A Clear Agenda

After having spent Thursday night dealing with the light bulb situation around here and installing eight million of the new ones along with a stern lecture regarding what I feel is to be their performance in their new home, I felt that I was off to a good start.  For the first time in weeks, I have a weekend that is custom-made for me.  Nothing to do, no pressing engagements penned heavily on the calendar, nary a soul who expects me to be somewhere to do something.  I love having plans...honestly.  It makes me feel needed.  And I sometimes worry about falling in the shower and no one missing me for weeks and weeks until the odd smell from the home of "that recluse we used to hear moving around upstairs from time to time" signals trouble.  But I surely do love those weekends where the time is mine own.

And, even better, it is a rainy one.  What could be better?  If anyone should happen to suggest a spontaneous beach romp or a round of Ultimate Frisbee in the park, all I need do is point to the skies and...poof!  Instant excuse!  Life is good!

There are any number of things that need doing around here.  I've been so busy with the socializing, light bulb tending and hot water heater inspections, that I've neglected to do those little things that make for clean living.  Like running the dishwasher or scraping a layer or two off the kitchen floors.  With two whole days in which to deal with all things housekeeping, I should surely be able to get one or two tasks off the to-do list.

Of course, by now, we all know that this is never the case.  Today has been no exception and I'm running true to form.  I've successfully managed to waste an entire day.  It seems that I have raised this ability to an art form.  Poems and songs will one day be written about this middle aged Sheep who can somehow lose an entire day to her sofa.  I should probably write a how-to book.  I keep hearing about those over-achievers who lament their inability to relax and who pay vast sums to dude ranches and therapists in order that they might learn the art of the lay-about.  I'll make a fortune.  

Except, of course, for the fact that this will require me to sit upright for more than ten minutes at a time in order that I might write this tome.  And I'll certainly have to do any number of speaking engagements.  That probably isn't going to work out.  Maybe they'll let me do that thing where I appear via satellite.  I could speak to the masses directly from my couch and, if they aim the cameras just right, I'll only have to wear appropriate clothing from the waist up.  The rest of me can remain clad in chocolate-stained sweatpants...

I'm tired just thinking about it.  

For what it's worth, I did actually push the button that makes the dishwasher start emitting those "swishy" sounds.  And I managed to drag that stinky bag of trash to The Dumpster Where I Am Absolutely, 100% Certain The Zombies Live before the rains started to fall.  I even pulled myself away from the couch long enough to dump a box of brownie mix into a bowl with a variety of other items and then bake them almost as long as the directions suggested.  

The floor remains unscraped, however, and the Big, Fluffy Kitty has been making noises which suggest that I should consider doing something with the little deposits she's been leaving in the litter box sometime soon.  I suppose that I should also consider removing those clean dishes from the Swishy Machine before I forget all about them and start layering dirty dishes on top of the nice, clean ones.  There are things that still need doing.   But I don't care.  I still have another day in which to do all this stuff.  It'll all still be there.  

I play to my strengths.  I have learned a thing or two about what I'm good at over the years.  Someday, maybe I'll learn some better habits.  Or, at the very least, start on that self-help book which will earn me enough of a fortune to hire someone to learn these habits for me.  Meanwhile, I'll just go with what works:

If you can call it work...

SA

All For One

As you are all, no doubt, aware by now, I have amassed a rather impressive collection of things that I believe are out to get me.  A partial list might include:

Zombies

Carbohydrates

That truck I got rid of last month

 All insects

The baggers at the grocery store

As you can see, I've got my hands full.  I lie awake nights wondering just what entity is planning the next move against me.  And now, as if that weren't enough, I have to add another thing to the list of Potential Bringers Of The Doom.

The light bulbs.

That's right.  You heard me.  The light bulbs have united against me.  It has taken me four decades to catch on to their little game.  But, now that I am aware, they should start being a bit more careful.  I'm watching them.  Of course, I've yet to figure out a way to defend myself against the light bulbs.  I don't even have any thoughts on how I might irritate them a little.  Light bulbs are sort of impervious to the traditional forms of defense.  But, I'm working on it.

And stop looking at each other like that.  I see you.  You are giving each other that knowing glance which says, "Here we go...Sheepie's dancing on that precarious line between 'normal' and 'let's go get fitted for a nice tin foil hat' and which is followed by a vigorous eye roll at my expense.  But I am not crazy.  The light bulbs have formed some sort of coalition and are coming for me.

How else can you explain the fact that they all seem to blow out at once?  It never fails.  When one of the little balls of glowing light gives up the ghost, the rest all start following suit.  It's like a suicide pact or something...

Now, I'm sure that the more scientifically minded amongst you are all scrolling madly down to the "comments" button in order that you might point out the logical answer.  I'm anticipating any number of responses along the lines of  "Well...if you are replacing the bulbs all at once, doesn't it stand to reason that they would all expire at about the same time?"

That's just what they want you to think.  

This theory would make sense if I used all the light bulbs equally.  But I don't.  Some of them are rarely used.  Others glow with regularity.  The ones that don't see as much use should last longer.  But they don't.  They let loose with that little "pop" designed to scare me into some sort of cardiac event right along with their little burnt-out buddies.

I've been replacing a lot of light bulbs lately.  They are exploding all over the place.  I had to go out and buy more today after school.  I spent the last half hour toiling through the condo, unscrewing and screwing little balls of glass just like this was something I enjoyed doing on a Thursday.  

I spoke very sternly to these light bulbs.  I told them that there was to be none of the nonsense I'd experienced with their brethren.  There would be a reasonable amount of time between the popping sounds and those who were given ample rest time between lightings would reflect this in their life span.  There was finger shaking in their general, bulby directions and my eyes were narrowed in a manner that I felt was most threatening.  I think I made my point.

Crazy...yeah right.  Crazy like a fox, I tellya!!!  You'll all the sitting in the dark with your unbowed and brazen burnt-out bulbs while I sit in well-lit comfort.  We'll see who's crazy then, my friends!!!!!!!!!

(insert maniacal laughter here)

I'm going to do some spinning tonight.  The lighting around here is really pretty impressive and highly conducive to seeing the pretty yarn looping itself on the bobbin.  Spinning is also sort of calming.  I'm not saying that I need settling down tonight...

But it couldn't hurt.

SA

MNBP???

How strange it is to be doing a Monday Night Bullet Post...  Of course, it is not really Monday.  But the real Monday was a holiday and then I had to take Tuesday off so that I could sit around in an agony of anticipation and self-doubt waiting for the Hot Water Heater Inspector Guy to come and declare my hot water heater to be the finest in all the land.  This means that I went to work for the first time this week today.  But it is Wednesday.  Not Monday.  It feels like Monday and I am confused beyond all belief.  But I do know that it is a day for random, bullet-type posting.  I guess I'm not in such bad shape, really...

