say you have cats?  I didn't know that.  That's nice for you.

Boy Child #2:  Yeah.  She sets up a camera so she can watch them all day.

Ms. Sheep: Yes.  I do that.  Wait...did you just roll your eyes?  I think I saw you roll your eyes.  You know what, Buster?  You just try living a day in my life and see if you don't start recording stuff that goes on in your home when you're not there.  You see what it's like living with creatures who don't care one little bit that you are the Mommy and set the standards for appropriate conduct.  You try existing in a world where the chicken you left on a plate last night for JUST ONE LITTLE SECOND suddenly DISAPPEARS and you find it BEING DRAGGED ACROSS THE NICE NEW KITCHEN RUG!  YEAH...THAT'S RIGHT!  JUST TRY IT.  DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!!

*It is entirely possible I have some difficulty separating my issues from the workplace.

*But I have more issues with Da Boyz so I think I am justified in being a little sensitive over the whole matter.

*My I-Don't-Play-Tennis elbow is still wreaking havoc at the worst possible moments.  

*I may soon have to bow to the doctor's strong suggestion and start considering seeing the OT.

*I don't want to see the OT just now.  I don't want another afternoon appointment.  Nor do I want to pay what the insurance won't cover.

*Nor do I really know for certain exactly how well the negotiations worked out on our latest teacher's contract.  The law of averages would seem to indicate that I shouldn't expect much.

*For all I know the 85% coverage I had last year is now gone and the only thing my provider will cover for occupational therapy is leeches and happy thoughts.

*Or maybe one of those rack thingies.  The kind that stretch you out until you don't care so much about the pain in your elbow.

*The one that doesn't swing a tennis racket.

*This time last week, I was in the throes of what looked to be a rather ugly oncoming workplace dispute.  

*It was going to require some confrontation.  I am not good with confrontation.

*As a rule, I avoid it.  

*Couldn't avoid it this time.  If the situation was what I thought it was, I needed to go in hard.

*And I did.  My stomach hurt and I didn't sleep the entire previous night.  But I took a stand, fighting against every natural urge I have to scamper away and promote my agenda from the sensible safety zone found under my bed.

*The situation was not as bad as I thought it was, although rules were broken in small ways. However,  the clearing of the air was a healthy thing in the end.  Seriously cathartic.  My adversary and I parted on friendlier terms than most people in the school building can say.

*But I made someone cry and I don't feel good about that even if I couldn't help it.  Someone had to ask the hard questions and it was apparent that no one was going to do it for me.

*So I had M&Ms for dinner along with a vanilla Coke that didn't have the word "diet" inscribed anywhere on the label.

*I don't know if that is a law, the consumption of sugar after a stressful experience where you have to take a stand even if you don't want to and you realize that you and the other party have both been put in horribly awkward positions by others who got to just kick back and watch from the sidelines.

*But it should be.

*However, I have noticed a tendency since then to find justification in bad eating habits a little more easily.

*And I'm not really sure if it is appropriate to reward one's self with candy because of a glitch in the weather that turns October into July...


So there you go.  That's this week.  And a smidgen of last week.  Although I hope it isn't a glimpse into next week because I cannot imagine further summery weather infringing upon what I consider to be the rules of the fall season.  Things need to cool down and we need to get back to the business of wearing shoes that cover our entire feet.

Although I'm not sure what the wasps will do.  I don't think they wear full shoes...

SA

WNBP: Various And Sundry Mundane Disasters

I think I'm finally managing to get back into something of a routine.  Or something that kind of resembles a routine if you squint and look at it from just the right angle.  If nothing else, it feels as though I never left school for anything remotely resembling a summer vacation so I must be back in form.

Or, at the very least, something kind of like it...

That said, I must admit it hasn't been completely smooth sailing.  There have been bumps.  Hiccups, if you will.  On the other hand, I remembered that it is Wednesday and that it's time for the Wednesday Night Bullet Post so I must be doing something right.

Here's what I have for you this week.

*Open House was scheduled for last Thursday.

*Open House is what I like to think of as a Necessary Evil.  Great for parent relations.  Not so great for keeping to a routine or having a restful evening after a long day in the classroom

*It is usually still kind of hot at that point in the school year.  Summer likes to taunt us with a few extra days of searing heat whilst we toil in our classrooms.

*You know...just to make sure we miss our lazy days of restful relaxation to the full extent possible.

*Plus, who doesn't like explaining to children that adults don't control the weather and that it's hot because it's hot five billion times a day?

*Open House night always falls on a hot day.  It's like clockwork.  And the coming of the darkness doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

*This year, the hot was made even more delightful by the addition of rain.  Hot rain.

*And I'm not talking a pleasant drizzle here, people.

*I'm talking buckets.  The big buckets that they sell at the hardware store.

*Not the little ones you get at the supermarket on your way to the beach.

*It poured.

*And poured.

*There was thunder.  And lightening.

*I had some time to kill before Open House started and I really needed to get some gas for the car.

*However during dismissal, when a particularly enthusiastic burst of the sky fire crackled overhead and caused the power to flicker, one of my students became suddenly overcome with the thought that his teacher might be struck by lightening on the way to her car.

*I know the odds of getting struck by lightening are slim.  I told him that.  I swore that I wasn't going to be hit by lightening.

*Of course, if I stopped for gas during the storm, I pretty much figured I'd be hit by lightening.

*Whatever the odds might be.

*And then, in addition to having been struck by lightening, I'd have to listen to this kid telling me, "I TOLD you that you'd be struck by lightening.  But did you listen? Noooooo...."

*I honestly don't have the time or energy to spend another year building up the trust with this kid.  

*And I hate hearing, "I told you so."

*I also assume I'd hate being hit by lightening but, without any direct experience, I can't say for certain.

*Still...

*I had a meeting after school on Open House night.  It ran a bit late.

*By the time I got downstairs, there was a lake waiting for me.

*Literally at the bottom of the stairs.

*Indoor lakes are never a good thing.  I went to tell Mr. Principal post haste.

*He heard my report.  Then he sighed.

*"Yeah," he said, "we'll get to that right after we deal with the waterfall in 307."

*The night custodian informed me that he found the leak and climbed a chair to get a closer look.  Upon inspection, he determined it to be serious.

*He knew this because the ceiling tile shattered soggily at his touch and a torrent of water began pouring onto his face.

*He's a professional.  He knows when a situation is serious.  I trust his judgement.

*So, to recap: there was a lake on the main floor, a waterfall on the third floor, I really needed gas in my car and was cursed to be struck by lightening.

*Plus something smelled funny.  And there were a lot of sirens in the distance.

*Fortunately, we were not on fire.

*Unfortunately, the house just down the street was very much on fire because the lightening decided to strike it instead of me.

*There is no more house down the street now...

*In spite of the post title, that isn't really a mundane disaster.  That's kind of major, especially to the people that lived there.

*They are fine, by the way.

*We persevered.  We are Middle School Teacher, darn it.  We forge ahead with our Open Houses.

*Surprisingly, it was a success.  

*And I had enough gas to get home.

*We used to have our late start days on Wednesdays.  Kids start school two hours late.  Teachers come in for all that pesky staff development stuff we can't get to on regular days but have to do anyway.

*Now we do it on Thursdays.

*Which makes it kind of hard to remember that it's Wednesday.  

*Look at me, remembering to blog on a Wednesday!  And without a late start to prompt me!

*I don't have Bad Cats.

*I have Interesting Cats.

*One is neurotic and anxious enough to require daily medication.  The other is smart which wouldn't be so bad except he is also willful.  And hungry most of the time.

*Not Bad Cats.  But Bad Things sometimes happen.

