High Expectations And Low Productivity

Several years ago, I happened to wear a pair of fingerless mitts when I went in to see The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach.  She was rather taken with them.  In fact, she actually did take them for a few minutes.  She does that with the knitted stuff sometimes.  She'll "try them on" and then prance away, requiring that another stylist wrangle her back to the main desk so that my property can be returned.

I take it as a compliment...

At any rate, she asked me to make her a pair of these rather simple mitts and I did so willingly.  I happen to like TWGSALC and want her to remain on the Sheepish Team.  I whipped up a pair and she's worn them for years.  That is, until recently.

At my last appointment, she said that she lost one of them.  She was rather dejected about it and was hoping that I might consider making her another pair.  Of course, I agreed.  As previously noted...we need her on the team.

Ironically, I've been meaning to make her more of the things for years.  However, each time the holidays roll around, I find that I've gotten myself into the Bigger, Better And With 26% More Stuff Spiral.  You know what I mean.

It starts with a simple idea.  Like making a plain pair of fingerless mitts.  Basic stuff.  Doesn't even have a gusset for the thumb.  Easy Peasy!  But that doesn't quite seem like...enough.  There should probably be a gusset.  Knitters who have taken the time to advance their skills should be gusseting, after all!  Yes! The mitts shall be gusseted!

With that matter settled, one might think it is a done deal.  But no!  Once in the grip of Bigger And Better, one is not likely to escape so easily.  Suddenly, the thought process starts to spin like a tornado and everything in its path gets sucked into the planning.

There should probably be some cables, too!  And maybe some bobbles!  I mean...I've never actually made a bobble, but how hard could that be?  And speaking of bobbles, maybe there should be some baubles as well!  And sequins!  And I'll bet that glitter glue stuff would look cool!  Now where did I put my Bedazzler?  I'm certain that it's around her somewhere...faux gems would be just the thing.  Oh, and they definitely need wi-fi...

The mitts never get done.  Once you get to the point where you are considering where to put the satellite dish, you've really gone too far to ever see the end of the project.  Hence, I've given TWGSALC a scarf every year.  It's never been my intention.  It's just that it's all I have the energy for once the mitt madness passes.  Granted, they have been nice scarves.  But still...

There was no scarf option this year, though.  The request was specific and I agreed to it.  In front of witnesses.  I needed to make the mitts.  I felt the madness kicking in while on the drive home from my hair appointment.  It was a near thing, but I was able to get a grip by uttering one simple sentence:

That is not what she wants.

She wanted the simple, non-gusseted, plain and so-totally-not-gem-encrusted mitts.  I could do that.  I could do it very quickly and easily.  It was just a matter of remembering what she wants.

So that's what I did.

Ok..so maybe I added just a little bit of extra floofy yarn.  I'm only human, for God's sake!!

Mitts look dumb when they aren't on a hand.  But it's kind of hard to take a picture of your own hand...

They do not have 3G speed, but they were done in less than a week and with very little of the usual procrastinating.  There is something to be said for keeping it simple, I suppose.  I honestly don't know what I'll do with all the extra time...

I'm thinking that I might make another pair.  I have this idea for laser beams that would really make a statement!

SA

WNBP: The Pre-Turkey Edition

It is Wednesday, but not the regular kind.  This was the sort where I don't have to go to work and I spend the day creating yeast-based baked goods.  In fact, there are a couple of loaves rising merrily away as I type and I shall soon have to go attend to them.  However, I still think I can manage the Wednesday Night Bullet Post while all that is going on.  I am nothing if not a multi-tasker.

*I have today off because I get comp. time for the extra hours we put into parent/teacher conferences.


*I didn't bake bread all day.


*I actually put it off all day and now I have to bake bread at the last minute.


*Don't judge me.  I've baked a lot of bread lately.


*I thought I might make more, but I do not see that happening.  


*Frankly, I'm sort of impressed that I made it this far.


*Three dozen rolls and four loaves of the beloved Cheesy Bread.


*I made my name in the Sheepish family with the Cheesy Bread.


*I used to just be Mommy and Daddy Sheep's daughter.


*Now when the family gathers, they ask, "Is Sheepie coming?  And is she bringing the bread?"


*I have found my niche...


*I have also been told that I may not attend certain functions if I do not have Cheesy Bread upon my person.


*I finished two pairs of fingerless mitts today.


*This more than makes up for my delayed bread baking.


*Except for the part where people are expecting bread tomorrow at the family feast and probably couldn't care less about mitts.


*Wait...I need to go check those last two loaves.  Hold on a minute...


*Yup.  She's risen.  Time to preheat that oven!


*Everybody think good thoughts for not-burned-bread!


*This recipe takes milk and I've used the last of it so I don't have a back up plan here.


*It's been very cold lately.  Especially at night.


*Someone alert Webster's.  We have a new definition of "love."

The willingness to share one's favorite pink blankie with another

*I love my Other Favorite Librarian.


*When I mentioned how much I enjoyed Garth Nix's Keys To The Kingdom series and that I was planning on purchasing the next few books so I could see what happened next, she took action.


*And used proceeds from the school book fair to buy them!


*And readied them for check-out ahead of the other books!


*And hand-delivered them unto me Monday afternoon!


*Now I've read Lady Friday (Keys to the Kingdom, Book 5) and have Superior Saturday (The Keys To The Kingdom) on deck!


*Truth be told, having days Monday through Thursday in the library and not the rest of the week seemed kind of cruel, but I don't like to judge.  I'm just glad to have the rest of them now!


*I wanted Scumble but I asked her to give that one to the Cheerful Teaching Assistant because she is sad about misplacing her e-reader and I felt like she deserved it.


*I got The White Horse Trick instead.  


*Kate Thompson also wrote The New Policeman (Costa Children's Book Award (Awards)), a book I rather enjoyed.  I think I'll be happy with this one.


*And I can bask in the glow of a good deed.


*Da Boyz are wrestling.  They careened into the Automated Kitty Distractor and somehow turned it on.


*Neither one seems to have noticed, but it scared the holy heck out of me.


*I was highly amused when a colleague came to tell me that she is taking the same medication as the Very Complicated Kitty.


*She wanted to know how I got the medication so cheaply.


*My cat has referred her to the same prescription program that he uses.


*My life is beyond weird.  I sometimes can't even think about it for too long because I get a weird floaty feeling and think I'm going to faint.


*My medication has gone up ten bucks.  It does not qualify for the same program as my cat's.


*Seriously.  I can't stand it.  It makes me go all floaty...


*Wait...gonna go check the bread again.  I'm worried about my bread...


*It's fine.  I think I'm just being a little paranoid, is all.



I think that about covers it.  The bread is fine, the cats are fine and I will be fine as soon as I know that the bread is done and ready for tomorrow.  If you happen to be among those celebrating Thanksgiving, I wish you a very, very happy one.  I plan on enjoying mine with great gusto and consuming my own body mass in stuffing.  If you aren't on the Thanksgiving Diet Plan tomorrow, fear not.  There is no law against indulging on a Thursday and you don't need a reason at all.