*I'd feared that yesterday might not go well in my classroom with me not there.  Especially after the secretary called to tell me that there would be no sub coming in to help the poor Cheerful Teaching Assistant.

*I was right.  It was as bad as I'd envisioned.

*Except when it was worse...

*This, combined with the fact that I got that 'summer vacation' feeling all over the place yesterday and had no real interest in going back to teaching during what my inner clock was saying was my break, made for quite the day back at work.

*I have 13.5 days of school left.  

*That's not counting the weekends because they just don't count.  I'm not at school.

*Yesterday, I broke out a bag of Shetland lamb that I finished carding not too long ago.  I'm thinking that this lovely stuff will be the next up on the wheel.  Cathy sent it to me almost a year ago and it seems a shame to have not made it into the pretty-pretty yarn yet.  

*Haven't a clue what I'm going to do with it, though.  Any thoughts?  It is as soft as a fluffy cloud and a lovely, creamy shade.  Suggestions of a soft 'n fluffy nature are welcome.

*Hmmm...Blogger keeps cutting out on me.  Wanna take bets on how long it takes me to post this thing?  

*I seem to be having a Cornelia Funke thing going on around here lately.  I found two more of her books at the used bookstore last weekend.  A happy thing since I've been working my way through a few of her titles over the past year.  Love her!  I want to ride a dragon, become the lord of thieves and read characters to life in my spare time now...

*The Big, Fluffy Kitty has nixed the dragon idea.  She is, however, in favor of my reading the label on the Greenies treats package to see if I can't magic a few of those into being.

*We have had to cut waaaay back on the Greenies treats.  She stopped eating her crunchy, healthy food.  The very expensive, crunchy, healthy food that I had to get for her because the vet tech. told me I was feeding my cat the equivalent of snack cakes.  

*The cat eats a finer class of food than I do.  Or rather, she is served a finer class of food than I.  Which is pointless since neither of us are actually eating the finer foods.

*Everyone will be pleased to know that I remembered to eat lunch today.  I had half a salad (sort of...salads are yucky, you know), cottage cheese, some low fat cheddar cheese cubes and five strawberries.

*This was not nearly as delightful as the carb/fat-filled treats I ate during my four day weekend.  Not by half.  

*You can pretend that your cottage cheese is cake all you want.  But it never will be.  There is no magic that will make it happen.  I have an email out to Cornelia Funke to see if she can help, but I don't have a good feeling about it.

*Wait.  Tomorrow is Thursday.  That means that the next day is Friday.  And that the weekend is almost here!  Back to eating brownies for breakfast!!!

*I think I kind of like these three day work weeks.  

*At least the part where the week ends sooner.  The part where I have to face the Cheerful Teaching Assistant after she's been left alone with the less-than-well-behaved children for a day is not something I think I like all that much...

Hope your work week has gone smoothly and that you are gearing up for the brownie-eating days ahead.  Time flies when you are consuming your cottage cheese!

SA  

Uh-Oh!

I have a problem here.  Things have taken a rather ugly turn and I fear that I shall not come out of it well.  

No, no.  It's not what you think.  Sure, getting a phone call from the school secretary last night telling me that there would be no sub in my classroom tomorrow whilst I sit at home and wait for the Hot Water Heater Inspector Guy was a bit of a shock.  But there really wasn't much I could do about it.  And the Cheerful Teaching Assistant is pretty resourceful when push comes to shove.  Of course, I was a bit put out by the fact that I'd made any number of arrangements before I left to ensure that the classroom would be well-covered in my absence and that it all had fallen apart without my knowledge or input.  But it's not like I could flake out on something so important as my hot water heater inspection.  They were all just going to have to make do.

And it isn't that there was a problem with the hot water heater inspection either.  That, in fact, went quite well.  Apparently I passed with flying colors.  The Hot Water Heater Inspector Guy was quite impressed with the craftsmanship of my hot water heater and its overall hotness.  Or, as he put it:  It ain't one 'o them cheapies like you git down t' the Home Depot or nuthin'. "  It is a fairly new piece of hot water heating technology and chosen by Daddy Sheep for my hot water heating needs.  As I had taken the initiative to replace it myself rather than wait for some inspector to come around and tell me that I had to, I'd no doubts about my ability to pass this inspection.  But a girl still likes to hear it when her hot water heater is something which can turn heads.  

The heat and humidity made the knitting pretty much impossible.  But that wasn't really the problem either.  Heat and humidity happen sometimes.  I simply put on the fans, wore some cute little sandals and sipped can after can of nice, cold Mountain Dew all day.  It was really rather nice to not be at school in this kind of weather.  I relaxed with a little TV and a book...most delightful.

We are getting a little closer to the problem.  It is right around the corner now...

But it's not that I blew off the dieting for today and that I have opted to take the week off from workouts.  I do that every so often.  It is good for a body to take a rest from the routine every now and again.  It helps with the motivation if you can remember that it is just a short break.  I'll get back on track next week.  

Boy, we sure are in range now.  The problem is staring us all right in the face.  I guess I can no longer avoid it...

My brain, my body, my sense of time and space, my whole entire being is telling me lies.  Great big, huge gi-normous lies.  And tomorrow, those lies will smack me hard in the face.  They will do so at a very early hour.  

Today, my internal clocks all said, "summer vacation."  Being able to rise a bit later this morning, a day spent lolling about in the steamy heat, the nap I took after the Hot Water Heater Inspector Guy shook my hand in thanks for all my hot water heater diligence as he was taking his leave...all were indications that I was on summer vacation.  

This is a lie.  A big one.  I have 14.5 school days left.  14.5 days through which I must toil.  14.5 days with children who no longer wish to be in my presence, much less hear my words of wisdom.  14.5 days with a Cheerful Teaching Assistant who was left all alone today and is probably going to mess with my salads when I am not looking as a way of saying, "thanks for that, Ms. Sheep."  14.5 days.  It is not summer vacation.  But my mind is soooo already there now.

And that is going to be something of a problem...

SA

I Moved...a little

I tried to do a little better today.  Yesterday's bout of sloth and gluttony was like something that gets reported on in the Bible.  And with bad results for the slothy one.  I really wanted to see if I couldn't do something today that required hoisting myself out of my couch crater.  That crater has developed a remarkable resemblance to my hindquarters and I fear that, should I get up to use the facilities, I could lose the Big, Fluffy Kitty in it or something.

