WNBP: Chilly Feets With Notes Of Lemon

It is Wednesday and, once again, it feels like Thursday.  Except today it is a true feeling and not that fakey-fake Thursday Feeling that always hurts so bad once I realize that I'm not as close to the weekend as I thought.  Still gonna knock out a Wednesday Night Bullet Post, though.  You can't go too far with the Thursday Feeling or it loses something.  Here's this week's random tidbits:


*It was cold and rainy today.


*Very cold.


*My classroom was virtually deserted.


*Too cold for kids to venture out, I guess.


*Lots of dead time in a day that should have been hoppin'!


*I wore sandals today because it is May and that is what one does with one's feet in May.


*I was so cold I could do little but complain about how cold my toes were all day.


*Extra time+cold feet=desire to knit socks.


*Yeah.  That's right.  I knit.  


*If you need to get the smelling salts, I'll wait for a minute.


*I put in for a personal day this morning so I could take Friday off.


*Doctor's appointment.


*And a birthday check waiting to be spent frivolously.


*Day was approved within an hour.


*Hence, today is my Thursday.


*Complete with the appropriate Thursday Feeling.


*Had lots of time to plan for my absence today.


*And catch up on paperwork.


*Until I got bored with all that nonsense and sat down to knit with Spunky Girl and the Cheerful Teaching Assistant.


*Figured out a solution to the coffee maker problem.


*It has a fail safe that keeps the machine from running if the cover isn't shut tightly.


*Cover won't latch.


*2.5 pound weight on the lid keeps latch in place.


*Coffee comes out in a blessed brown stream of caffeinated goodness.


*Most everything is rigged up around here these days.


*I'm the master of the "quick fix."


*Now the coffee maker fits in nicely with the classy decorating scheme.


*Should probably put a few strips of duct tape on it just for good measure...


*Thanks for all the suggestions re: the coffee maker


*I am not getting a french press, though.


*Do you realize you are suggesting that I put the kettle on and then GO TO WORK????


*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty will see it and think how cool it would be to write messages in lemon juice and then make the magic words appear over the burner.


*Except he'll get distracted and drop the paper to go watch birds and then the whole manse will go up in flames!


*All because someone thought I should get a fancy french press.


*And maybe because it's not only the AGK who has problems staying focused...


*Automatic Shut Off Feature is my friend.


*Otherwise I spend hours and hours not teaching children while I think about the flames licking away at my cupboards.


*OTOH, a french press might be nice on the weekends...


*Maybe with my mad money?


*A nice cup of hot coffee would be good tonight what with the chill in the air.  


*I'll just have to hide the lemon juice from the AGK...


And there you have it!  A Wednesday complete with coffee, cold feet, some knitting and an appropriate Thursday kind of feeling!  I wonder if tomorrow will feel like Friday or if I'll have to wait for the actual day?  I'll have to make a note to myself so I remember to check on the feelings.

Maybe I'll do it in magic lemon juice writing...

SA

When Appliances Weep...

If you ever happen to be wandering around a department store somewhere in southern Maine and hear gut-wrenching screams of distress, fear not.  The zombies have not arrived to wreak havoc upon the clearance aisle.  Those terrified shrieks you hear are coming from the small appliance department and can only mean one thing:

I've killed another coffee maker and am looking for my next victim.


Some people can't wear watches.  Some are hard on shoes.  Many folks can't keep the houseplants alive without a staff of gardeners and botanists.  One of my students (The Kid Who Needs A Nicotine Patch By Noon) has managed to crash every laptop the tech department has given him and no one can figure out why.  With me, it's coffee makers.

It doesn't matter what I do.  I've tried different brands.  I clean them regularly.  I use nice clean water.  I follow the manufacturers directions, suggestions and mandates.  I do it all.  And I still can't seem to keep them alive.

I'm of two minds with the coffee makers.  Sometimes I think:  You get what you pay for and being cheap with appliances will only cost you in the long run.  Then I kill an expensive coffee maker.

Other times, I declare:  It's not worth it!  I shall lay down ten bucks and not feel badly about what I'm about to do to this thing!!!  Then I kill a cheap coffee maker in half the time and sometimes have coffee leaking all over the counter from the wounds I inadvertently inflict.

This time, I killed a middle-of-the-road coffee maker.  Actually, it's not really dead.  It still makes coffee. I just have to lean on the lid every now and again to keep it running.  If I don't, it sputters and all the little lights go out.  Then I have a half cup of cold coffee to take with me on the morning commute.  Sometimes, I bang on it and say very bad words and that will keep things running long enough to brew up the morning go-juice.  However, that scares the cats and is markedly decreasing my chances of going to heaven.

It kind of has to be the really bad words to work...

I'm fiddling with it.  Maybe it doesn't like the new filter I put in.  Maybe it's just scared because it heard all the other coffee makers telling stories about me and can't function for the fear of it all.  I've only had this machine for a few months and it seems kind of give-uppy to throw in the towel now.  Maybe I can get a year out of it if I think positive thoughts and clean the stupid thing again.  And I really need coffee right now.  Spring is upon us and things are getting dicey here.

I still carry the unfinished sock in my school bag, but I only slipped off to my office to go hug it once today.  I was too busy trying to get the Achievement Testing done to do much in the way of self-comforting.  The students are all gazing longingly out the windows and dreaming of summer vacation instead of math.  Some are so far gone that they are staring at the plywood covering the window that was broken last week.  I'm pretty sure there is nothing I can do for them, but I really should try.  This seems like the responsible "teacherly" thing to do.  In my spare moments, I was checking in on the Cheerful Teaching Assistant because her wedding is mere weeks away and neither of us can figure out how time sped up to the point where we can no longer say, "That's OK.  There's still plenty of time..."

I need the coffee and can't be nurturing yet another coffee maker through its fear of me.  I just need the good stuff to flow into the pot.  I refuse to sink to the level of instant coffee and the first person to suggest tea is going to get such a pinch!!!  It is going to have to suck it up and deal.  I don't mean to kill coffee makers.  In fact, if they would just behave themselves these things wouldn't have to escalate to such levels.  I just need coffee, for crying out loud!!!

I am keeping a stiff upper lip.  It's that or have a blubber-fest with my coffee maker...

SA

Hair Raising...

The Time:  Somewhere around 8:00 on a Friday morning


The Place:  Ms. Sheep's classroom.

(Ms. Sheep, The Cheerful Teaching Assistant and The Organized Teaching Assistant are seated together in the back classroom.  They are taking advantage of the fact that most of the students are off to other classes and using the time to figure out a schedule for next week's new round of achievement testing. The one remaining Educational Receiving Unit has been allowed to take some watercolors and paper into Ms. Sheep's office and was given the use of her desk.  This student, for reasons that will forever remain a mystery, has decided to take this opportunity to yodel. At full volume.  The ululating call resonates through the closed door and reaches the staff in the next room)

Ms. Sheep: Oh my God...


Cheerful Teaching Assistant:  Is that...


Organized Teaching Assistant:  Yup.

(Ms. Sheep clutches her head in her hands and folds herself over her laptop, landing in a semi-fetal position)

CTA:  You OK, there?


MS:  No.  I am having a MOMENT.  I am realizing that this is my LIFE.  This is it.  All that I've worked for has come to THIS.  I'm too old to become an astronaut or a professional go-go dancer.  I've reached the pinnacle.  I'm going to do this until I DIE.  And, with my luck, they already have my resume on file at the pearly gates and are planning to assign me to a teaching career once I get there...

