Close Enough...

After being so harshly taken to task by my very own Conscience regarding my sad lack of knitting these days, I really did make an effort to finish something this weekend.  Honest.  It is rare for me to get a call from The Mistress Of Feel Bad so I figured I'd better grab myself some needles and a pattern post haste.  

Sadly, I did not finish the project.  But, after years of developing my amazing rationalization skills, I think I can appease the Conscience and walk away with my head held high.  I may not have finished the hat I cast on, but I made many amazing discoveries over this weekend.  Discoveries so earth-shattering that I think my Conscience will be handily distracted.  As long as I keep knitting away on this thing, she won't even know the difference.  Let's take a look at the results of my research and deep thoughts over the past 48 hours, shall we?

Amazing Discovery #1:  When I purchased my very own copy of Bubba Ho-Tep through the inter-webs, I kind of didn't know what I was getting.  I knew it wasn't going to be completely in keeping with my preferred zombie genre, but I figured that it had a mummy in it so that would kind of make it fit.  Mummies are generally pretty dead.  And in the movies they have a tendency to stroll around wreaking havoc on the living which is really rather zombiesque if you think about it.  I didn't believe it would add all that much to my ever-growing library of research films designed to offer me strategies for surviving the coming Zombie Apocalypse, but I did think it might be pretty funny.  At least it sounded like it might be...

It certainly had some pretty darned funny moments.  But it was actually quite sad and made me all reflect-y.  Any movie that has an aging Elvis living out his golden years hiding in a third rate Texas retirement home, bitterly regretting his life choices then attempting redemption through the selfless act of risking his life to fight a threat from beyond the grave is bound to be a little thought provoking.  I'm not being facetious here...it's really quite heart-wrenching at points.  

Further, we get a rare opportunity to see lead actor Bruce Campbell truly acting rather than merely reacting to various B-movie monsters crafted of foam rubber and hopeful engineering.  He's nothing short of brilliant.  I watched it twice.

Amazing Discovery #2:  Absurdly Gi-normous Kitties have a tendency to interfere with the knitting process.  They interfere at a level that is beyond anything a knitter should ever have to face.  They eat the yarn.  They attack the swift.  They stalk the knitting basket.  It is a trial.

Fortunately, I have discovered that AGKs have a few weaknesses.  There are things they fear.  I have now expanded the list to include the following:

*The vacuum cleaner (Who can blame him?  I'm a little scared of it myself.  I just know it will one day try to suck up my hair...)

*Thunder and/or fireworks (This was something of an issue over the summer as I live at the beach and we have fireworks every Thursday through the end of August.  We also had about three million thunderstorms.)

*Soft, Fuzzy Squeaky Ducks

It is the latter which has saved the knitting this weekend.  What trauma occurred in the AGK's past to elicit such terror at the gentle chirps from Soft Fuzzy Squeaky Ducks, I know not.  I only know that it is so.  There mere sight of a Soft, Fuzzy Squeaky Duck is enough to send even the most determined eater of the yarn a-running.

I can't look!  Is it gone?  Tell me it's gone!!!!!

I now keep a Soft, Fuzzy Squeaky Duck in the knitting basket.  It is at the ready should I need to make some squeaky sounds and save the WIP.  

And those of you who are determined to point out the utter ridiculousness that is a woman approaching her mid-forties and carrying around a Soft Fuzzy Squeaky Duck, have at it.  Just be aware that you aren't telling me anything I don't already know... 

Big, Fluffy Kitties, on the other hand, are not frightened of Soft Fuzzy Squeaky Ducks at all.  They don't even seem to notice them.  

Amazing Discovery #3:  This one will knock you for a loop!  Literally I suppose, since there was an actual loop involved.  It appears that I have discovered an Alternate Knitting Universe.  It seems that it is possible to have yarn that is coming from two different places.  One is exactly what you'd expect:  between the stitch you just knit and the one you'd like to knit.  The other is rather mysterious and seems to be related to the large loop of yarn I discovered at the back of my knitting.  I don't know where it came from except that it should have been yarn I'd already knit into the hat.  I don't know where it went.  I only know that it grew larger when I tinked back a row and that it disappeared when I was done with the tinking.  It is Yarn From The Past.  There is no way to predict just when it will appear since the only way to make this time warp happen is to stop paying attention to what you are doing and then you will surely miss the point where you opened the doorway to the past.  But, once you've created this Knitting Time Loop, you will be amazed and mystified by it.  

You might also be a little bit ticked off since it takes some time to examine it, pick at it, question it, try to make it into a stitch then, finally, tink back a row.  This is especially vexing when you are attempting to finish a simple hat so that your whining Conscience will finally shut its big, fat mouth and let you watch TV in peace.  It is entirely possible that you will say some of the words that you mom told you to never, ever say because they will make you sound like a person of very low character.  

I admit nothing...

As you can see, I have certainly had a most productive weekend even if I didn't manage to whip out a simple hat like real knitter might.  The rate of Amazing Discoveries going on around here should make up for any lack of Finished Objects.  I believe that my Conscience will understand why I failed to meet her challenge.

And, if she doesn't then I shall simply eat a black and white cookie and let her get all high and mighty about my rate of calorie consumption.  That's usually good for a distraction...

SA

A Sheepish Response

Dear Conscience,

I am in receipt of your recent missive regarding my apparent lack of knitting and would like to take this opportunity to respond to your concerns.  While I feel that you are certainly very much within your rights to take action when you see me falling off the proverbial wool wagon, I do not believe that you are taking all the facts into consideration.  As you were so organized as to present your observations in list form, I shall do likewise.  

Justification The First:  I am busy.  I have lots of stuff to do.  The TV isn't going to watch itself.  The dishes aren't going to pile up in the sink if I am not taking the time to put them there and promise to rinse them later so they can go in the dishwasher to sit for another week or so.  The nice little couch crater I've crafted for myself over the years is not going to maintain its Sheepie Shape if I don't take a few hours out of each day to rest my backside in it.  If that's not busy, then I don't know just what you are using as a definition...