*Hence, I have resorted to setting up a survellience camera during the day to check in.

*You know...just to make sure things are OK.  But I only have the one iPad to use as a remote camera so I have a limited view.

*Today, I checked in at lunchtime.  Got a nice view of my Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty rolling playfully around the living room floor.  So cute!

*Then he disappeared into the kitchen.  As God is my witness, I honestly believe he gave me a Meaningful Look right before doing so.

*Then I heard the soft sound of someone wandering around the kitchen counters and knocking things to the floor.

*Might have to rethink the survelleince camera.  It's all well and good to see what's going on.

*It's another thing entirely to be sitting helpless and miles away whilst Bad Things are being perpetrated upon my kitchen.

*I came home to find a shredded potato chip bag in the living room.  An empty potato chip bag.

*The high tech, cat proof clip I'd used to seal it was intact.  For what that's worth.

*To add insult to injury, the bag was left directly within view of the camera.

*Almost as if it was placed there purposely.  To mock me.

*I can only be thankful that I had a class to teach and wasn't available to watch my chips being devoured before my very eyes.

*For the record, the chips are normally stored in the microwave because that's the only thing the AGK can't quite figure out how to open.

*But I used the microwave this morning making breakfast.  I was still on schedule at that point.

*Then, suddenly, I wasn't on schedule anymore and I rushed out the door before putting the chips back in the vault.

*Need to work on the schedule....

*Figure out a way to work "return chips to microwave" into the morning routine.

*Also need to determine how I'm going to manage dinner tonight.  I'm having chicken with ginger teriyaki sauce.  I had it last night, too.  It was good.

*The AGK likes that as much as chips, apparently.  

*Don't turn your back on your chicken with ginger teriyaki sauce.  Not even if you are trying to make some rice to go with it or wash the spoon you were using to stir with because the cat keeps trying to steal it.

*You will find less of your dinner in the pot upon your return.

*The distance between my sink and my stove is about three feet.  Which doesn't matter at all when you have a cat who really likes chicken with ginger teriyaki sauce.

*The rice didn't seem to do much for him at all.  Part of me took that personally...

*I'd set up the camera to watch my chicken while I wash the spoons tonight, but I'm still sort of stinging from today's Chip Taunt.

*Maybe I need to take a break from my stealthy Bad Cat spying activities.

*I shudder to think what that camera might capture next...

*Daddy Sheep is recovering nicely from his Dentist/Wandering Crown/Lung Plunging experience.  No ill effects whatsoever.

*He gets lots of rest because he doesn't have to go to Open Houses now that he's retired from the teaching game.  Nor does he make a habit of being in buildings that are flooding.  He also doesn't have cats which require nonstop monitoring.

*Rest is the key to healing.  That's why I'm thinking of canceling my next dentist appointment.  I can't risk anything happening.  

*I've only got the one crown and it's pretty firmly seated.  But still...you never know.

*Disaster lurks around every corner these days!


Well, I've run out of steam.  Truth be told, I think that remembering my chicken kind of stirred up a desire to eat some chicken.  Or at least the leftover bits that my cat doesn't want.  I suppose I should get to it.  It's good to get some protein into the body.  Gotta keep up that strength.

Because even mundane disasters can take their toll...

SA

WNBP: It's The Heat...

My God!  I can't even put together a coherent sentence tonight.  The unrelenting heat has possibly rendered me incapable of written language.   As I said to a colleague today, "I'm good with this sort of thing in June.  I know it's just something I have to get through in order to make it to summer vacation.  But in September?  I just have no use for this!!"

Let's get to this week's Wednesday Night Bullet Post before I melt and lost all ability to make contact with the keyboard...

*It is hot.

*Like 95 degrees hot.

*Which, as I previously stated, is something I have no means for managing in the second week of school.

*I'm not kidding about the 95 degrees either.  This isn't just a case of Sheepie exaggerating for effect.

*In fact, my car informed me that it was 97 degrees outside when I vacated my third floor classroom with the one window we can't open because of that kid who broke it five years ago.

*I may or may not have had a meeting this afternoon, but I left anyway.  Too hot and tired to even bother checking on that...

*Tomorrow night is Open House for the parents.

*God help me if there isn't something in the way of a weather break between now and then.

*I actually thought hateful thoughts for the librarian and my favorite secretaries today because they get air conditioning and that seemed like the most unfair thing in the world by 1:00 this afternoon.

*The weather people assure me we are heading for a cold snap in the very near future.

*If the weather people are lying to me then they shall be added to the list of Most Hateful People.

*That means absolutely nothing since I really don't have the guts to confront anyone on that list.  Few even know they are on it.

*But it gives me a warm glow to know I have a list.  It makes me feel productive.

*Productive people have lists...

*Last Thursday, I sent the following email (or something almost exactly like it) to Mr. Principal (formerly known as Mr. Assistant Principal) and my director (formerly known as my director):

Dear MP and Director,

You have expressed your dislike for my long, involved emails and stories so I'll be brief.  Here is the situation:

*Yesterday, Daddy Sheep went to the dentist to have a crown replaced.

*Then a whole lot of people started saying things like, "whoops," and, "catch that!" and "Um...we're not sure.  We've never actually seen this before."  There were also a number of phone calls made.

*Now he is at the hospital being prepped for a procedure to remove the crown from his lung.

I'm sure everything will be fine but, in case I need to leave suddenly to donate blood or a spare lung, I wanted you to be aware.

Sincerely,

Ms. Sheep


*Mr. Principal took a while to email back.  His went something like:

WHAT?????  It's only the second day of school...


*Yes, it was quite the drama.  Not your normal dentist appointment at all.  The crown was handily removed, fumbled and it quickly disappeared down Daddy Sheep's gullet.  

*From there it hung a right and cozied up in a lung where it resisted all reasonable attempts at removal, requiring a pulmonary surgeon's expertise and an overnight stay at the hospital.

*Two overnight stays, actually.

*The dentist felt downright horrible because he is actually a heck of a nice guy.  He took care of my parent's car, his staff called the hospital multiple times to check on him and Daddy Sheep was visited by the dentist during his first night at Chez Sick Spot.

*Oh, and if you really want to lose some sleep before your next dentist appointment, get this next part!

*Most of the people my dad saw along the way from the dentist's office to the Urgent Care Center to the hospital were befuddled, having never ever seen such a thing before.

*However, The Queen of Pulmonary Procedures (not to mention many of the poor crown fumbling dentist's older colleagues) said that this kind of thing happens all the time.

*ALL THE TIME!!!!

*I've shared tales of my horrible dentist many times.  Many.  

*He's dislocated my jaw, performed a root canal without working anesthesia and spent a portion of one appointment scoffing at the idea of a woman ever being the vice president.

*He hasn't shot a crown into my breathing hole yet.  

* But, statistically, it seems highly likely.  Like I didn't have enough dental angst...

*Daddy Sheep is fine now and has some rather interesting x-ray images to put in his scrapbook.  

*All of which my parents were told could not be put on the Internet or believe you me, I'd be requesting copies of those bad boys every day until I could post 'em!

*And he went back to the dentist for a temporary crown the day he got out of the hospital.

*He's tough.  Plus all the women in the office wanted to hug him and I think he kind of liked that.

*While there, Dad asked the dentist if he'd ever played football in high school.  The dentist said he played briefly, but that it wasn't really his sport.

*"Fumbled a lot, I suppose," replied my father.

*It took a minute for Fumble Fingers to get it.  Eventually, he caught the correlation.

*I had my first extended conversation with our new Mr. Assistant Principal today.  I was really hot and cranky, but I felt I owed it to him to share the full extent of my wit.  

*I was, if I do say so myself, on a roll.  The educationally specific one liners were flying!