(Ms. Sheep raises her head and looks pathetically at the CTA, hoping for some kind of comfort)

CTA:  Wow.  Your hair is really messed up now.


MS:  That sort of fits...


I did what anyone would do under those circumstances.  I smoothed down my coiffure, took a deep breath and got on with my day.  I used my free time to call The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach and move my appointment from this weekend to next.  Then I stopped off on the way home to purchase supplies which would allow me to hide from the rest of the human race for a day because there is nothing like a good hermit imitation after a stupid week.  Particularly a week that ends with a yodeling painter in your office.

Look it up.  Any doctor will say the exact same thing.  A stylist won't.  But a doctor will.

OK.  Maybe not.  In fact, a few might consider it mildly antisocial and indicative of a pervasive need to withdraw in the face of conflict.  On the other hand, it's pretty good for reading and watching TV.  I downloaded a couple new ebooks and it turned out that there was a House marathon on today so I think I could justify my behavior if I didn't mention my failure to take out the trash or get the mail.  I probably also should avoid any discussion of that little happy dance I did whenever there was an ad for the upcoming summer television season.

Or the song I composed about how summer vacation is coming and soon no one will be able to yodel me into a bad hair day...

I also hit the knitting harder than usual.  I managed four or five repeats on the shawl while I was avoiding the humans and the removal of refuse from my home.  That is more than I've knit in a long time and it felt rather good, if you must know the truth.  I might even finish this thing someday!

Not any time soon, though.  Sunday is looming and Achievement Test Monday is right behind it.  I'll have to put away the knitting and pick up my emotional armor again all too soon.  I guess I can do that for another month or so if I have to.  There are other ways to cope with stress.  Maybe even a few that don't give me Stand-Up Hair.

I might just take up yodeling...

SA

WNBP: The Back-Up Plan

I had a brief and happy moment upon arriving home where I thought it was Thursday.  You can only imagine my emotional decline when I realized that it is Wednesday.  On the positive side, it is the day of the Wednesday Night Bullet Post and those always make me happy.  Let's see if we can't come up with some fun-filled tidbits from the Sheepish Files for you...

*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty has discovered a way to get into that cupboard I duct taped shut.


*Ingenious, really.


*He squiggles in through the little gap between the dishwasher and the cupboard.


*Of course, once he's in there he can't escape because he's used up all his squiggle and the cupboard won't open.


*Lots of pathetic thumping sounds that make the Big Fluffy Kitty roll her eyes in disgust.


*The Cheerful Teaching Assistant was out sick today.


*She was out on Monday and had no business coming in yesterday.


*Very sick CTA.


*I hugged the unfinished sock in my bag four times today because that is what one does when one needs comfort in a short-staffed situation.


*I don't seem to knit anymore, but I'm getting wicked good at sock hugging.


*When I expressed concern over the CTA's upcoming wedding and her need to get better really, really fast, one of my students said:


*"Well, can't they just do it a different day?"


*He's a boy.  He doesn't know from weddings.  Not his fault...


*I did a twenty minute lecture on caterers and venue reservations.  And florists.  


*When their eyes were done glazing over, someone had the brilliant idea of planning a back-up wedding for the CTA.


*Just in case...


*It might have been me who thought of it, but I can't say for certain.  It's kind of a blur.


*We worked up quite a plan.


*We've sort of reserved the hallway outside the library because it's really long and would make an awesome Bride Walk.


*The Boy Who Needs A Nicotine Patch By Noon is going to give her away.


*He promised to wear his clean black hoodie for the occasion.


*Spunky Girl did the invitations and availed herself of the copier in the main office so we'd have them ready to go if needed.


*She's new.  Don't worry, though.  She's only in 5th grade so you've got years to get to know her.


*The Great Debater, when asked about the cake, declared that he wanted a purple one.


*He has no idea where to get a purple cake or the actual flavor of such a confection but he was very clear on this point.


*The Tortured Artist (also new to the group) enthusiastically volunteered to costume the event.


*"Costume" was his word, not mine.  I think we might all be wearing capes...


*Not everyone was as quick to come up with ideas.


*The kid who is Gauged And Aerodynamic looked confused when I asked for his suggestions regarding what we might need.


*The best he could come up with for our list was a hesitant pause followed by:


*"Um...cups?"


*Later he clarified this and explained that we would be needing something to hold our beers.


*This is going to be a classy event with beer in plastic cups rather than tacky cans.


*I do not anticipate remaining employed by this school district when it is over but I think I can live with that.


*Still need to check with the librarian about the reception.


*I'll get that on the list for tomorrow...


*It was a busy day and I've got a cat duct taped in the cupboard.


*It's not like I can do everything, for crying out loud!!!


As you can see, I've got a lot on my plate right now.  I can barely find the time to not knit a sock.  Hugging it is taking up precious minutes that could be used for wedding planning and cat rescuing.  But I carry on because that is what I do.  If I don't, who will?  There would be no back-up plan for anything!

You have no idea how much I wish it was Thursday.  There is no back-up plan for Wednesday.  Even if you make a list and put it up on the white board for all to see.

Should probably add "explain that list to the CTA" to tomorrow's tasks...

SA

Knitting Hope Springs Eternal

I decided to drop the sock-in-progress into the school bag this morning.  This was probably an overly optimistic thing to do, but I figured it would be nice to have it with me.  Sometimes, you just need a little something from home, even if it's a project you won't ever take up.

Springtime is not fun in the schools.  Everyone gets really twitchy and starts talking about "surviving."  It's like we are in the deepest, darkest jungle and preparing to fight our way back to civilization no matter what the cost.  I am not exaggerating.  One kid, after seeing that the door to the classroom has been broken again and fearing that we might all get locked in together like last year said:

OK.  Just between you and me.  If we do get locked in again, who are we going to eat first?


Yesterday was beyond insane in my class.  I was informed upon arrival that the Cheerful Teaching Assistant was going to be out for the day.  The aforementioned broken door would not open no matter how hard I tried and I had to get a custodian to let me in so I could come up with a plan for mys short-staffed day.  The Organized Teaching Assistant had to leave for a doctor's appointment at 10:00 and was late returning.  Thankfully, she was back at her desk when a student leaned against that window I'm always warning everyone about and broke it.  Shattered glass rained down past the Guidance Offices on the first floor and littered the walkway with jagged shards.  The student managed to keep himself from falling out, but cut his hand.  His refusal to wear a bandage led to spatters of icky boy corpuscles all over the place.  We got that cleaned up OK, but now the only window in the front classroom is boarded shut and when the hot weather comes I am going to be smelling the stink of 8th graders until I pass out.  Achievement testing drags on with no end in sight and a bloodbath isn't going to get anybody out of anything.

There was lots more and some of it was worse, but how do you top a broken window?  Or the sight of Mr. Principal and Mr. Assistant Principal standing amidst the carnage below whilst gaping up at you in abject horror because all you can think to say to them at that moment is, "Hi there.  How's it going?"

Dragging a sock to school, especially one that I probably won't have time to knit, may seem like a little thing, but it is all about emotional survival now.  It is May and we have a long road ahead of us in Kid Time.  Things are only going to get worse,  The 8th graders have already figured out that they are short-timers now and that there is really very little we can to do them.  We can't make them all repeat the year.  We won't have room for the new kids coming up.  They know that they just have to keep moving and they'll be just fine.  We don't have the energy to chase them.  We can only catch the slow ones now and it's survival of the fittest.  The ones who can't keep up deserve to be trapped.