Justification The Second:  It is not my fault that the readers want kitty pictures.  They are insatiable that way.  It takes a great deal of time to stalk the mighty beasts and take photo after photo of them in their natural habitat.  Then I have to review each one, determine its suitability for blogging and edit out the parts that show how messy the manse is.  I'm not sure you fully understand the hours that must be spent cropping.  And, for that matter, getting a home to this state of disorganization takes quite a bit of time in and of itself...

Justification The Third:  (And you will note that I am not resorting to making you go back and read something I already wrote.  I am taking the time to actually provide you with a third item.  For a Conscience, you certainly are a lazy little thing...)  No one can fully appreciate just how much these felines interfere with the knitting process!  Sure, they look all cute and stuff.  But that's how they getcha!  No one knows the challenges with which I must contend each day.  

They see a Big, Fluffy Kitty lounging on her new cat napper bed and think "Awww...how sweet!"

But they don't know how she sometimes decides that she hates her baby brother and starts growling.  Or how I have to rescue her because he can't seem to get his head around the fact that it is sometimes better to just give up and give a girl some space.  They cannot imagine that she might be highly resistant to having her claws trimmed even though she sometimes gets them caught in the afghan and requires that I, once again, come free her.  This sucks up many minutes that could be spent knitting, you know.

They see an Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty frolicking in his Collapsible Cat Cave and go weak in the knees from all the cuteness.

They never once think that he might be using his non-cave dwelling hours to chase the yarn that I am trying to transfer from swift to ball winder.  Or that he seems to have more issues with swatching than I do and needs to attack the yarn while I make repeated attempts to get gauge.  

As you can see, this is not quite the simplistic situation you made it out to be.  I have issues, here!  However, as you are not exactly the kind of Conscience who can easily be smooshed back into submission once released, I find I have little choice.  I bow to your will.  While I still don't exactly have the right gauge, you will be pleased to know that I have cast on for a hat.  Further, I have knit upon that hat rather diligently today and plan to do the same tomorrow.  In fact, I went so far as to do all the errands this morning so that there will be absolutely no need to venture out of the house for any reason again until Monday morning.  I may need to take the trash out to The Dumpster Where The Zombies Live, but that's about it.  

And the only reason I need to do that is because we had a little issue with the litter box and my apparent inability to transfer soiled litter into the appropriate receptacle instead of onto the floor.  My bad.  Still cat related, though.

I hope that this letter helps you to better understand the circumstances under which I am operating and will allow you to cut me a bit of slack should I fail to complete this project in the time frame given.  As you can plainly see, I am doing everything within my power to make the knitting happen.  I don't think that your hanging over my shoulder and judging my every move is going to help matters.  You can just slink back into my subconscious where you belong and I'll give you a jingle when I've finished up with the hat.  It is, after all, your weekend as well.  You should have some time to rest and relax after all your hard work monitoring my behavior and making me feel badly when I do the stuff I shouldn't do.  I'll just be sitting here knitting like you told me to. 

Sincerely,

Sheepish Annie

Frankly, my Conscience is the only one who seems to think that there is a problem here.  I was pretty happy with the status quo.  But I know that inner voice well and it will not rest until I just do what it wants me to do.  I honestly did cast on for a hat.  And I honestly have knit upon it rather diligently.  Just not quite to the degree that my Conscience seemed to think was required.  It is rather sad when you can lie to your own Conscience...

But how else am I going to find the time to get all those kitty pictures?????

SA

Taken To Task

Dear Sheepie,

I do hope this letter finds you well.  Being as you are one of those happy-go-lucky sorts who doesn't often find herself concerned with petty matters involving guilt or a sense of responsibility, I rarely seem get the opportunity to touch base with you.  However, recent circumstances have forced me to surface and make contact.  As this is something of a rare event, I trust you will take notice.  

I feel it is incumbent upon me to remind you of one or two things.  I shall put them in list form in order that you might take a moment to fully absorb each in turn.  

Item The First:  This is a Fiber Blog.  It is not a Kitty Blog.  It is not an I Hate Going Back To Teaching School And Don't Understand Why Someone Won't Just Pay Me To Stay At Home And Watch Cartoons All Day Blog.  It is not The Future Warriors Of The Zombie Apocalypse Blog.  It is a Fiber Blog.  This is not to say that any of the aforementioned might not have a place here.  They are all quite entertaining topics and you can certainly use them to spice up the joint.  But this is primarily a Fiber Blog.  It is a place where you rhapsodize about the joys of knitting, spinning and other fibery sorts of activities.

Item The Second:  You don't seem to be knitting much these days.  Nor are you spinning.  And before you get on your high horse so you can start pointing out that you have a sock and a stole in progress, let me point out that a row here and a row there does not constitute progress.  Nor is this of any real interest to anyone who might be looking to see something of a knitted nature.  The last thing you finished was The Blog Buster Sweater.  That was delightful.  You done good there, Sheepie.  Pat yourself on the back.  You broke the Blog Sweater Curse.  This was certainly cause for celebration.  It was not, however, cause for retirement.  

Item The Third:  Well...I actually don't have a third item.  Why don't you just take a minute and go back to the first two.  They were pretty good.  I used some downright fancy language.  Some of the words had three syllables.  Go read that part again.

I trust you are starting to see why I might be just a bit concerned.  It is all well and good to say that knitting is your hobby.  We certainly don't want you to feel like your hobby is an obligation.  But there do have to some limits, for heaven's sake!  We have a theme here!  Themes are good.  They give us a little structure.  We know from past experience that a little structure is something that we can use around here.  

To that end, I am asking that you choose a project.  Something simple.  Something that you can crank out in short order.  Perhaps a hat or a pair of those cute little mitts.  Then, I want you to knit it.  I want you to do this over the weekend.  The holidays will be here before you know it and these are the sorts of things you will want to have on hand when that happens.  

Don't try to tell me that you have a full plate before you and that there will simply be no time for such frivolous activities.  You have absolutely nothing going on this weekend.  You might want to swing by the Farmer's Market and you may need to hit the Greenies Store while you are in the neighborhood.  But that is it.  You have nothing else to do.  In fact, I seem to recall that a movie arrived in your mailbox the other day.  A good one.  With zombies in it.  Plus you'll have at least three episodes of downloaded television.  That is, I do believe, the equivalent of a couch magnet.  You will be sitting there for hours.  