Just don't touch my stuffing.  You can have the squash.  That's fine.  And feel free to have an extra slice of bread.  I've made plenty!

SA

Not Crochet, But Very Spunky!

I promised Spunky Girl that I would teach her how to crochet on Friday.  That is when the good little boys and girls in my class get to take a day of semi-rest and it seemed like an opportune time to do this.  She's already mastered quilting courtesy of The Cheerful Teaching Assistant and it only seemed right that I impart my own bit of wisdom unto the child.

I did my best.  I truly did.  But, for some reason, poor Spunky Girl just couldn't seem to get the hang of it.  She never got frustrated, bless her little heart.  She kept at it all day.  In spite of this, she never even managed to figure out how to do the foundation chain.  She just couldn't help but wind the yarn around the hook a few times before looping it through and a vein in my head began to throb each time I saw this.  I tried everything I could think of.  I showed her.  I explained it.  I made up cute little sayings to represent the process.  I put my gnarled, withered old hands over her little flawless ones and helped her to do the right movements.  Nothing.

By late morning, I was joking about taping her thumbs down to keep them out of the way.  By early afternoon, I was still saying it jokingly, but almost kind of meaning it.  The Boy With The Bass Booming Earbuds commented, "If you just keep saying it, but never actually do it, how is she going to learn?"

I stopped saying it for two reasons.  First, it is never a good idea to tape a student's thumbs in place even if it is well intended.  That never plays well in the media.  Secondly, The Cheerful Teaching Assistant was starting to refer to me as The Crochet Nazi.  I took that as a sign and backed off.

It didn't matter much to Spunky Girl by then anyway.  She'd discovered that her attempt at chaining was resulting in something she rather liked.  She declined further lessons from the benevolent Ms. Sheep and merrily looped the yarn awkwardly until she had a very stretchy string of great length.  She decided it was a belt.  I suggested that she might put a few beads on the end for a funky touch and my reputation as a craftsperson was redeemed.

She made her cute little belts for the rest of the day.  Even the boys were impressed.  I have decided to pretend that I taught her this and let it be a part of my legacy from this day forth.  If she makes her first million making beaded yarn belts, I expect some sort of remuneration.  I think that this seems quite right and proper.

I probably should see about teaching her to knit sometime soon.  That seems like the next logical addition to my ever-growing and shining legacy.  I'm sure it will all go swimmingly...

SA

WNBP: Mavens Like Me

Wednesday is upon us once again and it is time for the Wednesday Night Bullet Post.  I think we can dispense with my usual commentary on how hard it is to remember the day of the week and the gratitude I feel on those days when I can post in random bullet form.  I think we all know that by now, right?

Let's get straight to the highlights:

*It was raining this morning.


*And by "raining," I do not mean a gentle patter of soft drops that made the morning sparkle like it was taking a diamond shower.


*I mean a pelting, harsh punishment from the sky that caused rivers to form on all surfaces.


*I had to take out the trash and get some gas this morning.  


*Soggy Sheepie...


*The Boy For Whom All The World's A Stage took one look at me, sighed happily and said:


I just love it when Ms. Sheep gets caught in the rain.  It makes her hair dark and that looks so much better on her, don't you think?


*I spent the rest of the day in a dither because I am way too invested in what the average middle school student thinks of my hair coloring choices...


*Yesterday was a short work day for me.  I had a doctor's appointment.


*What follows is what I consider an appropriate response to a greeting that includes the words, "how are you today?"


*I apparently feel it is perfectly rational to throw my hands in the air and announce, "I am going to write the story of my life and it will be titled: I Used To Be Smart But Then Menopause Came And Made Me Stoopit."


*The doctor assures me that this state of affairs is temporary and that I will one day be the witty, brilliant gal I used to was.


*If you are ever tempted to tell someone this, please know...


*IT DOES NOT HELP.


*I went on to describe how stoopit I have become.


*I also put forth my theory that women who are thrown into this horrific state of affairs at the tender age of 40 thanks to a poorly-timed illness should be given some sort of reduced symptoms benefit.


*Then I informed her that a time limit should be established and some order instilled in the process. You start, you deal with it for a predetermined period of time, then you are done.


*IF YOU WANT TO BE HELPFUL, WHY DON'T YOU GET ON THAT, M'KAY???


*Then she shook her head sadly and asked me a lot of questions about how I was functioning at work.  She also reviewed my file and the state of my bone density, which is getting neither better nor worse but is still depressing to think about.


*Next visit, I plan on just saying, "Hello, Doc.  I'm fine today.  How are you?"


*I think I was just grumpy because I forgot my knitting.


*And haz the menopause...


*In spite of all that, I'm still making decent progress on the mitts I'm knitting for the World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach.


*I had to explain what the word "maven" meant to (the boy who is) Dark And Disturbed during the last class today.


*Then he stood up, threw out his chest, put his hands on his hips and loudly proclaimed, "I'm the MAVEN, that's how I know!!!!!"


*This somehow devolved into our someday going into business together and selling t-shirts that read: Quoth The MAVEN, "That's How I Know!!!"


*Why this was so funny, I have no idea.  But we darned near had to call the nurse before we died of mirth.


*I finished Heroes of the Valley over the weekend.  I know I said I really liked it before.


*Now I'm saying that I looooove it!!!  


*I'm really glad that my cousin brought The Little Stranger with her when she came to visit my parents last summer.


*I'm sorry that she couldn't get into it.  Or that my mom couldn't either.


*But I'm giddy that it found its way to me because I thought it rather good!


*Sort of an updated version of a classic, Gothic ghost story.  Slow in places, granted.  But nicely done.


*When I was at the school book fair last week I sort of got overwhelmed and panicked a bit.  I couldn't decide what I wanted!!!


*Then I ended up buying something I probably didn't really want. But it was too late and I was stuck with it.


*Turns out I am kind of fascinated by The Everafter.  It's like The Lovely Bones only less with the murder and more with the "what does it all mean?"


*Way more compelling than I thought it was going to be.  


*I'm saving the best one for last.  It's the reason I went to the book fair.  I was only going to buy one book.  But then I got all the others because that is sometimes the way these things go...


*I'll tell you all about it later.  I'm treating myself to it over Thanksgiving break.


*I really wanted Scumble (the sequel to Savvy) but it was kind of spendy in hardcover.


*I'll wait for My Other Favorite Librarian to get it for the school library and read it for free.  


*Much more sensible way to go about it, right?


*If I'm going to be selling super-cool MAVEN t-shirts, I should probably start acting smarter.  


*Even if I am not exactly biologically capable of that right now...



That's about it for this week's bullet points, I think.  I'm assuming I could come up with more if I tried, but I think I've wound down for the moment.  I'll just kick back and enjoy the evening (especially now that it's not pouring buckets down upon me).  I trust that your Wednesday went well for you and wish you all the joys of an impending Thursday.

I may be a stoopit kind of MAVEN, but even I know that Thursday is just a heartbeat away from the weekend.  And that's a joyful thing, indeed!

SA

At Last...Proof Of Knitting!