So I set the alarm in spite of it being a holiday here in my corner of the globe and even saw fit to shower.  The incredible amount of irony involved here didn't strike me until later when I realized that I never left the house today.  I didn't seem to see the problem with dragging my unwashed self out for the world to see yesterday...

I still didn't really get as much done as one might think.  Considering that I have an entire closet to clean out for tomorrow so that my hot water heater can be inspected in all its hot and watery glory, I was pretty lax when it came to doing the things that need to be done.  But there was more of the moving involved in the day's agenda.  I even mopped a quarter of the kitchen floor.  Not the quarter that is near that closet where the poor Hot Water Heater Inspector Guy will have to crawl, though.  But I shall make a point of showing him the area over by the fridge.  I'm sure he will be mightily impressed, assuming that he can see it once I've dragged all the stuff out of the closet, that is.

I'm still going to call today more of a success with regard to the "doing of stuff" than yesterday.  Let's face it:  anything would have been an improvement.  Let's take a look, shall we?

I finished spinning the first half of the fluffy, bunny stuffies and started the second half.  

And if you are wondering why it took me so long to spin this much, I can't really say as I blame you...

I worked on the Airy Scarf while I watched a movie:

And if you are wondering just why I thought hanging it in the window was a good way to display it, I can't really say as I blame you...

I ate cake:

And if you are wondering how I managed to get a picture of it before I set to devouring it, I can't really say as I blame you...

It was leftover chocolate cake from Saturday's family cook-out.  Chocolate cake with coffee frosting, no less!  It was made for the event by my cousin and I can't help but wonder to what confectionery heights this girl will climb in this life.  If she, at twenty or something like that, is baking such perfectly amazing cakes as this now, I can't wait to see what comes out of the oven in her more mature years.  I'll have to make a note to never, ever expire so I don't miss anything.  I should probably go back to eating the vegetables again in order that I might be around for the next 100 or so family cook-outs...

I'll not mention that there was the teeniest little nap involved in the proceedings as well.  Or how I somehow lost an hour or so in the afternoon thanks to the marathon-style television viewing that always seems to land on a holiday.  Maybe it was two hours...I'm not sure.  Once you've lost time, it all sort of seems hazy anyway.   But, suddenly, I just happened to notice that it was 5:00 and I don't know just how I got to the late afternoon/early evening portion of the day.

Other than that, I did pretty well.  Since I am taking tomorrow off in order that I might show the nice Hot Water Heater Inspector Guy the glory that is the kitchen floor in front of the fridge, I'll have a whole extra day to practice being productive.

Then I have to go back to work.  Which is seriously going to interfere with the doing of stuff...

SA

ZZZZZZ....

There were points in the day today where, had someone wandered in to check upon my well-being, they would have just tossed a sheet over me.  I reached new heights in slothdom.  There was a great deal of lolling about and maintaining a fixed gaze.  I lost hours.  

That's not to say that nothing got done.  There were little micro-bursts of energy.  I fed the AeroGarden because the little light was blinking and it was distracting me from the staring.  I ventured out to the grocery store because I was out of Mountain Dew and this is an unacceptable state of being as far as I'm concerned.  I made the Big, Fluffy Kitty walk in a circle and sit in order that she might earn her daily dose of Greenies.  (I am pretending that I have taught her a "trick" and she is very kindly preserving this little bit of fiction for me...)  I did a thorough examination of the inside of my eyelids for cracks or other imperfections whilst I took my afternoon nap.  I worked diligently at disposing of the leftover desserts from yesterday's family cook-out.  Stuff got done.

But there was a certain "random" element to it all.  Very little in the way of structure or organization.  Tomorrow, I suppose I shall awaken and look upon what I have done and realize that it was really all about creating more household chores as none of it makes any real sense.  But, after a week of Gotta Do's, it was kind of nice to have a day of Wanna Do's.  

What can I say?  I'm a fan of doing what I wanna...

This is probably why I haven't knit upon the Plastic Bag Knit Out Of Plastic Bags today.  I just didn't wanna.  If it was going to be a random sort of day, filled with the types of tasks that just make more of a mess for later, then it made sense to start a new project.  So, while I watched Diary Of The Dead, I cast on for a little something different.

Note:  I am not linking to DOTD.  It is not good.  Not good at all.  About the only thing they got right was the part where the zombies are slow.  The general trend of this series has been for the walking dead to do much less of the walking and far more of the scampering.  Which makes no sense whatsoever since necrotic flesh is not really conducive to great speed and cat-like reflexes.  I don't care how much you are craving the taste of living flesh.  If the blood ain't pumpin', then the corpse ain't jumpin'.  I stand by this theory.  

While I shook my head in sadness at this particular installment in the collection of Dead Man Walking movies, I wound up a center-pull ball of my own handspun and broke out my copy of Last Minute Knitted Gifts.    Working on the oh-so-simple Airy Scarf was a nice diversion from it all.

And was very much in keeping with my less than motivated state today.

The appeal of this project is really more about the yarn than anything else.  Back when I had the will to actually do something, I managed to spin laceweight.  It is rather satisfying to knit with your own laceweight.  I have to admit that, when I was capable of more than just being a lifeless sort of lump, I kind of chuckled smugly.  Just a little bit, mind you.  But there was smugness.  I'm not proud of it.  But I am kind of proud of the yarn...

So that's really all I have for you today.  I kind of feel like there should be a bit more.  I did, after all, have a whole day to myself and all the time in the world to aspire to greatness.  But, unless you happen to think that not moving except to inhale and exhale periodically is rather magnificent, then I fear I shall disappoint.  

The good news is that it is a long weekend and that I have tomorrow off.  Maybe I'll find the will to impress then.  I also have Tuesday off as I've taken a personal day so that the Condo Association's scheduled hot water heater inspections can be done.  That's a whole extra day with which to work.

And, after today, I should be pretty well-rested...

SA

Thinking Ahead...I should look into that.

As I often find myself facing a clean-up after doing something that was, shall we say, less than "well considered," I have developed a favorite saying.  I have to use it a lot with my students since they are my usual audience for these little Denial Dances.  It goes something like, "I'm adorable.  I don't have to be smart."

Bless 'em, they don't argue.  They just smile in the way that one does when one is around a crazy person and let me go about the business of fixing things.  Which is saying something about the future of America, if you think about it.  The average pre/early teen is actually far more savvy than you'd think.

Last week's experiment in celebrating my Birth Week by doing only stuff that pleased me meant that there was a great deal of less than pleasing stuff that didn't get done.  Hence, it all needed to be done this week.  I'm not saying that the Birth Week thing is off the docket for next year.  I just need to tweak things a little bit...maybe do a bunch of practical stuff the week before or something like that.  Because having to do everything this week did not really work out the way I'd hoped.  Plus, I kept getting all distracted by other stuff and losing track of the things to which I should have been attending.