You can knit something.  

I'm sorry to have to be so forceful about this.  This is not my way.  I normally just sit in the background and let you believe that you are the very picture of responsible behavior.  I sometimes even chuckle a bit at your humorous attempts at justifying your wayward ways.  But even I have to take a stand sometimes.  I hope that you take this letter in the spirit in which it is intended and use this as a means for improving yourself.  Perhaps it will even make for a pleasant sort of weekend!  Let's take this as a fun challenge, why don't we?  

Best Wishes and Good Luck!

Sincerely,

Your Conscience.

I guess I'm busted.  If you need me, I'll be sitting on the couch knitting something...

SA

Speeding Bullets

A very late night for Sheepie.  Very late, indeed.  With Open House happening at school and the need to do many, many things tonight in order that I might make it out of the manse tomorrow in time to get back to the Learn-A-Matorium for my morning bus duty, I have less time for bloggy sorts of activities.  Let's see if I can't shoot a couple of bullets your way in a speedy fashion and hope that this will tide you over until I can find six seconds to do a proper post.

*I had all of one parent show up tonight to visit with me.  Well...another came to call but her son is no longer in my class and she really just wanted to say howdy.  

*She likes me.

*She should.  I have had her son in my class since he was in fourth grade and I have sheltered him from a great deal of drama throughout those years.  

*I suppose, with all that time on my hands and more blog-friendly filters on the Middle School computers, I could have posted from school instead of twiddling my thumbs for two hours...

*For what it's worth, I did knit on the Happy Sock.  But not too much...

*I'm new at this school and you never know who amongst the administrators is an Anti-Knitter.  Best to play it safe.

*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty was quite pleased when I returned home.  I think he wondered if I had abandoned him.

*He was more thrilled when I broke out the food cans.  I still believe that he loves me for just being me.

*But sometimes I can't help but wonder if it's really my opposable thumbs that attract him.

*He has really come around to the idea of the canned food.  I know this because he almost knocks me over to get at the contents.  

*Going low carb like the vet told me to is more dangerous than I'd anticipated.  

*And he is not losing any weight.  He is continuing to expand at a rate that frightens me.  

*My back makes a clicking sound when I pick him up sometimes.

*The Big Fluffy Kitty likes the canned food, too.  But she is only big because she's fluffy.  

*I can pick her up with one hand.

*I did that not two minutes ago because she and Baby Brother were having "issues."

*When one of My New And Less Than Cheerful Staff left this afternoon, she pleaded with me to tell her that tomorrow was Thursday.

*It is.  This did not make her any more cheerful, though.  

*I miss my Cheerful Teaching Assistant from last year.  I got to see her at the training yesterday and we are in agreement that this Forced Divorce stinks to high heaven.

*Her new job at the high school is not exactly what she thought she was getting...

*Ms. Sheep would very much like to rescue her and bring her back where she belongs.

*The Former Cheerful Teaching Assistant is still knitting and was all excited when she saw my felted bag.  

*I'm going to work on getting her back.  She is Cheerful.  I miss having a Cheerful Teaching Assistant Who Gets The Whole Knitting Thing.

And now the computer is frantically telling me that updates are available.  If I don't go deal with that little bouncing icon in the dock it is going to drive me utterly mad.  And I sort of don't have time for going utterly mad tonight.  I still have to get the coffee maker programmed for tomorrow, figure out what I'm going to wear and rinse out my thermos.

Oh...and work on my underhanded and nefarious plans for sneaking The Cheerful Teaching Assistant back to my classroom.

SA

She (eep) Who Hesitates....

I was chatting with some of my students today about the value of mistakes.  This conversation happened during the thirty seconds that they opted to exhibit something remotely resembling appropriate behavior and, as such, was rather brief.  But it was me at my philosophical finest, let me tellya!  A regular guru...that's me!

We also talked about how we can sometimes learn from the mistakes of others if we just pay attention to what's going on around us for 6/10ths of a second.  That little pearl of wisdom didn't exactly "take."  At least I don't think it did.  The fact that they all seemed rather intent upon doing the exact same horrible things would seem to indicate this being the case...

However, I am nothing if not an eternal optimist.  In that spirit, I shall now share with you a mistake of mine from today.  It was a little one.  But it had consequences.  Grave consequences.  Listen carefully.  This will one day save your life.

OK.  Maybe not your actual life.  But it will make you a happier person in the long run and will let you get home at a reasonable hour to use the bathroom in the event that you had no prep. period because of a fire drill, had to spend your twenty minute lunch on the phone with a parent and found every other free minute needed to be spent dealing with your "high spirited" students.

What I learned today was this:

If you are ever asked by One Of The Many Bosses Of You if you have attended the mandatory Sexual Harassment Of Asbestos And Blood Borne Pathogens While Handling Dangerous Chemicals (or something like that...) presentation during your five years of teaching in the school district, do not hesitate before answering.  Do not find yourself questioning if you have completed this required session.  Do not think about it.  Do not remember that you were hired after the start of school and that you probably didn't have the privilege.  Do not wonder if honesty is the best policy.  

I repeat:  Do Not Hesitate.  Just say that you did it.  Everyone already thinks that you did.  If you hesitate, you are busted.  You will have to fly out of school without using the bathroom, taking any painkillers to quell that horrible headache that has settled into your noggin or being able to put together the plans for tomorrow.  You will be spending your afternoon at the high school with the new staff watching videos and discussing blood 'n vomit.

In short, you are doomed.  And it all goes back to that nanosecond where you hesitated.  

I hope that I have helped someone out there today.  I need to believe that my grievous error in judgement will serve as a lesson to those who come after me.  This will give some meaning to the forty-five minutes of my life that are now forever lost and the visions seared upon my brain of poorly staged vignettes acted out by underpaid thespians in order that I might better understand what sexual harassment looks like.

I didn't even dare to knit during the presentation.  I had the sock right there in my bag.  But the afternoon's festivities were presided over by the superintendent and his second-in-command.  I'd scored a couple of brownie points by being an honest sort of Sheepie and sitting through this.  I didn't quite dare to risk that by breaking out the hobby-type behaviors.  