I commend you for your patience over the past few weeks.  To hear me go on and on about all the needle wielding but show nothing to prove it must have been draining for you.  In fact, you probably had a few sleepless nights over it.  I can only imagine you tossing and turning in your bed thinking, "That Sheepie...she is either a sociopathic liar or deluded on a level that requires some sort of intervention.  However will I deal with this most distressing turn of events?"

I am sorry about all that lack of snooze time.  Truly.  However in certain situations, discretion is required and we both had to make sacrifices.  You lost precious REM sleep and I my good name.  But that is all behind us now, for I can throw off the cloak of secrecy and shine the light of truth upon my knitting reality!

First up, we have...

Sweet little booties

And then there's...

Bibs for dribblin'

Are you starting to see a pattern here?  If not, here's one more clue...

A wee, little kimono sweater

Yeah...that's right.  You heard me.  "Wee."  And no.  I am not pregnant.  I'm a talented individual, but not so brilliant that I can outwit the basics of middle age biology, thankyouverymuch.  It is Niece Sheep who is soon to be presenting the family with another little lambie and rumors of a baby shower started circulating a while back.  It seemed like a good idea to knit something.  So I did.  And yesterday, we showered the incoming little feller so now I can finally show you the fruits of my needles.

It was a lovely event, made all the better by a trip to Mommy and Daddy Sheep's house for lunch prior to.  And Mommy Sheep even suggested a quick field trip to a nearby yarn shop before we headed out for all the showering!  As we pulled into the parking lot and I saw the words "Gift Shop" on the sign next to the promised yarn, I did a bit of a mental eye roll.  I envisioned a few shelves of the woolly stuff hidden in the back and only reachable by navigating through forty seven aisles of plastic novelty items.

Not so.

Rosemary's Yarn Shop has one of the best selections I've seen in a very long time.  And it goes on and on and on!  Just when you think you've reached the end, you see another room just out of the corner of your eye.  They even have a small selection of spinning wool!

Mommy Sheep decided that this might be a good time to celebrate an early...something or other so new great nephew Sheep wasn't the only one gifted yesterday.  At some point, I'll see about getting some pictures up.  For now, just know that much in the way of sheep hair is now here with me at the manse.  Thank you, Mommy Sheep!!!

Lest you think it's been all about babies and mothers gifting their children, I have done something more grown up.  I managed to improve upon the sad, crocheted rectangle mitts I showed you the other day.  My pride demanded that I do something, after all!

A distinct improvement 

I'll eventually get around to posting the pattern for these.  Suffice it to say, they were not difficult and I'm probably going to do another pair for gift giving.  If nothing else, they help to restore my tattered reputation after all that blathering about supposed knitting and crocheting of rectangles.

Phew!  I feel better now.  The secrecy was really starting to get to me.  The good news is that I'm now warmed up for the holiday knitting and was able to start on the mitts my stylist requested without too much procrastinating and whining.

Of course, holiday knitting probably means more secrecy.  I'm not sure if I can take it...

SA

WNBP: Yup. It Is.

I find that the best course of action in certain circumstances is to just act like it all went the way it was supposed to.  For example, if you happen to neglect the Wednesday Night Bullet Post because you were at parent-teacher conferences, you should simply post the WNBP and defy anyone to say that it wasn't there all along.  If you believe it yourself, it almost becomes true.

Hence, I shall proceed with all the confidence of one who is absolutely correct and right and just and good.  I'm great at denial.  It keeps me employed and makes bill collectors go away...

*I spent most of last night down in the office showing Mrs. Secretary Who Sits At The Back Desk how to crochet those funky little sideways mitts I posted the other day.


*I almost missed my one conference because I was enjoying myself so much down there.


*I sat at the desk belonging to Mrs. Secretary Who Sits At The Front Desk and she doesn't use a regular chair.


*She uses one of those bouncy balls.  Great fun!


*And surprisingly comfortable.  Even when sitting and crocheting for three or so hours.


*Back didn't hurt at all until I went upstairs to my own room to do a conference and had to sit in a regular chair.


*Very tired by 8:00.  Very, very tired because parent-teacher conference night is long.  


*You teach for half a day.  Then you conference (or sit around) until 8:00.


*Long day.  


*But productive since I made a pair of mitts and conned the lady in the tech office into letting me install an upgrade on my school laptop.


*Now I can watch streaming television again as God and the taxpayers intended.


*My own laptop is still dead.  She took pity on me.  


*That or she was tired of listening to my lamenting and whatnot.


*In addition to denial, I am very good with the lamenting.


*Hey, I'm wondering.  Was anyone else up at 3:30 this morning steaming a pumpkin?


*I'm curious because I hate to think I was the only one.


*Those of you who were up at 3:30 steaming a pumpkin already know why one might do this.


*For the rest of you, one does this in order that it might be peeled.


*Pie pumpkins are for peeling.  And smooshing up.  Then freezing for pumpkin bread later.


*I don't recommend steaming pumpkins at 3:30 in the morning unless you happen to be wide awake anyway and looking for something productive to do.  


*Daddy Sheep is rolling around on the floor howling with laughter now because I am turning into Mommy Sheep.


*It is not a good idea to steam anything at 3:30 in the morning if it is a regular school day.


*OK if it's a holiday, though.


*Happy Veteran's Day.  Go thank a veteran.


*Don't go randomly hugging them, though.  They find that a bit forward and off-putting unless you happen to already be on hugging terms.


*I also made goulash.


*Did that later, though.  Not at 3:30.  I couldn't because I was out of paprika.


*Oh!  I know what I wanted to tell you!  I went to the school book fair last night!


*Proceeds to benefit the library.  


*Parent Support Organization provides a five dollar voucher good for the purchase of a book to every single student in the school.  All of them.


*Which is an amazing gesture and one that every kid takes advantage of.  Love that.


*I spent more than I should have, but I love my school library.  And books.


* I read InterWorld quickly.  It's a short one.  


*Good book.  Not regular Neil Gaiman good since it's a collaboration and all.  But still good.


*Then I started Heroes of the Valley by Jonathan Stroud.  I can't quite think of the word I'm looking for to describe it.


*Hmmm...it's on the tip of my tongue.


*Oh yes!  I have it!


*WOW.


*Strongly recommend this one.  Even if you aren't a fan of YA lit.  Just trust me.  


*WOW.


*Before I went to the book fair, I re-read In the Night Room by Peter Straub.  Love that one, too.


*I have to go check on the rice steamer now.


*Rice goes well with goulash.


*Starting to realize that I've done a lot of steaming today...


*Maybe I should fry something.  Just for a change of pace, you see.


*Not tonight, though.  Also not at 3:30 tomorrow morning.


*I have to go back to school for a day.  


*Downside of a Thursday holiday.


*If it was Thursday.  Which it's not.


*Because, as I've already said, I wrote this on Wednesday and you just missed it.  Or Blogger was slow. Or the internet was broken.


*Pick your story.  I'm fine with whatever works best for you.


Well, there you go!  A Wednesday Night Bullet Post right on schedule.  Don't look at me like that.  You aren't going to sway me on this.  I've got my life under control and nothing is slipping through the cracks.  Not here.  Nothing but trains running on time and pumpkins being steamed at normal, ordinary hours of the day.