The CTA returned today, sick as a dog but putting on a good face since the OTA was scheduled to be out.  I don't know what the rest of the week will bring but I have no illusions about anything.  I'll lug that sock back and forth for the duration.  It comforts me and gives me hope for the coming summer vacation.

There were a few times today where I crept into my office, stealthily removed it from my bag and hugged it just a little bit...

SA

It's All In The Timing

I sort of know me by now.  And yet I'm still surprised by how I can pick the worst possible moments to be inspired.  

I haven't knit much lately.  I have no reason for this.  The Muse simply hasn't been hovering around me, at least not so I'd notice it.  A few weeks ago, I dug around amongst the old WIPs to see if anything might strike a chord.  Nothing did, not really.  However, the sight of the shawl I started last year caused a bit of a stir so I decided to fiddle around with that for a while.

A "bit of a stir" isn't really enough to make the needles fly, though.  I've been haphazardly picking it up and putting it down without making much of a dent since making the selection.  Today, however, I suddenly felt the urge to knit and knit and knit.

Timing is everything and I don't do it well.  Sheepie needed to head out today.  I am the child of a mother and, as such, was bound to honor she who birthed me.  

Specifically, I needed to eat seafood in celebration of all things Motherly.  

I happen to love my mother.  And seafood.  Of course, Mommy Sheep gets more of the love, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to shun some nice haddock in favor of a shawl.  I managed to get in a couple of repeats before having to put on some shoes and take up my gift bag so I could dine with the family.  It was soooo totally worth it.  It was great to see my parents now that they're back from the sunny south and the whole event was made better by having Baby Brother Sheep and SIL Sheep along for the meal.

By the time I got home, I was so full of fishy goodness that the very thought of picking up the needles seemed like too much.  The giddy urge was past.  That's OK.  It'll come back.  Of course this will probably happen just as I'm heading out to pick up my winning lottery check or after I sever my big toe and need to rush myself off to the emergency room, but that's just how these things go sometimes.

I hope that all mothers everywhere had a fantastic Mother's Day and that you were treated to the meal of your choice.  Maybe you even got in a little knitting time, too.  That would be nice.  Especially if you are feeling inspired to wield the needles.

I'm wondering if next year I might get the urge to knit in time to have a Mother's Day gift ready...

SA

WNBP: The Yolk's On Me

Ahhh...at last!  Midweek!  This Wednesday is soon to be in the record books and I can call it one less in the Work Day Column.  We are grinding our way through this crazy school year and I can see the end of the tunnel.  If I squint and think really positive thoughts.  Should I fail to do that, I sort of only see a hazy gray that threatens to suffocate me.

You kind of have to ignore the hazy gray.  It will drive you nuts if you don't.  Let's see if we can come up with some bullet points for our midweek random posting.

*My director is one of those people who Does It All.


*Impeccable dresser.  


*Paperwork is flawless.


*Covers for those of us with less than flawless paperwork.


*Shows up at every weekly meeting with snacks.


*Most are derived from the bounty of her farm.


*The farm that gives her fresh apples for homemade coffee cake without ever soiling her perfect clothing.


*She has chickens.  They make eggs.  She can't possibly eat all of them.


*I said I'd take a few off her hands.  Thought I'd make a nice challah this weekend.


*She showed up today with eggs.


*Three dozen.


*Organic Used To Be Free Range Until The Hawks Came Chicken Eggs.


*I said right to the face of this impeccably dressed woman who does it all and who is also my boss:


*HOLY CRAP!!!


*In my defense, that is a lot of eggs.


*The Cheerful Teaching Assistant took half a dozen.


*The Organized Teaching Assistant was supposed to take a dozen but forgot them.


*I have a lot of eggs here.


*I thought to myself:


*HOLY CRAP!  I cannot eat two and a half dozen eggs...


*Made a nice omelet for dinner.


*Wow.  I did not know from fresh eggs.


*It is entirely possible that I can eat two and a half dozen eggs.  Perhaps even in one sitting...


*I really should not have tried to knit my Invisibility Shawl during Deadliest Catch last night.


*Seriously.  This was a mistake.  I didn't mess up, but it was a near thing.


*Jake goes drifting under the boat during a questionable crew exchange.


*Almost lost my mind, for crying out loud...


*And, as God is my witness, if the Time Bandit ended up being sunk by those stupid onions I would have just given up on the whole crab fishing obsession completely.


*That would have been a straight up embarrassing way to shuffle off this mortal coil and don't even try to argue with me.


*I am so worried about the situation on the Cornelia Marie right now that I can barely function.


*Knowing what I know about the fate of Captain Phil makes me want to scream at his son.


*Which is a totally unproductive, not-at-all-helpful, and sort of crazy thing to do on a Tuesday night.


*Alone with my cats in a condo.


*There are tragic movies of the week about people who do those kinds of things...


*Achievement testing crawls forward at a horrible pace this week.  The kids are getting...cranky.


*I was in a state of despair over the scores until today.


*The new data isn't looking bad.  Two of my students raised a couple of scores by 9 points.


*Big jump on the scales for this test.


*I am ignoring the kids who are just randomly clicking on answers because they make me see that big, gray cloud and it makes me twitchy.


*I may walk away from this nightmare with a few wins and, since this wasn't what we expected, I'm calling it a happy surprise.


*I have a rash on my chin.  Don't like it.


*Don't think it's related to achievement testing, but who can say?


*I'm certain that the fresh eggs with the amazingly yellow yolks will clear it right up.


*And, if they don't, I'll be distracted enough by all the cranky test-takers and the need to not see gray clouds of suffocation that I won't really notice it.


Wednesday is inching towards the finish line and I've got me a belly full of eggs.  The test scores aren't as bad as I thought and Spring has sprung.  All in all, there's more to be happy about than not.  Who knows, I might even get that bread baked this weekend!  I'm feeling optimistic.

I should probably make some snacks for next week's Deadliest Catch now that I think of it.  I could do some extra bread or perhaps some brownies.  Knitting may not be the best choice given the stress level of this year's king crab season and heaven knows, I have enough eggs...

SA

First Contact

Our school is, as of today, fully enmeshed in yearly testing designed to assess progress.  It is horrible and awful and stressful and icky.  Kids were frustrated and taking it out on the computers trying to administer their tests.  When the computers didn't give them the reactions they desired, they turned to the hapless staff who don't want to be doing this any more than they do.

My email was full to bursting with the second round of Blame Everyone For Everything Lest You Own It Yourself messages.  All those meetings held the week before vacation were fraught with complicated changes that require solid communication and all of them directly affect my classroom. You'd think that, by now, the players would have established exactly who is to be held responsible for the lack of that communication.  Based on the tone of the emails, this has yet to happen. No one knows who was supposed to do what or tell everyone else what to do.  I'm staying out of it.  Frankly, I have my hands full trying to manage the actual children impacted by these decisions made at the meetings to which I was not invited and where I might have made some helpful observations.  On the plus side, everyone feels very sorry for me right now and I'm being given a wide berth except when they want to gift me with things.

Things I will take without hesitation.  I earned those things.