To add insult to injury, I'll be even later getting home tomorrow.  Each year, we fling open the doors to the school and invite all parents to come in for Open House.  We meet.  We greet.  We share.  We laugh.  We hope that we can make parents feel more comfortable with the school program and put faces to the names on the staff roster.  It is a good thing.  A very good thing, indeed.  

But it makes for a late dinner, especially when you live some distance from the school and these things often don't wrap up until 7:00 or later.  Thankfully, tomorrow is the night of the Wednesday Night Bullet Post and I don't really have to think much in order to get that one done.  I'll certainly be able to drop a note, but it might be later than usual.

I also don't get much in the way of parent participation given that I have a smallish caseload and already know most of the families pretty well by this point.  I might even be able to break out that sock during the lull...

And if anyone asks about the asbestos, I'll have answers at the ready!

SA

Stuck In The Middle

Way back in the distant past, in a year called 2000, I completed Graduate School.  It was a high point for me.  And I made myself a little promise upon receiving that very expensive piece of paper.  I said to myself, "Sheepie...you are done teaching Middle School!"

I'd been teaching at the middle level for a very long time and felt that the whole thing had been done to death.  I was ready for a change.  Something new.  Something different.  I like to switch things up every now and again.  I was done with Middle School!

So you can imagine my joy at being told I was going to be transferred to The Bad Job At The Middle School That No One Else Wants And Which We Desperately Need You To Take Over And Fix Because We Have Screwed It Up Beyond All Belief.  

You probably heard my cries.  You might have mistaken them for happiness.  I was faking it.

Middle School is a tricky time for kids and even more tricky for those who have to educate them.  The scheduling is weird because there is no other way to cover all the things that need doing.  The curriculum is intense.  There are lots of duties because Middle School kids are really quite adept at finding new and interesting ways of wreaking havoc.  You sort of need to be one step ahead of them if there is any hope of the building remaining standing.  And then there are the dances...they expect you to chaperone them.  For free.  Gah!

Ironically, I happen to be rather good at teaching Middle School kids.  I sort of "get" them.  Witness this conversation from the second day of school which begins with my expression of displeasure over a student's choice of behavior:

Ms. Sheep:  Dude...seriously?  

Student Who Has Never Met Me Before This Year:  Excuse me...did she just say, "Dude?"

Student Who Has Had Me As His Teacher Since Fourth Grade And Is No Longer Surprised When He Sees Me At His New School Because He Thinks I Am Stalking Him:  Yeah...she's cool like that.

And it never takes long for administrators to catch on to the fact that I might be their Middle School Savior.  So I'm back to teaching Middle School.  Again.  The good news is that Middle School teachers are pretty serious about their contracts so I am finally getting a lunch break where I can do a little knitting and relax without the presence of bickering children.  This is the first time in five years I've been able to do that.  I may even get that sock done...

That might make the whole transfer worth it.  Maybe.  It certainly is nice to have an actual lunch break, I must admit.  But, to be frank, I think the best strategy in this sort of situation is simply keeping my sense of humor.  Seeing the potential for the funny in life is really what has kept me from donning a tinfoil hat and wearing mismatched slippers up to this point.  

Here's a picture that will help me in that endeavor, I think.  It requires a little set up, though.  You need to know that it is not one of those shots that you "just happen to catch."  I had ample time to come into the living room, burst out laughing, recover, get the camera, focus, laugh again, and then have to start all over.  That is a very long time for this sort of pose to be held.  

And that is why it is so funny.

SA

De-Bugging

Stupid bugs.  I hate 'em.  Hate 'em like poison, I tells ya!

I'm not talking about real bugs.  Although I do actually hate real bugs quite a bit.  Lots, actually.

  We did have a hornet find his buzzy little way into the manse today, truth be told.  And it was quite the adventure trying to dispatch the interloper while convincing The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty that this was not something requiring his assistance.  My position was that I did not think he would enjoy being stung.  His was that, as the man of the house, it was his job to take care of the bugs.

He is a very, very big boy.  Bigger even than when I first lugged him into the house that first day thinking that this was a pretty big cat.  Convincing him to stand clear is not nearly as easy as you might think.  

But that has nothing to do with the bugs I was trying to eradicate today although it did provide something of a diversion.  No.  I was really trying to work the bugs out of the morning schedule.  Last week being the first week of school, I was thrust back into the routine of a working girl once again and it did not go well.  Not well at all.

In spite of several "dry runs," I found myself frantically rushing out the door each morning hoping that traffic might consider working with me so that I might make it into school in something resembling a timely fashion.  Deep down, I suspect that this is all related to the fact that I really wasn't ready to go back to school and that I have grave doubts about this year being one that I will someday refer to as A Year Of Rousing Educational Success.  

But that doesn't change the fact that I need to get to my job.  Apparently, some great mind came up with the idea that only the people who actually do the work get to collect a paycheck.  I'm not sure if I wholly agree with that concept but what are you gonna do?  

So, today has been spent trying to take care of all those things that seemed to get in the way last week.  Instead of having to do a last minute outfit change, I've checked the weather forecast to make sure that I have appropriate clothing for the temperatures.  Rather than race back and forth between the bathroom mirror and the toaster oven, I've arranged things so that I can take care of one task at a time in a more efficient manner.  Morning items have been relocated for easier access and in places where I will see them.  That should help with the whole "running back into the house to get all the stuff I forgot" issues.

We can only hope I've managed to cover one or two bases.  I'm certain that something has escaped my attention, but it has to be better than last week's train wreck!  I blame middle age, if you want the truth.  Back in the day, all I had to do was stumble out of bed and shower.  I was good to go.  Getting ready these days takes a great deal of time and better lighting.  

Frankly, if they are going to expect me to actually show up in order to get the paycheck then the least they could do is use more flattering lighting in the school.  Maybe something with a rose undertone to give my complexion that nice, healthy glow...

It wasn't all planning and scheduling, though.  By 1:00 I was ready for a little nap and saw no reason to not reward myself for all my hard work.  Once I'd awakened from that side trip into slumber, I spent a little time with some downloaded television and The One Row Wonder.  