I believe that.

SA

By The Pricking Of My Thumbs...

No, nothing wicked this way comes.  At least nothing I can see galloping over the horizon yelling, "Yoo-hoo!  Sheepie!  I'm a-comin' for ya!  Didn't you get the message I left on your thumbs?

(I am planning a post detailing the recent tortures visited upon me by the resident felines, not the least of which being their reaction to the setting back of the clocks last night.  To start one's Sunday at 3:30 in the godforsaken morning in order that the intricacies of Daylight Savings Time might be explained is unpleasant.  It also doesn't do much to convince them that breakfast time isn't right around the corner.  But that is another post for another day...)

No, I am actually going to present you with something of a unique and almost happy nature.  Here on this very fiber-blog, I am going to display for all the world to see....A FINISHED OBJECT!!!!

Yes, that's right.  I finished something.  Actually, I have finished a lot of stuff lately, but none of it is the kind of knitting that is bloggable at the moment.  Today, however, I can proudly display a morning's work and not have to hide in the shadows over the matter.

Frankly, I think the whole thing deserves a great, big TAH-DAHHHHHHH!

::sound of crickets chirping::

The blogoshpere falls silent for a moment and then can be heard the sounds of uncomfortable shuffling and throat-clearing.  This is followed by general muttering and whispers:


"I'm not doing it!"


"Well somebody has to say it."


"I did it last time!"


"You're ever so much better at this sort of thing..."


At last, a reluctant member of the crowd is shoved forward.  


"Um...Sheepie?  That's nice and all.  But it kind of looks like you just crocheted a rectangle, turned it sideways and stitched up part of the sides.  Then you stuck it on your hand.  Not that we're judging or anything, mind you.  It just sort of seems like, skill-wise, you've taken a few steps backwards.  Maybe...a little...um...


OK.  Yes.  It is a rectangle.  But I can explain.  If you can just give me a minute to explain is all!  See, the first thing is that I've been knitting a whole lot over the past few weeks and a great deal of that has been with cotton.  I have knit so much, in fact, that I have worn a hole in my thumb.  Yes, that's right.  My thumb!  I'll bet you feel all kinds of bad now dontcha, Judgy McJudgerson?

Actually, I knit a little rough patch onto my thumb and then picked at the skin until I tore a piece off and that hurts something wicked.  But this is a "six of one, half a dozen of another" kind of situation, I think...

Either way, I'm off the knitting train until my thumb grows new fingerprints and whatnot.  I'm thinking this will last at least until I can wash my hands without my thumb feeling like it's on fire.  Crochet seemed like a logical thing to do and I also have another very good reason for crocheting a rectangle. Or two.

I had an appointment with The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach yesterday.  I could tell when I walked in that she had a few things on her mind.  The first was that she recently lost one of the fingerless mitts I knit for her a while back and that it is greatly missed.  She was wondering if I might do another pair.  I agreed quickly because a good stylist and life coach is not the sort of thing that comes along every day.  You knit mitts for these people.  This agreement was, of course, before I decided to flay my own thumb, but I have a month to heal before my next appointment so I should be in good shape.

The other thing she wished to discuss was crochet.  She learned as a wee little thing at her grandmother's knee back in China, (or something like that) but has forgotten how.  She thought she might like to take it up again and was wondering if I might do a quick refresher lesson sometime.  Again, I weighed the value of a day out of my weekend against the whole stylist/life coach thing and came up firmly on the side of Okey-Dokey!

Since she likes fingerless mitts and will probably need a simple project to fire up the old motor memory, I figured a sample done up in baby-type yarn would be a good thing to drag along as a prototype.  So that's why I'm crocheting rectangles and acting like it's a good thing.  See?  I told you I could explain this!

Actually, I sort of don't hate them.  I'm even thinking that, as project go, they are kind of a quick-fix, instant-gratification thing.  I might even do a more fancified version to toss into the Oh-My-God-The-Holidays-Are-Coming pile.  This will also keep me busy while my thumb heals.

Of course, I'll probably wear a hole in my pinky finger or something, but I don't think that rhymes with anything that will bring wickedness down upon me...

SA

WNBP: On A Wednesday

I am the first one to admit that I sometimes have difficulty tracking the days. What can I say?  I take a while to get settled into the morning and what the next ten or so hours will bring. I do, however, often brag about my ability to discern Wednesday from the bunch.  That day is like a shining star, if only because I know it is the day of the Wednesday Night Bullet Post.

Not so today.  I woke up convinced it was Thursday.  Maybe even Friday!  You can only imagine my disappointment upon realizing the truth.  The only thing worse than today's sadness was yesterday's because that was when I thought it was at Wednesday.  You can see how I might be feeling a little out of sorts right about now.

Why don't I just start tossing out the bullet points?  That might cheer me up...


*We had an evacuation drill at school today.


*This event entails our rounding up over 500 people and trudging them down the street to the elementary school because it is important that we practice what to do in the event of an emergency.


*Small school, yes.  But still a lot of folks to wrangle when the majority of them are middle schoolers.


*We usually do this earlier in the year, but rain and state mandated testing forced us to put it off until the temperatures hovered around the freezing mark.


*A delightful thing to be doing at 8:30 in the morning.


*On a Wednesday.


*That, by all rights, should have been a Thursday.


*I remembered to wear sensible shoes.


*I did not remember to wear warm, handknit socks or a suitable jacket.


*Now I haz the snifflz.


*Grades close this week.  This came as "news" to several students and now we are scrambling to finish all the stuff they told us they'd finished or didn't tell us they were supposed to finish.


*The Cheerful Teaching Assistant had to go to a training today, but she came back for the last period of the day.


*The Organized Teaching Assistant and I were very tired by then because it is difficult to explain to students how all those zeros have to be averaged into their grades.


*You can get lots of very good grades, but still fail if you don't watch the zeros.


*Kids don't get that sometimes...


*Nor do they understand the concept of "weighted" grades.  


*As in: This Grade Counts As Three Grades So You Should Really Do This Assignment And Not Refuse To Believe Us When We Tell You It is Important.


*Or blame us for NOT telling you this when we most certainly did waaaay back in September when the stupid thing was due in the first place.


*I'd also like to take a minute to explain how a million students handing in a billion late assignments all at the same time slows things down a bit.


*As in: Your Teacher Cannot Review Your Work And Enter All Those Grades Within Ten Seconds.  Going Online To Check Your Grade All Day Isn't Going To Make You Happy.  


*The end of the quarter is fun for everyone.  


*Especially if you happen to throw in an Evacuation Drill just for kicks.


*And on Wednesday.


*I had to chase the Very Complicated Kitty around for a while this morning because he is stealing cotton yarn.


*He's probably eating it.  He has "issues."  


*And is "complicated."


*Every day.  Not just Wednesday.


*But the weather is getting colder and he throws off wicked body heat so I forgive him a great deal.


*Heating some chicken and potatoes I "put up" last summer.  


*There's peas, too but they are the frozen kind because I don't like canned peas.  Not even the kind I make myself.