And the weather?  To say I was overdressed for today would be an understatement.  80 degrees and humidity that required one make swimming motions in order to get from one side of the room to another.  Crazy hot and no one was prepared for it.  We were all still in Early Spring mode and garbed accordingly.  With the testing and the testy emails, it was all quite the pretty package.

And yet I couldn't help but feel kind of good about it.  I don't particularly care for heat.  And I positively loathe humidity.  LOATHE it!  For all that, I still had a pleasant little upturn to my lips for most of the day.  Even as I sweat through my long sleeved polo shirt, I smiled a little bit.

Because it felt like the end of the school year.  Like it's really going to come to an end at some point.  Some point soon, even.  All the meetings where people make big decisions that require me to run around like a crazy person...they will be in the past.  The snarky emails where people try to cover for having made me run around like a crazy person and blame everyone else...they'll get deleted once the school year ends and they tidy up the servers.  The tests will have been tallied and the results filed.  There will be nothing more we can do to boost scores.  It will all come to a crashing halt.

It was First Contact.  The day that reminds me of the virtues to be found in Hanging In There.  I will, one day soon, drive home and not have to go back for a while.  This year will be naught but a few snaps in the 2010 middle school yearbook.  I can take a little heat if it means the school year is winding down.  This has not been the greatest of educational experiences, but it has an expiration date and that makes it a little more lovely in mine eyes.

Although I find it kind of disconcerting to think about how I finally started knitting again.  Just in time for the summer heat to roll in...

SA

Pocket Topics

I knit today.  I really, really did.  However, it's been so long since I performed anything even remotely resembling the needling arts that I worry about doing anything rash.  I'm afraid to talk about it.  What if I scare it away?  Then I'm having to spend the rest of the evening chasing skittish knitting all over the manse.  It'll be midnight and I'll be hunched in front of the sofa trying to coax out a shivering mass of wool from the depths of the dust bunny world.  It's too risky.  I'm going to leave the knitting alone and let it adjust to being out of the bag for a while.

Today is a good day to bring out a Pocket Topic.  We all have them.  Those are the blogging ideas that come to us at 4:00 in the morning or while we are driving to work and we think, "Gee, that would be a good post."  Then, for reasons that vary, we tuck it away in a back pocket until we can get to it.  Sometimes we think about it, maybe even go so far as to take it out and brush off the lint but we still save it for another day.  Eventually we get to it or we don't.

In my case, the topic was pocketed due to the fact that I spent my Spring Break writhing on the sofa and cursing the Horrific Mystery Illness that hit me just in time to ruin my entire school vacation.  I meant to post more than I did, but most of that week's blogging went into the Pocket along with the extra tissues and cough drops.

Right before the fever and chills hit, I did a post about making barbecue sauce.  Several people asked if I would share the recipe and I honestly meant to do just that.  It never made it to the blog, though.  How about I do it today?

Making sauce is not all that complicated.  You really just need to start with a master recipe and go from there.  In my case, the master sauce looks starts like this:

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/3 cup molasses
1 cup ketchup (or catsup if you are a classier person than I)
1 tablespoon each of the following: yellow mustard (the kind you put on your hot dog), garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, black pepper, dried ginger and liquid smoke.  (can be found with the barbecue sauces in the grocery store)

(Note:  this is a bit spicy so feel free to cut back on the black pepper and chili powder if you like)


Heat the vinegar and molasses on low to medium until the molasses dissolves.  Remove from heat and whisk in the remaining ingredients.  Return to the burner and bring to a very gentle boil.  Let the sauce thicken while stirring frequently.  (I usually only let it go for a few minutes)

This is the "reasonable amount" recipe as opposed to the "ridiculous amount" version that I made a few weeks ago.  I ended up having to can several pints of the stuff since I can't consume fifty bazillion gallons of sauce in any scenario I can envision.  From this master recipe, you can tweak it however you like.  Since I prefer a sweeter sauce, I add about 1/3 cup of maple syrup infused with fresh ginger.  You can use honey, other spices, alcohol...it's really up to you and your own tastes.  It's sauce, not plutonium. Feel free to experiment!

Let's say you've played with it and got it where you want it.  At this point, you may find yourself with a pot of barbecue sauce and no earthly idea what to do next.  That is understandable.  I'm not a great grill-master by any stretch of the imagination.  That honor goes to Daddy Sheep.  However, I can offer a suggestion for beef short ribs that might work out for you.  Especially if, like me, you live in a small condo and aren't in possession of outdoor cooking paraphernalia.

Take out that broiler pan you always wonder about but rarely use.  Fill the bottom pan about a quarter full with water and toss in some roughly chopped, peeled ginger and onions.  Garlic is nice, too if you happen to have it.  Place the ribs on the top rack and cover with foil.  Pierce the foil to allow the steam to escape.  Preheat the oven to 250 and cook ribs for one hour.  Turn, check the water level and cook for another hour.  Raise heat to 400, remove the foil, sauce the ribs heavily and cook for another twenty to thirty minutes until done.

The sauce will caramelize nicely, the spices will tone down just a bit and the ribs will be as tender as can be.  Very tasty and very easy.  You will curse me for a week while you clean your broiler pan, but you've had a whole bunch of protein from the ribs so you've got the energy to scrub the pan.  It will all be OK.  After a while, you'll forget all about the mess and just remember the ribs.  Maybe you can get your kids to do it for you or something...

There.  I feel better.  I cleaned out a Pocket Topic and the line of my jeans is ever so much smoother now.  There are a few barbecued rib lumps, but I don't think those will go away quite as easily.

I also managed to blog without causing the knitting to scamper away in horror and fear.  I'll keep plugging away at it and, pretty soon, I'm sure it will feel better about being in the light again.  It isn't like I promised I'd get this done by Christmas or anything, right?

Except that I did, but we won't dwell on that.  We'll just enjoy some nice barbecued ribs and pretend that I meant next Christmas.  It's sort of like a Pocket Topic except for the part where you don't bring it out quite so proudly...

SA

WNBP: I Am Blumfied At The Moment

Welcome to the stupidest Wednesday ever in the history of Midweeks.  Ever.  I still can't believe it myself and I was there, for crying out loud!  Here's your bullet points for this particular Wednesday:

*There are a number of changes coming to my middle school classroom.


*Changes that will require a certain amount of work on my part.


*These changes were discussed at length.  


*In multiple settings.


*By great masses of gathered educational professionals.


*Discussed in depth.


*Many times.


*Every possible eventuality was analyzed.


*Great thought went into these decisions.


*One problem...


*No one mentioned any of these changes to me.


*I have until Monday to figure out how to implement these well-executed changes.


*Some people didn't mention the changes because they are scared of me.


*Others didn't mention them because they have not yet learned to be scared of me.


*Many were just caught up in the excitement of all the change-making.


*And one, my boss, had the foresight to give me a Very Special Commendation when she spoke in front of the school board last week.


*Because I am so very flexible in the face of sweeping changes.  Particularly the ones I don't know about yet.


*A real team player, that Ms. Sheep!


*That was brilliant.  Genius, even.


*Because now...


*THERE IS NO WAY I CAN PROTEST THESE CHANGES OR POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS FLAWS WITHOUT LOOKING LESS THAN FLEXIBLE OR WORTHY OF COMMENDATION!!!


*Amazing.


*I am currently wrapped up in my Blumfy and will be there for the foreseeable future.


*Don't come over.  I won't answer the door.


*Tangled up in my Blumfy.