It really is getting bigger.  Honest.  I would not lie to you about that.  I'd lie about other stuff.  But not that.

The Vertical Scallop pattern is a handy one for the limping crocheter.  It is really quite mindless as you do the same thing over and over.  It looks pretty good in many different yarn weights and has the lovely quality of looking pretty good both right side up and sideways.  Hence, this will work as a stole when it is done and I only had to chain the foundation row for the short side rather than chain eight million across the entire length in order to make the pattern sit right when worn.  

It's a win-win.  

Now let's just hope that my morning routine works as well when set sideways.  It had better work because I am now far too tired to chase down and squish any more potential bugs.  If I can't seem to get out of my own way tomorrow, then I am at a loss.  I'll probably have to just quit my job and try to find work as a professional organizer or something.  And I don't think that is going to go well for me.  Present circumstances seem to indicate that it will not be a rousing success.

Maybe I could be an exterminator...

SA

It's That Time Again...

Calm down.  You weren't supposed to remember some Very Important Date In Sheepie History or anything.  I just like to think of my life as a series of memorable moments and that those things I do on a regular basis rank right up there with Christmas and Arbor Day.  

My world is small and I live smack in its epicenter...

Any-hoo...every September right around this time, Mommy Sheep and I head over to The United Maine Craftsmen Show in order that we might gaze upon the locally produced beauty and spend vast sums of money on the types of things you just can't find at the mall.  We also partake of a lovely lunch made by people that aren't us.  I don't eat out very often so it is a nice little treat.  And, this year, we made the occasion even more monumental by bringing Future SIL Sheep along for some girly-type bonding, shopping and noshing.  

Future SIL is also willing to chauffeur certain Sheep who prefer to ride rather that drive.  We love her for many reasons other than this and consider the transportation more of a bonus than anything else.  She also has a birthday coming up (Monday, I do believe).  Do feel free to go share birthday wishes should you be so inclined.

Braving the rains and talk of hurricane-type weather, we met up at the show bright and early.  The crowds were minimal given our timely arrival and the drizzly conditions.  This meant the perusing and browsing was ever so much easier than in years past or, as I said to FSIL, "This is great...usually by now I'm ready to commit three kinds of homicide!"

I don't think that the event is quite as well attended by the vendors as it has been in other years, although that might be more my own perception after visiting so many times.  However, I was still able to score one or two little whatnots and doo-dads for myself.  There was some holiday shopping done as well and we shan't include photos of those items.  The rest of the stuff is all fair game, though!  

When I posted about this event last year, I talked about my thoughts regarding the pricing of handmade items and my new mindset on that matter.  Having spent more time creating my own "works of art" in recent years, I've come to appreciate the investment of both time and resources in these sorts of things and am much more willing to pay the artist for both.  Hence, I will gladly share with you what I paid for my treasures.  Sometimes it is just better to shell out the cash to someone else to make the beauty happen.  I'm never in this lifetime going to get around to actually making these things myself.  I accept that.

First up, a little something for the kitties what got left behind today.  After dealing with the first week of school like little troupers (and not killing each other while I was gone) I thought that rewards were more than in order.  For this, I searched until my inner inklings told me I was close to a fellow Crazy Cat Lady.  I know when they are in my sphere.  I just know.  And I found a good one!  She has 27 cats.  

(Let me repeat that...27 cats)

As part of a rescue service she provides for feral cats, this lovely lady created Maine-ly Cats.  She uses the proceeds from the sales to help support the animals in her care, but I'd probably buy these sorts of things anyway.  Purchasing from a Crazy Cat Lady is just kind of a bonus...

I don't have individual prices, but I picked up three things at that booth for a total of $22.00.  Perhaps more than I'd have liked to shell out, but I consider the chance to chat with someone who has 27 cats to be worth the money.  

(Disclaimer:  The CCL in question is a freelancer who works with, but not for, local animal welfare agencies.  Hence, I cannot fully vouch for her animal rescue efforts.  But she really did seem like a good sort of person...)

She sells catnip toys:

Which are very hard to photograph because they are in use much of the time

Some are even sports themed!

Best of all, though, she sells these amazing Cat Nappers!  They have a nice little pocket where you can put some catnip and she even includes some very handy little handmade teabags filled with the organic nip so you can make kitty happy right away.

Ballerina Kitties...The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty is very much in touch with his feminine side.  It's OK.  

Next up, a little something for  The Kitty Mommy!  I discovered Botanical Soaps Of Maine last Christmas when I was gifted with some of their product by FSIL.  I've been meaning to order from them ever since, but now I don't need to.  And their products were mix 'n match, three for ten dollars!  A bargain, I tellya!

I'd have paid that just for the Foot Creme...

There was one little booth sort of tucked off to the side that seemed to be attracting a great deal of attention.  I normally avoid those since I have little in the way of spatial awareness and could easily knock down huge displays while trying to avoid being stepped on by eager shoppers.  But I gave it a shot.  And there I discovered that I am putty in the hands of handsome, engaging young craftsman who will laugh at my jokes.  I pretty much lose all sense of perspective in these kinds of situations.  I think it's really all about them laughing at my jokes if you want the truth...

I dropped more money at Dust Of The Earth Pottery (no website) than anywhere else, I fear.

Grater: $12.00, Batter Bowl (whisk included): $25.00, Sponge Holder: $10.00

The grater was an afterthought.  I had to have the guy re-total everything.  But that is his own fault for having one out for demonstration purposes as far as I'm concerned.  I also had to promise that I would start grating my own fresh ginger immediately.  I don't really ever use ginger, fresh, grated or otherwise.  But I am easily influenced by demonstrations...

For those of you who wander over here ever hopeful that there will, one day, be actual knitting content again, I've saved the best for last!  In one little corner booth, I stumbled upon a fellow spinner!  This was none other than the home of Hilltop Handspun!  The vendor was a lovely woman and was selling some of her own handspun along with a few of her knitting kits and other knitterly sorts of things.  We spoke briefly and she then let me browse a bit.  As I was thumbing through one of the books she had on display, she very quietly and almost shyly said, "I have a pattern in that book..."  