*A tasty dinner.  Makes all those hours spent sweating over a hot canning pot during the sweltering summer months worth it!


*Re-reading of old favorites continues.


*Just finished Odd Hours by Dean Koontz.  I love this series.


*I don't read the first one very often, though.  (Odd Thomas)


*It's fabulous, but it makes me very sad.


*Koontz is a great writer about 75% of the time.  If you are looking for a good example of brilliantly written dialogue, he's your man!


*And dogs.  He writes good stuff about dogs because he is the patron saint of golden retrievers.


*I don't have dogs.  But I like goldens.  They are nice dogs and sometimes will smile at you.


*I also doubt that they steal yarn and try to eat it, but I don't know that for a fact.  Maybe they do.


*Tomorrow is Thursday.  I'm almost positive of this.


*Then it will be Friday and, after that, Saturday.


*I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday.  Probably should make a note of that since I tend to forget stuff like days of the week and whatnot...


That's it for me, dear readers.  The timer on the oven has gone off and it sounds like chicken and potatoes are waiting for me!  Just the thing on a chilly night that turned out to be a Wednesday.  And I need to replenish some calories after all that evacuating.

On a Wednesday...

SA

The Horror!!!

It's Halloween my darlings and a night when we all must face our deepest, darkest fears.  I know that it is unnerving, but we need to put on our grown up faces and stand firm in the face of terror.  Together, we can do it.  I know we can.  We are not going through this alone, you see.  Each of us is doing battle with our own personal demons and it is through sharing that we can find our common bond as well as the strength to conquer our nightmares.

To that end, I shall share with you the horrors I have faced of late.  These are the things that make Sheepie want to crawl into her bed and cower beneath the covers until it is all over.  Read on, if you dare!  It won't be pretty, but it will help to forge the steel in your spine.  I promise.


The Tale Of The String Slasher.


I continue to knit and crochet like a woman possessed.  I am not possessed.  That is another kind of horror story.  This one is scarier because it could happen to any of us and possession only seems to happen to people with the flexibility required to turn their heads a full 360 degrees.


I have discovered over the past few weeks that I am somewhat incapable of counting.  Or measuring.  Or noticing large holes before it is too late to do anything other than tear apart nearly finished objects.  I am known as the Frankenstein of the knitting world.  It's all just ripping and repairing.  Yarn cries out when it sees me.  


I've managed to finish a few things, of course.  But there are dismembered bits of garments and accessories all over my living room and I've no doubt that the authorities will be here at any moment.  I am not even bothering to clean up the crime scene.  I'll just go quietly when the time comes.  Then I'll sit in my cell and await the book offers.  I think that the screenplay will do very well, too.  I'll be just fine.


The yarn, however, must suffer.  




The Demonic Decorator.


Once there was a boy.  He had a name, but was generally known as The Boy For Whom All The World Is A Stage.  His teacher's name was Ms. Sheep and she was a remarkably tolerant woman.  She sometimes used part of the last period to beat her head against her desk, but mostly she presented herself quite professionally.


She had but one rule, this paragon of educators.  She did not wish for children to go into her office without permission, nor did she want little fingers touching the stuff she kept in that office.  If the darling children asked, they could enter.  Otherwise, they needed to keep the heck out of there.


But TBFWATWIAS could not seem to remember that rule.  He wandered into Ms. Sheep's office many times during the day.  Every day.  Sometimes he would sit at her desk.  Sometimes he would open her window and shout merry greetings to people in the parking lot.  He meant well.  But TBFWATWIAS wasn't much for long term memory.  Or short term memory.  Or microscopic measurements of memory.  He just kept forgetting.


Finally the day came when he realized that his teacher was going to kill him.  Not the fake kind of killing.  The real kind.  He could tell by the way the big veins in her forehead started to throb.  So TBFWATWIAS made a decision.  


He would create his own office.  Then he would have no need to mess with Ms. Sheep's stuff and he might live to see his own high school graduation.


The classroom was virtually shut down for two days while he selected his space and raided every corner of the school for supplies.  Chairs were tested for comfort and fabrics selected for his "Butt Support Pillow."  A spider plant was arranged next to his mostly unused notebooks and measurements were taken to ensure that he had space to set up his laptop.  Lastly, he went online to find a picture of his hero.  Once it was located and printed, Ms. Sheep was directed to the teacher's lounge where she was to laminate the picture, together with its decorative mat.  Once it was secured to a cardboard stand, the beatific smile of Oprah Winfrey could inspire his every academic endeavor.


When it was all finished, TBFWATWIAS stood back to admire his work.  It was perfection!  He went to find Ms. Sheep so that she could exclaim over its aesthetic charms.  She was nowhere in sight, though.  He searched and finally spied his teacher in her office.  Her head was thumping softly against her desk and she was muttering something about how she now knew why test scores kept dropping.  He wondered if he should go in and check on her but, in the end, decided against it.


He didn't feel the need to go into that lame office anymore...




Fang:  The Tale Of The Terrible Teeth.


The Very Complicated Kitty is bored.  And has dental problems.  I don't know if I ever mentioned that, but it is one of the complications.  Lately, he has decided to deal with both matters by chewing.  He likes to chew things.  Mostly, he likes to chew things that fight back a little bit.  He has gnawed on the plastic wand that supports the toy on the Automated Kitty Distractor.  He has nibbled on book covers.  I used to have leather ties on my slippers but they are gone and I'm pretty sure he ate them.  Sometimes I have to shoo him away from electrical appliances because I can tell he is thinking that the cords might provide a heck of a good chew.


That is pretty bad.  I don't want him eating electrical cords.  He is the light of my life, but I don't wish for him to actually glow.  That would be bad.  But this is not the truly horrifying thing.  No.  It is much worse than that.  It is the worstest thing ever.  Get ready for your blood to run cold, my friends.


Yesterday, he discovered the joy of chewing on circular needle cables.


I don't think I need to say anything else.  You are now probably cowering in a corner somewhere and your family is thumbing through the phone book looking for Professional Help.  I know I needed it when I discovered the tooth marks...




The Bowl Of Temptation.


I can hear the sounds of happy children running freely in the streets now.  They scream.  They laugh.  Some of them are quiet and they are the ones that scare me the most because it's the quiet ones who carry the most toilet paper on Halloween.  


But they don't scare me quite so much as that bowl in the kitchen.  It is white and used to be at my grandmother's house.  It is sitting on the counter.   It is filled to the brim with candy.  


And it speaks.


It says, "Sheeeeeepeeeeeee!  You know you aren't going to have any trick-or-treaters.  You almost never do.  You don't even want them to come because it means you can't put on your pajamas at noon on a Sunday.  You want them to stay outside where they belong.  But you bought candy anyway.  I wonder why that is?"


"Ah, yes!  I remember.  You tell everyone that you buy it for the children, but that is a lie.  You bought it so you could eat it after 8:00.  You pretend that you are a good-hearted woman who wishes to give treats to costumed kiddies.  That way everyone will think you are a good sport and filled with the spirit of Halloween.  But you know you are going to eat all of it.  You started last night.  You know you did."