*In case you missed the last post, Blumfy=Snuggie.


*Or Slanket.


*Blanket with sleeves.


*Tacky item "as seen on TV."


*And very awesome, especially when you have been given a commendation which prevents your responding to things that most definitely require a strongly worded response.


*For those who asked, the Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty does love the Blumfy.


*It goes like this:  


*Sheepie wraps up in Blumfy and lays sideways on the couch.


*Big, Fluffy Kitty snuggles into the nook created by mommy's tummy.


*Giant, orange beast gallops over, grabs the little bit of Blumfy hanging off the couch and yanks.


*Rolls himself right up in it.


*Sheepie and the BFK hang on for dear life and cling to what little Blumfy is left to them.


*Can't knit in a Blumfy.


*Don't care what the commercials say.


*Can't knit in a Blumfy when an AGK is dragging you to the ground with all his considerable might.


*It's physically and emotionally exhausting to even try knitting in a Blumfy.


*Now he has all the blankies in the house and there is nothing I can do about it, really.


*Still nice to be wrapped up in a Blumfy when it's raining and Wednesday has turned stupid beyond all reason.


*On the up side, I have job security now.


*Everyone who suddenly realized that they forgot to tell me about the changes is being very nice to me.


*As I said to my Organized Teaching Assistant today:


*"See that spot on the floor?  I could poop right there and still not be fired.  They'd even clean it up for me."


*I might have worded it a little differently, but it was something along those lines.


*I'm not pooping on the floor.  I was just illustrating my point, is all.


I think we've reached a good stopping point.  Once you've had to reassure people that you aren't planning on besmirching the tiles of a middle school classroom, you probably should shut things down for the night.  Maybe go see if the AGK is willing to share a corner of the Blumfy.  I am so very, very glad this day is over.  Thursday and Friday are right around the corner.

Of course that means that Monday (aka The Day Of Great And Sweeping Change) is looming ever closer and I still don't quite know what to do with it, but I don't want to think about that right now...

SA

I Give You My Shame

There came a time last week whilst in the throes of my infirmity and as the chills wracked my form that I came to utter the words, "If I survive this, I swear that I am getting a Blumfy."  


No, I wasn't delirious.  I was sickly and cranky and unreasonable.  However, I was very much in my right mind.  I said I wanted a Blumfy.  You are familiar with them, I'm sure.  You probably just know them by another name, is all.  And, at that precise moment, you might even understand why I wanted one.  It was the sort of thing one might say under those circumstances.


What makes no sense, though, is that I would follow up on my feverish rantings.  To say you need a Blumfy when you are shaking so badly you can't even hold the thermometer is one thing.  To actually go find one once you are better is just embarrassing.  


I could have knit a Blumfy.  I actually thought about it several times.  They don't look all that complicated.  I probably could have whipped one up fairly quickly in stockinette.  Heck, in crochet I could have done twelve.  Yet, for some reason, only the regular Blumfy in a box would suffice as far as I was concerned.


For that matter, why I need to call it a Blumfy isn't exactly rational either.  I know it's not a Blumfy.  But after I heard it called that on a very, very funny episode of Cougar Town, I  couldn't help myself.  Just try it.  Say it once.  Blumfy.  You'll never call it anything else.  


Of course, you would only do this if you are brave enough to mention it at all in mixed company.  I still can't believe I have a Blumfy.  Nor do I really understand why I feel the need to share this information with you all.  It's not the sort of thing a sophisticated, classical lady such as myself should own.  It's not even the "brand name" Blumfy.  It's a knock-off.  A pale shadow of the original Blumfy and that isn't anything to brag about. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I didn't get the leopard print one...


Yes, I own a Blumfy.  And I use it.  I can barely hold up my head for the shame of it all.  But I feel I must be honest with the readers, lest anyone get the idea that I should become a role model for future sophisticates.  I'm nothing but  Blumfy-lovin' rabble.  

 I may be alone in my shameful "as seen on TV" world, but I gotta tell ya...it's so very warm and cozy!  Bless you, Blumfy.  I wish you'd been here last week, but I know you'll be around for the next cold and flu season.

Unless you dissolve in the wash what with being a knock-off Blumfy and all...

SA

Spring Break 2010: Wrap-Up And Review

I don't ask much of my vacation time.  I'm not the sort who heads out on exotic trips or even not-so-exotic trips.  I mostly like puttering about the manse doing all the stuff that I can't quite seem to do during the work times.  I may do a little visiting or shopping.  I might take a day trip or two.  It's all pretty mundane, I guess.  But that's what I like.

My plans for this year's spring break were right along those lines.  I had a somewhat "optimistic" list of things I wanted to tackle.  I generally over-plan, knowing full well I won't get to it all.  I don't mind.  Even if I get to half of it, it's more than I get done most of the time.  My list for this week was long, but here are some of the items contained therein:

*Clean out kitchen cupboards
*Finish spinning that stuff on the wheel
*Finish that second sock that's been lying around since Christmas
*Go to Chicks With Sticks and knit amongst the beautiful people
*Start putting together the Infamous Index Cards Of Summer Organization
*Clean the carpets
*Get up early and watch others go to work but not laugh because that would be wrong

There was more, but you get the idea.  I was looking forward to it.  I figured I could do most of it and still have time for a nap.  Things didn't work out as planned.  I did little during the first weekend since I had a whole week of glorious domestic bliss ahead of me.  On Monday morning, I cleaned half a cupboard then found myself suddenly exhausted beyond all reason.  From Monday night through Friday, I accomplished the following:

*Lay on the couch
*Made low moaning sounds
*Made low keening sounds
*Finally figured out where all the weird moaning and keening noises were coming from
*Shivered uncontrollably
*Discovered the joys of a liquid diet

It was Thursday before I even felt well enough to get in the car to drive to the doctor.  I stumbled in with a pathetic demeanor and a fever of 102 degrees.  There, I was declared "officially sick" and gifted with a prescription for antibiotics.  I was too sick to go get them, though.  That had to wait until Friday morning when there was a short break in the Fever Festivities.  Once I managed to get a pill or two into my system, things began to look up.

Now it is Saturday.  The fever officially broke on Friday afternoon and has yet to come back for an encore.  While I'm grateful for that, I surely do wish it thought to take the sore throat with it.  Maybe it's just that I'm only now getting around to notice it since I'm not wrestling with the chills and body aches, but it's a doozy.  My throat feels almost swollen.  At first, I worried that I was reacting to the antibiotics.  Then I recalled the doc saying things in there were a little inflamed.  SIL Sheep reminded me that she had something similar a while back and I'm guessing I've managed to pick up a version of it.

She also cheerfully informed me that I could probably expect rampant laryngitis for several weeks but that I could use my new voice to earn extra income as a Naughty 1-900 Number Girl.  That might help pay for the extra Popsicles and ice cream, I guess...

This is one of those school vacation weeks best left in the past.  I don't even think I want it as a memory, but I'm not positive of that yet.  I may need the Pity Points on Monday when I go back to school.  I know that the rotten children (who made me sick in the first place) won't be too sympathetic.  However, I think I can score a few "poor you's" and sad cooing from the secretaries.  They like me.  I could use a good coo right about now.

And some ice cream.  With chocolate sauce.

SA

WNBP: It's Alive!!!!