The upshot of this was a rousing case of insomnia Thursday night.  Friday was not pretty.  I stumbled through the day, head spinning with thoughts of all the things I needed to do, the things I'd rather do and a crushing need for coffee.  

I've known for months and then some that tonight was the Big Family Cookout.  And that I would be expected to show up with homemade bread.  And wearing shoes.  And being awake.    But I just didn't factor it all in.  

Which is why I was baking Cheesy Bread at 10:00 last night. (I knew I shouldn't have stopped to do a little shopping on the way home...or taken that nap)  And why I had to get up early to start the Challa before heading out to visit with The World's Greatest Stylist/Life Coach.  And why I felt really, really, really guilty about being seduced by the siren song of the used bookstore as I was making my way back to the car.  

All evidence of poor planning on my part.  

But, in the end, it all gets done, right?  When there is no choice, one can rise to the occasion.  The Cheesy Bread was nicely wrapped in foil when I awoke and the Challa rose to perfection while I was getting the tresses tamed.  The side trip to the bookstore didn't hurt it one little bit.   

See?  I nailed it.  It was perfect.

The best part of bread baking is that, while it takes a long time and requires that a great deal of flour be flung about, it isn't really as much work as people think it is.  You mostly just do something with yeast and flour, then go get your hair cut.  You do something else to it and then go watch cartoons.  You smack it around a bit, then go take a nap.  Then you bake it.  

And while that's going on, you get to spin for a little while.  

I still haven't really come up with a good excuse for the side trips to do book and movie shopping.  The best I can come up with is this:

I used to just rent my zombie movies or catch them when they came on TV.  But now that I am recognized on these here inter-webs as something of an expert in the study and extermination of the walking dead, I feel it is my responsibility to amass as much research material as is possible.  This requires that I scour the earth for obscure texts and video documentation in order that I might keep the readers up to date and in the know.  It is really like a second job and takes a great deal of effort.  But I do it willingly.  And if it means that I have to go out and purchase these materials so that I will have a working library from which to base my studies, then so be it.  

I do it for the greater good...

See what I mean about the distractions?  I seem to spend far more time thinking about justifying buying movies and books than I do getting bread baked for family gatherings.  This could go a long way towards explaining why I am so far behind these days.  (And why I am posting tonight's entry at 10:30 pm...)  But I'm sticking with the whole "adorable" thing.  Thus far, the strategy has proven disarming enough that no one has thought to challenge it.

And if that doesn't work, then I'll just bake everyone some Challa.

SA

Let's Do Lunch

I had several students out today.  I have grave concerns about our ever finishing the latest round of standardized testing.  I am also dodging the computer teacher most of the day because she is the one who has to administer these tests and is having a freak-out of epic proportions over the number of students who haven't finished them.  But I have to admit, I enjoyed the break.

In fact, instead of a room full of kids during the lunch hour, we had but one.  This allowed for some light chit-chat whilst the Cheerful Teaching Assistant and I dined.  I ate my little cup of cottage cheese slowly, savoring the delicate blend of cottage and cheese.  It was like being a real, live grown up, I tellya!  As our twenty minute meal progressed, the conversation turned to ME.  Because I have a tendency to force it in that general direction.

Sheepish Annie:  I'm not gonna eat my salad right now.  I'll save it for later.  It'll be like a nice treat!

Cheerful Teaching Assistant:  Mm-hmmm...

SA:  Don't let me forget it, OK?  I've been a bit light on the fruits and vegetables of late.  I'll probably have scurvy by next Wednesday if you let me forget it.  (Nutrition is very important.  Which is why I like to foist responsibility for my overall health and well-being onto others.  I think everyone enjoys taking part in the care and feeding of ME)

CTA:  Sure thing...

SA:  Here's something funny.  Yesterday, I forgot to eat my lunch and the only vegetable that entered my system for 24 hours was pizza sauce.  At least I didn't have to make a lunch today, right?  I've got one right there in the little fridge!  That's almost like "planning!"  Heh-heh!  (I find ME to be very amusing and a delightful luncheon companion)

CTA:  You're getting quite a stockpile of those in the fridge these days.

SA:  What?  No!  Not at all.  I've been eating my little spinach salad every day like clockwork.  I am a paragon of nutritional awareness, a shining example to the children for whom we must model the good behavior.  I should get a medal for eating that salad every day!

CTA:  Whatever you say.  But there's a whole lotta plastic containers in there...

SA:  Lies!!!  Vile mistruths!!!!  I am so TOO eating my salad every, single day and I can prove it! (marches to the teeny classroom fridge and flings it open to settle this matter once and for all)  Oh.  There sure are a lot of plastic containers in there.  I'm guessing they are all yours and I am appalled by how few salads you are eating.  Shame on you!

CTA:  Yours are the ones with the green lids.  

SA:  (pauses to let this information sink in)  Change of plans.  I'm penciling in the scurvy for Monday.  I'll probably need a sub for the rest of the week...

It seems I have been missing a few more of the midday meals than I thought.  To be fair, I have been eating my cottage cheese.  And cheddar cheese cubes.  I know this because none of those were left in the little fridge.  I also checked my purse to make sure I hadn't hidden them in there. (I do this sometimes...it's best to not think about it too much)  But I'm thinking that the six cheese cubes and the cup of cottage cheese are not exactly a meal.  And I may have found the reason why I seem to be eating my own weight in crackers three nights a week.  

To be fair, it is easy to forget a salad.  Especially a spinach salad.  Vegetables are yucky.  I'm sure that there are those of you out there who might disagree.  However, I believe that you have been brainwashed by the vegetable industry and are in danger of a sugar crisis at any moment.  But what I fail to understand is how I'd rather miss a meal than eat a vegetable.  That just seems wrong.  I also can't get my head around how I'm not just forgetting about the salad but am actually capable of virtually erasing its existence from my mind.  Or even rewriting history to reflect its consumption.  That seems like rather extreme denial.  

I suppose it's a good thing I've been remembering to take my vitamins at night.  At least I think I've been remembering.  I don't really know anymore.  Things have gotten fuzzy.  For all I know, I've been swallowing jelly beans.  

If you need me, I'll be in the Scurvy Ward.  I don't know if they allow visitors, but I'm guessing that they are supporters of the fruit basket delivery.