"Oh, sure.  You can tell everyone that you were just testing it before handing it out to defenseless children.  We know the truth, though.  We know that you like candy.  And that you ate it for dinner last night.  We know that you are going to do it again tonight.  Why not just start now?  Why wait?  Why put off the inevitable?  You are weak.  You don't have the strength to resist.  Just do it."


"You know you want to..."


I hate that bowl.  I hate that it sits out there all smug and judgmental.  I hate that it thinks it knows me.  I hate that it wants to tempt me.  I hate that it thinks it has the right to do so.


Mostly, though, I just hate that it is right.



Yes, Halloween is very scary.  We just have to hang in there for a few more hours and it will all be over.  Light all the lamps, put on a sweetly sentimental Disney movie and think good thoughts.  Before you know it, this night will be nothing more than a distant memory.  We must be strong and then we will be victorious over the forces of Darkness.

Or will we?  Tomorrow is Monday, after all...

SA

WNBP: The Power Of Pants

Well here it is!  Wednesday night!  And we all know what that means.  It's time for the Wednesday Night Bullet Post.  I think I can come up with a tidbit or two for you all.  Wednesdays are typically good for that...

*It is October.


*More properly, it is the end of October.


*Sort of a fluke that I remembered to check the weather forecast last night.


*Good thing.  Otherwise I might have dressed in a seasonably appropriate fashion.


*Not for 70 balmy degrees.


*This year's crop of students includes a number of somewhat...fragrant boys.


*At least I wasn't wearing a turtleneck and was comfortable.  Small blessings...


*(the boy who is) Dark And Disturbed is quite the story teller.  He is also a budding cartoonist and shows some real talent.  His best work is, well...Dark And Disturbed.  But in the best possible way, if that makes any sense.


*I like Dark And Disturbed.  D&D is funny and very cool.  


*He has a way about him.


*Today, he decided to embellish his regular life by adding drama.  As in, "When I want breakfast, I head off into the deepest, darkest part of the forest with nothing but a knife and the will to sustain myself!"


*From there it went like this:

D&D:  I hunt until I find my meal!  Like a man!!!

Ms. Sheep:  That's nice, dear.

D&D:  And I wear one of those things.  You know what I mean.

MS:  (sensing where this is going because she has spent a great deal of time with D&D):  Fine.  I know what you mean.  Moving on, now.

Cheerful Teaching Assistant:  What?  What is he wearing when he goes out to hunt for his breakfast like a real man?

D&D:  One of those things.  Things!  You know...(helpfully flaps his hand around his midsection.)

MS:  Please.  I beg you.  Don't...

CTA:  I still don't get it.

D&D:  (finally finding the right word)  A loincloth!  That's what it is!  A loincloth!  I stalk my prey while wearing a loincloth!!!

MS:  Therapy.  I needz it.

*The rest of the day, D&D added, "while wearing a loincloth" to every single thing he said.  Everything.


*Sometimes he posed in a manly, hunter-type manner whilst saying the word, "loincloth."


*I anticipate at any moment that I will be appearing on one of those news specials that feature educators desperately trying to explain how they found themselves in such a delicate situation.  There will be lots of close ups of my stricken face and people calling in to hurl verbal abuse at me while I defend myself.


*The Boy For Whom All The World's A Stage entered the room today and announced:

Today is one of those days when I wasn't sure if I was wearing pants.  Seriously.  I had to check when I got off the bus.  It just doesn't feel like I'm wearing pants!

*I am going to be on the news.  I know it.  I might even be on one of those week long investigation specials.


*My name will go down in history and not in a good way.


*Why can't these kids think of themselves as wearing pants, for crying out loud?????


*At the very least, could they envision themselves fully clad while at school?  Is that too much to ask???


*It's actually too hot to knit.


*Or crochet.


*I have found myself in the mood to re-read old favorites, lately.


*This weekend, I picked up and finished Lost Souls by Poppy Z. Bright.


*She's not for everyone.  Sometimes not even for me.


*Dark stuff.  She doesn't pull any punches.  But kind of beautiful in its way.


*Now I'm revisiting Shadowland by Peter Straub.


*I've had this book for years.  It's one I've literally read to tatters.  Straub is one of the greats.  


*Think I'm going to dig up my copy of Mystery (Blue Rose Trilogy) next.  


*Feeling kind of badly for forgetting about good, old Peter for these past few years.


*I think it was running across The Hellfire Club on the bookshelf a while back that reminded me...


*I forgot to change Alpha Betta's water this past weekend.


*That's not true.  I remembered.  I just didn't feel like doing it and then I forgot.  


*I feel badly about it, but he seems to understand.


*At least I think he does.  He's a fish.  Who can tell?


*I'm not sick, but my left nostril was running all day.  


*Weird when it's a balmy, summer day in autumn.  


*Not sure why my nose was running.  It's not like I was chilled or anything.


*I was wearing pants, after all...


That's all I can think of for now.  I'll probably come up with all sorts of other stuff once I sign off, but that's the way these things go sometimes.  I really need to get off the couch and start getting ready for the teaching day tomorrow.   It's shaping up to be a busy one and I'll need to make sure the coffee maker is dripping at the earliest possible hour if I'm going to get enough of the go-juice in me to matter.  I also should pick out an outfit.

A complete outfit.  Top and bottom.  No loincloth.  That is the new dress code in my classroom.

SA

Hour By Hour, It Can All Unravel.

The day started off pretty well, actually.  I knew that the Cheerful Teaching Assistant was going to be out of the classroom as she'd arranged for a well-deserved day off.  That was all right.  The Organized Teaching Assistant came back from her long doctor-imposed absence on Monday so it's not like I'd be all alone. I'd even managed to get past the rather pointed commentary from my ipod regarding my taste in music.  I still think it was kind of snarky for it to erase everything after I went to bed on Sunday, but what can you do? Ipods apparently have something against the golden age that was the 80's.  I'd be more accepting of the judgement if I hadn't crashed my laptop a while back and had some way of restoring my music library, though...

Still, I was feeling pretty good overall.  I made it to school on time and was even able to attend the weekly meeting I've been missing during the staffing crisis of the past month. Then one of my students decided to use a zombie apocalypse scenario for his cartooning assignment in language arts class.  We had a very jolly time discussing how it might look should a group of survivors get stuck in a kiddie play facility.  The idea of a contagion lurking in one of those disgusting ball pits kept us going for almost the entire first period.

It started to fall apart right before lunch, though.  The kids couldn't maintain their jolly, zombie-loving demeanor for the entire morning.  The OTA got a call and had to leave to pick up her son before he infected the entire elementary school.  The paper airplane project we are doing for science turned into a free-for-all and the teacher who came up so I could check on the project she is doing for her class in behavior management was probably not impressed by my kid wrangling skills.  In fact, she may be dropping the class altogether after what she witnessed.  No one would want to admit to having a background in behavior management if it meant getting my job.  That's all it takes, really.  Just admitting that you have the background.  She'll probably go study accounting or something now.