*I'm used to the old Mr. Assistant Principal.  He has a very good sense of humor, one possibly not shared by the new guy.  That or I'm more of an "acquired taste" than I thought.

*Fortunately, the new MAP didn't look offended.  Just really confused.  Perhaps a little overwhelmed. Maybe he was just wondering if the heat was getting to me.  

*Or if I required medication of some sort...

*I refuse to work for someone without a functioning sense of humor.  No school administrator is going to last long without one.

*Daddy Sheep is a retired school administrator.  And he makes fumble jokes to his dentist after a crown removal gone horrifically awry.  

*I intend to make the new MAP my personal pet project.  I will see that he has a sense of humor if I have to spend every day down in that office with a ventriloquist's dummy and silly string or my name isn't Laugh-A-Minute-Sheepish-Annie!!!!

*Watch the news.  I fully expect there to be footage of me being forcibly removed from the school whilst struggling against my straitjacket and screaming, "It's not my fault!  The man wasn't exposed to enough 70's sitcoms as a child!!!!!"

*It won't be tomorrow, though.  It will take a few hours for the heat to dissipate from the building and no one has the energy to drag me out until temperatures return to normal...


So there's the week that was.  And part of the week that is.  All of it brought to you courtesy of a fried brain and typed by fingers that stick to every key they touch!  Not too bad, if I do say so myself.

Now it's simply a matter of hosing off the sweat for a third time and trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow.  I need something sort of professional looking for Open House night, but lightweight enough to deal with that residual heat.

And possibly fire retardant.  With these kind of temperatures, you can't be too careful...

SA

WNBP: I'll Do My Best

I am exhausted.  And my feet hurt.  And I think I still have 342 emails left to answer.  Oh, and I can't seem to put together enough coherent thoughts to guarantee that any of those answers will relate to the subject lines.

Yes, the signs are all in place.  Today was the first day of school.  I survived.  All tweens involved survived.  A few even thrived.  That, dear readers, is what we in the teaching game call A Good Opening Day.

That doesn't help my sore feet, though...

My first thought was to bail on tonight's WNBP, but that has gotten a little easier to do these days.  Since the ol' blog is really just hanging on by a thread lately, I think I should just put my nose to the grindstone and do my best to cobble something together.

And maybe later, I can put that grindstone to my left foot to see if perhaps I can take the swelling down enough to match the right one!

*The online service we use to manage our special education paperwork went Ker-flooey last week.

*Since a lot of stuff was still up in the air when I left school in June, I had only a partial idea of what I needed to do to satisfy state and federal requirements for my students.  

*Or even who those students might be.

*I was able to log on yesterday.

*Which, as you may have surmised, was THE DAY BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED!!!

*Wanna know what I found?

*Last year's caseload with one new student added on because he moved to the district late and apparently only the Johnny-Come-Latelys get counted.

*My caseload is never correctly updated, but this is the worst it's ever looked.

*We were cut back to one secretary in the special education office last spring.

*She decided that the most efficient way to handle the start of the school year and an online file management service going Ker-flooey was to take a week long cruise.

*Let's face it:  we all decide that at one time or another.  I decide that three or four times a day and that's not even on a particularly bad day.

*But I've never actually had the guts to go and do it.

*My email to my director yesterday begging for assistance with this situation required a follow up email extending apologies for my possibly having been a bit snippy.

*She said that I wasn't snippy.  She then demonstrated snippy by sharing a very, very small fraction of her feelings regarding secretaries who take week-long cruises during the first week of school and under Ker-flooey Konditions.

*She and another clerk at central office had been frantically updating online caseloads for grades 6-12 late into the previous evening.

*She also noted that, while doing so, she was surprised to see how "diverse" my own group of little darlings is this year.

*That is an understatement.  Now that I have figured out who is who and who needs what, even I can't help but marvel and the amazingness that I shall be demonstrating this school year.

*Or lack thereof.  

*It's going to be one of those...

*Seriously.  We are all over the map here.  

*And the home screen listing listing my caseload was bursting at its virtual seams. More kids than I anticipated.

*Yesterday, while we were sitting through the second of three Very, Very Long Teacher Meetings, a parent came in to register another one.

*Also mine, I came to learn.

*For the record, the secretary over at central office is actually a pretty hard working lady.  Very nice, too.  And always willing to step up if you need help with something.

*If anyone deserves a cruise, I'd have to say it's her.

*But the timing is kind of...odd.

*I spend a great deal of my summer putting up meals.  I discovered home pressure canning a few years ago and now it's something of an addiction.

*The rule is: Don't break into the jars until December.

*Weird, I know.  But there's something giggle-worthy about eating summer green beans during a snow storm...

*I tried two new recipes this summer, however, and wanted to give them a test run before packing them in my lunch box come the winter months.

*Yesterday, I cracked open the Asian style turkey meatballs.  Very tasty and went well with a bit of rice.

*Of course, the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty loves turkey.  He loves it beyond all reason and would probably marry a turkey if he could.

*It would be a union of extremely short duration, though.  The bride probably wouldn't make it through the reception.

*Hence, I had to eat my turkey meatballs all hunched over the bowl whilst casting furtive glances about the immediate area in order to protect my dinner from surprise attacks.

*This is what we here at the manse refer to as Dining A-La Prison Chow Hall.

*Tonight I tried the sweet and sour chicken.  The AGK likes chicken, too.

*Not as much as turkey, though.  Maybe it was the pineapple...

*My dinner was eaten at a much more leisurely pace and with less of the furtive.

*Hard to believe this is the same cat that was stealing entrails out of the sink while I was wrestling with chicken parts this summer...

*Mac folks with paranoid tendencies might enjoy the Presence app.  It's free.

*It lets you turn your devices into a home surveillance system.

*Mac folks with paranoid tendencies and a burning desire to see what their cats do all day might like it, too.

*For the record, I think Da Boyz know I'm spying on them now.

*Living room hi-jinx were non-existent today.

*The kitchen, however, was fair game.  And only the spot just out of camera range.

*I'm fairly certain that the soaking wet sponge wasn't exactly what they wanted.  There has never been a run on soaking wet sponges here.

*But, apparently it's any port in a storm now.  Or any forbidden item located in non-observable areas in a storm...

*Soaking wet sponges are not nice things to find dripping all over the kitchen floor.

*Or to step on...

*With your big, fat swollen foot...

*Tomorrow, I'm going to put the camera in the kitchen.

*And expect the living room to be turned into Thunderdome.

*I have been awoken at a quarter to oh-my-god in the morning every day all summer long.

*Cats don't know from vacation.

*Today?  Nothing.  Not a peep from the feline roommates.

*Kind of inconvenient since I forgot to set the alarm last night.

*On the first day of school.


For what it's worth, I made it out of bed and out the door with ample time to herd the children.  And, in spite of the issues we may have had (like running out of lockers, seats in the cafeteria and patience) it wasn't the worst day I've ever had.  I can cross another First Day Of School off the list of stuff I need to do for thirty years or so.

But I think it's fair to say I've had my share of sore feet and Ker-flooies for a while...

SA

WNBP: Stuff's Getting Real Now

Last week, due to my mistakenly wandering a week ahead on the calendar track, was an emotional roller coaster.  In my mind, it was the last week of my summer vacation and I mourned it hard.  Then, when an exasperated sales clerk demanded repeatedly that I change the date on my check so that it represented the correct day, I realized the truth.  I still had another week to go.

By then, it was too late.  I'd already unpacked a great deal of the emotional baggage that comes with summer's end and trying to refold everything was just too difficult.  Now that the actual "end is nigh," I'm not sure how to feel.