Well, what else could I do?  She seemed to feel that it was important that I know the book was of an older vintage, but that means little to me.  Were I to be the one published in a knitting book, I'd probably have that fact carved on my tombstone, for crying out loud!  Besides, some books are timeless and this be one of them.

The yarn just jumped into the bag with it.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

This is some of her hand dyed, commercial yarn rather than handspun, but I love it anyway.  Alpaca speaks to me sometimes.  Especially when it is pink.  The book was $12.00 (less than the cover price) and the yarn came to $25.00.

All in all, a very lovely day spent in equally lovely company.  I was home in plenty of time to squeeze in the afternoon nap and admire my new purchases.  The kitties forgave my having left them behind and are now sleeping off their respective catnip capers.  The skies are dark and the rains have begun to fall in earnest so I guess I am in for the evening.

If I top the whole thing off with a nice, big bowl of ice cream, I do believe I will have achieved perfection!

SA

First Impressions

As many of you have gleaned at this point, I have been transferred to a new school this year.  And if you didn't glean it, I'm going to assume that you've just been really busy.  Probably something really fantastic happened like you won the lottery or you woke up one day with a clear picture in your head regarding a permanent cure for crow's feet.  All that rolling around in found wealth and being hugged in lingering and slightly uncomfortable ways by middle aged women everywhere would certainly take up much of your time, after all.

I may have mentioned the whole "transferred to the bad job at the middle school because they needed someone with my alleged skill set to clean up a mess of epic proportions and maybe someone in the transfer department hates me a little bit" thing once or twice...

It's not such a big deal, really.  I move around a lot, job-wise.  I rather like having a fresh start on a regular basis.  And, when you take the really bad job at the middle school, everyone feels very sorry for you for at least the first three months.  You pretty much have a blank check to do whatever you want.  People will be nice to you.  They have to.

Still...it's not a bad idea to try to make a good first impression.  And people are awfully busy right now.  They could probably use a nice first impression to keep their spirits up.  Yup.  I was going to come in today with the best impression I could muster given that I have to get up at 5:00 in the morning if I'm going to come in with any sort of impression at all.  I also had my first round of bus duty this morning so it was a good time to show the new colleagues that I am a dependable and hard-working sort of impression maker.

I made it out the door in record time this morning and that should have been a hint.  No good can ever come from being on schedule that early in the day.  There is nowhere to go but downhill.  Here are a few of the things that may have had something of an impact on my impressioning:

*I arrived at school and, before I could even exit my vehicle, I set off the panic alarm.  That stupid button on the key fob is so danged sensitive!

*Had I realized that it was my car honking and flashing its lights as a warning to all and sundry that The Big, Bad Sheepie had arrived, it might not have been so bad.  But I didn't and I missed the opportunity to shut it off before too many people figured out it was me.  I thought it was the lady next to me.  I may have even looked at her with an appropriately sympathetic face because I didn't want her to feel so embarrassed by this horribly public expression of key fob mishandling.  Hence, the alarm went off for longer than one would like in this sort of situation.  Long enough, in fact, to attract the attention of half the assembled staff and the occupants of the three arriving school buses.

*I slunk into the building and quickly made my way to the classroom.  If I rushed, I could be at my appointed post for bus duty with time to spare.  My classroom was locked.  I would like to state clearly and for the record, that I have been asking for keys for two and a half weeks now.  It took some time to find someone who had a key to let me into the room and I was still unable to get into my office.  Nor was I able to open one of the three classrooms in my happy little suite of rooms.  The students were on their way, I had no office and was missing a third of the space in which I normally teach.

*I was late to bus duty.  And yes, that would be the duty that is also manned by the assistant principal.  Because what you really want on your first day of duty is to be late in front of one of the bosses...

*I spent two hours trying to get someone to share the keys with me.  Students had arrived.  Many had no schedules as they'd left them at home.  I have copies...but they were locked in my office.  By the time I was finally starting to make some headway on the key thing, I was not in the best of moods and it is entirely possible that I was less than pleasant with several people.  I should have gotten my stupid keys, though.  I don't feel all that badly about it.  

*Both the school safety officer (who is, I think, the same cop who mans one of the local speed traps) and the aforementioned assistant principal were further impressed by my management skills when a student of mine was found in possession of a questionable (but later deemed harmless) substance.  

*As the day wore on and the temperature climbed higher and higher, my hair decided to make an impression of its own.  And it was nothing if not memorable.  I no longer cared at that point, though.  I figured it might distract people...

*My new office used to belong to the assistant principal.  Hence, the principal keeps calling me on that extension because he can't remember that it is now my office and not his partner in school administration's.  Thankfully, he has a pretty good sense of humor because, otherwise, I'm not sure how he would have taken my saying to him, "That's OK.  I'm trapped in here all day.  I just like having someone else to talk to..."

*The nighttime custodian who came by to clean while I was enjoying a nice visit from Last Year's Cheerful Teaching Assistant (who I miss dreadfully and who needs to come back to my classroom before I do something really horrible and start making an even worse impression) was probably not looking for a lengthy speech from me regarding the situation with the keys and the fact that I still don't have all the ones that I need.  She probably had other places to be given that the custodial staff has been cut by a third.  It also may not have been such a good idea to tell her that I'd like to borrow some tools to remove a door knob so that I could just solve the problem entirely.

Yeah...I may have missed the mark on a few of my impressions today.  Once you blast your car alarm for a full minute, travel from pillar to post begging for keys for two hours and proudly display hair that has twisted itself into a sodden, but yet surprisingly lofty, mass you are pretty much hard to miss.  I guess I will need to either lie low tomorrow or redouble my efforts at making a good first impression.  

I'm leaning towards the low lying.  It seems like less work and I think people always appreciate the chance to recover from a horrible shock...

It's good to be home.  Home is the place were you always make a good impression because everyone already knows everyone else and is willing to forgive one or two little quirks.  

Like not having a solid understanding of what one's "good side" might be.

Or how some like to lay on the manual that comes with the rice steamer, thus preventing the steaming of the rice and forcing the resident chef to make something else for dinner.