That's sort of too bad, really.  I was kind of thinking about doing some spinning this weekend.  I was staring into space last night (apparently from the scurvy...) and my eyes rested upon the wheel.  I've had some rather lovely fiber on there for a while and I got to thinking that a little whirling of the wool might be a nice diversion for the whole "I Have An Odd Compulsion To Knit A Plastic Bag Out Of Plastic Bags" thing.  Maybe if I remember to eat my salad tomorrow and sneak in a fruit smoothie for breakfast, I can put off the scurvy episode for a little bit.  The fiber is a lovely green color and quite reminiscent of a kiwi.  Maybe it will give off an aura of vitamin C or something...

But just to be on the safe side, I should probably go check the vitamins and see if there are a billion of those left as was the case with the poor salads.

They are big vitamin packs.  They should be good for something...

SA

Hello, Wednesday!

We are happy.  It is Wednesday.  Not Monday.  Not Monday's evil twin, Tuesday.  Wednesday.  Or, as I like to call it:  the day that is not out to get me.  If nothing else, it is the day that I get to do the Wednesday Night Bullet Post.  I don't even have to think.  This is good after the butt-kicking that the previous two days have dealt unto me.  Here are your bullet points:

*There was a great deal of angst going into this day.  There was a "situation."  The best anyone in authority could tell me was that, if something really bad happened, then they could make certain elements disappear from my classroom.  Otherwise, I was to avoid getting myself in the middle of a potentially "less than safe" situation.

*This did not comfort me.  I expressed my concern regarding my lack of comfort.  This was met with a great deal of head-nodding and understanding murmurs.  Still not as comforting as I would have liked.  The nice police officer that came to school to help monitor things was much more comforting...

*Fortunately, things went smoothly.  But the angst made me very tired so, by the time I was heading for the 1:00 meeting that was designed to help fix this "situation," I was a little droopy.  

*Fortunately, this made me seem sort of needy and pathetic and this inspired the Powers-That-Be to want to do something for the poor, tired educator.

*Tomorrow will be a delightful day without much of the angst.  Well, there will be the regular angst, but that isn't the kind of angst that makes you clench your uvula or anything.  I can deal with that.

*The Big, Fluffy Kitty seems to have lost interest in the automated kitty toy I purchased for her in order that she might be occupied while I do other stuff.

*She just sits next to the madly whirling thing and stares at me.  It seems that she has figured it out.  Now she wants it to do something more interesting.  Like dispense Greenies or do magic tricks.

*Did I mention that Friday is a half day for the students?  Or that the weekend is a long one?  Or that I am taking Tuesday off?  I'm pretty sure that I did. 

*But it never hurts to mention these sorts of things again.  My upcoming days of rest are pretty much all I can think about anyway...

*I'll have all sorts of time to sit around and knit my plastic bag out of plastic bags.

*Typing that makes me sound really, really uncool...

*I also have to bake bread for the Sheep Family Cook-Out on Saturday.  If I don't show up with Cheesy Bread and perhaps a little challa, I'll probably be disowned.  And then I won't have anyplace to go.

*Which leaves me with just the plastic bag knitting.  And we've already established that this isn't nearly as cool as I'd thought it was going to be when I first became obsessed with the idea of knitting a plastic bag out of plastic bags.

*I managed to forget to eat lunch again today.  My salad remains untouched in the little classroom fridge.  This means that the only vegetables I've eaten since yesterday are the tomatoes in my pizza sauce.  I may not live 'til the weekend...

*A few weeks ago, I decided to start taking vitamins again.  (mostly due to the lunch-forgetting)  For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to get those vitamin packs which contain multiple tablets of healthy goodness.

*I don't take them in the morning because some of the minerals interfere with the absorption of my regular medication.  So I take them at night.  With Mountain Dew.  

*That's a whole lotta swallowing with carbonation.  I get all burpy...  

*It would probably be easier to just start eating my vegetables, now that I think of it.

And this completes this week's WNBP.  The first two yucky days are over and I have the much better third day under my belt.  Now I can look forward to the weekend and all sorts of bread baking with a side of plastic bag knitting.  Don't much care if it's cool...

It is a long weekend!

SA

Monday Knows Tuesday

And it seems they talk.  Monday wasn't really done with me.  It needed to be on its way for the week, but it had its friend and neighbor step up to make sure I wasn't feeling all safe or anything.

Monday is very powerful.  A regular Godfather-type.  Don't mess with Monday.  

But, as I have so often done in the past, I am determined to find the happy side of things.  Like how that ill-conceived chair tipping incident led to my last student of the day having to go home with a gigantic fat lip earned from smacking into the table.  This meant that I ended the teaching day early.  See?  I don't view it as a horrible, tragic sort of lip smacking complete with screaming and blood.  I see it as a free period.  

(the kid is fine...just a little embarrassed since I told him eight thousand times yesterday that he couldn't use that particular chair.)

The fact that the teacher next door was out sick and that the kids from her class were roaming freely (and loudly) throughout the hallways?  Not such a big deal.  Especially when you consider that I got to hear a happy fifth grade lad singing the chorus from Bow Wow Wow's ode to the sweet stuff when he went to his locker to get his snack.  You don't get to hear fifth grade boys singing hits from the 80's every day, you know.  This was like a treat!

And all the other stuff that went on in the school today that cannot be mentioned but which caused my head to ache like a rotten tooth?  I view it as a challenge...an opportunity to display how magnificent I am when a crisis presents itself.  The entire faculty was able to see me in my glory.  

("Glory" is a relative term.  The part where I stood in the office tearing at my own hair and opining that Tuesday is too mean for words might not be considered so glorious if we stick to the standard definition of the word.)

If nothing else, the work day is bound to end sometime.  Then I can go home and ride the little exercise bike for a while to account for the two miniature candy bars I ate today.  (Those were to compensate for the whole "Tuesday Is Just Monday In A Cheap Suit" thing.)  I can knit while I do that.  Of course, I am knitting a plastic bag out of plastic bags because I have a compulsion to do so and can't seem to stop.  Even if it is not the most beautiful of knitted things.  I just need to knit a plastic bag out of plastic bags.  I don't have to date it or anything.

Let's just say it has a great personality...

The thing that has really made the difference, though is the calendar.  Friday is a half day for students.  That makes this a short week.  And Monday is a holiday.  (sometimes Monday is nice, I suppose...)  That makes next week a short week, too.  Tuesday is the day that our management company has scheduled hot water heater inspections and is asking that we be home to let the hot water heater inspectors in so that said inspections can commence.  Thus, my principal has awarded me a personal day to sit by the door and wait for the hot water heater inspectors.  In light of current gas prices, he didn't think it made sense for me to be driving back and forth.  So that means that Tuesday might be nice, too.  Unless I fail my hot water heater inspection, but I don't really know how to study for something like that or what one might do to make one's hot water heater more appealing so we'll just have to let the fates decided this one.  Either way, it's an even shorter week for me.     