What I do know, however, is that a sense of reality is beginning to creep in.  It's not the same diamond  edged clarity I had last week.  (And that, as we all know, was of the cubic zirconium variety but it was close enough to wear to a semi-formal occasion and be able to fool the masses)  But it is definitely a feeling.

Yeah.  It's maybe starting to get a little real up in here...

So here is your last Summer Vacation Edition Of The Wednesday Night Bullet Post.  May it adequately express all the confusion and mixed emotions of the day!

*I always make a lot of promised to myself before summer vacation.  Mostly about things I will do to improve my life while I have the time to do them.

*During the school year, I spend most of my down time on the sofa wondering if I have the strength to get up and go do it again tomorrow...

*This year, per usual, I promised myself stuff all willy-nilly.  I know me and I don't expect it will all get done, but I like to think I get to some of it.

*The one thing I promised seriously, however, was that I would finish clearing out the spare bedroom.

*AKA: The Border Hoarder Room.

*Not quite up to genuine Hoarder Standards, but you can see the potential.

*I did a lot this summer.

*I painted the living room during a heat wave.  I also painted a contrasting wall that leads into the kitchen.

*The latter involved patching a large hole.  There was drywall involved.

*I refinished and reupholstered my grandmother's sewing chair.  

*One of those things I snagged right before the house was sold.  Not sure why I took it, but it's been a handy little chair.  Very sturdy.  A solid chair to have about the manse.

*Especially when I realized I didn't have a step ladder for painting.

*Which is why it needed to be refinished and reupholstered.  

*Gotta respect the handy chair.  Even a workhorse likes to look its best.

*I installed a new light switch in the bathroom.

*One that stays up or down as my mood and lighting needs dictate.  

*It also doesn't make that weird sizzling sound when it can't decide which position to take.

*That is comforting.

*I installed roman shades in the living room.

*I rearranged several pieces of furniture to update the look around here and replaced some of the art to reflect something other than the Late Nineties And Too Lazy To Do Anything About It period.

*Budget art shopping.  Took some time.  Took some digging.  

*I hung several shelves.

*I replaced my printer for a wireless model that could be stored less obtrusively but still used.

*I found a killer deal on a faux fireplace and built a faux hearthstone upon which to place it.

*Faux mantel is forthcoming.  I ran out of Faux.

*And Time

*I did a lot.  More than I've listed.

*What I did not do was finish cleaning out the spare bedroom.

*I've cleared a path.  If you look at it with one eye closed and think positively, it almost could be considered charmingly cluttered.

*That is probably going to have to be good enough.  The reality is, I'm out of time to do the job fully.

*And out of steam.

*I went to the doctor's office last week.

*And was promptly sent home because my real appointment was for this week.

*So I went today because it seemed like the right thing to do.

*I have tendinitis.  Of the Tennis Elbow variety.

*I have moved one too many pieces of furniture and I can't help but hearken back to that time I was crawling around under the sink yelling to myself, "Hey, stupid!  Your arm doesn't bend that way and you should have just bought the correct wrench like the internet said in the first place!!!"

*I have the wrench, but I think we are going to add "replace the sprayer attachment on the kitchen sink" to the List 'O Stuff That Shall Remain Undone.

*Gotta get real about that.  

*Now I am supposed to wear a Tennis Elbow Brace.

*I'm not just making up a cute name for it.  That is what it is called.  A Tennis Elbow Brace.  You can get them at the grocery store for fifteen dollars.

*You probably already knew that was a real thing.  I did not.

*I also had blood work done today.  I have my rheumatoid factor tested every few years just to be on the safe side.

*Family history of rheumatoid arthritis.

*Thought you only had to do that once and, if cleared, all was well.  I was quickly disabused of that happy notion by a nurse with RA.

*The factor is shy and hides until it isn't a so much a factor as a reality.  Hence, I re-test every so often just to be sure I've covered my bases.

*I bring it up because I am right handed.  Which is why my tennis elbow is on the right side.

*And where they tend to take blood.

*It is nigh on impossible to wear the brace so close to the site of today's vampiric carnage.

*To be fair, I don't give up my corpuscles easily.  Nurses have to work for it.

*I try to keep it real and not scream obscenities at them as they fish about with the needle hoping for a glimpse of red.

*Very bruised inner elbow.  Very sore outer elbow what with the tennis influence and arm wrenching that occurs when a frustrated nurse is desperately trying to make blood appear.

*I don't have arthritis, of that I am fairly certain.  But, I almost feel like I've earned some sort of diagnosis after this.

*I can't be mad at the nurse.  I just can't.  She's real nice.  And she thinks I'm funny.  

*It's not her fault she has to weigh me or stab me.

*My doctor was late to my appointment.  

*Stuck behind a school bus full of kindergartners.

*The kids were fine.  The problems were more centered around parents clinging to the bus and begging reassurances from the driver.

*She lives in my hometown.  A place where school has already started for the year.

*My school starts later than most.  We get away with it because we don't take much in the way of staff development time out of the regular school year.

*It works.  And gives me a few days of non kid-impacted shopping/driving/basically enjoying life during the last week of summer vacation.

*Now that I think of it, the plethora of kids around last week probably should have been a clue that something was off with my date calculations...

*I spent fifteen minutes rhapsodizing to my cats about the features of my new back-to-school bras.

*I was enthused.  To say the least.

*Da Boyz were clearly less than impressed with my description.  In fact, I can't help but think they were not even really all that interested.

*I understand, but they could have at least faked it for the sake of politeness.

*It is entirely possible that it really is time for me to go back to school. 

* Not just in the temporal sense.  In the personal sense.

*I might be in need of some Daytime Structure.

*And a little reality check...


And there you have it.  The limit of my recollections for the week. As much as I'd like to continue thinking Summer Thoughts, I need to get real here.  Vacation is pretty much done.  A couple more days and then it's just a plain, old weekend.  Just like the one I get during the winter months.  Except for the part where Monday is a holiday, but you get the idea.

Ready or not.  Reality, here I come...

SA

WNBP: Don't Mind Me. Seriously. Question Everything.

It seems that when I miss a week of blogging, it is cause for concern.  I suppose this makes sense, given that I have been fairly regular since I switched from the 6-days-per-week format to the current once-weekly version.  But I honestly didn't give it much thought last week when, after a day of shopping for party supplies with The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach, I was too spent to do much of anything, let alone compose intelligent sentences.

I probably should have guessed that my parents would be contacted...

My initial reaction was one of humorous dismissal.  "That's nice," I said with a chuckle, "but I'm pretty sure I've got things under control over here.  No need to push the panic button just because I took one night off!"

I've since had cause to rescind that statement.  In fact, I now believe that everyone should question everything I do rather carefully.  Furthermore, if I cannot be located for more than an hour's time, a search party should be assembled post haste.  I am, no doubt, at the bottom of a well or attempting to coax a rabid raccoon into a box so I can keep him as a pet.

At no time should it be assumed that I know what I am doing.  Ever.  Even if I say I know what I am doing, don't be fooled.  I don't.

Here is this week's Wednesday Night Bullet Post, on schedule except for the part where I lost track of time and started it a bit late:

*I somehow lost track of July.  I do that sometimes, lose track of days, weeks...yes, even entire months.

*I remember doing stuff.  I recall afternoon naps.  I know I celebrated Independence Day.  

*But it all kind of blurred together and suddenly, without warning...

*It was the last week of summer vacation!!!!

*That one hit hard.  I thought I had more time.  Worse, I still hadn't been in to school to set up the classroom and organize any of those Very Important Files Without Which No Learning Can Commence.

*I hate going in to school during the last week of vacation.  I prefer to get it done during the second to last week so I can use the final days to mope around properly.