I sort of lost you there for a second.  Things here at Spring Break Central have not exactly gone as planned and I didn't make it to the blog for a few days.  However, I think I can manage a Wednesday Night Bullet Post if I pace myself.  Let's see what's been going on with Sheepie this week:

*You can always tell how poorly a school year is going by how sickly you get during vacations.


*It's like you save it up or something...


*My current situation would indicate that this has been a very "trying" academic year.


*Yesterday can be summed up by the following mental exchange.


*I went through this several times throughout the day.


*It started with:  Gosh.  This fever is giving me boo-boo belly.  I should take something for that.  But...


*I have boo-boo belly and can't keep the fever reducers down.  Why don't I just take some tummy medicine?  That's a great idea.  But...


*I still have the fever which gives me boo-boo belly so I can't keep the tummy medicine down either.


*.....


*?????


*I AM RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS HERE!!!!!


*Today has been a little bit better.  Random fevers as opposed to constant ones.


*I am currently radiating just under 100 degrees.


*Not getting much done around here.


*Can't even knit.


*I had trouble operating an ice cube tray at one point.


*A while back, I loaded up the e-reader in anticipation of my glorious spring break.


*Determined to finish the Nightside Series.


*Started with Something from the Nightside (Nightside, Book 1) a while back.


*Decided I wanted more.


*Now I'm up to Hell to Pay (Nightside, Book 7)


*Thinking I'm finally going to get around to Storm Front (The Dresden Files, Book 1) next.


*I can read this week.  That is working out OK.


*Dr. Mel sent me a nice get well e-card yesterday.


*Thank you Dr. Mel!


*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty is not amused by this current situation.


*He thought it was kind of fascinating at first, but got bored quickly.


*He thinks I have a furball.  And that I'm being overly dramatic about it.


*I have to be better tomorrow.  


*I'm down to the expired ibuprofen.  I need to go get fresh supplies if I am going to be the Spring Break Flu Queen.


*This isn't going to be anything the college kids get into, methinks...


I'm going to sign off now and have a bit of a lie down.  The world is starting to get a little bit fuzzy and not in the good way.  As bad as I am now, though, it is nothing compared to yesterday so I think I am on the road to recovery.  And if I'm not, then I don't want to know about it.

SA

I Think I Can

The last couple of weeks have been grueling. The stretch between February Break and April Break is a long one, you see. It's not really that long in "normal time." But it is very long in "Kid Time." There's a great deal to get done and little in the way of diversions. By the time Spring Break arrives, it's a tough to determine who is more ready for it, the kids or the teachers.

I've gotten in the habit of waking up around 4:30 in the morning so I can get in a little extra worry-time before heading off for my commute. I'd rather hoped that this annoying quirk would end once school was over for a week, but I was being optimistic. In spite of not having a single middle school student waiting to ruin my life, I was still up before the sun this morning. It took me several minutes to realize I had nothing to worry about and that all the little dears were at home worrying other people today.

However, there was no going back to sleep once the brain was in gear so I got up. It wasn't such a big deal, really. I did have a few things to do today and the extra hours wouldn't hurt. I puttered about the manse, had that extra cup of coffee, and was right on time for my morning appointment with The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach. I thought about knitting. I also thought about spinning.

Then I decided to make barbecue sauce.

Actually, this wasn't such an odd impulse. I was planning to get to it at some point this weekend. I've been experimenting with my recipe and pretty much have it right where I want it. I thought it would be nice to have some sauce on hand for the vacation week should the urge to grill come over me. I even thought it might be a good idea to make a "little" extra...

I overshot the mark on that one. No one should have this much barbecue sauce. No one. Unless a cow walks in the door right now demanding to be basted and slow roasted, I cannot envision needing this much sauce.

So I decided to can some of it. I'm pretty sure I've canned before. I must have. I have canning supplies and a working knowledge of the process. I know I haven't done it since I have lived here in the manse, but I have canned. I'm certain of this.

What I may have canned, I don't recall. But that is not important. I have canned. I distinctly remember thinking, "I really shouldn't use my good canning pot as a dye pot because I won't be able to can anymore." There. I told you I'd canned. I just needed to find another pot and I'd be all set.

Other than a rather alarming fountain coming from the over-filled water bath, I was able to do a small batch process without too much difficulty. I even found that weird little magnetic thing to pull the jar lids out of the boiling water, although I don't know how I located it. I don't even remember buying it. Frankly, I'm shocked that it went as well as it did. Usually, I manage to forget what I know about stuff just in time to realize that I shouldn't have started in the first place. At that point, it is usually too late.

But there is sauce so apparently, I can can.

That seemed like a good place to stop for the day. Once you've successfully managed to do something you don't remember doing but know you did and which could go horribly wrong if you remember the doing incorrectly, it is generally in your best interest to not tempt fate any further. I spent the rest of the day lazing in front of the TV and periodically going into the kitchen to push on the tops of the jars to make sure they were really sealed. (they are, but you never know...) I didn't so much move otherwise. When you've had a good day by noon, you need to be satisfied with that.

Now I just need to overcome this bizarre urge to make pickles because I honestly don't think I remember ever doing that...

SA

WNBP: Anticipation Is Worse Than Actuality

Greetings, Fellow Bloggy-Types!  It is I, your faithful Sheepie.  I remain upright and taking nourishment in spite of the fact that it is the week before spring break and all the attempts by the Middle School Machine to break me.  Take that, Forces Of Evil!

Let's see how this week's bullet points are hitting the target:

*Omigod, Omigod, Omigod!!!  Did anyone see Deadliest Catch last night?  Anyone?


*The only kid in my class who watches it managed to get himself suspended yesterday.  How could he do this to me???


*I think I am more upset about being abandoned during this crucial King Crab Season than I am by the horrific name he called me.


*It was the bad name.  The really, really, REALLY bad one.


*The name that, when mentioned to Mr. Assistant Principal, will make him go as red in the face as a steamed crab and cause him to come down with the wrath of God.


*And now I have no one with whom to squeal over the Burn Barrel Brawl.


*Still really crushed every time I see Captain Phil.  It's like I hope it didn't really happen...  


*Like he's still here...


*But they call it Reality TV for a reason, I guess.


*Was up at 4:00 this morning all worried about something I thought was going to happen today.


*Several somethings, actually...


*None of them happened.


*It was a delightful day except for the part where no one could talk about Tuesday Night TV with me.


*I'll sleep well tonight, I'm certain.


*Tired...


*Haven't knit a stitch in days.


*Haven't even thought about knitting in days.


*Not riding the little exercise bike much now.


*Bored with little exercise bike.


*But riding it was good for knitting time.


*That didn't make up for the boredom part and how I wasn't really putting enough into the workout to get any results.


*Wii Fit and I are getting along a little better now.


*I am making an effort and it is taking a kinder approach when expressing The Horrific Truth.


*Wii Fit called me old.


*And uncoordinated.


*Very mean piece of plastic, that Wii Fit...


*I am constantly surprised at how high the Big, Fluffy Kitty can jump.


*She is, like, three thousand years old.


*But, when being pursued by her baby brother, she can practically hit the ceiling.


*Spry for her age.


*Wii Fit would probably not be so mean to her...


*Now that I'm thinking about it, I'll bet that the thing I thought was going to happen today (and didn't) will happen tomorrow.


*But I won't have spent the wee hours of the morning worried about it and will have to face it unprepared.


*I'll be completely taken by surprise.


*Maybe I should pencil in some time around 3:00 this morning to fret about things that I can neither predict nor change.