I'm just a little ray of sunshine, here!  Tuesday may be a Monday Wannabe, but I'm not going to let it get in the way of my finding the brighter side.  And, just in case you didn't get to find your bliss today, here's a little Bow Wow Wow for ya!  It's not as cool as hearing it sung by a fifth grade boy...but you can surely appreciate the spirit.

SA

In The Crosshairs

Sometimes Monday just lets you have it.  There is nothing you can do.  It has you dead in its sites and isn't going to let up until you are well and truly flattened.  Monday can take you out of the game with lots of little stuff.  I suppose I should be grateful for that.  There could have been flaming meteors involved.  

The day started off with a blown light bulb in the only lamp my bedroom boasts.  It expired with great fanfare and explod-i-ness.  At least it seemed that way to a half-conscious Sheep.  About the only thing that went right was that I figured out how to program my new coffee maker and there was some hot joe waiting for me when I stumbled blindly to the kitchen.  Of course, I had managed to spill most of the water last night so there wasn't exactly a full cup.  But I am counting my blessings and being grateful for the half cup.  And the fact that I wasn't electrocuted by the water that I'd failed to notice on the counter.  

The Cheerful Teaching Assistant lasted all of ten minutes at work before I just sent her home.  I found her drippy nose and pale visage to be less than pleasing to mine eyes.  And she really needed to be at a doctor's office.  This meant that I only had the Other Cheerful Teaching Assistant and she works half a day.  So I was all by my lonesome with the children and I suspect that they are out to get me.  

The workday ended with a spectacularly childish exchange between teacher and student that went something like

"I'm outta here!"

"Fine.  That will make for a more pleasant classroom."

"Seriously.  I'm leaving.  I'll just wait for my bus in the office.  And I hate you."

"Again, that is just fine.  Dandy.  Go."

"I'm really going."

"No.  You are just standing there.  Why are you still here?"

"I'm going to the office right now."

"Goody.  I'll call them and let them know that your delightful presence is soon to be theirs."

He went.  I called ahead.  Things were better after that.  But it wasn't enough.  Not by a long shot.

I rescued the other kid from The Classroom Where Things Were Not Going Well and installed him in the office so I could end this most miserable of days.  (I get to leave before the fifth graders do because I work the sixth grade schedule so I don't have to live at the school.  Hence, some students get to sit in the office if they can't function in The Classroom Where Things Were Not Going Well.)  Never before has an educator been more grateful to see the parking lot.

However, there had been others there before me.  Apparently, some low-flying birds took a fancy to my new car.  I'm not talking about one embarrassed sparrow who just couldn't hold it.  Or a couple of easily surprised humming birds.  I am talking about a flock of the miserable creatures, all intent on simultaneous, mass evacuation.  They did a fine job of covering my vehicle with their bird poo.  A fine job indeed.  But, as God is my witness, if I ever find the individual who hosted the All You Can Eat Bean Burrito Buffet For Local Birds, he or she will know my wrath.  

Because that is just wrong.  On more levels than I care to discuss.

I'm just glad to be home.  And that there is rain in the forecast.

It's nights like this that I am also glad for Blogging Get Out Of Jail Free Cards.  I couldn't find a topic if my life depended on it.  Thankfully, Yarnhog tagged me for a meme and I shall gratefully complete my assigned me-ing.  Here you go.  Stuff I don't have to think about:

"The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer."

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?

I was teaching in a school a little closer to home, hating it with a passion and finishing up my grad school application.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

*Scrape poop off my car

*Not throw up a little in my mouth as I scrape poop off my car

*Complete the afternoon workout in order that I might fit into my bridesmaid dress come November

*Pat the Big, Fluffy Kitty and give her some Greenies because she poops in a box

*Cut up another million plastic bags so I can keep knitting a plastic bag out of plastic bags

3) Snacks I enjoy:

Things that are chocolaty.  Things that are cheesy.  Things that are salty.  (mostly the sorts of things that will prevent me from fitting into that bridesmaid dress come November...)


4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Quit the job, do good works and nap more than is good for a person.

5) Places I have lived:

I've lived in Maine my whole life.  The whole thing.  Nowhere else.  Just here.

7) 6 peeps I wanna know more about:

As always, this one is up for grabs.  Feel free to meme yourself as you see fit!  It is a lovely way to make a post out of a Messy Monday.

Last, but by no means least, let's all take a minute to review my boxtop totals for Trek's Boxtopapalooza Contest!  I am continuing in the fine tradition of Slow And Steady Wins The Race.  Nothing new this week.  But I feel a surge of box-topping coming on any minute now.  You'll just have to brace yourselves.  It is going to be a little scary when it all comes to a boxtop head!

Now I must be off.  I need to go see if the rains have started.  If not, I need to get a spatula and some paper towels...

SA

That's Not Yarn!!!

I dunno.  Maybe it was last night's latest round of insomnia.  Lack of sleep can make judgement calls a little..."dicey."  Stuff happens.  You think it's a good idea.  You cackle a bit at the very thought of your genius.  You read books.  You get all inspired.  It's a path that leads to Crazy Town.

Back in February, I picked up a copy of Simple Knits With A Twist.   It had simple knits in it.  But with a twist.  No false advertising there.  I sort of liked the idea of knitting something simple but which had an element of twist-i-ness.  Mostly it was the "simple" part, I suppose.  

So, between these two things, I suddenly found myself spending an entire Sunday cutting up plastic bags.  To be more specific, I have been spiral cutting plastic bags.  Because I was seized by a compulsion to knit a plastic bag from plastic bags.  

It's not really as crazy as it sounds.  I have a bunch of 'em.  I used to use plastic shopping bags for disposing of the kitty scoopin's.  But now that I have a new litter disposal system, I don't use them as much.  And it certainly wouldn't do to throw them away.  One must be more Green Minded in this day and age, after all.  And the whole thing had a certain novel appeal, if I am going to be perfectly honest.  

But do you know how many plastic bags it takes to knit a plastic bag?  No?  I do.  It takes eight million.  

That's not true.  I exaggerate.  It takes seven million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety seven.  But I didn't think you'd mind if I rounded up.  

So, in between doing all the other things that I didn't do last week because I was celebrating my Birth Week and didn't feel that housework or nutrition should be a part of that, I cut up plastic bags.  I now know more about the structure of the average plastic bag, durability of the various plastics and why it is important to not knit with all the good colors first than anyone should ever have to know.  I also know that Continental knitters will not fare well with plastic knitting in humid weather.  And I am keenly aware of my dislike for the squeaking sound that plastic makes when you force it into a knitted state.  