*Somehow, I missed that window.  This irked me.

*Worse, I'd scheduled appointments!  What was I thinking?????

*I overslept yesterday.  It was only by an hour or so, but that isn't tolerated around here.

*I now need to add Shampoo The Living Room Carpet Again to the list of stuff that I need to get done before school starts.

*My feline overlords are generally benevolent dictators.

*Not so much when breakfast is late, though.

*I went in to school yesterday after doing some spot cleaning on the carpet.  

*I took poop on the carpet as a sign.  You don't ignore signs.  Clearly, I needed to get myself back on schedule.

*I planned on a two hour marathon.  Work it hard and get 'er done!  Home by noon!  

*Napping by 1:00...

*Oversleeping and having to spot clean poop out of the carpet kind of puts a damper on schedules.

*Nor is it reasonable to think that an entire classroom, plus filing, can be assembled logically in two hours.

*It also cannot be done in three hours, but that was all I had in me.  It was hot and the posters kept sliding off the walls.

*Had I done this last week, it would have been much easier.  It was far less humid.

*Why, oh why did I put this off until the last week of vacation?  How could I have been so stupid?  How does one lose an entire week???????

*And, believe me, I said this to anyone who would listen.  Which wasn't very many people since the school isn't actually open yet, but I made the effort.  I hunted down individuals to whom I might air my complaints.

*However, it was nice to add that the room was pretty much done and that I was ready to start next week.

*As much as I'm not really ready...

*I finally straightened out my online banking issues.

*And, by "online banking issues" I mean, "I haven't been able to access online banking ever."

*The system refused to allow it.  Multiple bank representatives were made aware of this over the years.

*All of whom assured me that I should have no problem signing up for online banking if I just tried again.  

*And one of whom assumed that I didn't know how to use a computer.  And said so.  To my face.

*Little Girl, I was learning how to write code before you were born...

*I did not say that.  Partly because I didn't think of it in time and mostly because writing code in the early 80's wasn't really all that impressive.

*It mostly revolved around solving for X in sophomore algebra.  

*And my flow charts never flowed well towards that goal.  Nor did my if/then statements inspire the room-sized panel of flashing gadgetry to do my will with anything remotely resembling fluid processing.

*OK.  So maybe Steve Jobs wasn't hunting me down to beg that I join his dream team in the garage, but I do know how to use a computer.

*When I went in to drop off my sort of late car payment, the nice young man asked me why I didn't just do it on-line.

*For well over a decade and then some, I have been reduced to telephone banking while I hum the soundtrack from Pretty In Pink to distract me from the fact that I am banking it 80's style.

*Although I do love me some Psychedelic Furs...

*I laughed right in the nice young man's face because a decade plus and then some is far too long to maintain one's sense of politeness and gentility.

*This time, however, a manager was in earshot.  A manager over the age of twelve and with some sense of customer service sense.

*I say "some sense" because she obviously still assumed the issue was on my end.  

*At least until the system shut her out of my online banking access.  

*Phone calls were made.  Special access codes invoked.  My footprints already in the system were erased in order that we might make a clean start of it.

*In short, I am now a proud member of the online banking community.  Something I have been trying to do since I first picked up that floppy disk on display in the bank's lobby.  The one that promised to set me up for futuristic banking.

*A floppy disk, for God's sake!!!

*No one knows why the system believed I already had a password.  I never got past the first two floppy disk prompts.  There is no way I could have set up a password.  

*Floppy disk bank blocked me!

*We decided to just call it One Of Those Things and let it go.  Except I kind of couldn't...

*Later, when I attempted to use my telephone banking pin to see if the information matched up with the version I saw on the screen, all was clear.

*My accursed telephone pin was the culprit!  When the Banking Guru erased me from the system, he/she made that go away.

*Thus clearing the path for new millennium style, updated soundtrack banking.

*Which, in hindsight, is maybe something they should have known.  Perhaps even mentioned to me.

*The floppy disk certainly didn't, but I think it had attitude problems.

*Busy day today.  I figured I might as well get as much done as possible while I was out and about so I checked store circulars before I left.  

*Maybe it's just me, but I think that stores should update their data regularly.  It does not help me to know what was on sale last week.  Just an observation.

*And one I made rather pointedly to Da Boyz, but I don't think they cared.  Food arrived on time this morning so their interest in me had waned a bit by then.

*First Stop: The doctor's office.  I had an appointment at 8:15.  I know this because it was written on a little card.

*And I quoted that little card to the nice receptionist when she told me that I did not have an appointment today.  No one had an appointment today because there wasn't even a doctor to be seen today.

*I repeated what it said on the card.  She repeated what it said on her computer screen.  

*Computer screen trumps card.  I left.  

*People are not cooperating with my last week of vacation at all.  I was contemplating sending a memo.

*It was now 8:20.  And I had three and a half hours to kill before meeting Mommy and Daddy Sheep for family lunch.

*I went to the Farmer's Market for the Weekly Visit With The Vegetables.  The last one of the summer.

*I fondly stroked a few eggplants and murmured sad good-byes to the melons.  

*Then I realized that one shouldn't be stroking and murmuring to produce because it causes people to look at one oddly.  One should purchase some melons and peaches and definitely that eggplant one was molesting and get out of Dodge.

*I found some very reasonably priced roman shades at a store known for discounted merchandise.  I wasn't exactly in the market for roman shades, but I was planning to buy new blinds later.  I figured roman shades thrown in my path were probably meant to be.

*This is a pay week.  I have money in my checking account.  I know this because I can check it online now.

*But, three days before payday, it's always nice to slow things down a bit.  I wrote a check for the shades.

*A check that I was assured would be happily accepted as long as I corrected the date.

*"You wrote the 28th," the nice man said.  "It's the 21st.  You need to change that."

*My response:  "Huh?"

*Now clearly believing that I was trying to pull some sort of check-related tom-foolery, he pointed to the paper and said, "You can't write that for the 28th.  It has to be TODAY'S DATE."

*I made a few uncertain and garbled noises, but I changed the check.  If this guy wanted to believe it was last week, so be it.  Not my problem.  I just wanted some cheap roman shades.

*And yet he seemed so certain...

*I pulled out my phone when I got back to the car.  I checked the date.  Sure enough.  It is not the 28th.  It is the 21st.  

*It is not the last week of summer vacation.  It is the second-to-last week.

*I am surrounded by calendars.  Paper versions.  Digital versions.  The bank is nice enough to put one right in the lobby for me to look at.  

*Over the past two days I have spoken to more people than I care to count about my sadness over this being the last week of summer vacation.  Several of them work with me.  They are on the exact same schedule.  

*I stood in the doctor's office today and quoted a card which listed my appointment as being for August 28th.  I quoted it twice.

*There were two people who heard it.

*I don't know whether to be horrified by how stupid I sound in public or concerned that no one saw fit to correct me until it involved possible check fraud.


So there you have it:  proof positive that I can never be left to my own devices.  Sure, I might sound like I know what I'm talking about.  I may come across as confident.  I might even use big words.  But don't for one minute let me out of your sight.  Or, if you have other things to do besides making sure I don't lick bare wires poking out of the wall, set up a rotating schedule so no one gets stuck with Sheepie Duty for overlong.  Whatever you have to do to make it work is fine with me.  The goal is to keep me alive and somewhere in the vicinity of where I need to be.

Oh, and by the way, you might want to make a note of this for the schedule.  You know that doctor's appointment I went to that isn't until next week?  The one I insisted on having made?  Yeah...that's actually for my yearly mammogram and doesn't occur anywhere near my primary care physician's office.

It says so right on the other side of that little card...