By day's end, I wanted but two things.  The first was an unoccupied bathroom since I hadn't seen one of those since 9:30.  The other was the freedom to go to my car in order that I might drive and drive and drive.  In the opposite direction of my place of employment.  To a place where there are no children.  Just a couple of cats (who are generally glad to see me and sometimes listen to me) and a fish (who really doesn't much care whether I'm there or not but who is very, very quiet).

Instead, I had to stay for a meeting.  I was not the most delightful individual at that gathering.  One person announced her pregnancy and it took everything I had to not point out to her that being pregnant means having a baby which, in turn, means an eventual teenager.  It has come to my attention over the years that the pregnant people don't really want to hear about that.  It's a downer.

The day is done now, though.  If all goes according to plan, the CTA and OTA will be back in place tomorrow morning.  While I don't expect the students to be any better behaved, at least I can spread the wealth a bit.  Meanwhile, I'm planning on sitting very quietly tonight and knitting something.  I just finished some left over goulash and that was tasty.  I might even bake an apple later on just for the Comfort Food Factor.  It is going to be a nice evening here.  I am going to recover and rewind.

In case it all unravels again tomorrow...

SA

Exit Strategy

I awoke Friday morning feeling like the week had gone on far too long for its own good.  I was more than ready for it to be over.  By my internal calendar, it was already the following Wednesday.  That's how long the week ran.  This, I submit to you, is the reason for my commuter error.

I travel the same route five days a week, pretty much every week for ten months of the year.  I have done so for seven years.  I know where I am going.  I know how to get from point A to point B.  There is absolutely no reason for me to not reach point B in a timely fashion.  Unless, of course, it is a long week and I'm sick of it.  Then I am very likely to miss my exit off the Maine Turnpike.

I suppose I should admit that I've done it before.  Twice before, actually.  But that was a long time ago, back in the first few years I worked for this school district.  To have done it yesterday is simply ridiculous!  To further complicate matters, my exit is a key one.  Anyone who is familiar with this route knows that if you miss the Wells exit...you are in it for the long haul.  Fortunately for me, the traffic was light and having to take the scenic route only added about twenty minutes to the drive.  Still, twenty minutes is the difference between being able to visit the ladies room before the first teaching period starts and holding it for the foreseeable future.

I feel that this is a significant difference.  Maybe that's just me...

There really was no hope for the rest of the day.  I did my best to sneak through the cafeteria and avoid attracting attention to my lateness.  Sadly, a table filled with my students enjoying their breakfast was between me and anonymity.  The Boy With The Bass Booming Earbuds bellowed out for all the world to hear:

HEY, MS. SHEEP!  YOU ARE WICKED LATE TODAY, AREN'T YOU!!!!!

I returned his jaunty wave weakly and skulked my way to my classroom.  I managed to get set up for the day and took attendance.  Things took another disastrous turn when the bus failed to show up for the scheduled bowling field trip for the second week in a row.  Since this was a "make up" trip for the one we missed, I called the transportation office and pleaded that they send another bus.  I pointed out that I was going to have to change my name and live in Witness Protection if I had to tell my class that yet another trip was cancelled.  I said that I would probably end up on a farm or something and that I had no earthy idea how to milk a cow.  The nice man at the dispatch office thought that he might have to join me in the program and also feared that his milking skills might not be up to par.  I helpfully suggested that he Google it and get back to me.

We got the bus, but it was late.  The driver was apologetic, though so it was water under the bridge at that point.  I sent an email to the woman who schedules the field trips for us, letting her know that we had a little problem, but that I was able to solve it.  I thought the "cow" stuff was kind of funny and included that for a chuckle.  The missed trip last week was kind of a sore spot, and I wanted to make sure she knew there were no hard feelings.  It all worked out after all...

By day's end, The Field Trip Masters were irate on my behalf.  The fact that I did not need their ire didn't seem to matter.  They were determined to find the individual responsible for this disaster and identified a genuinely innocent individual as the culprit. (rather than identifying themselves...) The email that was cc'd to me as proof of their efforts on my behalf caused me to gasp and pale visibly.  Three students ran into my office asking after my welfare upon hearing my sudden, whooping intake of horrified air.  I needed to get my breath back quickly in order that I might make the trip down to the first floor to apologize to the poor woman who received that alarming email with all those sentences written entirely in capital letters.

Seriously...that cow part was funny.  It was!  The guy at the transportation office just about busted a gut over it.  Everyone else I used it on laughed, too.  Including the woman who got blamed for the thing she didn't do.  Maybe it just didn't work as well in email form...

There were about a million other things that didn't go as planned, but it was really par for the course by then.  Thankfully, the kids were all tuckered out after their horrific behavior earlier in the week and not really up to torturing me any further.  That or they could tell I was a woman on the edge.  Two of the boys who take later buses home rallied enough to make the dismissal process a nightmare, but I didn't much care.  I was too tired.  Besides, they were leaving and it was Friday and I was 99% sure I wouldn't miss my exit on the way home.

I fled the building before the exhaust of the departing buses cleared.

Today, I did not exit the manse.  I did not see the need.  I preferred to exit from the human race for a day instead.  I probably should have taken out that bag of trash by the door, but I wondered if it might be best to wait a day.  I could still be tainted by the Friday curse.  I patted the cats, I watched TV, I napped and I fiddled around with more of the Classified Yarn-Type Projects.  I also ate a few donuts because I think they have healing properties.  I don't want to hear differently if you think you know better.

I certainly understand if you are starting to doubt me on the whole yarn business. How often can you hear "Oh my yes!  I am most certain wielding the needles and hooks, I just can't prove it is all!" without questioning the assertion?  Here's a little sumpthin'-sumpthin' that might reassure you:

Proof Of Stitchery

It could be argued that this does not really represent anything that might ever be properly called "finished."  Given that I woefully underestimated the amount of yarn I was going to need to pull this off, that argument is a strong one.  But it is still yarn knotted artfully into something vaguely resembling a pattern so I think I'm coming from a position of strength here.  We'll see how it all comes together.

I like to think that missing my exit on Friday means that I will be more vigilant in the future and that I will have time to attend to my middle aged bladder before the teaching day begins.  I also like to think that I have learned a little something about The Field Trip Masters and their collective sense of humor (or lack thereof).  I probably won't bother mentioning missing buses again.  I'll just sit quietly and think about cows.  Mistakes are really just opportunities to learn, after all.

But I'm not ruling out the possibility of another Exit From Humanity Day in the future.  I still have to go back to school on Monday.  I also have to email to check on another scheduled field trip.

My strategy this time is to leave the cows out of it...

SA

WNBP: Responsible Life Choices

If it were not Wednesday, I would not be blogging tonight.  I would be sitting on the sofa, staring into space and trying to figure out how it is humanly possible for me to still be awake.  I would also possibly be setting up a website offering the use of my classroom to parents who would like their offspring to understand the importance of responsible dating behavior.

One day with my students and your kid would immediately scamper off to the nearest nunnery.  At least if it was a day like today...

But it is Wednesday and I get to do the Wednesday Night Bullet Post.  That one is easy.  I am hoping that some diligent blogging will keep me from spending any further time considering that new website.  In the long run, I don't really think it will be such a great idea.  There aren't that many nunneries, after all.