Still...I'm pretty enamored with this project.  I feel like the Greenest of the Greenies and most ecologically aware knitter on the block right now.  Plus, it is a keen way to break the knitting slump.  

But there is a great deal of bag cutting left to go.  A very, very, very most greatest of deals.  Eight million bags is a commitment.  I may have to take a week off from work.  And go shop somewhere that has blue plastic bags because I seem to have run out of those and things are going to get all color wonky pretty soon now.  

And, for the record, plastic bags go on the ballwinder quite nicely.  The don't come off quite so handily, though...

SA

Natal Week: The Final Report

I think I may need to revise the whole Birthday Week plan just a bit.  I thought it was hard getting people on board during the first six days.  But today, I had me a dickens of a time corralling the masses and getting them to play by the rules.  And, this being the actual day of the birthing, I found myself getting more and more frustrated with the general public.  They just wouldn't cooperate.

I took myself out for a little of the birthday shopping this morning, bright and early so that the world could see me in all my well-birthed glory.  They weren't interested.  They really just wanted to tend to their own errands and get in my way.  I wouldn't have minded navigating the hordes had they been gathered in worshipful awe at my presence on the planet.  But they were mostly just standing in front of stuff I wanted or breathing really loudly.  By the time I got to the grocery store and decided that this would be the last stop on the Birthday Tour, one gentleman had even decided to whistle.  I can't stand whistling.  Hate it.  I suppose it's OK if the whistler is belting out a tune of some sort.  I can live with that...kind of.  But this was one of the Tuneless Whistlers who just likes making a whistling noise.  I cannot abide that reckless sort of whistling.  

It should be noted that I sometimes produce a sibilant "S" sound and that I am filled with self-loathing over this.  To be whistling tunelessly to myself while trying to intelligently discuss things like seashells, sores, superheroes and squash is a hard thing with which to deal.  I'm working on it...

Lastly, while being fitted for my bridesmaid dress, I was told firmly and in no uncertain terms that I cannot wear a crown.  I asked nicely.  I begged.  I did that thing where you mention the item that you want eight million times until people just give in so you will shut up.  All to no avail.  I shall be crownless for my brother's wedding.  I even tried wearing the Future SIL's crown while she was trying on dresses so she could see just how fetching I look in sparkly headgear but that didn't work either.  

I'm going to break out my BeDazzler and do myself up a nifty headband.  It won't be the same, though.  No one ever lets the Sheep wear a crown.  

So, if the world isn't going to get on board with the whole Birthday Week thing, I shall just have to see what I can do to make the day mine own.  Let's see...

I can order myself a cool new t-shirt and wear it on my birthday:

I know, I know.  I said that Army Of Darkness was the worst in the Evil Dead series of films.  But it does have the best lines.  And who can resist an S-Mart t-shirt?  From the Housewares Department, no less!!!

I can find a cool new pair of Croc's in strappy sandal form:

The colors matched the bridesmaid dresses, but I'm told that I will not be wearing them to the wedding.  That's OK.  They wouldn't work with my sparkly headband/not-a-crown anyway.

I can watch the remake of Dawn Of The Dead.  Or half of it anyway.  I needed to take a nap from all the morning's labors.  Trying to corral all those people who didn't know it was my birthday was very taxing:

These are the speedy zombies.  Not the slow kind.  You have to run very fast when you see them.  This is not really how zombies work, but they make for a pretty exciting movie.

I could also start off the day with a very cool e-card from Noolie, wishing me a Happy Birthday.  That was wicked neat!  And I'm sending you all over her way tomorrow because she and I almost share a birthday.  Not quite.  But close.  She gets to start her Birthday Week tomorrow. (Or is it the day before mine?  I can't remember...I know we are a day apart.  Go say Happy Birthday.  It will work either way.)

Oh, this is a good one!  The Future SIL, recently back from visiting the new grandbaby in California, could bring me back something that is cool on multiple levels!  She saw a store.  And in this store were miles and miles of something I love.  So she went in.  And she got the one that would match my waffle maker!

Cinderella Pez.  Which will coordinate perfectly with my waffler of the same design.  I do love a well-matched kitchen...

Heck, I even spent some time perusing knitting patterns before I dropped off for my afternoon nap!  Lots of stuff to love about this birthday, I'd say.  That doesn't mean I'm going to be giving up on the idea of a Birthday Week.  I just need to plan the whole thing a little better next year, is all.

I'm going to start sending out the fliers in January.  That should do it...

SA

The Party Connection

I'll admit it right up front:  This may seem a little disconnected.  You may be thinking that you have inadvertently been thrust into some sort of time warp and been transported back to a Wednesday Night Bullet Post.  Not so.  And I can connect it all.  The party is the uniting element here.  That and the fact that I get to do whatever I want.  You'll just have to trust me.

Back In A Distant Time And Place:  My family isn't really all that big on celebrating stuff on the day that we are supposed to.  We do the major holidays pretty well.  But birthdays are something of a flexible thing.  We'll celebrate them whenever we can get everyone together and assuming that there is ample time for card purchasing.  That's fine with me.  Birthdays aren't that big a deal to me in general and I'd rather spend the day in a normal sort of fashion anyway.  I get all scared at the thought of people jumping out at me like ninjas and yelling, "Surprise, you old person!!!!!!!"  That is not the sort of thing one does to old people.  There could be any number or incidents or accidents...

Fast Forward To Sunday Night The Last: I decide that I want a Birthday Week.  Instead of my usual plan for ignoring the whole thing and trying to keep it a deep, dark secret, I opt to announce my upcoming Saturday birthday and demand that I be afforded a week of Me.  

Fast Forward To Monday Morning:  I announce that it is My Birthday Week and that I can do whatever I want whenever I want.  I make this announcement several times throughout the day as the students and staff in my class tend to rotate in and out and I didn't want anyone to miss it.  There is a marked lack of cooperation.  And my Cheerful Teaching Assistant announces that she needs to take Friday off to move.  This is not exactly what I had in mind, but I am really happy that she is moving because she has needed to do this for a long time so I'm allowing it.  

Fast Forward To Tuesday:  We, the teaching staff begin getting any number of reminders that our principal's retirement party is Wednesday night.  We are encouraged to bring in our party supplies and to pick up our t-shirts.  Our principal has a long history in the district and is very fond of certain sayings.  One of them is often said to students who seem to be under the impression that they are grossly overworked in our happy little Learn-A-Torium.  He will tell them that, "this isn't Camp (Insert School Name Here)!  So the theme of the party is summer camp.  It all sounds really fun and everyone gets matching camp t-shirts.  Except for me because I am not going.  It will make for a late night and a Sheepie needs her sleepie on a Wednesday.  I am sad because the t-shirts are really, really nifty.  And we all know my love of the novelty t-shirt...