SA

WNBP: Bold Moves

There has been an outbreak of brazen behavior here at the manse.  I'm not sure just what is behind it, but it's mostly working out.  Except when it's not and then things have gotten rather exciting, at least for short periods.

Note:  "Exciting" has sort of varying definitions depending upon one's circumstances.  The guy on the bomb disposal team in charge of deciding which wire to cut probably has a higher tolerance for excitement than I, a middle aged schoolteacher just trying to get a last few things done before the clock ticks down on summer vacation.  That said, a galloping heart rate is a galloping heart rate no matter who you be.


Here's every adrenaline filled moment in Wednesday Night Bullet Post format:

*I mentioned getting Thai food last week.

*It was good.  It was spicy.  It was plentiful.

*When I go out to eat with The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach, I always get the leftovers.

*Not sure why.  I think she believes me to be starving to death over here.

*I couldn't wait to eat more of it.  It was that good.

*Hence, I had it for dinner.  Chicken with mango chutney.  Three and a half stars.

*Which isn't as spicy as they can make it, but spicy.  Very spicy.

*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty can sense food containers being opened a mile away.

*Even from a deep sleep.  He could be in the throes of the world's greatest mouse-chasing dream and still be instantly alert when certain sounds emanate from the kitchen.

*Especially when there is chicken involved.

*He's not such a huge fan of tofu and there was some of that, too.  Apparently, he was willing to forgive the vegetarian leanings in order to access the carnivorous fare.

*He appeared like magic, right there on the counter.  I don't know how he does it.

*I wasn't worried.  One whiff of those Asian spices and he'd be off.  I even let him have a sniff just to move the process along.

*When the AGK wants my dinner it is a bit of an ordeal.  One that does not end until the meal is gone or he has pilfered what he feels is his rightful share.

*My cat is not normal.  My cat is like something out of a fantasy novel where the animals are in charge of everything.  Perhaps in a previous life he was a purveyor of exotic spices.

*I shouldn't have been surprised.  Thinking back, I recall that time I found him on the stove dipping chili straight out of the pot with his paws...

*No.  I did not let him eat my mango curry.  Mango curry is not good for cats.

*But that didn't stop him from trying.  

*He woke me up several times during the night as he fiddled and slammed the lower cabinet, trying to foil the childproof lock so he could get at the empty containers.

*Which were double wrapped.

*However, since I am not bold enough to brave The Dumpster Where The Zombies Live at 1:00 in the morning, I did nothing about it until the dawn.

*I have had a paperclip holding my drain lever open for longer than I care to admit.

*I already mentioned this in an earlier post but for those of you wondering why a person would live in such a savage fashion, here is my reasoning:

DRAINS ARE HORRIBLE PLACES CONTAINING HORRIBLE THINGS AND I AM VERY, VERY AFRAID OF THEM!!!!!

*I've had the supplies to fix the drain for a while now, but not the will.  Last week, I finally summoned up the courage to face my fears.

*It will take years of very expensive therapy and a few very powerful psychotropic medications before I can go into any detail.  For now, I can only say the following:

1.  Clearly, the manse was very creatively constructed, at least as far as the plumbing went.  There was little that resembled the nice, clean illustrations that came with my new drain/overflow plate assembly kit.

2.  This job took longer than it should have and that is not a good thing when you are facing your demons.  See previous observation.

3.  I am still not really "done."  I will require a special tool, probably something made of titanium and diamonds and made only the the farthest reaches of some long disbanded country to remove the actual drain assembly for replacement.

4.  Again...see observation the first.  However there was information available on the Internet so it can't be that rare.  Hope springs eternal that there is a simple way to obtain this tool.

*For now, I am just grateful the most important fix was doable and that I no longer require office supplies to drain my bathtub.  

*Although I'll miss the thrill that comes from balancing precariously on one foot in the shower while the other depresses the lever when the paperclip unexpectedly breaks.  

*At the risk of repeating myself...excitement is a relative concept.

*Over the past few summers, I've gotten in the habit of doing some school year meal prepping.  It's good to have things ready to go once I'm back to work.  

*Children make me tired.  I am not as young as I once was, you know.

*I always can up a bunch of chicken since it is easy to make into edibles and, once pressure canned, will keep well without refrigeration.

*To make life easier, I usually pick up the skinless, boneless variety.  More expensive, but less time consuming.

*I am on summer vacation.  I am home a lot.  With access to cable television.  

*Hence, I decided it was perfectly within my skill set to purchase a couple of whole chickens and do the bone removal all by myself.

*I blame BBC America and MasterChef.  I wouldn't have come up with such a crazy plan all by myself, now would I?

*Actually, it didn't go as badly as it could have.  I don't think I'm ready to compete with the professionals, nor will I go so far as to say not a scrap of meat was wasted.  But there were neither bones nor skin when I was done.

*I even remembered to remind myself to toss the giblet packet in the trash before it attracted unwanted pests.  Or cats.

*Note to self:  Remembering to remind one's self is not the same as remembering to actually complete the task.  In fact, it is pretty much the same as leaving it in the sink.

*When the first fowl was finally wrestled into a boneless state, I turned to find a bloody trail leading from the kitchen to the living room.

*I followed it to find a scrap of waxed paper and one Very Complicated Kitty looking rather embarrassed .

*The ninja cat who actually did the deed was nowhere to be found, but I wasn't fooled for a minute.

*As I told the VCK, "I don't blame you for the theft as I know you don't have the delicate grace necessary to pull it off.  However, I am extremely disappointed in you for participating, even after the fact."

*He had the good grace to look abashed while I cleaned the carpet.  

*The culprit slept the sleep of the innocent whilst digesting a bellyful of ill gotten gains.

*I am assuming that the paper was mostly eaten by the VCK.  He likes paper...

*The scene of the crime and the counter top where I was committing criminal acts upon a chicken are less than three feet apart.  

*I heard nothing.  I saw nothing.  

*My cat is not of this world, I tell you.  He's like a spicy Thai loving agent for the CIA!!!

*And fearless.  Who steals chicken giblets right in front of The Boss 'O The House???

*I have delusions of grandeur.  Let it go.  I fixed a drain and dealt with chicken bones.  There was squealing involved and I'm in need of some self-esteem boosting right now.

*Between the mango curry and the raw chicken entrails, I spent a few anxious days watching the littler box and wondering just how bad this was going to be.

*Probably not worse than the drain, but neither would it be a basket of puppies.

*All is well.  No ill effects.  However, both cats look at me like they are expecting a menu and a list of Today's Specials...

*I canned stew beef on Monday.  I had waaay more of the cooking liquid left over than I'd planned.

*So today, I picked up a few beef bones and some veggies.  Figured I might as well make a proper stock out of it.  

*No cats were involved at any level of the process.

*I guess they aren't fans of the red meat.

*Which makes me wish I was since I really want to can some sweet 'n sour chicken on Friday and I'm not sure I have the cash to pay for both my share and the cats'.


Yes, bold decisions were made and daring plans executed over the past week.  Heck, I even ventured back into The Scary Closet Of Bridesmaid Dresses And Other Assorted Horrors From The 90's for another round of junk hauling!  I'm on a roll, but who knows how long I can sustain it?  Once the will to face danger and yucky things passes, it's kind of over.  I figure I should run with it while I got it.  I might even tackle that drawer in the fridge that sometimes looks to contain an actual moving life form!

But I doubt it.  No one is that bold...

SA

WNBP: Tick-Tock

Well, we've arrived at that time of the year I refer to as The End Of Summer Vacation Proper.  Sure, I'm still technically off the clock.  But it's ticking down and the time has come to face facts.

I actually do work for a living and soon it will be time to go do that again.