We are family and we don't care if we sometimes aren't looking our best or if it's a grumpy, no-keys kind of day.  We accept.

No knitting today, I fear.  It is hot and I need to spend some time tonight putting my new (but not entirely useful) set of keys on the key ring.  I also need to wrestle my overly humidified hair back into submission.  

It is making something of a scary impression, even on those of us who are more accepting of one another.

SA

WNBP: We Are Grateful For The Random

I think it's kind of a happy coincidence when the first day of school falls on the day of the Wednesday Night Bullet Post.  I'm all tired from being with the kiddies and trying to get them to where they need to be in something remotely resembling a timely fashion.  Adding to the energy-sucking quality of the day was the fact that it was quite sweltering in my new suite of classrooms.  I think that the random, mindlessness of a bullet post is just the thing tonight!  Let's take a look:

*Did I mention that it was hot today?  I'm on the third floor...

*It was so hot that I forgot that I have an air conditioner in my office.  I regret that lapse in memory.  Deeply.

*For all that, as opening days go this one really wasn't too bad.  The student numbers were lower than anticipated and they were too hot to misbehave all that badly.

*It was also an early dismissal day to let the buses figure out the schedules.  That helped...

*I practiced the morning routine several times last week.  I worked out all the bugs and did several dry runs just to make sure that I'd be ready to go this morning.

*I even set the alarm sound for "seagulls" since that one is the most obnoxious.  I'll get up just to make the screeching stop.

*It did not go well this morning.  I couldn't get out of my own way.  Neither could the cats.  I like to think they were trying to be "helpful."

*I was almost late.  I wasn't.  But I wasn't exactly as coiffed as I might have liked for my first impression in the new classroom.

*I seem to have developed an odd compulsion for string cheese over the last couple of months.  Has this ever happened to anyone else?  And why string cheese?  I've never desired my dairy in peel-able form before...

*I brought the sock with me today but did not knit upon it.  I was really busy and didn't dare to bring it with me to the staff meeting after school.  I'm new to this building and don't really know all the rules of conduct yet.

*The woman sitting directly across from me was knitting.  

*Duly noted.  Knitting in meetings=acceptable.  

*I was hot and tired at the end of the day and decided that I was going to skip today's workout.

*On the drive home, I decided that my pants were uncomfortably tight and that working out might be the best choice.  

*But I didn't want to work out...

*I tried to tell myself that I was really just puffy from the heat.  But that didn't make any sense whatsoever.  As much as I wanted it to.

*I did the workout.

*It was the right thing to do.  I just hated it, is all...

*They say that money can't buy happiness.  And I suppose there's some truth to that.  But, I might argue that one dollar (plus tax) is really rather close to the amount you can shell out for a little joy.

*For example, the Collapsible Cat Cave was one dollar (plus tax) and I seem to see quite a bit of happiness coming out of its nylon depths.

Of course, I could be wrong.  I often am...

But, I don't think so.  I think I might be very much right on this one.

SA

Shopping

I really like shopping.  I'm pretty good at it, too.  This probably accounts for the slight discrepancy between what I thought I had in the checking account to pay the bills this month and what is actually in the checking account to pay the bills this month, now that I think of it...

Anyway, shopping is good.  It makes me happy.  I do not, however, like workshopping.  By this, I do not mean shopping for work stuff.  That's not so bad.  You get to buy a new thermos and shoes.   No, I am referring to Teacher Workshop Day.  It's the day where all the teachers get to sit and listen to endless rounds of presentations and are expected to process more information than any living human being can really absorb in the amount of time given.  

Today we had workshops on the test scores earned by the students last year.  We had workshops on record keeping and privacy rights.  We had workshops on scheduling.  We had workshops on food allergies.  We had workshops on where to post the fire drill information.   We had workshops on assessment, staff development opportunities and how the Teacher's Union is working to protect our rights under the contract.  

And, in a final ironic twist, we had a workshop on incorporating reading and writing across the curriculum where we were chastised because the committee's classroom observations last year showed that we tend to talk too much when presenting information...

My picture was taken for the school bulletin board, my staff laptop was issued and I was assigned a code which will allow me to activate the photocopiers.  (I get 5000 copies before it runs out...pretty sweet!)  I was gifted with a school t-shirt and someone is thinking about getting me a key to my classroom sometime before the holiday break in December.  The administrators provided me with takeout pizza for lunch as a Welcome Back To School prize, but I opted out of that one.  The staff meeting ran a bit long and I couldn't help but think about how much bacteria was congealing on the boxed offerings while we sat helplessly in the cafeteria enmeshed in a raging debate over whether or not it would be best for the 7th graders to meet in the cafeteria instead of the 8th graders tomorrow morning.  

I ate my string cheese and felt all the better for it.  Except that, by 3:00, I had a headache of raging proportions.  That may also have been due to the fact that the servers were down and I was left with no way to email the Special Ed. director to tell her that there has been a mistake on my caseload.  It's the same mistake that I warned her to watch out for last spring because it would be a disaster if this kid ended up on my caseload.  She swore to me that this would not happen.  I believe that she swore this to me twice.  She looked super sincere while she was doing the swearing and I had no reason to believe that she was a fakey-fake swearer. 

But she is...

Frankly, I think that I've put in enough time this week towards the whole teaching thing.  I believe I should take the rest of the week off.  I'll try again on Monday after I've rested up from all the "shopping."

There was a moment of despair early in the day.  It was the moment where I realized that it was going to be a long day of sitting and listening to Very Important Information That I Must Not Ever Forget Lest I End a School Day With A Kid In Anaphylactic Shock And No Idea How To Assess His Reading Progress Before The Ambulance Arrives.  I failed to see how I was going to make it through 8 hours of this.  In desperation, I peeked into my purse.  Perhaps I'd left a nice hard candy in there or some Cyanide...

It was better.  Way down deep in the depths of my Absurdly Gi-normous purse, nestled in amongst the candy wrappers that I hide in there and promise I'll throw away later I found that most blessed of things:  A sock in progress.  It seems that I never took out the one that I brought with me that time I was waiting to get the new tires put on the car.