Fast Forward To Wednesday Morning:  While my Other Cheerful Teaching Assistant and I supervise a basketball game between two students, the librarian bustles in to tell us that our t-shirts are on our desks.  I thank her then tell the Cheerful Teaching Assistant that her t-shirt is on my desk.  I didn't get one, after all.  She laughs.  Later, the librarian bustles back in, apologetically saying that she hadn't meant to mess things up.  I assure her that I figured it all out without any help.  She keeps apologizing, though.  My staff finally escort her from the room.

Fast Forward To The Wee Hours Of Thursday Morning:  The Big, Fluffy Kitty accidentally lets a whisker brush my hand as we sleep.  I, being the sort of person that I am, naturally assume that I am being attacked by a swarm of fire ants and swat my hand vigorously.  I am up.  And my hand hurts.  And the BFK is a bit disconcerted.  Sleep eludes me.  I hate fire ants...

Fast Forward To Thursday Proper:  I am tired and grumpy beyond all reason.  I am further irked by the fact that everyone is wearing their cool, new t-shirts to school today.  The mood plummets.  This is unfortunate because the Cheerful Teaching Assistant, with the one hour available to her last night between jobs and while in the throes of an epic allergy attack, took the time to bake me a cake.  For my Birthday Week.  And it had chocolate mousse frosting.  I like chocolate mousse frosting.  I regret the attitude that has overshadowed my day.  There was a gift, too.  She and The Other Cheerful Teaching Assistant snagged me the chocolate bunny favor from their table at the retirement party to bring to my impromptu classroom birthday party this afternoon.  That was also very good.  As was this:

They got me a t-shirt!!!!!!!!!!

Such a happy Sheepie!  I now have my very own camp t-shirt just like all the cool kids!  Yay!  This is what I'm talking about when I say, "Birthday Week!!"  I'd wondered if anyone was paying attention, if you want the truth.  But that Cheerful Teaching Assistant is a sharp one.  She got me the perfect card to go with my perfect t-shirt:

See what I'm saying, here?  A very bright girl.  This, of course, does not mean that she isn't taking tomorrow off.  But she made me a cake and it had chocolate mousse frosting.  She also signed out the TV for tomorrow so I can show a movie in the afternoon rather than try to teach after the kids finish yet another grueling round of standardized testing.  She gets a free pass and full Birthday Week permission to take a day off.  

Oh, and I'm still not knitting.  If you have any questions, please refer to the card...

SA

WNBP: Spring Fashion, Travel And Fitness

Yeah.  I'm like a regular women's magazine these days.  I've got it goin' on.  Let's run down this weeks bullet points:

*I had a meeting in Lebanon today.

*I get a kick out of saying that because anyone who doesn't know that Maine has pretty much stolen every town name from somewhere else will think I travel to exotic locales.  

*I drove several miles over bad roads and past run down trailers.  We stress different syllables when we pronounce our version of Lebanon so we can pretend that we invented it.

*I'm still calling it, "travel."  I don't get out that way very often.

*Before I left for the meeting, I had to go check in with the principal.  Our conversation went like this:

Ms. Sheep:  Hi Mr. Principal.  I am going to Lebanon today.  Things upstairs are not going well so I am very late for my meeting and the Cheerful Teaching Assistant is looking a little "frayed."  Just thought you'd want to know...

Mr. Principal:  What's going on up there?

MS:  Well, The Kid Who Has Separation Issues is not dealing with Mommy going to a meeting very well.  He is making my leaving the building somewhat challenging.

MP:  You could take him with you.

MS:  Well, I have a team of engineers working on that gigantic baby sling for me, but it is taking a while.  And costing a fortune.  I should have a receipt for you soon.  Meanwhile, he is going to have to stay here.

MP:  (double over laughing at the image of Ms. Sheep lugging around a thirteen year old child with separation issues...he finds me amusing)  So...are you coming back?

MS:  Yes.  Wait...I mean no.  I didn't know there was a choice.

MP:  There isn't.  You have to come back.  

MS:  Please!  What are they going to do to me?  Transfer me to the bad job at the Middle School?  It's been done.  They can't fire me.  No one else will do this job.

MP:  I'll return you to the classroom by any means necessary.  I'm retiring.  What are they going to do to me?

*He won.  I came back.

*Wardrobe stress over my needing to attend a retirement dinner in a month's time continues unabated.  I have issues.

*I am not wearing a dress.  That is final.  I wavered a bit, I'll admit.  But I won't do it.  It would be wrong.  

*Dresses scare me a little.  They are very unpredictable thanks to their their swirling in the breezes and tendency to get stuck in one's panty hose.  I have enough to worry about what with the upper arm situation and having to remember not to wave too enthusiastically for fear that I will inadvertently slap a poor waiter who is just trying to serve me my chicken.

*People never think about the poor waiter in these sorts of situations.  But I do.  And I won't risk any sort of harm to a waiter just so I can wear a dress.  I need to be focused.

*Speaking of the upper arm situation, I have been focusing a great deal of the weight portion of my workouts on the triceps.  Now I can't wave at all.  I can raise my arm to a certain point, then I must make little whimpering noises and slowly lower it back to the starting point.  

*Yup.  I'm looking pretty hot these days.  Big baby sling and flappy, (yet strangely immobile) arms.  That with the whimpering and I'm like a beauty queen.

*I don't leave the house much.  I think we can all see the reason for this.  It is just too much to expect of the general public...

*I'm still not knitting.  I can't seem to narrow it down to a pattern choice.  

*But I'm thinking about knitting so I can still call this a knitting blog.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

*Remember the last knitting slump?  When it finally broke, I knit eight thousand baby thingies for my niece and her little kidlet.  

*Any minute now, I'm gonna bust loose with a torrent of knitting.  It'll be epic.  I'm resting up for it, that's all.

*That's my story...yeah, that one.  I'm gonna stick with that.  It sounds better, I think.  Almost like I have a plan.

*And like I'm not obsessing over how the heck I am going to lose a full dress size in the two days left before I go for my fitting for a bridesmaid dress and cure upper arm flap in a month without surgery.

*Because that might make me look a little crazy...

Hope the day has treated everyone well and that you found the perfect outfit or baby sling to meet your fashion needs.  Or that you are knitting something nice.  Those all seem like very good things to me right now.

SA