*Makes perfect sense, right?


Two more days in this week.  Two.  I honestly think I can survive two days, horrific surprises aside.  And, if not, it will be spring break soon and I can recover from home.  So I can be ready to go back and do it all over again...

SA

Hidden Surprises

Some days it pays to look a little closer.  You never know.  You might find something that makes your day just a bit brighter.  Or more interesting.  Or keeps you from flinging yourself out the window like you keep saying you are going to do and which no one is actively stopping you from doing no matter how loudly you say it...

It was a day.  And a half.  With less than a week to go before Maine finally releases us all for spring break, things are breaking down fast.  Kids who are normally pretty easy-going are suddenly willing to fight to the death over their right to use the school issued laptops to search an internet database for registered sex offenders.  Expressions of opinion become...heated.

And don't even get me started on the whole trend towards assigning major projects the week before vacation.  Why some of my colleagues are thinking this is a good idea, I dont know.  Perhaps they believe that kids will work on them over vacation.  That is a delighfully optimistic mindset, but I don't think any of the the kids in my class are going to be happily researching and footnoting next week.  If the kids I support in 8th grade science class are going to somehow miraculously produce a digital presentation on Halley's Comet, I need to bust a move to get everything together while I have them trapped in the room with me.

This is how I ended up in the library this morning.  While the students steadfastly ignored the rubric stating that they needed a variety of sources and that relying on the internet was not acceptable, I was more alert to the problem with their research methods.  I'm still not sure they fully understand the need to cite their reference materials, though.  They think they can pass themselves off as Very Distinguished Comet Scientists or something, I guess.  They are above citing sources at this point in their careers.

But it won't be because I didn't try to get it done right.  I am not a Very Distinguished Comet Scientist.  I am not even a Completely Discredited Comet Scientist.  I am merely a tired, cranky and very disillusioned special education teacher who is going to drag two boys through the wonders of the universe (complete with properly cited sources) whether they like it or not.

I found a book.  It wasn't much, but it was the best I could do.  If nothing else, it was something to toss into the bibliography.  Heck, I'd be willing to stand there and hold the stupid thing while they did their presentation and periodically do The Boat Show Model's Sweeping Gesture Of Wonder if that's what it took.

As I stomped down the aisle towards the checkout desk with my book in hand, I happened to glance down.  Actually, I was already looking down because I am a broken woman at this point in the school year and those of us who are broken are bound by law to keep our heads down all dejected-like.  It's what we do.

And as I looked downward, I happened to see something.  Something that looked like it might be fun for someone who has a week off coming up.  Something that might even keep the idea of that shining week in focus until Friday.  It was old, out of print in the rest of the world, actually.  It's not the sort of thing I would ever buy.... but as a library loan?  Absolutely!


This is the newer version and I can't center the link but you get the idea...


I may or may not get around to this next week, but that's not really the point.  It was just nice to bring home something for the sole purpose of applying it to my vacation days.  Even if I never so much as open it next week, I'm good.  The pleasure of flipping through the pages during lunch and envisioning the days spent NOT arguing over upcoming project requirements and the appropriate use of school computers was worth it.

Four more days.  There are many more things that can go wrong in that amount of time.  We could lose our entire comet project due to a sudden discovery made by The Very Distinguished Comet Scientists which invalidates all our research.  It's not outside the realm of possibility, you know.

But I'm hanging in there.  And flipping through my library book for courage...

SA

Well Yes, But...

There are lots of ways to tell when it is time for Spring Break. I've been teaching since kids rode to school on the backs of dinosaurs so I've gotten pretty good at spotting the signs. Mostly it comes down to seeing how close you come to the fine line between Responsible Behavior and Not So Much With That.

Sometimes there is bad language and quiet weeping, but I haven't quite gotten to that point yet. Give me a day or two...

If you need further examples, I have a few for you. Here are just some of the things that have gone on recently which might indicate my need for a week off:

When my Organized Teaching Assistant began chastising the students for their slovenly ways and demanded to know who left the half-eaten apple in the middle of the table, I confessed. T'was I who besmirched our working surface with my rotting leftovers.

However...it took me almost two full minutes to do so and I really gave serious consideration to letting the kids take the fall. Frankly, it's more believable that one of them would eat an apple than I.

When we were down to one last Sweet 'n Sour Twizzler, I gave it to the student who requested it. I really wanted it for myself, but that didn't seem right since he did all the work I asked of him. Plus I'd sort of already told him he could have one if he was a good boy.

However...the reason we were so low on Twizzlers was because I ate five of them when the kids weren't looking. That's why I had to eat half an apple. I needed to balance out all the sugar.

I got up early this morning. I swept the kitchen floor and changed the icky shower curtain liner. I wiped down the counters. I cleaned not only the cats' commode, but mine own.

However... I wasn't supposed to do all that. I was supposed to put on shoes and go out for groceries. I was also supposed to pay a few bills and take out the trash. I did not want to wear shoes today. Most of those activities require footwear.

I spun today and even remembered to take a picture of my singles. The first few pictures were dreadful but I didn't mind trying again. I even maintained a sense of humor when the second set didn't come out all that well either.

These things happen sometimes, after all. And red-orange isn't aways easy to photograph given the light levels around here.

However...when I couldn't find the usb cord so I could upload the pictures, I had a fit of epic proportions. The fact that the cord was sitting right next to the computer all along and that I put it there myself for a very specific reason that I no longer recall did nothing to improve my mood. In that moment, the entire world was out to get me and my enemies were willing to go so far as to break into my home and hid my usb cord to do it.

The language wasn't really all that bad (mostly) and there was no gentle weeping. I suppose I'm in better shape than some of my fellow educators right about now. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't close to the edge. It's been a long haul.

Stay tuned. Feel free to visit the betting windows if you are of a mind. I don't have any tips for you so you'll have to calculate your own odds regarding whether I'll survive another week of middle school education or break down and require the intervention of specialists.

Like I said, it's a fine line and I'm dancing pretty close to it these days. Who knows where I'll land...

SA

Temperatures Soar For The WNBP

Greetings to all on this fine, fine Wednesday. We've made it to the middle of the week and can celebrate with a bit of the random. Let's see what today brought in the way of newsworthy items.

Or not so newsworthy but good for filling space...whatever.

*If my weather widget spoke true today, then the temperature here was 87 degrees.

*That is very, very warm.

*For April.

*I had a turtleneck on less than a week ago if memory serves.

*Don't trust memory.

*Memory ain't what it used to be these days.

*I think. I don't really know for sure. I can't remember...

*I had four thousand meetings yesterday.

*Today I had none and got to leave school at a reasonable hour.

*Yet another one of my charges was targeted for suspension this afternoon.

*I'm running out of kids to teach.

*The Stalker (who has followed me since fourth grade and through three different schools) is getting all twitchy because he's not suspended from school and is getting taught so much that he can't take it any more.

*He's considering getting suspended just for a break.

*Pretty soon everyone will be back and things will return to normal. He just needs to hang in there.

*Who gets suspended the week grades close? Why? Why in God's name would anyone do that???????

*Last week to make a difference.

*Last week to squeak by.

*Last week to ensure that I don't have to teach them AGAIN next year.

*WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME?????

*For the record, I try to keep kids off suspension from school for as long as I can. It's a last resort.

*So you can imagine how horrific a kid has to be for me to not intervene on his behalf.

*I knit some sock today.