It's a rather confusing time.  I can go to bed whenever I want and do not fear the alarm clock.  I get as many cups of coffee in the morning as I can reasonably ingest and start my day whenever I think best.  But August means that at least part of each day should involved preparations for returning to school.  It takes a lot to get a classroom ready to go, even for a seasoned veteran such as myself.  If you don't start in August, you won't hit your stride until November and that's right about the time that all the holiday-themed vacations start.  Not ideal...

I don't even know what happened to May, let alone June and July.  We seem to have fast forwarded to right back where I started and I am at a loss as to how to explain how it happened.

In addition to school looming on the horizon, I now feel pressure to finish all the stuff I said I was thinking about doing back when I had all the time in the world and manual labor seemed like a much better idea than it does at the moment.

But it's Wednesday evening right now so I think I'll put all that worksheet prepping and closet cleaning aside for a bit.  It's time for this week's edition of The Wednesday Night Bullet Post!

*Today was the second time all summer that I've stepped out the door, paused for a moment and said, Now that's what I'm talking about!"

*Sunny.  Warm.  No humidity.  No asphalt melting beneath my sandaled feet.  No raindrops threatening my stylish summer coiffure.

*And by "stylish summer coiffure" I mean "hair haphazardly pulled back in a clip because I can't be bothered to do much more than that..."

*I think part of my issue with the summer vacation schedule has been allergy related.

*I lost the first two weeks to snuffling, sneezing and chills and then a cough that wouldn't quit.

*Seriously.  I was expecting a letter calling me before the homeowner's association to explain why I was keeping a pack of asthmatic wolves in the manse.

*Allergies have been making random appearances ever since and I don't think I should be held accountable for time spent feeling crappy when it comes to vacation days.

*By my estimation I am owed about three weeks.

*My car has been nagging me about getting an oil change for a while now.

*Longer than I care to admit.  Let's just say that the reset button on the vehicle's info center got a serious workout.

*The car can complain all it wants.  In the end, I control what I look at on my dashboard.

*But I can only take a stand for so long.  I brought the car in yesterday for the requested service.

*Oil changes are boring.  You sit and sit and it's not like other maintenance when it makes sense to just take the shuttle service home where you can wait in peace and with control over the television remote.

*Of course I forgot to bring anything to do so I ended up wandering around the internet on my phone.

*My 30th high school reunion is coming up.

*No.  I am not going.  

*I went to the 5th.  I also went to the 10th.

*I feel that my remaining years should be spent doing something fun.

*Not looking at pictures of people's kids.

*Or, as the case is now, grandkids.

*But someone thoughtfully put me in the FaceBook group to discuss the matter on so now I am inundated with notifications regarding the event that I have no intention of attending.

*This, however, is a good way to kill some time during an oil change when the dealership is busy, though.

*Stalking former members of my high school class.

*Not too much going on, surprisingly.  I found one name that rang a bell, though.

*"That rings a bell," I said to myself, "I'll bet nothing good happened there!"

*I can be a little judgmental in my own head sometimes.  To be fair, it wasn't like I was criticizing a future statesman or anything.

*This is the kid that my older-than-God first grade teacher made sit in the back of the room behind the piano because he couldn't seem to get a grip.

*That, it turned out, wasn't the most effective strategy because she eventually ended up having to storm back there and shake him until his head banged off the piano a few times.

*Note:  this was back in the days when, if a teacher bounced your head off a piano, your parents were more concerned about what you did to instigate the head trauma than the appropriateness of the discipline choice.

*He settled down after that, though.  

*Nothing like having a ancient powerhouse in a floral print dress come stalking down the aisle at you to bring about an epiphany, even if you are only six...

*I later recall him leaving his jean jacket behind in sophomore anthropology class.  It was easily recognizable when the teacher found it on the floor and picked it up.  

*You kind of couldn't miss the lopsided pot leaf inked on the back.

*And, if that wasn't enough, the giant bag of weed he extracted from the pocket kind of sealed the deal.

*I was strolling down the hallway on the main floor one day, feeling pretty good about myself.  I'd done some self-improvement over the summer.

*Lost some weight, got a few new outfits, and had a corkscrew curly perm to end all perms.

*Shut up.  It was the early 80's.  We didn't know any better.

*Suddenly, I realized that the bleary eyed denim wearing, former resident from behind the piano was matching my pace.  And then he spoke.

"You know, you're looking really good.  Let's face it.  Last year, you looked like you didn't know your ass from your elbow, but now...(waved his arm to indicate my new state of fabulousness)  you look gooood!"

*I do not recall what I said in response to this.  What can one say in response to this, really?  

*He didn't have much of an active social life from what I could tell...

*It wasn't too many clicks on the ol' iPhone before I found his sadly brief obituary.  Survived by siblings, predeceased by parents, no services.

*Also no cause of death which is generally not a good sign when it comes to obituaries.

*It's a cautionary tale, people.  If you have kids, don't let them take drugs and perhaps talk with them about how to deliver a compliment effectively.

*And you probably shouldn't bounce their heads off the piano no matter how many times you've had to tell them to simmer down.  

*And how did I get to the point where I'm not going to my 30th reunion anyway??????

*And how did the little girl I taught when she was in 7th grade get to be a service associate at the dealership?  With a husband and kids?????

*For the record, having a former student who liked you as a teacher working at the service center is awesome.

*If you can get past the whole part where she grew up and can drive and have babies and all that.

*It was a real emotional roller coaster over at the dealership yesterday.  Frankly, I was thrilled to get my keys and leave.

*Yesterday was my parent's anniversary.  I forgot to call them.  

*Happy Anniversary, Mommy and Daddy Sheep!  

*I'm sorry I forgot to call you.  I remembered, but by then it was midnight and I didn't think you'd appreciate a shout-out at that point.

*I blame the oil change.  It got kind of real in the waiting area.

*Also, I was making mint jelly and that kind of took up more of the day than I planned on.

*Part of that time was spent admiring my glistening green jars and saying, "Would you look at that?  I made mint jelly!!!"

*My allergies were really bothering me last night.

*I didn't sleep well.  

*Which is why I was really glad I was meeting The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach for lunch.

*The restaurant was close to home and even better...it was a Thai place!!!

*TWGSALC, being Chinese by birth, is very well acquainted with the concept of "spicy."  We both tend to kick it up a notch when we go Thai.

*And these here sinuses were in need of some heat today!

*Sinuses cleared nicely, thank you very much.  And I got the leftovers so I'm all set for tonight's potential clogging.

*If you happen to be in the area and are a fan of Thai food (spicy or otherwise), I'd highly recommend you check this place out.

*It's small, but good.  I've been meaning to try it for years now.  But time got away from me and I never did.

*I was hoping they didn't have takeout, but they do.

*I hope the teacher's association has worked out our contract this year because I think I am going to need a raise.

*Have to fund my mango curry habit...

*I finally started cleaning out the closet in the spare bedroom.

*Now I know where all those Christmas lights I knew I had but suddenly couldn't find ended up.

*Not to mention six bridesmaid dresses, all the paintbrushes I really needed when I started the living room project and a myriad of cords that don't seem to go to anything but do seem kind of important all the same.

*I also apparently thought it was a good idea to store candy canes in there, perhaps in the event of a massive candy cane shortage during the Apocalyptic Holiday Season Of The Future.

*Note:  Candy canes left in a closet for years will not be usable.  Even during the apocalypse.  

*What they will become is permanently melted to various bridesmaid dresses.

*And, as we professional bridesmaids know, this is a tragedy because any taffeta pink garment can be tailored to cocktail length and worn again.  

*Or so I've been told by many an earnest bride...

*Rule number one:  Brides lie.  They will tell you anything to ensure you match the cake and cummerbunds.  