Here's your bullet points for this week!


*I do not wish to tell cute stories about the students today.


*There are no cute stories.


*Well...maybe a couple.  But I can't really focus on those now because the horrific behaviors they exhibited for the rest of the time overshadowed anything even remotely cute.


*The Cheerful Teaching Assistant finally went online to check the current phase of the moon and we are now bracing ourselves for further drama.


*Seems like the responsible thing to do under the circumstances.


*I finished a couple more knitted type thingies.


*Still can't prove it, though.  Super secret gift knitting.  There are security levels involved.


*Most of you are at the appropriate clearance level.


*Some of you are not.


*That is just the way it is, I'm afraid.  The system has to have rules or everything just falls apart.


*I am proud of me for the finishing of things.  I understand if you want to reserve your congratulatory back pats until I can show something more concrete.


*Is there anyone out there who has a suggestion for how to explain to the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty that donuts are bad for him?


*I didn't even remember that I had one donut left in the bag on the counter.


*Until I heard the thud and rustle of a plastic donut bag being dragged to the kitchen floor.


*I rescued the donut.  The cat looked chagrined.


*Chocolate donuts are bad for cats.  I'm pretty sure of this.


*They are also bad for me, but I am a responsible adult and can make choices for myself.


*I think I should eat the donut before he goes for it again.


*Reduce the temptation factor...


*Election day is right around the corner.  I am a registered voter, but not affiliated with either of the two major political parties.


*Hence, I am considered a "wild card," and I get a lot of phone calls.  


*One guy called me twice tonight.  


*I feel very popular right now...


*I vote regularly because that is what good citizens do.  


*I am not certain that answering five million phone calls was in any of the literature I got when I first registered to vote, though...


*I don't really remember if I got any "literature."  I probably didn't.  But I'm certain I studied this kind of thing in high school when they made us all take civics classes.


*Nothing about phone calls.  I'm sure of it.


*I am currently re-reading Lisey's Story: A Novel by Stephen King.


*Not his most smoothly written piece, but I've always loved the way he portrays the "secret" language of long time married couples in this book.  


*Almost poetic, really.  Except for the parts where people die horribly and whatnot.  


*I like those parts, too.  They just aren't quite so much with the poetry, is all...


*I can't read while I am answering phone calls like a responsible voter.


*Or recovering from a day spent with grumpy middle school students.


*Or thinking about donuts.


I am now looking down at the area around my feet and seeing four eyeballs looking back at me.  They are not on my feet, rather they belong to a pair of hungry felines.  I am guessing that the Greek chorus of meowing will soon begin and that signals the start of feeding time.  The fact that the AGK just tried to eat donuts is also something of a sign, I suppose.  Either way, I should be heading off to feed my brood like a responsible mother.  I happen to be the kind who doesn't have "real" children because she has spent enough time teaching other people's kids to know better.

Happy Mid-Week Everyone!

SA

Very Complicated Distractions

It's tragic, really.  Here I am knitting up a storm, in possession of an honest-to-god knitting blog and I can't show any of it!  It's the curse of the gift knitting, I suppose.  But now I'm at a loss.  How do I distract the masses until I can prove that I actually knit things?  Hmmm...

I know!  I'll show the Very Complicated Kitty!  He's always a big hit and it's been a while since I've updated folks on how the newest fur baby is doing.  It's brilliant!!!

On Hero Worship:

The VCK was on his second shelter stay by the time I found him.  He'd managed to find a family a year earlier, but it didn't work out.  It's hard to imagine.  He's a great cat.  I just couldn't fathom it.  But, I think I might know why now.  Of course there were the obvious problems which likely included some urinating hither and yon due to an extreme case of struvite crystals.  More than that, though, I believe that the VCK is not the kind of cat who liked the solitary life.

He yearned for a brother.

He adores the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty.  He has since the moment he laid eyes upon him.  As I write this, the two of them are happily wrestling  and knocking over small pieces of furniture.  It's all good.  Except for the fact that the VCK tends to follow his big brother around and copy whatever he sees.  This can lead to some issues.  Toys are snagged.  Treats are confiscated.

Favorite chairs are commandeered.

It generally all works out, though.  Da Boyz are buddies and they are more than willing to share.  Mostly.

On Health, Hygiene And General Well Being:

When he landed at the manse, the VCK weighed in at a whopping 17 pounds.  That, in case you were wondering, is rather heavy for a siamese.  His tummy barely cleared the floor and swayed gently when he walked.  It was both comical and sad...

However, after a traumatic summer spent transitioning everyone over to a no-carb diet, I am pleased to report that the lad has slimmed down markedly.  He plays, he runs, he frolics and his belly jiggles far less than it used to.

The best news is that he is now able to attend to the cleaning of his...um...well...you know.  His...Perpetual Pucker Point.  You know what I mean.  Don't make me say it.  He couldn't reach his backside for a long time and it was yucky.  Now it is not.

Clean as a whistle from this end!!!!

I imagine this is sort of what it's like when baby is finally out of diapers...


On The Mighty Wind (it's not what you think):

The first time I heard it was at the vet's office.  It was our first visit and I am certain that the VCK wasn't happy about this situation.  We were left alone for great lengths of time due to an emergency in the other exam room and the wait was lengthy.  We were both tense.  At last, the VCK gave me a look of resignation and settled on the table.  He did so with a huge, huffy sigh.

I was utterly charmed.  I thought it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen a cat do.  Sighing?  In a huffy kind of way?  ADORABLE!!!

This was taken after the sigh. But you can probably still sense the mood.

And this would be the VCK resolutely refusing to look at me.  Also indicative of his mood...

After a few months of listening to that sigh, I am less charmed.  In fact, I think he is maybe a little judgmental.  I hear that sigh a lot.  I hear it any time things aren't going quite the way he thinks things should be going.  He speaks volumes with that sigh.  The VCK could take gold in Olympic Sighing.

However, it is far preferable to the times he chooses to tell me about his thoughts.  Siamese are chatty.  They like to orate.  It makes me miss the mighty sigh.


On Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals:

The VCK is still taking his morning happy pills, but doing so with less drama.  In order to ensure that he got all the anti-anxiety medication required to maintain his jolly mood, the vet suggested I make a meatball, mix his crushed pill in it and have him eat that before getting the rest of his food.  The trick was making sure he finished it before his big brother swooped in for a taste.

I had to spoon feed it to him.  I began to wonder where my life took such a wrong turn that this was my lot.

Thankfully, he has decided to eat his Morning Meatball Of Mellow like a normal cat now.  This is good because I was starting to think maybe I should be partaking of his medications.  It was reaching the point where I was probably going to have to quit my job and become a full time nurse to the VCK!  Or at least go in later once the medicating was through.


And In Conclusion:

The Very Complicated Kitty is a job and a half.  He needs prescription food, daily medication to ensure that he remains stress free and he wants to talk about his feelings more than any male should.  But he's healthy, he's happy and even when he steals the good napping spot, is the apple of his big brother's eye.  Everything goes well with the new baby.

We can all rest easy now.

(Betchya even forgot all about the lack of knitting pix!)

SA