I still can't remember what tests I'm supposed to have given by the end of the month.  And I'm only half certain of where the epi-pens are kept for the kids with food allergies.  But a nice sock makes it rather bearable.  

Tomorrow, we start with the kids.  It promises to be a chaotic sort of day and one where there will be any number of scheduling errors.  The sock is coming with me.  I probably won't have time to knit on it...

But I like knowing it's there.

SA

Time

The clock has run down.  Summer is, for me at least, over and done.  You may have heard a subtle whimpering throughout the day.  Sorry if that was distracting.  I tried to keep it to myself.  But sometimes the Wistfuls just slip through...

The last day of summer vacation for some means a day to relax and enjoy those final few moments of rest.  For those of us who happened to spend the past couple of months saying things like, "Oh, there's plenty of time...let's practice napping!" it means trying to find the various surfaces in the house and remembering where we put our commuter coffee mug.  It requires that a list be made.  It also requires that one take a somewhat forgiving attitude as it can be quite easy to slip into despair over the lack of productivity over the vacation months.

Thankfully, I started last night.  Various things were baked ahead of time so that breakfasts and lunches will be ready to go this week.  The coffee maker was cleaned so that it can be programmed to produce an acceptable brew tomorrow.  

Today was all about restocking the cat food supply and tidying the condo so that I don't have to come home to sad chaos after tomorrow's workshops.  The kitchen counters were cleared of accumulated debris and the bathroom floor was mopped.  The carpets were vacuumed down to their actual, original fiber and I was rather shocked to see that they are really blue!  I thought they were the same colors as the cats...

I also finally remembered to put the stickers on the car that indicate to law enforcement that I have dutifully paid my registration fees and excise taxes this year.  It wouldn't do to be late to school on the first day because I was chatting with the nice officer about how important it is to keep up with these sorts of things.  

But, fear not!  I did, in fact, find the time to sit and crochet on the One Row Wonder while catching up on a couple of downloaded episodes of Blood Ties.  There may or may not have also been a short nap, but I won't speak any more of that.  Napping time is over for me, you know.  I really should be working on not napping instead of continuing to practice daytime sofa snoozing...

So that's it then.  The dinner hour is past and we are approaching the prime time television hour.  There is nothing left to do but double check that the alarm is set, lay out an appropriate outfit for Teacher Workshop Day and accept the fact that I cannot watch any programs that air after 10:00.  We are back to reality and the responsibility that comes from earning a regular paycheck.

::sigh::

SA

A Season In A Day

Remember back when this used to be a knitting/fiber blog?  Those were fun days, weren't they?  There was all sorts of yarny fun going on.  Projects flowed from the needles like water in a flooded creek bed and I do think that the blogging world spent more time marveling over my amazing feats of stitchery than was really healthy for them.

Good times...

Or maybe that's just how I remember it.  At any rate, times have changed.  I don't think it's permanent or anything like that.  It's just that I suddenly find myself in a bit of a time crunch here.  To say that I did not budget my time well this summer would be an understatement.  I now have, for all intents and purposes, one day to finish up any number of household tasks and ready myself for the return to the working world on Tuesday morning.  

It's not looking good...

Today I ventured north (sort of...and not all that far really) to participate in the final cook-out of the summer season with Mommy and Daddy Sheep.  I used some of those last few precious gasps of summer to bake up some challa for the feast, but it was worth it.  I found it to be the perfect accompaniment to the rest of the meal and a good time was had by all.  Granted, time was lost in this endeavor, but it is tradition and time spent observing traditions is never wasted.  

Plus, I got leftovers...

Now I am back at home, stuffed to the gills with steak 'n cake.  And the list of stuff I still have left to do sits beside me.  It's mocking me.  

There's stuff on there like mopping the bathroom floor and that's not something that I can really put off for another minute.  I honestly think we've reached the point where I'm losing square footage to the dust bunnies in there.  And it's not a particularly large space to begin with.

I must put together something vaguely lunch-like and repeat this two times more if I am to have a midday meal while adjusting to the teaching life again.  I need to find enough "grown up" outfits to get me through an abbreviated work week.  

I also need to make sure that they fit what with all the steak 'n cake consumption going on around here...

I must organize the breakfast foods, double-check that the alarm clock is set for 5:00 (there's a mistake you don't make twice...) and clean the coffee maker.  The trash really should go out and if I don't vacuum the carpets before this long weekend is over then there is just no hope for it ever getting done.  

It also occurs to me that I need to put gas in the car.  I'm a commuter again.  Commuters require the fossil fuels in greater amounts than ladies of summery leisure.  That's just a fact.

On top of all this mayhem, I need to ensure that certain kitties are entertained enough to stay out from under foot.  I have also been feeling no small amount of guilt over the fact that it is time to leave the new baby at home alone with his big sister all day.  New toys are the best way to not only distract playful felines, but ease the guilt pangs that come with being a working Mom.

As a single mother, I must also watch that budget, though.  Which is why I do so love the Dollar Store!  They understand that I need to shower the kitties with gifts and endeavor to give me ample choices with which to do so.  Anyone who ever doubted that I rock the Dollar Store like no one else you know, please take note.  This is a good 'un!

I give you...The Collapsible Cat Cave!!!

The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty investigated it thoroughly once it was taken out of its collapsible state.

He checked it out from all angles.

The final verdict?  He love, love loves it!!!!!

Hours of entertainment, all for a buck.  You can't beat it, friends!  It's not quite as good as being on vacation or having your Mommy at home all the time.  But it's pretty darned cool.

And the best part?  It keeps the AGK busy.  This is good for Mommies who need to believe that they will finish the list of stuff they need to get done in a day, but better for Big, Fluffy Kitties.  BFKs are not quite as enamoured with Collapsible Cat Caves as AGKs are.  

But they greatly appreciate the peace these things afford.  It's been a while since this level of Carpet Napping has been seen.

And now I must be off.  The oven timer is telling me that the boneless chicken breasts I'm cooking ahead for dinners and salads this week are done and the first round of cleansing vinegar and water has run through the coffee maker.  We are still fully under the impression that we will get all this stuff finished before Tuesday morning.

We are delusional.  We are OK with that...

SA