*Rule number two:  Becoming a bridesmaid does something to your brain.  Suddenly, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, you will believe that you go to cocktail parties all the time.

*Wearing pink taffeta.

*I am past bridesmaid age now.  I know this because my 30th reunion is coming up.  Also, I'm going back to start the school year and get my t-shirt for being in the district for ten years.  

*And that ten years represents less than half of my teaching career.

*Ten years in the district means you get a long sleeved t-shirt.  That's way better than my regular t-shirt I got after five years.

*I'm nowhere near the sweatshirt level, though.  And I doubt I'll see the fleece vest in my lifetime.  That's something like 30 years.  

*Although, if time continues to blast past as it has lately, perhaps I have a shot!

Speaking of time, I have somehow managed to lose an hour blathering on and now the cats are cranky. I think it is feeding time for all of us if my rumbling tummy and the screeching coming from the kitchen are any indication.

So I'll wrap this up here and call it a night.  May your downward slide towards the weekend be a good one and may time treat you kindly.

Or, at the very least, have the decency to move at a reasonable rate...

SA

WNBP: Choices. Questionable And Otherwise.

OK, I know.  I missed last week.  In light of that not-really-so-much-of-an-oversight-as-a-last-minute-decision, why don't we just dive right in?

Here's a two week version of the Wednesday Night Bullet Post:

*It was hot last week.

*I'm talking stoopid hot.  Crazy hot.  Too hot to even function without sweating buckets and becoming socially unacceptable.

*So I decided to paint the living room.

*Which was, by any definition, a questionable choice.

*The only way to really do this was one wall at a time.  

*It was really hot.  And humid.

*One wall at a time was all I could tackle on any given day.

*Except, ironically, Wednesday.  Wednesday was Family Lunch day with the Sheepish relatives.

*I probably could have blogged.  I didn't have the painting thing going on.

*But I was really hot and really tired and really sore from clambering my aged self up and down the makeshift step-ladder.

*So I didn't blog.  I feel very badly about that...

*Not really.  I only feel a little badly.  It was hot and humid and I was sore.  Plus there were paint fumes.

*I take full responsibility for my choice, questionable or otherwise.

*I forgot all about renewing my teaching certificate this year.  

*I realize that sounds kind of irresponsible.  Teaching is my livelihood after all.

*But I have three endorsements, two of which were still current.  

*The first of those is the endorsement under which I am currently employed.   The middle one I've never used and didn't really ask for but got it anyway.   The third is my school counseling endorsement and I don't use that one anymore.

*It's the latter for which the clock is ticking.

*But I don't want it to expire.  I worked hard to get it and my certificate looks kind of cool with all my mad skilz laid out for the world to see.

*So I had to drive down to school last Tuesday to meet with the certification coordinator to get her signature on all the paperwork.

*At first, she was concerned.  I didn't have enough contact hours by her estimate.

*Then I showed her the nine billion hours I put into the Autism Leadership Team, including the off-site training which involved staying in a hotel and leaving Da Boyz to fend for themselves.

*That put my hours over the top and left me half-way certified on all my other stuff which isn't due for another four years.

*Signature obtained.

*I've since forgotten to mail it to the state, but there is still time for that.  

*Although my decision to leave the paperwork on the counter where the rest of the mail piles up probably isn't going to facilitate my remembering to do that...

*It was even hotter when I left Ms. Certification Guru's office.  Hard to even conceive of "hotter" at that point, but it was.

*So I came home and painted another wall in the heat of midday.

*Which wasn't a smart thing.

*What can I say?  The urge to paint my living room doesn't come over me very often and I sort of have to go with it when the mood strikes.

*My living room is now a pleasant combination of Fresh Baked Pumpernickel and Toasted Coconut.

*My bathroom and the connecting hallway were painted last summer.

*In Belgian Waffle.

*I am going with a food theme, paintwise.

*These were exceptionally good color choices, if I do say so myself.

*I'm not normally "good" with color.  I tend to take the safer route because I don't match things very well.

*But going with colors that are toasted, roasted and baked seems to work for me...

*I have high carb walls.

*Please Stand By For Sheepie's Official Statement Regarding The Royal Birth:

*Good evening and thank you all for coming.  I'll be brief.  Or as brief as I can be given that I am cursed with the need to explain things until they scream for mercy...

As a member of modern society, I cannot help but be aware of certain newsworthy tidbits.  Royal weddings and births seem to get a great deal of attention.  Hence, I take notice.  I can, however, choose my response.

I bought into the dream of Happily Ever After these people sold me back in the 80's.  I bought in fully and well beyond my credit limit.  I was promised a newer, cooler monarchy with awesome outfits and even awesomer modern attitudes.  And, for a while I suppose, I got that.

But then it all fell apart and I was left with the depressing realization that my royal idols were really just flawed human beings no different from me.  (Except for the part where they get into more trouble than I do and and lack the ability to understand that no bad deed goes unobserved in this age.)  The dream was shattered and Happily Ever After was relegated back to fairy tale status.

I wish the royal couple well.  Good job giving birth and all that.  Seriously.  I would imagine that isn't exactly a walk in the park, especially with a crowd outside wondering what is taking so long.  But you'll forgive me if I change the channel after seeing the same footage of a hospital door for the umpteenth time because I am busy and can't get to the remote fast enough.  I really do hope it all works out for them.  Honest.

But I am choosing not to attend the christening.  I'm fairly certain I'm not on the guest list anyway.  Still, it never hurts to put it out there early just in case I'm taking up a seat better given to someone more interested in the whole business.

And that concludes Sheepie's statement regarding all things royal.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

*Somehow I knew that wasn't going to be brief.  It never is...

*I didn't go to the Farmer's Market last week.  It was hot and I had to put part of my living room back together.

*I am very much behind on my End Of The World Is Nigh Supply restocking and have only canned potatoes.

*I went today, though.  

*I now have four pounds of green beans in my fridge.  

*I did not can them today.  We'll get to that.

*Home improvement mania struck again and I chose to reupholster the seat of the chair I used as a step stool because I don't have a real ladder here.

*There is a great deal of paint on that chair.  Why I thought reupholstering the seat would detract from that I don't know.

*But once the idea took hold it was kind of hard to not do it and I already had some decent fabric on hand.

*Decent fabric located whilst clearing out the back bedroom.  

*It's amazing what I find when I clear out twenty years of back bedroom crap.

*I keep expecting Jimmy Hoffa to pop out from under a pile of old linens.

*Jimmy Hoffa or a really scary bug.  

*I should seriously consider moving the piles of old linens around more often...

*I am going out for lunch with Mommy and Daddy Sheep so I probably won't can beans tomorrow either.

*Beans will have to wait until Friday.  Friday seems like a better canning day anyway.

*Friday has a canny sort of feel to it...


There.  That covers most of what I did for the past couple of weeks.  I'm not saying that all my choices were good ones, but the living room does look pretty nice with all it's Toasted Coconutty goodness.  And getting my teaching certificate straightened out was probably the right thing to do.  I have to pay for all this paint, you know.  Paint doesn't grow on trees and a girl needs employment to make paint happen!

Of course, being employed and then paying someone else to paint the living room during a heatwave might have been the smarter choice altogether.  In fact, most of the projects I've done around here over the past few weeks would probably have been a lot more fun if I'd been watching someone else complete them.

Maybe we'll consider that for The Next Brilliant Idea I Get In The Middle Of The Night.  I've been thinking a lot about tile for some reason.  Given that I have no idea whatsoever how to tile anything I can't help but wonder if that is going to be another one of those questionable decisions.

Questionable and, perhaps, unavoidable...

SA