*Three whole rounds while I rode the little exercise bike.

*Yup. I'm amazing. I should get a medal or something.

*I rode the little exercise bike because Wii Fit was mean to me on Monday and needs to sit and think about its attitude.

*Wii Suspension.

*From a kid in my class today regarding the whole sorry situation: "Sometimes Wii Fit is a little TOO honest..."

*The Stalker dared me to go see the school nurse and complain of a "Wiinjury."

*I didn't.

*She was busy.

*And probably wouldn't have been too impressed by someone who got a permanent leg cramp during a short run on Wii Fit...

*It was a beautiful day, though. A leg cramp and a rapidly thinning student population didn't really make a dent in my positive outlook.

*Especially when there were no meetings to attend and the Wii Fit was in time out.

That's Wednesday! We're halfway through the work week and on the downward slide! If I (and my merry band of miscreants) can hold it together for just one more week, we will finally be on Spring Break and can forget all about each other for seven days. I'm going to cling to that. Wii Fit isn't going to be in time out for much longer and next week is full to bursting with meetings.

And the temperatures are dropping even as I type...

SA

Feeling Flush

This is the time of year when I have to be kind of creative in the classroom. We are a week and a half away from spring break. And that is only a week long, mind you. We still have to get through the end of the school year. The snow is gone and the sun is peeking through every now and again, making us all think that summer vacation might just happen at some point.

In a room full of kids who don't want to be there under the best of circumstances, it is challenging to keep things going.

So...when they show the slightest bit of interest in anything, I leap on it like a puma who just broke up with his vegan girlfriend and has spotted meat on the hoof. I'm desperate.

We just finished up an "interesting" unit on paper airplane construction and tested their creations for flight distance. Next up: paper boats. I don't know why they want to build boats. They just do. So we are making boats and trying to see if we can get them to float for any length of time. I can make math and language lessons out of this if I don't let them know the education is in there.

In an effort to get into the spirit of the whole thing, I looked up directions for making a simple paper boat and whipped up an example. I am, however, tired and not really given to adult behavior at this point. This could go a long way towards explaining yesterday.

Ms. Sheep: Hey! Lookit! I made a paper boat!

The Stalker (who has followed me since fourth grade and through three schools): Mmm-hmmm...

MS: I said LOOK! It's amazing! In fact, I think it is the greatest boat ever crafted out of unread parent notices that no one bothered to take home!

TS: (absorbed in his own boat building) That's very nice. You did a good job.

MS: I'm gonna test it. I'll bet it will float, like...FOREVER! (begins scanning the room for sources of water)

TS: We could take it outside later. Maybe during study hall or something. You just have to wait until after lunch and then we can go visit that enormous puddle.

MS: No. I wanna do it now. I just need to find a place...I know! I'll put it in the toilet!

TS: That is a very bad idea.

MS: No. It is a very good idea. The toilet is right over there. I won't even have to go outside.

TS sighs and puts away his half-built boat. He goes into the bathroom, shuts the door and the sounds of running water, crumpling and crashing can be heard. Also audible is a great deal of muttering. He emerges a few minutes later and takes his teacher's boat.

MS: HEY!!!

TS: Look. I'm putting it in the sink. I've stopped it up with paper towels like we did that time in the downstairs boys restroom that you don't know about. Only this time I shut off the water. Just leave your boat in there and we'll check it when I get back from lunch. Think you can handle that?

MS: I still think...

TS: NO. It stays in the sink.

MS: (mumbling) Could've made some wicked cool waves in the toilet...

It actually floated for quite a while in there. It would have lasted longer had I not kept sneaking in to add more water. I sort of accidentally filled the little boat when I lost control of the tap and scuttled it. But I didn't admit that when The Stalker and the boy who is Gauged And Aerodynamic came back from lunch.

MS: My boat sank.

TS: That's the way these things go.

GAA: How did you float your boat?

TS: (before MS can answer) I put it in the sink. SHE wanted to put it in the toilet.

GAA: That's disgusting. And someone would have flushed it eventually.

MS: Yeah. That would have been a mess, I guess.

GAA: You'd be surprised what would go down there. I've seen people flush soda cans and everything.

MS: I really didn't need to know that. It's possible I could be obligated to say something about this.

GAA: Sometimes we just go in there to flush stuff.

MS: And then the toilets get backed up. It's not good.

GAA: My toilet at home is amazing. It will flush anything!

MS: Mine's pretty good. Swirly water and whatnot...

GAA: Hey! You dissin' my toilet? No one talks trash about my toilet!

MS: (snickering and having forgotten all disappointment over her failed toilet boat experiment) What? Is your toilet gonna come after me? Should I be all scared of your toilet?

GAA: Yeah, you better be scared. My toilet don't mess around.

TS: It'll flush you up, girl.

That was the end for me. I couldn't even breath. I think I may have actually hurt myself laughing. It was nice to have a little moment of joy in an otherwise rough time of the year. We probably won't ever make it into the paper boating hall of fame, but that's OK. Maybe one of them will grow up to be a plumber or something. At this point in the school year, it's perfectly acceptable to stretch the limits of probability.

It's also the time of year where I apparently lose the will to knit. I've lugged that foolish sock around with me for weeks now and still can't seem to work up the gumption to make it into something finished. Maybe when school vacation finally rolls around I'll have the time and the inclination to do something with it.

Or I might just race boats in the toilet. You never know how these things will play out at this time of year...

SA

Sometimes You Gotta Have A Little Class

I brought my knitting to school yesterday. I do that sometimes. Mostly, I don't get to it. But, you never know. Some days there's a free minute and you can forget the horrors of the middle school years while you mindlessly work a round or two.

Like I said, mostly I don't get to it. Which could go a long way towards explaining that twitch I sometimes get above my left eye...

Yesterday, however, was a half day for the kidlets. The teachers were to be herded into the library once the little darlings were released back into the wild. There we would be treated to an afternoon of workshops. I figured I could get there early and snag a seat in the back. I knew that knitting could happen from that most desired of chairs.

I got my seat, but never quite worked up the courage to break out the needles. The meeting was of the most decidedly "mandatory" variety and was advertised as a time when we would be getting Very Important Information. That alone might not be enough to keep the sock-in-progress tucked away, but the presence of the superintendent of schools right behind me most certainly was. Frankly, it was pure luck that I happened to glance back and see him there. The lady sitting in front of me who was using her school laptop to do a little shoe shopping didn't think to do a room scan before logging in and her screen was nicely visible to all of us behind her. I'm not sure if my knitting would have been raised to the level of a lesser sin by comparison, but I wasn't going to take the chance. It seemed best to take the high road and behave myself professionally. You want your boss to think you have a little class, after all.

As it was, I barely had time to quit out of Twitter before getting caught sharing my workshop woes...

In the absence of knitting progress, I shall instead share a lovely image from the Easter greeting Mommy Sheep sent me this morning. My mother is a retired elementary school teacher and was raised in the east coast traditions of refinement. She can (and does) use the word "shall" in regular conversation and if you think that's easy you should try it sometime. Seriously. You won't last an hour. My mother is not one to let an occasion pass without properly acknowledging it and, while she is now availing herself of more digital formats, she is no less aware of the etiquette required by the holiday calendar.

I trust that I am following in this tradition even though it is a day early. I shall be dining with family tomorrow and would hate myself if I did not honor the example set by those of my maternal line.

Happy Easter!

SA